All Comments on 'Money is Not Free'

But I felt no passion here.

He should have sent his PI after Peter, rubbed the findings in her face then on a dark night, introduced Peter to his baseball bat. He could still be civil for the sake of family but certainly not be so cordial and double dates would never happen.

Good but....The last story I read, the conman had only 6 months to live. Empty nester wife chooses him over hubby.

Found it very repetitive and lacking emotion. I liked the immediate separation to protect finances but I didn't like all of the help he was providing and how he never told anyone in the family what she was doing. Why hide it?

Exactly what Reed said , no passion no feelings to speak of.

No emotion. Reminds me of Sgt Joe Friday in the old show Dragnet when he says "just the facts". 3*

...way to nice to her. Also, zero repercussions for peter. Thanx...

Loklie

These are the most boring human beings ever written about

2**

Would have been a reluctant 3***, but when you ended this thing by having this guy double date with his ex and have her over with her new stud to “family functions”, you blew a tire.

I liked it. I liked the clarity, the honest, the frankness. The emotion was there, even though other commentators didn't seem to see it. It was a sad, honest story of one woman making a terrible mistake and not realizing it until it was too late. And the husband was much more understanding and compassionate than he needed to be. Good lessons there. Thank you for your story. Sincerely appreciated.

What happened in this story would never happen in the real world.

When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark. You wrote monologues as if they were conversation.

<P>

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

A 10 year old child should know these basics.

She was the typically written over the top stupid wife one finds too frequently here in LW's.

A little dry perhaps, but the early exposition on the leading characters views on 'love' go a long way towards explaining it.

This reads like a very boring monologue. Considering your marriage of quite a few years is going down the drain and your loving wife is cheating on you I would think there would be more of an emotional rendering.

If you would like a sense for what others are saying, I'd suggest a read of one of Randi's stories. That woman could get tears from a rock! You have a good start, look forward to seeing you grow as a writer. Thank you for your story.

Reads like a manual of instruction to separate finances and a married couple. No real feeling to it at all, sorry but thanks for the effort, I'm sure it's better than anything I could do.

Ouch. Good story, but the man is dry, hard. Like the previous poster stated, the lines were strident, rote, like a Jack Webb character from Dragnet. The conclusion that, even after she was caught and had a chance to end the affair and didn't, essentially finished their marriage was well conveyed. Also, your bringing up the, "you're using my income to pay for your affair" is an aspect most people have never considered. If nothing else, the way this premise is put forth and its implementation is discussed, along with the ramifications to Alice, is pretty brilliantly done.

On big quibble: "quotes". There's a great "How To" on this website. It is a good refresher for us all.

Fucked up

this story fails in a lot of aspects. The most important was Peter didn't got his payment. And if they never told why they had divorced, everyone would think he was the guilty part.

All that effort and all you could produce was an emotionless story about a slut and a wimp, neither of which had two brain cells to rub together.

I agree with Scorpio, he should have found out more about Peter, then take a baseball bat to his body since he was so hurt and in pain. Give him some REAL pain. Peter stole his cheating wife, She paid a heavy price for her infidelity. She was gullible, stupid, and naive to really believe she was helping a depressed person. She deserved more hurt like she hurt her husband but he let her off easy. He should have told everyone what she was doing from the beginning which might have saved the marriage. She was given a choice early and threw it back in her husbands face... The story was very nice and the characters very interesting. I like this sad tale of deceit. 4/5 stars, and Keep on writing.

I know Alice is required to be dumb as a rock for the story to extend beyond the first confrontation, but it still stretches the limits of suspended disbelief. Might as well just have gone for the divorce straightaway, reading about her trying to handle the mess she was in felt like watching an injured animal repeatedly running into a wall.

Best I can do is 3* on this one. Not much emotion or anything to really pull you into your story. As another commenter said kind of like the old Dragnet series...Just the facts. Also Peter got off free and clear. Peter is the poster boy for someone needing an attitude adjustment and a lesson on not taking what isn't his with a good old hickory pickaxe handle.

