Mom, That Was You?

"Bullshit!" For the first time he was getting frustrated. "You were sighing and kissing me back! Your hands were all over me!"

"I made a mistake," Damn straight she had, at least that was the truth. "I felt bad and wanted you to enjoy it for a couple minutes. I was hoping you'd come to your senses."

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "You felt it, and now you're lying, to me and yourself."

"Brandon, please let this go. I'm sorry if I gave you false hope."

"Its not that, you're taking hope away from yourself! Mom, you wanted me, I could feel it!"

"You're twenty, how do you know what you feel?"

"That...was low," Brandon's expression reflected the hurt in his words. "You don't think I know what love is because I'm young?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. This isn't a typical situation, Brandon. You're not torn over feelings for some girl, but me. You're confused, baby."

"No, you won't let yourself see clearly," he stubbornly stuck to his guns.

"Brandon, you and I are close, very close, and we've become more than a mother and son to each other. You're right about all that."

"But?" he asked skeptically as he remained kneeling on the couch. She wished he'd put a shirt on, his body was distracting her...but why? He was her goddamn kid!

"Last night was something we should never be to each other, and you said it, being with me in that way, a way you were never supposed to be, opened all this up. You can say it's about love, but thing is, honey? This is driven by lust, you got a taste of something you shouldn't, and forbidden fruit is called that for a reason."

"You're not even making any sense," he waved his hand at her. "Saying the same thing over and over, convincing yourself, not me."

"I don't need convincing this is wrong."

"Right, you need convincing its not and you just got that. You were into it, Mom. That was no act!" his lips turned down in a scowl. "Or am I too young to know when a woman is faking too."

"Last thing I want is to fight with you, and I shouldn't have made that remark, but I'm a lot older than you, Brandon, and sad to say I have more than my share of experience faking interest to not hurt a man's feelings, like your father's back when I thought he was trying."

"So good at faking you can make your nipples pop?"

"What?" Carla blinked at rude comment.

"I felt them through the shirt, poking into me. Or you blaming friction?"

"Easy, Brandon, I'm your mother."

"And the reason you freaked was because I was about to find out you were excited somewhere else.

"I told you to..."

"And when I did!" he spoke loudly over her. "You would have had no excuse, and I would have known you were lying. Not like I don't already, but that would have been hard to cover up."

"Okay, this is over for now." Carla rose from the sofa and turned her back to leave the room. "You're getting angry, and this is something that needs to be discussed in an adult manner."

"Then stop lying!" His voice was close behind her; he was following her out of the room.

"We're done, Brandon," she strode faster down the hall until she reached her room. "We'll talk tomorrow after both of us have some time and can get a good night's rest."

"Just like that? I tell you how much this meant to me, and you're walking away?"

"Until tomorrow y...hey!" she'd went to close the door, but he caught the edge of it with his hand. "I'm not playing, Brandon, get out! I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now."

"Tough." She tried to pull the door closed, but he pushed against it, and even with one hand and what didn't seem like a lot of effort he forced it open. "Last night made us equals in this mess, you're not the boss."

"Oh? I'm no longer the parent because we fucked?" Carla took a step back because fact was the look of anger on his face and the way his large frame loomed in the doorway made her uncomfortable...uncomfortably warm.

"Because it happened to both of us the same, and my feelings are no less than yours."

"Not true. You're the child here, and for you it was a fucked up accident. I'm your mother! You know what its like to think I did all that with my son? My baby?"

"I'm your baby?" His voice and eyes softened at the comment.

"Of course, you are! You'll always be my baby, and no matter how much of a man you are, it's my job to try and protect you, and last night I hurt you! I hurt us!" her voice rose with her own anger.

"Not on purpose," he seemed to be the one trying to soothe her now. "Not your fault."

"It's not that easy for me! When you're in charge of a damn business, let alone a child, everything is your fault whether it is or not! We said it last night, it was okay for you to be there, you're an adventurous college boy enjoying life.

"I'm a goddamn middle aged woman and a mother of a boy the age I went to fuck. I should have never been there! This is on me more than it is you, Brandon, and I have to live with that."

