All Comments on 'Mortal Justice'

by LingeringAfterthought

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  • 13 Comments
Old_scallyOld_scallyover 2 years ago

If it was fun as hell to write then believe me I found it was fun as hell to read.

proverbialassholeproverbialassholeover 2 years ago

So Medusa basically turned Athena into a statue which, with the calcified cloak of invisibility, was to always remain an invisible statue for all time! How fitting for such a bitch...

Good writing, and a good knowledge of Greek Mythology!

5*

ArdieffArdieffover 2 years ago

Edward Cullen - lol ;-)

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Very good. Really enjoyed this one.

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

Thanks, Old Scally! I used to listen to these kinds of detective stories on the radio when I was a kid. It was fun to re-visit the memories.

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

Proverbial: Holy cow! I didn't even think of the cloak! I just figured everyone saw something different (wisdom being in the eye of the beholder) and Hammer saw nothing because he was jaded or just didn't believe in anything anymore. What a cool twist!

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

Ardieff: Well, I had the gods self-illuminated, so I figured the demi-gods would be sparkly, then I wondered what Hammer in the modern day would do with that.

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

Anonymous: Thanks, I'm glad you did! And thanks for commenting!

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

That was a really new twist on an old story and it came off brilliantly. You managed to come up with a well thought out story that is unlike any other which shows great imagination and creativity. While I am sure some will think it could have been better by doing this or that, the fact that you even thought up this angle and then pulled it off shows that you have originality which is more than most authors. As far as being a better way to go, there is always a better way hence the impossibility of true perfection but that doesn’t take away from this story one bit. Very well done and thank you for creating and posting it.

J.D.

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

J.D.: Thank you! I agree that this or that could have been tweaked a bit. Having a contest deadline to work with (as well as other unfinished works needing attention) tends to make me submit and then wish I could re-do half a dozen (or dozens) of things. Still, if it weren't for the contests, I probably wouldn't get things done at all. Original ideas are my strength and my vice - I get a bunch, but when it comes to getting them into practice, I grow impatient. Thanks for your comment!

JuanTwoNoJuanTwoNoover 2 years ago

A big fiver! Nailed it, LingeringAfterthought! The first of the Hammered challenge stories I've read and I'm not disappointed! Just amazed at the creativity and originality you've poured into the Mike Hammer mold.

The only flaw I see - and this is not a criticism, just a heads up for editing - is this sentence: "I left Hephaestus to his blow job and went to the art people had crowded around a person near the statue, squawking like geese to give their congratulations." Obviously a word or two left out or another or other's not edited out for the sentence to make the readable sense you're shooting for, and after reading it over a tinne or two, I'm betting a word left out, "where." As in, "I left Hephaestus to his blow job and went to WHERE the art people had crowded around a person near the statue, squawking like geese to give their congratulations."

And to you I give my congratulations, and thank you for an immensely enjoyable and fun stiry and introfduction to the Hammered challenge.

LingeringAfterthoughtLingeringAfterthoughtover 2 years agoAuthor

JuanTwo - you're absolutely right about those sentences! Thanks for spotting them and pointing them out. I do that a lot, unfortunately. I'm usually writing fast when I do it, or I change how the transition goes (transitions are a beast) and I miss a word or two. I'm glad you had a good time with it anyway. Thanks so much!

inka2222inka22225 months ago

An absolutely brilliant story. 100/10. Hit my soft spot (deconstructing the cesspool of shitfacedness that Greek gods were) perfectly. Thank you for the pleasure of reading it.

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For future enjoyment, if you liked this story (or are the author), check out Eric Flint's book "Pyramid Scheme" - it's humorous sci-fi with very thematically similar take on Olympians (including Athena).

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11/7/23 Still writing, but the fluids of viral plague have taken residence in my brain, making writing difficult. Attempts at contest entries are started and then the deadline passes and I wonder what happened at the days and weeks in-between. Maybe I could sneeze on somethi...