Mom's Awakening

I woke up feeling a little uneasy that day. I knew my daughter, Rachel, was coming home from her first year at Stern College, an Orthodox Jewish college for women in New York City. I was excited to see her but also a little anxious. I had been struggling with finding my place in life and questioning my religion lately, and I worried seeing Rachel would exacerbate my doubts.

While Rachel was away in college, she took the time to find her own path. While she was still Orthodox, she skewed more and more to the left side of the Modern Orthodox spectrum. My husband and I have tried to be as supportive as possible, yet seeing her happiness has made me question my own path in life.

I grew up in a conservative community and never questioned anything. When I met my husband at a Jewish singles event twenty-odd years ago, I fell in love, and we married young. Robbie is a wonderful husband, and he has been a great father. Despite being happy and content in my marriage, something has felt missing since I became an empty nester.

Robbie and I were still young, only forty-five, and had so much more life to live. I don't want to live it wondering if there was something out there I was missing out on.

When Rachel arrived home, she hugged me and said, "Mom, you look amazing! Is that a new skirt?"

I smiled nervously and said, "Thanks, Rachel. I've had the skirt for a while, though. You would have known if you came home more often."

I hoped a little guilt trip would distract her from my unease. While Rachel's compliment was nice, it reminded me of how stuck I felt living within the limits of what I was allowed to wear. Sure, my skirt was nice, but it was the same stereotypical long denim skirt that every mother in the community wore. I wanted something different.

"Are you okay, Mom? You look a little sad?" Rachel asked, concerned.

I put on a big smile, "Of course I am! My only daughter is home for the summer."

Rachel spent most of the night settling in and texting with her friends. Throughout the night, I found myself distracted by Rachel's new clothing. It was far from what the regular world would find provocative, just a simple pair of shorts and a tee shirt, but it was a considerable departure from the knee-length skirts that she was brought up wearing.

"I'm gonna head on up. Don't stay up too late, you two," Rob said while pecking me on the lips.

As soon as Rob was upstairs, I noticed Rachel looking at me with her big doe eyes.

"Are you sure you are okay, Mom? Is something going on between you and Dad? You guys seem fine, but I can tell you are holding something back?" Rachel said.

Rachel had always been very intuitive. It is probably why she is majoring in psychology in college. I didn't know what to say. Verbalizing how I was feeling would make it real.

Suddenly, the floodgates opened. I put my face in my hands and just started sobbing. A year's worth of doubts and isolation came out all at once. Rachel approached me, rubbed my back, and just held me. She had no idea what was wrong but knew her mother needed comfort.

I finally spoke, "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have cried like that."

"Don't be silly. I could tell something was off. Just tell me. It will make you feel better," Rachel said, holding me close.

I took a deep breath, unsure of where to begin. I briefly looked at Rachel. Her deep brown eyes felt like they were penetrating my soul, seeing me in ways I wasn't even sure I saw myself.

Rachel was beautiful. She looked so much like me when I was her age. An age where I still felt like there was still so much possibility.

With one last deep breath, I spoke. "I feel so stuck. I just don't feel like I fit in the community anymore, and I worry what would happen if I ever said that out loud to anyone," I bluntly said.

"Oh, Mom. I know how you feel. You are not alone in this, though. I went through the same struggles this year, and I am so much happier now that I truly embraced the life I want to lead," Rachel said, still holding me close.

"I know you did, and I am so happy you found yourself. Dad and I both are, but this is different. You are only nineteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. I am already in my forties. I feel like I have wasted so much time and don't even know what I want. Heck, look at what you are wearing. You look so comfortable in your body. I could never wear that and feel so at ease," I explained.

"Mom, it took me a long time to feel this comfortable. You are seeing me at the end of my journey, not the beginning. I felt so exposed when I started showing more skin. And the guilt, oh my god, so much guilt. You have to be more patient with yourself," Rachel shared.

I could feel the love oozing out of every fiber of my daughter's being. I knew she was right, but it was still hard to accept.

"Thanks, sweetie. Don't worry about me, okay? I will be fine. I am going to go join Dad and head to bed. I'll see you in the morning," I hugged Rachel extra tight.

When Rachel woke up the following day, I could tell she was up to something.

She grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go shopping! Dad is at work. It will just be you and me having fun. No pressure. You don't have to buy anything, but I want you to see how it feels to wear something less modest."

I didn't know what to say. It was clear that Rachel had given this a lot of thought and meant well, yet I was scared. But Rachel was so enthusiastic that I finally agreed.

It was a hot day outside, and as we walked to the car, I couldn't help but notice how little Rachel was wearing. Her shorts practically rode up her ass, and her crop top barely covered her breasts. I thought of saying something but thought better of it.

As we walked around the mall, I felt a sense of nervousness building up inside me. I was raised in a Jewish community where modesty was highly valued. To abide by Jewish law, I had always dressed modestly in skirts and long-sleeved shirts. But now, Rachel was urging me to take a chance on myself and wear whatever I wanted.

I knew that Rachel wanted to take me out of my comfort zone and show me a side of life I had never experienced before. I initially hesitated, but Rachel's excitement started rubbing off as we walked through the mall window shopping. It may be time for me to try something new.

"Can we take it slow?" I asked Rachel, my voice cracking slightly.

Rachel took my hand, "Of course, Mom. Let's go in here. The clothes look pretty tame. I think it will ease the transition."

We looked around for a few minutes. The clothing looked nice, but nothing caught my attention.

"What about this dress?" Rachel asked, holding up a sleeveless sundress with a floral pattern.

I wavered before reluctantly agreeing to try it on. Standing in front of the mirror, I couldn't believe how exposed I felt. The dress hugged my curves and showed off my arms. But as I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. It was like I was trying on a new part of myself that I had kept hidden for so long.

"Wow, Mom! You look amazing," Rachel exclaimed.

I looked down at the floor, slightly ashamed, "I feel so exposed, and I'm barely showing any skin. I feel silly."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Mom. You have spent your whole life being told you shouldn't show any skin. Of course, it is going to feel weird to defy that. I think I need to take you somewhere else. Change and meet me out front," Rachel said.

I quickly changed back into my own clothes. I wasn't sure what Rachel had in mind, but I was nervous about finding out.

Rachel led me to a store with a sign that read "Fashion Forward."

The title sent shivers down my spine. I have never been fashion-forward and couldn't imagine what clothes the shop carried. Despite that, I trusted my daughter and let her lead the way.

The store was overwhelming. There wasn't a piece of modest clothing in the shop. Yet, the moment we walked in, Rachel's eyes brightened. She looked like someone who finally found the place they belonged. At that moment, I decided to join Rachel in her exploration, and anxiety be damned.

Rachel pulled out a pair of ripped jeans and a cropped top, holding them up for me to see. "What about this outfit, Mom? It's so cute!" she exclaimed.

I froze before taking the clothes from her. "I don't know, Rachel. This is a bit too revealing for me," I replied.

"Just try it on, Mom. You might be surprised. Besides, it is just us. If you don't like how it feels, no one will know," she said, giving me a reassuring smile.

I went into the changing room and put on the outfit. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a mixture of excitement and fear. The outfit was something that I had never worn before, and it felt strange to see myself in it. But I couldn't deny that I looked good.

While I didn't show my body off to the world, I liked to stay fit. Rob had a great gym set up in our basement. Nothing too fancy; a treadmill and some free weights. It was just enough to keep me toned.

I walked out of the changing room, and Rachel's eyes widened. "Mom, you look amazing! How do you feel?" she asked.

"I feel...different," I said, looking down at my attire. "But I think I like it."

Rachel stared at me for what felt like minutes, "Are you sure it looks okay? I can't help but notice you gawking."

"Sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just never realized how hot my Mom was. I mean, look at you. You have a killer body. Dad is one lucky guy," Rachel gushed.

Rachel's words were just what I needed to hear. I did have a nice body, and it was damn time other people got to see how hard I worked on it.

"You know, you are right, Rachel. Let's do this! I want to try it all," I told her.

Rachel took me at my word, picking out outfits that were more daring than anything I had ever even fantasized about wearing. I tried on miniskirts, off-the-shoulder tops, and even a jumpsuit covered in sequins.