"But it could be a good thing, that's what you're not seeing!" He came into the room, and she took a couple of steps back. He cocked his head and whispered. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'm just scared for us, and well...you do look crazy on the rare occasions you get mad."

"Mom, I'd never hurt you." He slowly reached out and she remained still when he put his hand on her shoulder. "You have to know that."

"I do, Brandon, we're all fucked up right now, and that's the truth. Maybe talking this soon wasn't a good idea."

"But we started and it's not fair you won't finish, especially when you're lying to me." He took a calming breath. "I deserve better than you lying and walking away."

"What do you want from me?" Carla shouted at him. "What do you deserve here you're not getting? I let you tell me your porn inspired fairy tails and I let you kiss me, and I let you..."

"You didn't let me! You wanted it!" He yelled back at her. "That's what I deserve! The truth about why you're mad! If you still think this shit is wrong, that's one thing, but I deserve to hear how you really feel about it."

"That's it?" She threw her hands in the air and laughed harshly. "That's all? You just want your mother to tell you she got wet when you shoved your tongue down her throat?"

"You don't have to say it like that."

"Sorry, I checked the parent's handbook and didn't find the chapter that dealt with having to live with the fact you sucked your son off and rode him like he was a fucking mechanical bull at a bar!"

"That's why we need to do this together, and it's not all your decision."

"Oh, we did it together alright!" She pointed to her legs. "I haven't had rugburn from fucking since before you were born. Go big or go home, right, baby? Going to bang your son, do it right!"

"You're mad at you, not me," he said quietly.

"Damn straight I am! But you needed me to scream at you to get it. Couldn't leave me be and let me think, had to make it worse with your X-rated Romeo and Mommiet taboo movie talk. None of the idiots in those movies have fucking kids, and I doubt the directors do either!"

"But everything is based on..."

"Serial killer movies are based on real cases; can we go around killing people because we watch them?"

"Mom," he sighed. "Okay, you win. I'll leave you alone and find something to do until I go to work. We'll talk tomorrow."

"No," she caught his hand as he went to turn away. "I'll give you what you deserve, how's that? You deserved to hear I'm angry at me and not you, but not just because of last night, but because of just now, know why?"

She plowed on without waiting for him to ask.

"Because you're right! I felt something when you kissed me. I...responded to your lips and the way you touched me, even the way you spoke and looked at me. I've never had a man look at me with so much love in his eyes, few women are lucky enough to have ever have."

"Just now was my fault too. I couldn't help the first screw up, but I doubled down on this one. I should have said no to you. No kissing me, no touching, no encouraging your ideas.

"But no!" She flayed her arms dramatically. "Carla knows what she's doing! Carla knows she has no issues other than mistaken identity. You want to kiss me? Go for it, get it out of your system, I'm your mom, I'll tell you it meant nothing because it should have meant nothing!"

She turned and walked over to her bed and sat down on the foot of it.

"But it did mean something, I did feel it. It felt good, you felt good, and I wanted to feel good! I don't know why you felt so good, you shouldn't!"

"There might be a reason, I..."

"Brandon, what you deserved?" She cut him off. "Was a good mother who would have felt nothing when you touched me and could have ended this!"

Overwhelmed by emotion, and her failure, she burst into tears, putting her head in her hands and sobbing.

"You deserve a parent who does what's right for you, not one who found herself thinking of her son being her damn lover, and this time when it was you right in front of me and no mistake to blame it on!"

"I'm sorry, honey," she moaned into her hands. "I'm sorry I started this, and made it worse and tried to blame you, and those movies. It's all my fault for making all of that seem real!"

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Brandon!"

She felt his weight settle on the bed next to her and his arm go around her quaking shoulders. "You shouldn't feel that good to me," she whimpered. "God, I'm an awful mother."

"If you were awful you wouldn't be crying, and we wouldn't have fought because you wouldn't have cared."

"Don't let me off the hook. No mom should see their child like that, let alone want them."

"Not your fault, it's..." he trailed off and remained silent, his arm around her.

"It's what?" she asked, trying to stop sniffling like a child.

"Never mind, we'll talk another time."

"Go ahead, Brandon, if you have an idea I'll hear it."

