All Comments on 'Mother and Sister Package'

I really enjoyed the build up at the start of your story and wondered how you would proceed. A good story has a setup, transition, and a payoff. The transition phase in this one was poor.

You had the son as the protagonist and yet both mother and sister made the moves. A passive protagonist is a reason many stories fail.

You had the opportunity to generate a lot of sexual tension, but it all evaporated the moments the mother and sister took the initiative, and it was just another sex story. Maybe you should have written this from the female perspectives.

I write this in hope it helps your future output. Feel free to comment on my work.

Continue to write. Like your style.

As usual a very good story.

I loved this story and would love to know where this goes after the weekend. Do bro & sis become a secret couple maybe getting found out by mom who encourages them while joining in. Is dad cheating and gets found out so has to accept he has lost both his ladies who could end up with more babies.

A wonderful part 1, you story has a lot of promise. The characters and setting are very likeable and refreshing (you really see stories featuring black characters in this type of story), and your writing flow really well. I look forward to part 2, and where you go from here.