All Comments on 'Moving Day'

Very short but I liked it. You wrote it well. I wish there had been a few more details, but i guess that's my preference. Good twist at the end.

Nice story short and to the point.

Good one!

5

Nice story, I like it a lot. AAAA++++

A simple story, simply told. It serves its purpose but is hardly satisfying. Not good. Not bad. Kinda like a peanut butter sandwich.

You packed a lot into such a small word count. Nice simple and effective BtB.

Oh for fucks sakes.

Legally he cant kick her out of the house. Doing so can land him in prison. Any damage could be destruction of private property. Using illegslky gained video footage can open him up to a lawsuit.

You want to punish a cheating spouse: dont give them ammunition to shoot you with. In this story, the protagonist opened himself up to all sorts of legal issues and for what? Satisfaction? You want to win the war, not just the opening salvo.

Without much jingling to the point and well, with a little humor, told story! 5*!!!

Needs a confrontation. Still 4 stars for the writing.

Good plot potential.

But it lacked drama.

The story seem hurriedly done.

Short but good !

It's not "mam," it's "ma'am," short for "madam."

Definitely well-written, but because the aim was to deliver it in a slightly different manner, the juicy bits were skipped. Now it feels like I had some esoteric salad. Interesting, but my appetite wasn't sated.

Every now and then the short BTB is fun, this one was no exception! Thanks!

Just ridiculous. Why is it that many American men think they are the big boss in their marriage and can kick their female spouse out of the marital home and change the locks. THEY CAN NOT! Even in cases of infidality. She could immediately contact the Police and be allowed back in. She has equal right to be in the marital home. Yes, I know that doesn't allow for the emotional pretence of these "cheating slut wife" stories but FFS have some degree of reality. If he wants to HE can leave or, after discussion, SHE may decide to leave but neither can be forced out. (Well, unless one of them claims and lays charges of physical abuse. Then one has to move)

Real Life gets in the way. You can not do this you know that right? If it is her house you can not just change the locks. Second don't drop or damage anything. You will pay for it in court 10x.

"like a peanut butter sandwich"... I like that!

I did something very similiar when i caught my wife cheating only i am now married to her lovers ex wife and have given her the children he never could. She is my personal slut as she keeps me very happy and is a head queen. I am truly blessed i got the house etc. As did my new wife.

What would we do without the wimp dick sbrooks193x correcting something in every God damn story?? The wanker needs to get a life somewhere besides a porn site.

Liked it. 👍

Little short, but good for a flash.

No problem with first person, stream was fine.

Thanks.

As the saying goes, "lighten up Francis." Short and to the point. Not every story here needs to be War and Peace. For a quick brain dump it worked well.

That was enjoyable. Sure, as a flash tale it didn’t provide the details that longer tales do. And sure, it was a very well worn plot. But tne author stated that the purpose was not to wring any unique BTB on readers…but to experiment with a bit different way to describe it…”stream of consciousness”.

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And that’s what we got! A short slice of time from the POV of the victim of the stereotypical “wife with boss” trope as he initiated his response to the cheating. Not sure why he used boxes, though….large plastic garbage bags would have been easier 😎

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And the author actually gifted readers with an epilogue to wrap up! What more do you want?

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This was an easy 4 **** flash tale.

Works for me.

I loved it. No violence, just pure dismissal.

Nice. Short and sweet.

Good job

Great story. I loved the stream of consciousness approach. The story was complete unto itself, needing nothing else to make its point. 5 stars

Ditto on Mac-Lapu comment.

Short and funny story. Well-written. I love BTB, ingenuous stories. Thank for the story.

@Anonymous - When I wrote “Or, maybe it’s just bad writing.” I knew that someone would take the bait. Thank you for not disappointing. I look forward to reading your first story.

Read too much like a documentary. Pretty weak.

Just_Words again shows his mastery of the short story. No one tells a complete story in such a concise, focused manner.. she cheated, he caught her and cut her loose. Great story.

Meh….

Short and to the point. Thanks for the read!

Killian

Nice quick one!

Thank god we have morons like wackdoodle leaving comments. Of course you can kick them out. They can come back, but you can kick them out, and you wouldn’t go to prison for that. Never said anything about illegally obtained video, just “evidence”. Dont know why this guy(?) goes out of his way to be an ass.