Alice wasn't the only woman he pulled his pity trick with. In fact there were 3 others.

One by one the other 3 found out about the affairs and took action.

The first one cornered Peter after the bars closed and beat him senseless. When he was released from hospital the second husband found him and gave him a good work over as well.

Then when he was released from hospital again it was my turn. Yes I put him back in hospital again. He was becoming quite familiar with the hospital staff by this time.

After his release for the third time he had decided to leave town and try his luck elsewhere. This was not to be though. Husband number four found him. Peter vanished and was never seen or heard from again. Husband number 4 was fairly high up in a Motorbike gang (one of the 1%ers) and did not take kindly to people stealing his wife. Well Peter So I imagine all sorts of bad things happening to him.

How did I find all this out. My PI of course I kept tabs on Peter to ensure he did not fleece Alice of what she got from our divorce.

I was the one who informed the others of what Peter was up to and showed them proof. We worked out the order of who was going to attack and when and had no other contact.

Absolutely no emotion in the writing at all.

I don't care what happens to anyone in this story.

1*

Like others have said, there is no emotion or passion! It reads like how you would think a stereotypical English relationship would end! All stiff upper lip etc! Are you English by chance? Just wondering!

Terribly incomplete and dispassionate.

I would have to agree with Reed_Richards - there was no passion. Why didn't he have the PI investigate peter? Might have been interesting to show Alice pictures of Peter with other women and how special she was to him. Also, the truth at some point should come out. How will the kids and parents react knowing Alice was stupid, gullible, cheated, and threw away her marriage? How will Alice's new man react to her history? Will he run for the hills, or be very careful and cautious? Maybe he will stay in a relationship, but insist on all finances be kept separate.

Winterfrog!! Is this you with more accurate English? I'm afraid the tone and the style are still the same, flat and stilted, and awkward.

Of course this is the same basic plot as the wife who is fucking the guy who supposedly killed his wife in a car accident. Whatever.

One of the main weaknesses of this plot is that the wife has to be a complete moron and a cruel bitch to behave this way, but the husbands are written to be intelligent steady discerning men who wouldn't touch a stupid skank like these wives with a ten foot pole, much less marry them.

Most of the other versions have much more passion and drama than this story. Its not badly written, its just not very interesting or compelling. "Uh, you have become deficient in your role as my wife, so your financial responsibilities are hereby shifted to your complete and sole responsibility. Thank you."

OK, at least neither person lost much of a marriage. Hope one or both have better luck the second time around.

Thanks for the effort.

This is a better fate than most divorced couples get. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I initially liked the story as I started to read it but like other commentators I found it dry and lacking emotion. I was expecting the husband to reveal that Peter was lying to Alice about the death of wife and one child and that he was simply a pussy hound. There isn't any mention from Alice of Peter's other children and you would expect her to talk about taking the children out perhaps them acting like a second family for her.

I did like the approach the husband took, don't think we know the husbands name, with splitting the finances. That is unique as far as other cheating wives stories I've read.

I think this could be a really good story and maybe the author should revisit it taking account of the comments.

The wife was a stone cold bitch choosing her lover over the husband when confronted about the affair. At that point he was offering her a chance at forgiveness and she tossed it aside.

He should've told all the family what she was doing and made her life miserable after the way she just abandoned their marriage. This would've led to several more emotional confrontations as their relationship deteriorated, which this story needed as it was do dry.

Also, the husband started dating, so it would've been interesting to know more about the women he was seeing. Alice would've been consumed with jealousy when her husband start dating younger women and was having a great time, while her life turned to shit.

The happy ending for Alice just annoyed me, especially as they never revealed to the family the real reason for the divorce. She destroyed their marriage but avoided all the condemnation she deserved for her appalling treatment of the husband.

although it relies on a woman not having much rational or logical brain power! Are women really blinded by there sex to this degree? I do not know, I am pretty sure I am not married to one that is. My experience in family and friends is that this scenario would be pretty rare, unheard of really, which makes it somewhat unbelievable.

But the liked the husbands counters to the wife's laments, his thinking was spot on.

