MoLex Pt. 04

How could he expect a woman to stay with him when his own mother wouldn't? Especially a beautiful one like Monique. There was always that small, nagging voice from deep inside of his insecurities, reminding him that his dad was also a guy who married a woman way too beautiful for him. He was the one she settled for. When she was tired of slumming it, she left him for the type of "top guy" she was used to dating. You know...good looking, tall, and muscular.

By a cruel twist of fate, he just happened to also be black, which was an entirely different set of problems.

Alex's biggest fear in life was becoming his father. Being the one cast aside by everyone, left with no one to love you. He saw how miserable it made his dad. The trashcan full of empty bottles and the sky-high tab at the bar testified to that point.

Would love leave him like that? What would happen once Monique realized that she was tired of the dorky white guy and left him to find another Trey? Everyone kept saying that Monique wasn't Summer, but that wasn't what he was afraid of. Summer never lied to him. She never professed her love for him and then snatched it away. She was always clear about what she was chasing, even when Alex pathetically held on to hope.

Alex was more afraid Monique was like his mother. And if she was, then she could possibly turn him into his father.

That sounds abysmal; enough to make anyone give up on love. But then, along comes Sarah and Darius. By all accounts, they should've failed fantastically and become a statistic. Two interracial, high school kids who fell head over heels in adolescent lust. Enthusiastic sex ensued whenever they found a few private moments to unzip their jeans or flip up her skirt. Nature usually prevails if left unattended, and they found themselves pregnant.

School counselors warned her against the path she'd chosen. His parents wanted him to drop the white tramp who was only after the taboo of black cock. Her own father, who was misdirecting his own grief, turned on her in the most hurtful way.

Naïve to life, they believed that all they needed was each other. So, they pressed on. Life threw racism, unemployment, bills, and a new baby who stayed up all night with colic at them. Life was nothing like the fantasy romance they'd built up in their heads. It was impossibly hard and unforgiving.

However, against all these odds, they made it. Not only that; they were thriving together, still very much in love. They were a family that were the prime example of what it was supposed to be like. It was only because of them that Alex had hope.

"One day, you'll find a guy who will make it worth it." Alex further reassured Brianna. "Knowing you, he'll be some world-famous French artist name Gustave who wants to take you around the world."

Giggling, she said, "Gustave?"

"Yeah." Alex said with a shrug. "Doesn't that sound sophisticated?"

"No."

"Whatever. You get my point."

By this time, evening was beginning to set in. The streetlamps came on to counteract the falling sun. Alex and Brianna rounded a corner and saw Sarah and Darius standing off in the distance. The teenagers weren't with them. When they saw Alex and Brianna, they waved them over.

As they closed the space between them, Brianna looked up at her uncle. There was a bit of awe in her eyes as she said, "You know what, Uncle Alex. You're pretty awesome."

He nudged her with his shoulder and said, "Thanks, Brie Brie. That means a lot coming from you."

It was agreed by all in attendance that it was time to go home. The group of four made the trek to the parking lot, with Alex and Sarah walking ahead of Darius and Brianna.

"What happened to the other kids?" Alex asked curiously.

Sarah shook her head and gave a sort of angry chuckle. "I called their parents, told them to come fetch their demon spawn. Those little bastards are lucky I didn't leave them here stranded."

They walked ahead a few more steps before Sarah said, "You're a great uncle, you know that. You're so good with her. Today could've been devastating for her, but she walks off with you and comes back feeling better. It takes a special kind of guy to connect with a teenage girl in a non-creepy way."

"Yeah, thanks for adding non-creepy. You almost made me sound like a pedophile."

He expected her to laugh, but she didn't. Instead, she said, "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Turn a compliment into a joke. Learn how to accept it when someone is trying to point out your good traits. Stop deflecting. You have a way about you. It makes people feel safe with you, like they can talk to you about anything. But the moment they try to tell you how great you are, you shut down."

Alex looked at her but couldn't meet her eyes. With a bit of sarcasm in his voice, he asked, "Is this therapy session covered by my insurance?" He didn't have to look at her to know the look she threw at him, and he knew he had it coming. With a nod of acquiescence, he relented and said, "Okay...I see your point."

