All Comments on 'Motor City Trick'

3rd time is proving a charm, except for the 6. TK U MLJ LV NV

I gave it a 5*. Will read the story later. I am more erudite than him - he reads the first para and skips to the end to vote. I read the title and gave the rating.

Just being a married woman is not enough to legitimize this story being in LW.

A very vanilla story which had almost no thrill or mystery- very reminiscent of author's other romance pablum.

Thanks to all who read and vote on this story. It was hard to pick a category. I chose Loving wives since there were quite a few married couples involved.

I hope you enjoyed the story. A little different than some of my others. I always try to give you my best. I know every story isn't for everyone.

With respect

DG

tenuous Halloween theme, bit of a stretch but pulled it off, good description of the exotic erotic night, only been once and my eyes still haven't recovered...

nice read

Great story, actually. And yes, I was convinced that Sue/Susan was the murderer. Nice work!

Mind you , it's still better then 80 percent of what is to be read in Loving Wives ! I kept waiting for humor / love / decency moment that is Mr. Hear's signature .

This story read like a neophyte thriller & it certainly wasn't bad. In fact it was pretty good. Yet it didn't showcase the author's strengths that can be found in so many of his other stories.

It was pretty straight forward in terms of plot, essentially a murder mystery. For a minute I thought all the wives were in on it, swapping off murders of their husbands but it turns out it was just one disturbed woman.

I think it could have been better edited. There were several places you made a point and a few sentences later, repeated the same information.

And I have to ask, is there really someone living in the city stupid enough to put their key under the mat?

Great story, from the master of great stories. I live in Michigan and all of the Detroit stuff rang so true. I loved the mystery of it. I really thought it was sue for a while, but you still got your happy ending. The same way you do in the massage paroles on Jefferson, lol. Great job! SS06

Great story Mr. Hear. I can see why Stang makes me read all of your stories. This was really good. StangStar does live in Michigan but he lives so far out in country that he has to drive for a half hour on the freeway to get to Detroit. But your story did really feel like Detroit. Being an Ohio girl, I go to Detroit often for sports etc.

You wrote this like you've been there.

You never know.

Jasonnh, I understand your comment. Here's my view, as copy editor: The problem with editing first-person narration is that people don't talk like academic texts, or even informal writing. Sometimes they repeat themselves, because they lose their train of thought, or for emphasis, or simply because they have a verbal tic. So yes, it's discursive, and repetitive; but if I cut it all out, the character gets lost, and it becomes third person omniscient and not first person narration at all. The hard part is to keep the character's individuality without distracting the reader. And I guess I didn't chop enough this time.

I thought it was a really great story. You had me believing it was his girlfriend for little while, but I began thinking that it was just too obvious.

It may have been slightly miscategorized, but I always read your stories regardless of the category codes. I would probably pass on the Gay Male category, but I don't expect to see you listed with that crowd. Personally, I think you are one of the very best writers on this site, but you know that already. Thank you for all that you do for this site.

It was so good, I wished there was more.

The worrisome part was that everything was pointing to Sue, but then she did not have Silver Honda. Perhaps theý should normally catch someone by crossing all owners of Silver Hondas with the information about the deceased... Sue though got out from under the axe. Nice Story. Thanks.

Really nice story. I look forward to reading your stories. You are a good writer, please keep it up.

DGH,

13th precinct. n loads of fun, the "Berries"

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I do not know if I read any wrong stories from DGHear.

keep up the good work.

Just one little detail I found strange: 'It was no lineup, but they let the witness look into the interogation room'. They only have one eye witness for five murders and they let him informally look at the main suspect? Great Idea, now he is useless for any actual lineup. I sense a few detectives in detroit are not too eager to keep their jobs.

The detective mystery was a good angle a well played - the romance piece stayed mysterious long enough to hold interest too -

Great thanks -

Fantastic story, that ended too soon. All the good ones are like that to me. Thanks for your five star effort.

Great tale. The only question refers to the killer and her role-playing with her husband. Did he really cheat or was he just playing his part of the game? No matter in the end. She was still out of her mind. Oh well.

and very believable too....

You certainly know your way around Detroit. I could identify with every street and landmark you referred to. Good story.

A really good story. Definitely a 5 Star effort. Just one little bit of criticism. When the “prostitute” slashed the “john’s” throats with the razor she wouldn’t have just had blood on her clothing, she would have had blood all over her hands, her face, her hair, everywhere. When a carotid artery is cut it sprays blood like a garden hose for a minute or so. All that dripping blood surely would have stained her car seats, floorboards, etc. There should have been more than just a little bit of blood in the trunk of her car. ... Just me, picking nits. D

Is there much difference on how they dress. ;)

Great Story!

Loving Wives is about cheating, or as part of Literotica's description puts it, "married extra-marital." The last 5 of Mrs. Berkshires victims were cheating on their wives (or at least told her they were), so 5 engaged in "married extra-marital," qualifies for Loving Wives.

The other plot is the policeman's romance with Sue, so that could be Romance category. However, technically even that plot could qualify for LW, since Sue is legally still married.

So, why not Loving Wives?

The two plots -- the policeman romance and the Downtown Hooker Murders -- are actually unrelated. DG Hear cleverly made the two plots appear to be connected by 1) having the cop in the romance involved in the murder investigation, 2) Sue, the woman in the romance, being the wife of a murder victim, and 3) the murderess/hooker stealing and wearing some of Sue's clothes plus driving a similar car. This also provided the main tension of the story, since it made Sue a suspect.

Paul in Oklahoma

You fooled me, I was pretty convinced that it was Sue. Never even thought of one of the victim's wives. That was great.

Good mystery story without overload of sex scenes. In my opinion, it is more than a 4 and less than a 5. So, I would rather overate than underrate. 5*

Excellent. Just wish it were longer.

I loved the intrigue and the weaving of the action. The suspense is constantly increasing, which adds spicing to the drama. Easily 5*

BJ

All solved thanks to a homeless drunk. At least he got a free meal.

So Sue got out of it after all? That bitch!

To Anonymous, “ So Sue got out of it after all? That bitch!” what the hell are you talking about? Sue did NOTHING.

some people damn just reading the comments good read

Thanks for a well-written, and enjoyable read, well done!!

To the critics below: what did Sue do wrong? Answer: nothing. Feel sad for the mental illness of the killer. Her husband was role playing in the moment. He knew it was her and she killed him out of her paranoia. Then went on to be a serial killer.

This was written like a bad book report. Interesting plot, however very matter of fact. Not very good overall