Mr Computer Cleaner Ch. 05

He phoned his accountant Ronnie, saying he had a couple of things to ask him.

Ronnie said he was up to his eyeballs. They agreed to meet for a beer after work.

Tammy Chesterman, 44 Long Drive Road

It had been a taped message, so as Dio drove into the lifestyle block, eyeing two ponies hanging over the white rail topped fence watching his progress, he wondered if this client would be Tammy Eeles as she was when he knew her at school.

She kissed him excitedly and said she'd read about him in the newspaper and people had been talking about him.

Dio wondered why Tammy, now a married woman, could kiss him so naturally yet at primary school when she was Tammy Eeles – a girl without a boyfriend – she'd run off crying when he attempted to kiss her. It didn't really matter why; it was just so nice seeing her again. But where had all the fat come from? She'd been a skinny girl.

"My husband Tony has purchased this DVD internal drive but hasn't managed to get it going. We need your help."

"I know Tony Stokes," said Dio. "He runs the indoor cricket facility – I go there with some of my old mates occasionally."

"Yes, he owns that and I have my indoor arena for coaching pony club members," Tammy said.

"My two daughters and I are mad about riding – it's so nice sharing a passion with your daughters."

"Right," said Dio, not knowing what else to say about that concept. "Tony seems to be a neat guy. Although he's the boss he often jumps in if we are shorts of players. He's so athletic."

Tammy grinned and looked about to retort, but turned away and said: "The computer's in here. Look, apart from the DVD drive my daughters are driving us crazy downloading pictures of horses and leaving then here, there and everywhere. We have made them create their own folders but they are not very disciplined and now that they are getting older we are starting to have pictures of young hunks – surfers mainly – landing up in my recipes folder and even Tony's business files."

"Right," said Dio. "I'll check out the DVD drive and then do some reorganizing. A cup of coffee would be lovely Tammy."

"Right – and by the way, I love the name Mr Computer Cleaner. If we had porno on our computer I'd not feel embarrassed calling someone named like that to eradicate it. I'll get your coffee."

She returned with a steaming mug of black coffee, cream, sugar and two large oat biscuits.

"Ah, oats taken from the horses' feed box?"

She looked surprised, saying that was very astute of him to work that out. She burst into laughter when Dio looked hesitatingly at the biscuits. "Just joking," she said.

"By the way, what do you call your daughters?"

"You mean their names or nicknames? We use their nicknames at home. Well, Felicity absolutely hates her name so is called Flicka – that's named after a horse in a book I used to read to her when she was little, and Samantha is curiously called Thelma, no body knows why, she just began calling herself that name."

Later Dio called Tammy in. He pointed to four little piles of print-outs.

"What I'm going to show you now is explained briefly in a mix of text and screen shots on those instructions – there's a copy for each of you. By the way, the DVD is now working fine. What I've done is to covert your computer into a personal computer for each of you. The divisions are called user accounts – and here they are, named Tammy, Tony, Flicka and Thelma. Each has a password and while the current password is the user's own name, the password can be changed to anything the account holder wishes. I've explained in the notes what the public access areas are, and what the personal areas are. Each user can easily create two personal folders within their section, providing yet another area of privacy. Here, try it, using your password name of Tammy."

When running his porn-finder software Dio had discovered there was porn on the computer, hidden four levels down in a folder named Thelma. The porn was in a subfolder named Hot; there were also DVD clips from the movie 'Thelma and Louise'. He'd left all that untouched but placing the subfolder in Thelma's My Pictures folder.

As Dio was leaving, Tammy kissed him again and said grinning, "You know, I remember at primary school trying to kiss you, but you ran away."

They laughed about that and she said that they must get together some time, perhaps he could come to dinner with his wife or partner – "Or both" she joked.

She's a character, thought Dio, going down the long metal driveway, passing the ponies still in the same position resting their necks on the top railing.

Regarding that reluctant kisser, I'll really try to get that sorted next time we meet. I like the version that I was the one that ran away. He slipped into a brief daydream. The school Journal front page story was headed, 'Young hero runs away from playground kissing wench to keep his purity intact'.