"Thank you."

They'd reached the juncture where they had to separate to go to their cars, so Sarah waved him in. They embraced in a quick hug, and she said, "Thanks for coming. Take care of yourself."

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Give Uncle Alex a hug. Thank him for coming out for your birthday."

Brianna enthusiastically did as she was told, squeezing him around the waist. "Thank you, Uncle Alex. For everything."

"Anytime."

Honestly, that warmed him to his core. Everyone has a desire to be appreciated; to be loved for who they are. His niece's affections made him temporarily forget his empty life.

He watched the two women start to walk away. As he did, a sadness filled him. No matter how much he enjoyed Sarah's family, there was always a large piece missing. They always danced around it, pretended the empty spot wasn't there, but the massive chasm couldn't be ignored.

"Hey, Sarah?" Alex called out to his sister.

She stopped and turned to him. "What's up?"

He hesitated, then closed the space between them. With a voice filled with uncertainty, he softly asked, "You ever...think about dad?"

Her eyes darkened. Her face soured. Instantly, the sweet Sarah he was talking to not even a minute earlier was gone and replaced with her angry twin.

"No, I don't. I don't think about evil assholes who shit on my family. If I did, it'd be because I'm praying for him to choke on his own vomit."

Alex almost dropped it, like he always did. Talking about their father brought out something insidious from Sarah. But he couldn't continue to bury his head in the sand about this. He couldn't go another year shouldering the weight of his father alone. Not being able to talk to anyone about this monstrously heavy burden in his life was killing him from the inside out.

"What if he regretted what he said all those years ago? Would you be able to forgive him?"

He saw it. In just those few seconds, he caught what he needed to see. There was a softening of her eyes; a little girl who was missing the same piece he was. She wasn't some cold, heartless bitch who easily cut her father off. She was a mother and wife who did what she had to do for her family, even if it hurt like hell to do.

But it was gone; just like that. Her walls came back up and she shook that off.

"He doesn't regret it. He never will. Do yourself a favor, little brother. Leave him. Stop trying to save him from himself. He's not worth it."

With that, she walked off towards her family.

A little over an hour later, Alex's car halted to a stop in his driveway. He killed the engine, looked up at his house, and sighed. Even before walking in, he felt the shackles of oppression around his wrists and ankles, trapping him.

This is my life. He thought as he opened the car door and met the night air.

"Where the hell you been?" Alex's dad grumbled from the couch as soon as he walked in. A half empty can of beer was within a short arm's reach, right next to the remote.

Not having the energy to get into it with a drunkard, Alex just breezed by him with a small shake of his head and went to his room.

Normally, that was enough to end any conversation between them. He was grown, so there was no need to justify himself about what he did with this time. But today, something had his dad irked. He was more insistent on getting an answer. He followed Alex, which was unexpected. When Alex went to swing the door of his bedroom shut, his dad caught it. Alex didn't even realize he was still there until then.

"I asked you a question." His dad barked, his voice sounding rough and drunk.

Alex looked into his bloodshot eyes. At first, he was going to dismiss his dad like he always did; maybe give him some vague answer. But as he peered at this inebriated zombie, he realized something that pissed him off.

He knew EXACTLY what today was. That was why he was here, trying to trigger a fight. Brianna was one of the only things that could set Alex off. For whatever reason, he wanted a fight, and today was ripe with opportunity.

As Alex looked into this man's eyes -- this man who intentionally wanted to cause pain -- he couldn't help but to wonder what it must be like to live inside of his head. He had a granddaughter who would be the pride of any grandparent. She was entering high school, and he'd never even seen her. Not only that, but he also went out of his way to ignore her existence and broadcast it to anyone who would listen.

Worse still, he took pleasure in the misery his absence caused. What kind of person does that? What kind of person holds that much hatred?

"You know where I was." Alex answered, his eyes betraying the calmness his voice was trying to emulate. He was livid, but still conscious enough to maintain control. "Don't pretend you don't know what today is."

His father smirked, almost like he got a sort of glee from his evil little protest.

"Nothing special." he shrugged. "Just some nigger bitch's birth..."

