All Comments on 'Mom's New Family Affair Ch. 15'

It's sweet when a girl's cute little coochie moistens thinking about what her daddy's got fat and veiny jumping around in his pants.

Another Favorited story. Hot, hot, hot!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say as you have progressed you have lost readers. Maybe not and if not go ahead and disregad this message. But if you have and are wondering why I want to help you see a few common pitfalls of this kind of story.

1: Passive males. You main guy is very passive all the actual movement of the relationship is from his mother or girlfriend they are the movers and shakers from the beginning you started it with the women and have kept it there. He has no real motivation and is kind of a stand in to just say yes as they change things up. That's okay for a short story but not one that goes a long time. He needs to have some kind of personality and view on this and act in some way that people can relate too.

2: Too many people. This is a problem in a lot of stories it starts out with two or in this case three and then the author gets bored and adds more and more. Most got into the story because of the three people as you moved beyond that you lost people. You stopped developing your characters and just started adding bodies. You gave up on the relationship aspect and focused on the sex.

3: Adding another guy. A few very few like to have more than one guy but most readers don't. They just cannot relate to a guy letting their women fuck another guy. They would feel jealous and possessive and just would not do it. It's a turn off and the fact that your hero has no jealousy toward that fact.

4: Normal emotions. People act human even in weird circumstances his girlfriend is screwing two women more often then him and is now going to be having sex with another man. He has no emotions toward this it makes most of your characters one dimensional.

Good luck in your writing I do think you have talent. I would just add that you might want to develop the characters and ground them in real world emotions it makes for a more engrossing story.

This is one of the reasons I love Literotica, reading and enjoying series like this one. Love all the kissing and descriptions of it from soft to fucking deep, passionate and wet----LOVE KISSING----. The dirty talk, the sexiness of it all. You have done a superb job in my opinion! A great way to lose yourself from everyday life. Keep up the good work, I look forward to more of this and other stories from ya!

I have to agree with most of what the Anonymous commenter with "Point of View" has said. John is much too passive. "I'll support you whatever you decide"?! Seriously?! Very first thing I'd like to note, as you briefly touched upon in this chapter, is that the FIRST thing Beth did was lay down rules regarding Darla and all future additions to the "Family" is to say that ANY one-on-one sex Beth would consider cheating. Everything would require the others presence if not outright participation. Her words. Which is a rule she immediately broke by fucking Darla first without John present, I might add. No man with the balls it takes to harem fuck three women (including his own mother) would EVER accept a Good-Enough-For-Thee-But-Not-For-Me type rule. You must be joking.

Next, the addition of another man not as a one time or controlled event but continuously involved. Bear in mind that despite the length of the chapters, in story time, Beth and John have only been back together a few months. Maybe 3, tops. Granted John's father is a Damocles sword hanging over everything but that was a known quantity from the start and it was over John and Katie not John and Beth. But Beth's father is a horse of a different color. He has a legitimate chance to take Beth away from John because Beth already loves him and judging by her reaction really really wants to fuck her father. She doesn't know?! She needs to figure it out?! No one needs a hard fucking after meeting someone they want a plutonic relationship with. No. One. How is John ok with this?? How?

I haven't read any of the subsequent chapters to this one but I'm going to predict A) Beth fucks daddy B) True to majority of stories that intro another man counter to the hero's (John) avowed first love, Beth's father will, in some aspect, be better in bed or more endowed either in girth but not length or vice versa. For some reason the writers feel that a counterpoint to every protagonist must be better somehow. I can't fathom why writers keep writing protagonists that aren't the hero of their own stories.

No emotional growth. Previous anon commenter is right. John has no normal range of emotions. He's banging hot chicks two at a time, for fuck sake. In your previous chapters John is averaging something like 4 orgasms a day with at least two women. Normal dude would be strutting down the street like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever! C'mon! I'm not saying he'd become an asshole and walk up to tables and lay his dick out for measuring contests but his confidence would be through the roof. It's a not so great aspect of the male psyche but it's the truth nonetheless. John is letting the women determine everything in all of the relationships. HE NEVER INITIATES THE SEX!! WTF?! It's always the women that determine when they want it. Every time. And now he's supportive of his "significant other" of 2+ months time to bang another man. That "honeymoon period" sure was short.

Need to flesh this out better. Too many anomalies make for a ton of limp story in an otherwise well devised plot