Why do you need a confrontation? I could have done it this way simple, effectieve, quick. No bs, no violance, no endless dialog about how sorry and I still love you. I loved it!

Good story, epilogue sucked

I can tell you were raised differently! As sbrooks103x states, it's "ma'am". Or, it can be contracted to, "Yes'm". Great story, though. BTB in the espresso format!

A tad too short and way too formula. You are way too good an author for this sort of offering. It looks like you were just going thru the motions.

Scores 3/5

I liked this story.

There were 2 different writing tempos. Everything before "Will you have time to change mine, too?" was well paced. Everything afterward felt rushed and thrown together. The anticipated infection points (the confrontation, and the divorce) were glossed over in thrown away.

3 stars - nothing new here - just a standard BTB.

Loved the "because it's expected"! 4*

Great, Saw comment about maybe it’s bad writing and nail on the head. My advice, don’t offer such shots to the anons. Short and simple is great, thanks.

Even with some of its issues it was a fun story quick story.

I do laugh at those who can suspend their disbelief over things that are far more out there, but wet their collective panties over piddling shit.

Write by the numbers.

short and sweet

I don't think this qualifies as BTB. It's a nice story, but she wasn't burned, just minorly inconvenienced.

The usual feel good story . But the law is clear you cannot move your wife or husband into the street until a court or joint settlement occurs .why these authors seem to think this works only in your fantasy world.

This story only works on the paper you wrote it on. This guy can wind up in jail and be thrown out of his own house for breaking the law. You have to get lawyers and a judgment either mutual or thru the courts this is pure BS.

I guess there are legal problems with the way it was handled, but WTF, it was funny, satisfying and it's just a story. Well done.

Nice technique and methods. Maybe someday you could write about the human beings involved, assuming you know. Maybe something about the ex whore's motives, reasons, excuses, justifications, . . . , you know, like you might discuss with a business partner as you are dissolving the partnership. Maybe just a little tiny bit about why? I know, your busy and I'm ugly. It was just a thought. I think some other writers have been a bit more revealing, analyzing, illustrating? Yeah, none you've ever heard of, I'm sure. But thanks for what you were able to to, and the effort.

If only!!!

An enjoyable read.

Well done.

Your experiment worked for me. Short. Sweet. And introspective. Five stars.

Ignore the negative comments. Chances are they've never written a word in their lives.

Personally, Whackdoodle, I would care less if it was legal or not! This exact revenge has happened before, and will again. Yes, it is not mam (SB) but ma'am who gives a damn.. ma'am?

Well done Just_Words enjoyed the brief stream of consciousness.. 5*****

Sadly, pretty much like real life. One cheats and the other just ends it and walks away. Time passes and the basic reasons you were together are still valid, so “friends with absolutely no chance of benefits” is the new relationship. It’s real life for many divorced couples.

Liked it!

I really like the premise and the thought process that went into this story. Would have liked to see a little more if the after effects within the story but enjoyed it still

Just a word to the internet lawyers: This story isn't about evicting the wife from their domicile. It's about rejection of her as his wife. He is literally giving her to another man because he no longer wants her. In the process, she now realizes that everything she assumed she has is gone.

Nice and witty, I appreciate a good short btb without any violence. Thanks.

Looks like half the world has informed you that your story is fictional. A cheated-on spouse will suffer consequences for kicking out the cheater? Who knew? Meanwhile the person with more irrelevant stuff who fails to maintain it—just like the marriage—gets to claim damages? Aw, no wonder people write fantasy stories on this website.

<>

Oh well, Just Words, you have now been informed about your fictional character’s rights. Apparently you can be sued in fiction court for violations. I hope any fines are equal to the degree of damages done.

Really, why bother writing if you're not going to put effort into it?

Simple and direct.

Nothing world-changing here, but it's always nice to read about people who aren't OK being treated like shit and do something about it.

Thanks for the share, author.

Good, not great. 4, not 5. Baked in the cake given the limited portfolio, and well done within the limitations. Whenever I finally register and start to contribute, QuickMagazine intends to weigh in on the comments just like the author did a couple times already here. As do BillandKate, whose comment here is pithy and wise. And to LeonardSpencer and his injections of realism - you gave the answer. All the MMC has to do is change the locks, dump her stuff, just as he did, and phone in a complaint to the police of physical abuse! Voila! Legal! Realistic!