Unfortunately, he didn't get to finish that final word because Alex couldn't hold out any longer. The 10-foot space between them was closed in a matter of seconds as Alex launched at him. The old man was slammed against the wall behind him, an angry forearm holding him in place at the neck.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Alex screamed out at his father, who was right now gasping for breath.

The drunken idiot was trying to speak, but his windpipe was cut off. For someone who wasn't really a physical person, this hold Alex had him in was pretty effective. He was left with only two choices: fight back or pass out.

So, his dad jammed his thumb into Alex's eye and pushed. The pain from that made Alex release him and back up with a growl.

After catching his breath, he stormed over to Alex and shoved him hard. Alex stumbled backwards into his room. His dad approached him and yelled, "You little shit!" as a second shove had Alex crashing into his dresser.

And then, his dad punched him; right in the face.

The significance of that moment was sobering. His dad had never raised a hand to either of his kids. Ever. Physical abuse was the one thing he could say he didn't do. It was part of the lie he told himself. He didn't have a problem. He wasn't like those other guys who comes home and starts beating on his family.

Honestly, Alex could take this man right now. He was younger, sober, and despite not seeing a gym for the past few months, still in decent shape. He'd already proven that he could throw a punch -- he put Trey on his ass. If he wanted, he could kick his dad's ass all over this house.

But had they really come to this point? Was he really debating beating up his dad?

"C'mon and hit me, you fucking pussy!" his dad yelled, spittle flying from his mouth.

It was then that Alex asked himself the question that had been a dark cloud lingering over everything. What am I doing with my life?

Everything he did, he did to help his ungrateful father. But as it turns out, he wasn't helping, he was enabling. This man got to continue being shitty to people with no consequences. He felt free to go on doing that indefinitely, because no matter what, Alex would always be here to take care of him.

Well, not anymore. Sarah was right. This asshole wasn't worth it.

"You know what, dad?" Alex asked, a look of determination on his face, the likes of which his dad had never seen. "I wanna thank you. Thank you for giving me just what I needed."

"What're you yammering about?"

As if the words had been waiting years to come out, they spilled from his mouth. With complete conviction, and no guilt, Alex proudly said, "I'm moving out."

"What?"

Alex smiled, and then turned away from his dad. He went to his closet, grabbed his duffel bag, and started pulling clothes from his dresser drawers. Every piece of clothing that fell into the bag made that much more peace fill him. It was like just saying those three words released something inside of him; a heaviness that sat in the middle of his chest and refused to leave.

What did his dad do? He just laughed, right there in his face. Cackled is more like it. It sounded like someone was rubbing sandpaper against his throat as he did so.

"Yeah, right!" he said between fits of hilarity. "Boy, you can't even afford to live here for free! How you gonna pay rent somewhere else?"

Alex could've pointed out that it was actually he who paid most of the bills. He could've showed his dad the bank statements of his savings account that now had $9000 and counting. He could've even brought attention to the fact that the only thing his dad put in the fridge was disappearing beer cans.

But he didn't. There was no point anymore because he had nothing to prove. The only thing he needed to do was pack a bag, find somewhere to stay for tonight, and seriously look for an apartment within his price range.

With a confident smile, Alex just kept packing.

Throughout the next hour, Alex passed by his dad several more times as he carried bag after packed bag to his car. His dad had stopped laughing and now sat on the couch with a stoic, nonchalant expression on his face. However, the more he watched his son disappear bit by bit, the more he couldn't hide from the imminent loneliness that lied ahead.

When the final bag was loaded into the car, Alex stood in front of his dad, as if he were waiting for him to say something. Anything. But all this man could say was, "You're blocking the TV."

Alex let out a sigh, releasing the final hold this house had on him. Then, he turned on his heels and walked out the door for the last time.

The old drunkard heard Alex's engine start up. He watched as the window that overlooked the driveway was suddenly bathed in light. Then, that light slid down the window until it was gone.

For the first time, a tear slid down his cheek. Lonely silence surrounded him.

_________________________________

"Oh. My. God." Toni said in disbelief. She'd known Charles for years, so this was as much a revelation to her as it was to Monique. "What a coincidence. It's such a small world. Who knew Charles was the kind of guy that would participate in a Choo Choo?"