Each piece of clothing Rachel handed me was more revealing than the last. The shirts each got tighter and tinier, the pants started to feel like a second skin, and the skirts barely covered my unmentionables. I felt sexier than I had ever felt before, and my body was reacting to it.

With each outfit I tried on, I felt increasingly turned on. The forbidden nature of the clothes ignited a fire in my libido that I had rarely felt before. My nipples were hard, and my pussy called for attention, but I tried my best to ignore its calling since I was in public and with my daughter.

I was trying on another outfit when I heard a knock on the fitting room door.

"Can I come in?" Rachel asked.

"Sure," I replied, opening the door. Rachel walked in, a pile of clothes in her arms.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked, smiling.

"Of course not," I said, enjoying my daughter's company.

Rachel started trying various outfits, and I couldn't help but feel shocked by some of her choices. She picked out a short, tight dress with a plunging neckline and a pair of PVC pants that looked skin-tight.

"Wow, Rachel," I said, trying not to stare. "Those are...daring."

"I know," she said, grinning. "But I love them. I feel so powerful in them."

I became even more aroused as I watched Rachel model her various outfits. Rachel looked sexy. Even more than sexy, she looked like sex personified. I couldn't help but notice how much she developed as a woman during her time away at college.

"Hey, can I try on that dress you're wearing?" Rachel asked, pointing to the flowy green dress I had on.

"Sure," I said, slipping out of the dress and handing it to her.

As I watched Rachel try on the dress, I realized it was more revealing than I had thought. The deep V-neckline showed off a lot of cleavage, and the hem reached mid-thigh.

"Wow, you look amazing," I exclaimed.

"You think so?" Rachel asked, twirling in front of the mirror.

"Yeah," I said, feeling slightly envious of her confidence.

Rachel and I spent the next hour trying on different outfits, and I have to admit, it was a lot of fun. I felt like a teenager again, trying on all these clothes. It felt like I was discovering a new part of myself I didn't even know existed.

As I admired myself in the mirror in my latest outfit, I heard a gasp from behind me. I turned to see Rachel in a barely-there dress that left nothing to the imagination.

"Rachel!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening in shock. "What are you wearing?"

Rachel just grinned mischievously. "What, you don't like it?"

My heart was pounding as I stared at Rachel. My underwear was soaked due to the hours of watching my daughter barely clothed. I liked her outfit. The whole problem was I liked it way too much.

"It's... it's just so...revealing," I stammered.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Come on, Mom. You have to admit, I look pretty hot."

I shook my head, feeling flustered. "Yes, you do. It's just not something I would wear."

Rachel's smile faded a bit. "I know, Mom. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you too far."

I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and I immediately felt guilty. "No, it's okay," I said quickly. "I'm actually having a lot of fun trying on all these clothes. It's just...different for me, you know?"

Rachel's smile returned. "I know, Mom. And you look amazing in everything you've tried on. I'm so proud of you for trying something new."

I grinned back at her, feeling a sense of pride in myself. I had never been one to take risks, but today, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and it felt exhilarating. For the first time in my life, I wasn't worried about what other people would think of me. I was just focused on how I felt, and that felt amazing.

When we got home, Rob informed us that he had to go away for work for a week starting Monday. Rachel and I were both disappointed since she had just returned home from school, but we understood.

"At least we will have Shabbos to catch up before you leave, Dad," Rachel said.

Rob hugged her, "It is only a week. It isn't like I am leaving for a whole year," Rob said, teasing his daughter.

"Rach, how about we go on vacation while Dad is away?" I said, the idea still forming in my head.

"Really?" Rachel seemed surprised.

"It will be good for me. I would love to wear some of those new clothes we bought today, but I'm not sure I'm ready to wear them in the neighborhood. Plus, it will allow us to catch up. You can tell me all about your wild college adventures," I chuckled.

Rachel and I spent the next couple of hours booking flights and hotels. We decided a week at a beach resort in Miami was just what we needed.

Once we arrived at the resort, I felt out of place. There were young women in bikinis and skimpy outfits everywhere I looked, and I felt like I didn't belong. On the other hand, Rachel seemed entirely at ease and urged me to join her in exploring the beach and the resort.

I changed into my red one-piece swimsuit, wrapped a floral sarong around my hips, and threw on a wide-brim hat. Looking in the mirror, I thought I looked cute.