The sterile atmosphere between each and every couple is a bit off-putting

normalcy with fate. TK U MLJ LV NV

So we´re getting more of the same? This story has no emotion in there, it´s pretty dry, with no direction. The author makes it sound as if the wife is talking to a machine, especially since he does not have a name.

Good story idea, but it was dry as the Dead Sea Scrolls. It reads as if another language was translated into English with Google Translate. But a little life in your stories and you will do well.

"I want to mention that I am an emotional guy. I cry at movies and become depressed when I hear of troubles our friends go through."

"On the last day our youngest left the house Alice and I huddled together to support each other. Alice cried. I tried to comfort her, but realistically, I inwardly cried along with her. Whereas Alice found it easy to let her emotions come out, I found it difficult. My heart, felt like exploding out of my chest in sadness before tears flowed. I found no comfort shedding tears, and almost envied Alice that she had an outlet for her emotions."

So you just contradicted yourself, he's either an emotional guy that cries at movies or he's an unfeeling shithead. Your writing has NO emotion in it, it's very sterile.

I agree 100% with" Powersworder" Real people would have brought MUCH MORE emotion into this tale. I understand how this logical tale was constructed and based almost totally on costs but a bit more real feeling would have improved it immensely. I don't mind the 'happy' ending but it, like the basic story is not relating well to people in general and how almost everyone would deal with this disgusting and brainless female. ('woman' would be a compliment to her, which the character does NOT deserve) Thank You 4**** reflecting the omissions that ' Powersworder' and I outline.

Was this written by a robot, more interested in formulaic structure than real dialogue?

There were no consequences to Peter, yet the "revenge" tag was used - where was the revenge?

Sorry but this is just a 3/5 at best

Mostly the same scenario, but focusing on the money.

Agree is too stilted and dry. If anyone can recommend a primer on realistic dialogue I'm sure that a whole lot of writers, and readers, would appreciate it.

Side note, all those authors/critics who say "Use dialogue rather than descriptions/ narrative" need to recognize that natural flowing dialogue is much more difficult to get right, which is why those who can do so are so highly regarded. It's like Michael Jodan trying to coach by telling his player "You just juke the guy two or three times to get past him, then when you get to the free throw line you jump up and over everybody, and then switch hands when you get to the basket so that last big guy can't get to the ball. Easy peasey." If everyone could do it, it wouldn't be special.

Said and done, all too clinical. Not worth while a negative comment though.

The ‘I was fucking him to ease his pain’ has been done so many times on this site, some better some worse. Weather good or bad none of them can get past the fact that a guy in that situation would go directly to divorce, he would not pass go or collect $200.

The idea that suspension of disbelief will get anyone to believe this guy’s reaction is laughable, but then again I ended up reading it all anyway, so who’s the idiot, lol.

Decent story, time will make a better story.

Wimp, so much for man-hood.!

you have a revenge tag, but no revenge

-1 star for lying to your audience

Another completely emotionless story, badly told. If someone cheated me like that like your protagonist, then she would be out of my life in a heartbeat! Why should I play the good Samaritan for someone who tells me in the face that he prefers someone else to me! And why he doesn't inform his children and parents about their cheating, I can't understand either! In addition, I have already mentioned in another comment that the speeches your protagonists make are so swollen that I don't know anyone who would talk like that with their partner after 20 years of marriage!

My biggest issue with this story is Peter never paid a price for breaking up a marriage nor being a leech. The husband (never did use his name in the story) let her live with him way too long - nearly a wimpy cuck story. Trying to make him the nice but firm was a rambling redundant mess. when she was confronted and still chose Peter - all gets cut off - screw separation straight to divorce the 'trust' has been forever shattered. She needed some psychological help.

/

And WTF is it with the family & kids. No holidays, no visits to see the new separation norm, no kids intervention, or her parents - unrealistic?

/

3* at best (with many typo's), Hooyah

... this is the second story of yours I read.

I was going off a theory and this one seems to confirm it, you need to work on your endings.

