All Comments on 'Morning Lawn Chair Sex'

This piece has problems with capitalization, sentence fragments, verb tenses, and syntax. The 2 concluding sentences are too similar. It's Autobahn, not audubon. The narrative thread gets lost in the listing of hand positions. All this distracts from the hotness. You could add meaningful dialogue, a setting, and explore the final climax. A climax is what this was all leading up to, after all.

couldn't really tell what was going on. a lot of touching and grabbing, but no real picture was verbalized. great potential, just needs to be edited a few times.

Confusing. Could be so great but hurt to read. Ended up being trash.