Short, sweet, and to the point

Very nice delivery of the Burn without any bloodshed.

To our rookie lawyer friends: The legality of her forced eviction is only a problem if she takes it to court. That's not likely to happen if she simply abandons her marriage completely, just as her husband has obviously done.

Keep 'em comin'.

Short and sweet!

Great story. I liked the stream of consciousness style. 5 stars.

Eh. He went to a lot of effort, and got nothing in return. Packing her clothes in boxes and moving them? Too nice, and too easy for her to recover.

He should have bought some large trash cans, put some rotting food or road kill in the bottom, and dumped her belongings inside. Paint her name, and her boss’s name on the cans, and left them outside her office. Maybe even get the used cans from a local fast food joint.

Pretty standard split up. Not much of a btb. And he packed all her clothes up for her. Be damned if I would that.

Spot on, JW, 5*.

Colorful.

Powerful and unusual writing.

To me, a bullseye.

Top ratings from me.

I packed up all her clothes and stuff including "one cat w/ litter box", put it in her car and drove it 800 miles and delivered it to where she requested. My mother picked me up and we celebrated Christmas with my family and I flew home. Was a brilliant exit plan and perfectly executed.

But why would he pack neatly? Because the divorce judge would make him replace them otherwise,. So it cost him less in the long run. And the judge thinks him 'the good guy'. LP

Nice, enjoyable story. However, an aluminum baseball bat on some dark night would have still been in order.

Smart husband. He should have got a bat to little dick Frank

This is a model for an effective (not to mention very good) short story. No pictures, no bloodbath, no histrionics, just words. Keep sending them along to us, please.

Very smart move on his part. Painful yes! But the Man has, and retained, his integrity and moved on to a better life.

Very well done!

@Anonymous re "The usual feel good story. But the law is clear you cannot move your wife or husband into the street until a court or joint settlement occurs." Sure you can. This is America. We can do what we want. Of course, the police might try to make you let her back in, if she asks for help, but I have trouble seeing how they would have legal authority to do that without a court order. And for a court order, you need to go to court. And get a hearing, usually after motions. Which costs money. And takes time. And they don't have kids, so what's the incentive?

Becoming friends with tne ex took this so.I’d 4 **** down to a 3 ***

"Becoming friends with tne ex took this so.I’d 4 **** down to a 3 ***"" ". Barbara is not his ex. She is Frank's wife.

5 stars - I like happy endings

Disappointing. 3 stars Bob

Nice BTB story short and sweet. Thanks for writing.

3 Who is Barbara?

Sue the company where the wife works?

3 stars - This guy should be thankful he got away so lightly scared.

Enjoyed the story. Thanks for your writing.

Made me smile⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Nice, tight story. Four stars. Nice that he became friends with Barb.

JPB

I really enjoyed your prose style and the yarn - not sure why but I heard an Irish voice in the stream of consciousness…

I like decisive people. No waffling!

good story, but...

"she collapsed on the pavement..."

Who is she? Angela Lansbury?! Is she like, 75?

Anyone willing to fuck around ain't gonna collapse because she's or he's found out.

I guess this must happen in the world somewhere, but geez, these women? so assertive, yet so unable to withstand any blowback. I just have never met any women like this. It kinda ruins it for me. I love a strong woman. I dislike stories where the woman is portrayed as stupid. because, really, who cares about a stupid person, which would include the dude because he was stupid enough to marry said ignoramus.

Why read stories like this one? because I can then criticize it for being vapid and without realism. What have you written that gives you the authority? I don't need to have written, only to be able to read and write a critique.

Yay!! BTB!! Guys win!

Like how do you even jerk off to something like this?

Man, someone crapped in Phil’s cornflakes. This bitch didn’t get much of a burn. Husband wasn’t enough for her, so he cut her loose to screw who or whatever.

Felt rushed, you could have added a bit more trauma, still got a 5 though good work

A quick story. But it felt too quick. Needed fleshing out. But still pretty good. BardnotBard

A different take and really well done. Loved it!

My favorite kind of tale 5

partial story.