"Okay, well I remembered something this morning. Remember Julie? I was seeing for a few months last year?"

"Yeah, she was a couple years older than you, a senior?"

"Right, and a psych major. Sometimes she'd talk about weird stuff she read about, and one time she was going on about sexual psychology and how she had to do a study on family stuff."

"Incest?"

"Not always directly, even things like mommy and daddy issues. But she did have to research some cases, and there was one down in Jersey where a daughter was reunited with her father after 15 years. She ended up falling in love with him."

"Not seeing what that has to do with us."

"There was a similar one with a mother and son, same thing, years apart, but one more where it started when the son was still there, they got a little close, then a little too close. The case mentioned they had a lot of regret and went to therapy because they couldn't stop thinking of each other."

"That's close to home, I guess."

"Turns out there's this thing called GSA, and what happened made me think of it, so I looked it up."

"What is it?" She wiped her nose with the sleeve of the Jersey and shrugged when Brandon made a face. "Pardon my manners. I'm too drained to get the tissues," she sighed. "Or maybe I'm trying to be as unsexy as possible."

"No jokes," he said, with a sly wink that managed to coax a small smile from her.

"Right, no jokes."

"Genetic sexual attraction. Damn article is full of big words, and I wanted to be an architect and know fuck all about shrink stuff, but the gist is that if in the case of long separation or some type of traumatic, or like in our case, a strange sexual incident, whatever is ingrained in us naturally to not want family spins the other way."

"Leads to unnatural attraction?" Carla asked thoughtfully, at least this sounded concrete, better than talking about porn clips.

"Opens it up I guess, and its not just the lust you'd have for another person, it's a lot stronger, hard to resist." He nodded in agreement with his words. "Think that could be us."

"If it is then I'm right and this isn't normal or what you really want, our wires are crossed."

"But I told you I'd had some thoughts before, and if we're both dealing with it, then what's the problem? We're both wanting the same thing."

"It's in a psych book as a condition, Brandon."

"No, just something that can happen, but it stressed it was about physical desire. I love you, mom. You even said you could feel how much I do. The lust is different, its part of it, but I want you more than I want you, if that makes sense."

"None of this does."

"So let's roll with it. Why fight something we both want?"

"Brandon, what if we did something? Let's say here and now I just lay back on the bed and give you that chance you keep talking about. What happens tomorrow?"

"We do it again?"

"Don't be funny. What happens if it's another wake up call, and more guilt, another fight. If we keep pushing we make things worse, but if we do what we should, which is be a mother and son, and not try to be taboo lovers? Nothing bad can happen."

"Except we both miss out on the person who could love us more than anyone."

"Don't get mad, but you're young, Brandon. At twenty you think you've met the love of your life and it's me?"

"I know it is, no woman can compare to you in anyway." He gently tapped the top of her chest. "You're as beautiful here, as you are here." He touched her face, and she resisted the urge to lean into his touch.

"Honey, you should look into writing romance novels, you are the smoothest talker I've ever heard. You could melt any woman's heart."

"Except the one woman's heart that I want." He squeezed her shoulder and rose from the bed. "I'm sorry we fought, and that I pushed this into being worse." He kissed the top of her head. "It's not all your fault mom, we're a package deal. We got into it; we'll get ourselves out of it."

"Thank you," she took his hand and pressed it briefly to her lips. "I don't know how a hot mess like me raised a man like you."

"Maybe so the hot mess would have someone to take care of her," he gave her a sad smile. "Even if it's not in the way I'd like. I'm here for you, not me."

He released a long breath. "I think I'm going to lie back down, didn't sleep a lot and wow, this emotional shit can take it out of you.

"Yeah," she nodded as she watched him head for the doorway. "Get some rest," she gave a halfhearted smile. "Sweet dreams, Brandon."

"You are my sweet dream, mom."

"You always said that when you were little."

He stopped in the doorway and spoke without looking at her. "Yeah, never knew what it would end up meaning. Might have to change it to bittersweet dream."

She heard his voice catch and caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror over her bureau and saw the tears on his cheeks.

"Oh, baby," she moaned softly, her heart breaking for him, for them. "Please come back."