Monique sucked her teeth and snorted out an angry breath through her nose. "It just goes to show you that ALL men are fucking dogs."

"Oh come on!" Toni said with a chuckle. "It was his first time, and there was some pussy just laying there waiting for dick. What guy would turn away from that?"

"Alex would." Monique answered without realizing it.

Toni paused before answering, "Yeah, well...he's different."

Monique let out a sad sigh. Not wanting her to get lost in melancholy, Toni asked, "So, what're you gonna do about Hector? You still gonna do your kick boxing thing with him?"

"I don't know." she whined. "Hec is cool with me. We have fun. But how can I overlook that shit? Especially what he did to Summer. I'd never be able to look Alex in the face again if I just pretend everything's cool."

There was a lot to unpack there, so Toni said, "First off, I need you to give me the tea on what this has to do with Lexxy in the first place, and then we'll circle back to the fact that you're still worried about looking him in the face.

"Toni..."

"Tut, tut, tut!" she hushed whatever Monique was about to say. "Tea first, Lexxy second. I need a good bit of gossip after the day I've had.

Monique let out a breath. Then, she started from the beginning. "Okay, so Alex had this girl in high school named Summer..."

And with that, the entire story came out. She even added the punctuation mark of her encounter with Alex at Walmart, and the look on his face when Hector pulled his jealous bullshit.

"Wow. That's heavy." Toni said when she was done. Then, she jokingly added, "No matter what kind of shit I'm going through, you always manage to out-Jerry-Springer me."

Intrigued, Monique asked, "What do you mean? What's going on with you?"

Toni chuckled, like she was trying to come off aloof, but it didn't catch. "Oh nothing. I just found out that I'm Jeremiah's (her rapper boyfriend's government name) side piece."

"What do you mean you're his side piece?"

"I mean that his WIFE -- the one who birthed his three, ugly, big-headed kids -- came up to my job today. This bitch had the nerve to embarrass me in front of my customers. I tried to tell her that I didn't even know she existed 'til today, but she still threw a fit! Blamed me for EVERYTHING, calling me all kinds of hoes and homewreckers! I had to go home early I was so embarrassed!"

"Oh my god!" Monique said, suddenly feeling like her little dilemma was a fly on Toni's windshield of ghetto drama.

"That tacky bitch better be glad I'm too cute for jail. She run up on me like that again though, I'm whoopin' that ass in front of her kids and inviting the police to watch."

With a sheepish laugh, Monique said, "I...uuuhhh... don't think I out-Jerry-Springered you. Yours is much worse."

"So much worse!" Toni agreed with her, which made both women start laughing. They then comforted each other by finding the dark hilarity in their dismal situations. It felt good to laugh about things.

"Well, when all the men leave us, at least we have each other." Monique said at the end of it.

Toni quieted down. After a pause, her tone turned serious as she said, "Call him, Mo."

"Who? Alex?"

Toni sighed. "You know I'm talking about Alex. Don't even."

Monique grew angry at that. Lashing out, she asked, "Why is it that I'M the one who always has to chase him? HE broke up with ME! HE is the one who walked out. Once again, I threw myself at him to fix our issues, and he left me feeling worthless. I'm not gonna keep putting myself through that!"

"And no one is asking you too! But the truth is, you had a guy who would never do to you what these other clowns are out here doing. Yes, Alex is insecure, but we both know that there is something there worth fighting for. I saw it that night at the casino. And not just because he put Trey's ass on the floor, which was the highlight of my year by the way." (They both chuckle). "I see how he is with you. He will give you the world if you ask him to, or he will die trying. At the same time, he's not afraid to call you on your bullshit. He balances you. But if you're willing to let that go because you're some stuck up diva who feels like he needs to chase you, then you might as well wrap him in a bow and deliver him to Cameron's door. Maybe she'll appreciate him."

Just as Toni expected, the mere mention of Cameron snapped something in Monique's head. "Why did you have to bring that bitch into this?"

"To prove a point." She said in her know-it-all voice before adding, "Call him."

Monique sighed loudly and looked up at her ceiling. "What am I gonna say to him? It's been four months."