All Comments on 'Mom Gift Daughter to Dad'

Basics are good but they don't develop. The decisive parts are too short. It is stereotype with HUGE TITS and such things that add nothing. Could have been much longer and sweeter

Obviously English is not your first language, but a good effort. 4 stars

It is very obvious that English is not your first language. That and so many mistakes in everything about this story, caused me to give it 1 *. And that's one star too many. NOBODY is stationed anywhere overseas for 17 years. Not in any American military branch.

As others have said English is obviously not your first language but a fairly enjoyable story all the same. Can only award this a 2*

bad no flow no one in the army is away for 17 years without fucking something not even half enjoyable english not your language but writing is not your thing either sorry but old idea but not told well either

Why does everyone assume when a person butchers English badly enough that the person must not speak English as their first language. Granted, I didn't read very much of this before I wanted to vomit and had to stop, but I didn't see any of the telltale signs of a second language. This person is just really bad at English, their first language.

As such, they shouldn't put it out there for the public. They should keep their dirty laundry private.

It was good,but 18 y olds don't have big tits,very few.it could have added more love talk between dad and daughters.

This needs *a lot* of work. As others noted, clearly English is not your first language so going with characters based in the US military is not a good choice. The grammar and phrasing mistakes were too much to make finishing the story possible.

Her dad needs to get another present. A baby bump she shows him.

I loved the story. It's original and well told.

There are a few odd English phrases and constructions, which based on the other story, I assume result from Vietnamese-English translation.

In any case, as an editor of several decades experience, I've seen much much worse Enlish from native English speakers. **So, ease up, trolls! **

I found the story idea excellent. I found the storytelling in need of work. You have the details there. In fact you had too many details. I think the art and fantasy is in giving enough details to trigger the mind of the reader but not feeling you have to give them every little twist and turn in a person's mind.

I wish I had a magic formula to offer. I suppose the short criticism is you need to tighten up your prose. And the way that happens is the same way as how you get to Carnegie hall. Practice. In your case write. Good luck. I will be following you to see how you develop and progress. Thanks for the effort.