You're a competent writer and you know how to establish a premise, what you need is to work on the wrap up. No reader wants to end a story feeling unsatisfied, that's the payoff for enduring all the drama. You're leaving your readers with blue balls with these "endings", work on that.

Only in a lunatic asylum. The conclusion of this "dream" was just ridiculous. As was not telling everyone what and who caused the divorce. Even though this is a fictional story it ain't fantasyland.

1 star

...and no info on Peter? How long ago did his wife and children die? Of what did they die from? If Alice wasn’t giving him money where was he getting it? Was Peter in fact seeing other women?

And those are just off the top of my head. The info on wife and kids (at least dates) would most likely be on public record. And since he knew that Peter had started talking about “enjoying” the sex, the investigation must have been on going, so checking to see if he was seeing other women would have just been part of the investigation. If he was then you just show Alice the report “he’s bedding 2 other women.”

We need new healthy writers , not the lonely spineless types , Had her over for dinner sick, A person that destroyed the family unit for some depraved sick Liberal idealism , why didn't she get dog or something getting fucked is a commitment..

Good enough story where he laid down the law but there was holes in your story that should of been included in the PI's report, their report would of been thorough, even including the friends that were around to begin with, no way was it just her that was keeping him satisfied both monies and pleasure, so it either came to him keeping all the info back or his $3000 was used on a shitty person who done the bare minimum.

Would of done the same thing in dividing up all money and responsibilities, plus even living conditions, remember he still had love for her and wouldn't of seen her kicked out, even though she broke his heart and future with her.

Double date is a no no, can you imagine the conversations, it would be so awkward talking about the past and then it would bring up memories about what had happened and then it would end the night early, so not plausible in any sense of the word, it would be bad enough at family gatherings but i couldn't see double dating at all.

there is no revenge at all

This is just a very sad story about a dumb wife who made dumb mistakes in her marriage....

A dumb story about even dumber people.

I can't say any more about it than that.

1 star - no comment

Personally, I would have made sure that Peter received his "share" of the grief that he inflicted on everyone.

Peter needed beatdown

So Peter gets off scott free? No penalties or consequences?

What an utter shit story.

1 star

Good story. Almost a BTB, but not quite there...

Yes, Peter needed a beating, but the husband deserved not to go to jail.

5 star story. Not even really a revenge story as the husband didn't get revenge on the wife or Peter but I supposed you could say living a good life while hers took a nose dive is revenge. Glad there was no reconciliation much as I sometimes enjoy those sort of stories, the fact she chose her lover over her husband shows there was no hope for forgiveness. Despite the lack of revenge on Peter a still very enjoyable read.

I think you are a very hard person to not forgive Alice, the people who should have been dealt with were her friends who elected her to be the go between to help that old guy in the first place. They should have all chipped in and help and not put Alice in that position. They caused all Alice's Problems with her marriage. I guess that's how you know who your friends really are. Most of them can be instigators of in this case a marriage breakup.

That story just went out with a whimper not a bang. Neither reconciliation nor BTB. The ending read more like the sound of a balloon deflating. This is my second reading of this and although I enjoyed it more overall, the ending was more disappointing.

I thought it was a good story! 5 BIG STARS!

While the story the track and the path were good it felt emotionless

Yeah there is no reconciliation after that. Once, just once is mistake. That first time is a mistake. Not the deliberate affair that proceeded. And then after confronting, clearly being more committed to her homewrecker than her husband. People like that deserve no forgiveness or taking back. Would have been nice if Peter got drunk and wondered onto train tracks and became a mist.

Double dating with the ex? Nah, I don't think so.

This story is closer to reality than similar stories in this category.

Great read though!

Should have dumped her from the first time he knew. PERIOD. The rest of the story was just BS. 2 stars.

Good story to the end. But it would have been nice to have the Asshole's clock cleaned by the husband. The wife was an idiot, but Peter needed a attitude adjustment.

Player got no consequences for destroying a marriage

A well told sad tale. Thank you.

Peter needed to loses his Peter and nuts for this.

