All Comments on 'More Neighborhood Moms & Daughters'

Sorry, Toro1, but your "editor" has let you down with a less than adequate job. I stopped reading before finishing the first page. Just too many errors! If you get better with your writing, I will return to reading your stuff, but not before!

Keep up the good work. Love the stories so far.

Interesting, thanks.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Editing was fine , couple mistakes but nothing to warrant not reading. Kids home for xmas should be interesting

I am loving the stores so far and truly looking forward to more. Great loving story, the way it should be

I am now working with a different editor and hope for less errors. Thanks for the feedback. I should have a Halloween story out next week.

So hot. Please keep writing. Thanks.

Loving the story although anal is confusing to me when there is a perfectly good pussy made for the task. I wonder how many of the ladies will end up pregnant. I think some babies would be lovely. Not too many additional characters please because it gets difficult to keep up with who is who.

I'd like that Garret wasn't involved as I'd like Ray to be the only male. Can everything go well with two "cocks" strutting their stuff in one farmyard? I seriously doubt it. Most writers involve several males in their stories to make them more interesting but I think that what they do is ruin the story. I wish that there wasn't any Garret. Anyway, it is the author's story, not mine. The author is free to write what he wishes and I'm free to stop reading the story I stop liking. I prefer the story was focused in keeping the bonds among the characters.

great story. leave garret out unless dp but still don't keep him around for long. last day to submit halloween story is oct 22 so i hope you make it.

Like I commented about your first story, just keep using your imagination. You're doing a "bang" up job.

I really enjoy the way you are laying down the many possible paths you can take this series, like you said adding in other local mothers and their children but keep Ray as the only Roster in the main hen house, his son can look after the outsiders like Sarah and her sister

and the way you have Ray already looking at keeping Teena and Sam safe from Rick who could be hiding a lot of money as he is an accountant and a life outside of the marriage with hookers etc

Show, don't tell. Instead of writing "It was really erotic to see X", simply describe "X" in alluring detail and let the reader figure out by themselves whether it's erotic. You're not alone in this unfortunately. It shows up a lot in fanfic too. "Then Harry kissed Hermione and it was very sexy." Good for comedy or parody but not for erotica.

Good story, not as good as the last one as you again didn't proofread and also forgot a few points from the last story. It was still a good story and I hope you continue writing.

Good story writing but do take heed of the comments as most are valid and will improve your writing which is still a little stilted at times. Still too many little errors but perhaps will go as you improve. An editor would be useful.

Enjoyed the story but maybe keep his son out of it lol.

Getting Ray's kids involved would be great, especially if Garret can join Ray in DPing some of the moms and daughters. It would be interesting to see if Marnie is a size queen.

D&A

Storey line this ch was good, lates plot lines look real good. Definitely want Teena, Sam and Ray form a permanent faamily unit with other partners semi permanent on a semi regular basis. Need some pregnancies involve with Ray and llovers..

A great storyline, with some interesting twists. Keep your principal characters but consider Ray's children and other siblings, the introduction of at least one further parent would I think are a further dynamic

The story is awesome. The characters are believable and the relationships of all the women are interesting. Is Ray going to pick a favorite?

Most excellent. I now have new goals. lol.

The ultimate domination would be for Ray to breed the women. Also, your work needs improved editing.

Excellent and you made the right decision about the sorority story. This is about Ray and his women, and that would've just been fluff.

I think you should, make Rick gay and Rays friend finds this oùt