Rachel walked out of the bathroom, shocked, "Mom, what are you wearing? The whole reason we came on this trip was for you to get used to wearing more revealing clothing,"

"Well, this is the only type of swimsuit I own," I said, slightly annoyed and embarrassed.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Mom, we need to fix that right away. Let's go to that bikini shop next door."

I hesitated, "I don't know, Rachel, those bikinis in the window looked very revealing."

Rachel grabbed my hand, "That's the whole point, Mom! Trust me, you'll look amazing."

Reluctantly, I followed Rachel into the shop. As soon as we walked in, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of bikinis on display. They ranged from barely-there string bikinis to more conservative styles with high-waisted bottoms and crop tops.

Rachel eagerly started pulling out different bikinis for me to try on. "Mom, you need to try this one! It's so cute, and it'll show off your curves."

She held up a bright pink bikini with a thong bottom and a tiny triangle top. "I don't know, Rachel. That looks a bit too revealing for me."

Rachel gave me an exasperated look, "Mom, it's a bikini. They're supposed to be revealing. Just try it on and see how you feel."

I reluctantly headed into the dressing room to try on the first bikini. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe how much skin was on display. The bottom barely covered anything, and the top left little to the imagination. But as I looked closer, I realized that I actually looked good in it. My curves were on full display, and I suddenly felt more confident.

"Rachel, come look!" I called out to her.

She burst into the dressing room, "Wow, Mom, you look incredible! That color looks amazing on you."

I blushed, feeling a little shy but also proud. Rachel was right - I did look good in the bikini.

Rachel saw my excitement and urged me to try on more revealing bikinis, but I was still reluctant. "I don't know, Rachel, I don't think I can pull off something like that," I said, holding up a skimpy, red bikini with barely any coverage.

"Mom, trust me. You'll look fantastic in that one," Rachel said, grinning. "Besides, you don't want to regret not trying new things, right?"

I momentarily paused, but something about Rachel's smile brought the devil out in me. I wanted to be as daring as possible for my daughter. I took a deep breath and decided to give it a try.

As I stepped out of the dressing room in the red bikini, I felt a rush of lustful excitement. The bikini was definitely more revealing, but at the same time, it felt empowering to wear something that made me feel confident and sexy.

Rachel's eyes widened in amazement. "Mom, you look hot! I told you that you could pull it off."

Something about the glimmer in Rachel's eyes seemed sexual, but I figured I must be wrong since she was my daughter.

We continued trying on different bikinis, from ones with cut-outs to ones with bows. Rachel even tried on micro bikinis that barely covered her nipples and vulva. I was happy to see her having fun and enjoying herself, even if I could never wear something like that.

We left the store, stopped at the hotel room to change, and left for the beach.

I decided to wear a blue bikini with a halter top and high-waisted bottoms. It was the least revealing bikini I had purchased, yet I felt very exposed in it. I tried to cover up as much as possible with my sarong.

On the other hand, Rachel wore a tiny black bikini that barely covered anything. She was confident in her body, and she flaunted it with ease. I couldn't help but envy my daughter's newfound freedom.

Walking along the beach, I noticed that people were looking at us. I felt self-conscious and wanted to hide under my cover-up. Rachel, on the other hand, seemed to revel in the attention.

"Mom, don't be so shy!" Rachel said. "You look amazing in that bikini. Show it off!"

"I don't know, Rachel," I said, embarrassed. "I feel like everyone is staring at me."

"They're staring because you look great," Rachel said. "Trust me, no one is judging you."

As we walked further down the beach, I started to feel more comfortable in my bikini. Rachel's confidence was contagious, and I began to let go of my inhibitions.

"Let's set up here," Rachel said, setting our blanket and towels down.

As I pulled off my sarong, it was hard not to hear my mother's voice telling me how wrong it was to display my body like this. I tried pushing her out of my mind and focused on Rachel's joyful laughter.

Rachel grabbed her tanning oil from her bag, "Want some?" she asked me, holding out the bottle.

My face turned red as the thought of applying the oil to my body in public sexually excited me. Every inch of me wanted to scream yes, but my nerves got the best of me.