What a sad story. Here again we have a gullible woman who through her own doing flushed a 21-year marriage for what, a con artist who convinced her he was a widower so he could get in her pants and her pocketbook, yea right. At the end as is the case in most of the tales the wife after the affair falls apart and the husband has moved on, she comes graveling back wanting all to be ok, I am sorry life doesn't work that way. As they say we reap what we sow. 5 stars for the writing

It's not that it's bad but for a story to read for entertainment, it's kind of boring.

Alice belongs in the Martian Slut Ray Hall of Fame! Stupid on steroids!

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Was going to give this a 4….but the you had hubby “double date” with the stupid bitch.

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3 ***

Pretty bland throughout the whole thing w/ no buildup of any sorts. Even when they were expressing their feelings it felt like reading an instructions manual. Not sure why he even setup the whole roommate thing, they should've just divorced right away and split the sale of the house. Also, the ending was pretty dumb too.... Would've been better without the double dating.

I know of a couple of similar true stories were wives have taken fall men under their arm... then bed etc. There seems to be a type of player who has this MO.

The story is missing an ending... You it has at least another three pages to go and no double dating.

11/10!!!!!

Sorry but I refuse to believe ANY man is that fucking stupid!

A real story with real consequences.

Basically just a load of bollocks

Why would he want to help her at all after what she did, dump her and leave her with as little as possible.

Not even worthy of a real comment, just a waste of time.

One out of five of the last five readers liked the story. I will say they probably never loved anybody ,but mom and dad, and maybe not them. Their live just thrive on lust, so I wouldn't t pay much attention to comment. Good story line, keep writing.

XYZ

Double date with the ex? Weird!

The MC aapears a bit too noble to seem human. His concern to protect the wife's reputation from the consequences of her actions is misguided. The parents and children deserve to know the truth about what happened to their family. Keeping them in the dark shows a lack of love and respect for them. While lamenting his estranged wife's hurtful actions, the MC makes choices that hurt those he claims to care about. His pseudo nobility obviously does not exclude hypocrisy.

The disrespected husband acted more like a cuckold than a man in charge of himself. She was given far too much respect from her husband while she returned little of it to him. She deserved to be treated like the adult she pretended to be rather than the child she is.

Besides the complete lack of every human emotion, I just can’t believe the female character. For that matter I can’t believe the male character either, but the woman in particular is nonsensical. You have written her as if she were born yesterday with a complete lack of understanding of humanity and of consequences.

You must’ve encountered women that know shit from Shinola. I find it remarkable that your MC married her and made a life with her, if she were this stupid. Did he not notice? Maybe he has Asperger‘s syndrome or is on the spectrum somehow. That might explain why he talks like an android, too.

Do you know if your MC is autistic? Just wondering… 😉

You reap what you sow She got off lightly

I really was disappointed that she was so stupid and he let her get away with the affair so long

Could have been a different outcome, but except for the fact that you wrote the wife as you did

LOL jeez that rutt mutt commenter is in rare form. insulting non-neurtotypicals. Insulting the writer. Insulting men. Clearly some deep-seated mental health issue and inadequacies in that person.

The husband had no problem imposing consequences on his defenseless wife, but made no effort to hold Peter accountable for his actions, even though Peter clearly disrespected him and adversely impacted his life. What a noble and principled character the husband showed himself to be. The unanswered question is why would Dorothy be interested in a cowardly wimp?

You seem to be one of those men who don’t have the guts to do the right thing….but enjoy wallowing in your own self pity!

One of the few stories with some realism where a marriage unravels and falls apart. In spite of some of the detractors who seem to be disappointed unless the ex-wife is living in a shelter and the the boyfriend suffers

a mugging with his balls kicked in for good measure. People do move on with their lives and should try to do

so without going to jail. The proactive role of the husband in stopping being an enabler was refreshing.

He “double dated” with his numbingly stupid slut ex? That plot bit alone negated a star.

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3 ***

Why not try swapping if they are going for a double date? Anyway a single star for the portrayal of a weak and whimpy ass ML.