"I'm okay," he said, but his voice told her he was far from it. "Besides, why? What are we going to do?"

Good question, what would they do? What was she supposed to do? She broke his heart denying him but risked destroying their relationship if she caved to his...no, be honest, their current desires. Carla rubbed at her temples, picturing her son's tear-streaked face.

She recalled the rest of their nighttime tradition. After he endearingly told her she was his sweet dream, Carla would tell him to always hold onto his dreams so he could make them come true.

But what if there was a dream he couldn't make possible? A dream that hinged on the feelings of another person? Then that dream would turn into a crushing defeat. Unless the other person was someone who could make that dream a reality. Not just someone who could, but who's job it was to do everything in their power to make that dream come true?

Someone like his mother?

Before she could change her mind, she spoke in a rush.

"You're going to come show me how much you love me."

Chapter Nine

Brandon stiffened, but remained where he was, his hand on the doorframe.

"You just said you didn't want that."

"I don't know what I want, or even what's right anymore. But you know what you want and if that's me, then you can have me, honey."

He slowly turned, and she used the look of hope in his eyes as motivation to, no matter what, stick with her decision to take a mother doing anything for her son to the extreme.

"You mean it?"

"You said you wanted to show me how much you love me. Here's your chance." She rose from the bed and laughed nervously. "Not exactly looking hot in your old jersey, no makeup, my hair a mess and eyes all red from crying." Carla put her arms out. "But I'm all yours."

Brandon approached her cautiously as if he thought it was too good to be true and expected her to change her mind. But when he reached her, he said quietly.

"Mom, you could never be anything but beautiful to me."

"Save the smooth talk, mister, I already said I'd put out," she could hear the nerves in her voice.

"No jokes," he whispered, and before she could reply put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her.

This time Carla didn't fight her body's immediate response and allowed her lips to engage his. Brandon's lips worked firmly into hers as his hands slid under her arms so he could put his around her.

She surrendered into his embrace, leaning into him as their kiss grew more passionate. Her hands were around his neck, drawing him further into her admittedly willing mouth.

Just like on the couch, she was amazed, and somewhat uneasy, with how strongly her body reacted to his touch. Her nipples had stiffened and not only was there a warm wet heat building between her thighs, but her hips were moving, gently rocking into his.

Brandon's hands went down her back and she groaned when they slid over her ass. Her firm cheeks fit perfectly in his large palms, and she moaned loudly into his mouth when he gave her a hard squeeze.

His hands moved lower, and her breath caught when he lifted the jersey several inches. The soft material tickled the curve of her ass and Carla's heart raced at the idea he was going to pull it up.

He'd expect her to lift her arms, let him remove it. She'd be naked in front of him, and this time knowing it was her son who's hands and lips were about to be all over her bare flesh.

That image set off another wave of conflicted feelings. The proper unease of whether she was doing the right thing. The knowing it was wrong and there wasn't a person she knew who would tell her otherwise.

But also, this was an act of love. Her son was conflicted, convinced he'd been falling in love with her and last night pushing those emotions over the edge by breaking the ice of the ultimate taboo.

Brandon was in emotional turmoil, and in pain, his heart swelling when he thought there was a chance, then breaking when her doing the acceptable right thing took it away from him.

Right or wrong, Carla was doing what was instilled in her as a mother, she was helping him, making him feel better. Giving him her body as a sacrifice to show her love for him.

There was no telling where things would go after this. Would it satisfy him? Make him realize this wasn't right? Or create a worse situation in that he'd want her even more and because she did this once, open the door for it to be expected from now on?

All this ran through her mind in a few seconds, and even as it did, they continued to kiss, their tongues probing each other's mouths. Unlike her mind, her body was fully convinced.

Her hard nipples ached where they pressed into his chest through the jersey. Her swollen clit throbbed over her warm wet pussy, and his incredible kissing had her weak kneed in his embrace.

The jersey moved higher, sliding up over her ass, then her hips. Somewhere among the swirling confusion of her thoughts, another one arose. This time he'd be able to see her, and in addition to the obvious reaction a son shouldn't see his mother naked, was her hoping he'd like what he saw, after all, last night had been in the dark.