All Comments on 'Move Over Mommy Ch. 01'

Well written. I love the slow realization of her feelings.

Really looking forward to the next chapter. Hope it's soon.

Your writing was very easy to follow. And you laid a good foundation for coming chapters.

Cudos

Ron

Can’t wait for the next chapter

Very good writing. I enjoyed the feelings expressed so well. Keep it up, I look forward to other parts. The one thing I would like to see is for you to describe the feelings of the father and his doubts and desires in relation to what his daughter is doing to him.

Great beginning. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

Rick

Forgot my password so I am sending as an anonymous.

Dropped you a line under contact me.

Absolutely loved your first submission. Hope the part two comes out fairly quick.

Your description of her Mom and Dad fighting rings true even in my own life. If I had been girl I would have probably done the same thing. My mother really was a bitch and even though my dad would have never ever approached my older sister my Mom accused them of screwing around.. Never Happened.

My Mom was abusive to my sister and myself leaving my younger brother has her little angel.

Hope to hear back. carygrant_69@hotmail.com, Yes I am an old movie buff.

Keep up the great work. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Thank each and every one of you who voted and who has left feedback. It’s the only way I will improve and it has already been very helpful.

In the next chapter I will bring in more of Daddy’s feelings, and doubts for sure! One of the things I struggle with as a writer is agency for my female characters and by putting her as the aggressor it helps keep me focused on the fact that she’s her own woman and making her own choices and will have to deal with the consequences. That’s not too common in the incest category with daddy/daughter.

It ended weak. I sort of panicked and threw in sex when there wasn’t any need for it. I plan to rework chapter 1 and resubmit it at the same time I release chapter 2.

Again thank all of you!

AB

Mommy and daddy, you wore out mommy and daddy, she supposed to be 18 years old, you made her sound like a 10-year-old or a retarded girl. I stopped reading after almost a whole page. 1 star

OK, Tex, going to add you to my follow list just to see what happens. Got a soft spot for you Texas yarn spinners. I like what I am reading please post more soon.

Very good first story! Easy to follow and very believable. I seriously can't wait for the next chapter(s)! Keep it up, you have a true talent!

It is a great beginning for a first time story. You have shown immense maturity in the story line and expression. Conflicting thoughts with confirmed desire to attend to father was well established and written with intricate details. Thank you very much and looking forward to read/enjoy further explanations.

Thank you, sexymeup, for your powerful feedback. It wasn't easy to receive but I understand the point you made. I'm sorry it didn't work for you and I'll be mindful of it as I continue to write.

I will counter though by saying that words like Mommy and Daddy are powerful to me both in my personal life and in my writing. I made a stylistic choice to use them and hope you can see past that and view the story as a whole instead of just one element that doesn't work for you. Thank you.

Others who have left feedback, thank you. I am making notes of what you consider beneficial to the story and your enjoyment and will try to continue those elements.

I remember when I was not a Daddy, but a kid, flush with excitement knowing that I will soon find out who Luke Skywalker’s dad was....goosebumps!

That’s how I feel about chapter 2......although i’m obviously not comparing you to Darth Vader without a mask....wait a sec..back to point...thank you.

I thought the twist of dominant daughter was delicious. The paths opening for Mommy’s background story seem endless....the seemingly rushed arousal by the daughter was somewhat ill timed I feel, however, I’m a guy and I was already motivated for it by that time. Overall, great read. Thank you for your work.

To Sexymeup, here in the South even adult children call their fathers Daddy. My Daughter is 25 and still calls me Daddy, unless she is being sarcastic then it's Pop. Mommy is much less common, it is usually Mama even with adult offspring. That's just part of living in the south. I live in Texas by the way.

As for you AB. I understand your use of Mommy and Daddy, but you might want to use Mama in the future if you think it wont detract from the story you are trying to convey. Other then that, I am looking forward to reading chapter 2.

What a great story. So we’ll written and true. The feelings, emotions and inner dialogue of the daughter kept the reader engaged. It was a shame that it ended without the two getting together, but the story was hot enough without it. Hopefully that will be covered in future installments.

I can't wait to read more of this! Well done.

A fascinating tale of love, so tender, well written and amazing... can't wait to read more!

Thank you & please continue...

Continue with the chapter......