The phone went and he greeted, "Hullo sexy."

"I hope you checked that the caller was me."

"I did. Do you need me to come galloping home real quick?"

He was ignored. "Our conditional offer on The Knoll has been accepted after I agreed to go up five thousand. He seemed unmovable from that figure."

"That's fine, it's a wonder he didn't want more."

"He did try hard to get more. When he accepted he looked so sad but he said it will more than wipe out what he still owes the firm who did the earthworks. Guess who owns that firm."

"Daddy?"

"Yes."

"Well, there you go; it's a wonder Cal didn't mention that debt when we took them to the site. If he tells Carmen that it looks like a big long overdue debt is about to be paid, he might get lucky."

"How can you men think so convolutedly?"

"Women force us into it."

"Well, I'm off to rush this application for building consent on The Knoll to Council."

"Stay right there – I coming in to collect and then we'll do lunch, as you term it. I love lunching with a beautiful lady."

"Oh, I'll be some time getting ready then."

"No, come as you are; if I wanted to be sitting opposite a make-up queen I'd take your mother to lunch."

"Really? Have you ever taken her to lunch?"

"Boy, that's a leading question. Something's just leapt back into your mind."

"Yeah, I've seen her looking at you a couple of time with hooded eyes.

"What, your mother?"

"Yes, my mother. What's wrong with my mother looking at you speculatively?"

"Providing she's only thinking about the pleasure this body must be giving her darling daughter, there is nothing wrong with her speculative looks at all. But it better only be that."

"Why?"

"What an awful question to ask; grab the application, put on lipstick and stand outside the salon. I'm three minutes' away."

As they drove to the offices of the District Council, Dio asked a pertinent question: "Do you have any residue influence within the planning and building consent department?"

"Heaps. I did their Xmas party last year. We held it at the tennis club and had a harem night theme and decorated the room appropriately and selected appropriate music for the DJ. Then mama and some of her old students – Charlie was one of them – staged a floor show just before supper. People raved about the night. I'm the darling of the PBCD."

"What's that?"

"Planning and building consent division."

"Oh, but division not department?"

"Does it matter?"

"No, not at all. I suggest you walk into the boss playing harem music and drop our application on to his lap."

"Oh no, not Cliff. He's got a bit of a reputation. No, Lucy is the one. She's tough and if she recommends to the committee that it be approved then they'll do it, especially since we adopted that indemnity suggestion of your solicitor friend Tom Taylor."

Tom recommended submitting the application with the document he would prepare for them that would indemnify the Council from the applicants taking any action against the council for granting approval should there be trouble from future flooding.

"Yeah, that together with the surveyors' report, historical flooding levels report and the report from the Council's own engineering consultants supporting our application should do the trick. Oh, by the way, Philip Coles, the engineering consultant reckons, if it grants approval the Council will probably start the first stage of the planned flood protection works to protect its butt from prosecution threats from higher authorities for delaying much needed remedial works."

"When were you talking to him?"

"He knows Philip and joined us when Philip and I were having a beer last evening."

"This habit of yours of having the occasional drink with the boys is not all money down the urinal, is it?"

"My God, an understanding woman; you're brilliant darling."

"You can be a clown at times, Dio, and you've just driven passed the Council offices."

"Oh dear, luckily there is a roundabout up ahead."

At lunch they discussed the school site that they now owned, subject to final settlement, particularly how the property should be developed.

"We're lucky most structures are reinforced concrete" Dio said. "We need to decide which one should be converted into our new home. With luck, alterations could be completed by the time we have to hand mom's house over to the new owner. The real estate salesperson says the property should sell quickly as it is sheltered and borders the popular public reserve. I reckon everything from the farmhouse and sheds should be stored in the old school hall. That structure will go as it was built of cheap materials and some of the roof trusses appear to be delaminating. They could, of course, be reworked and on-sold."

"Every thing is working out well," said Carra. "What happens once we have done some sketches? Take them to those architects in Hunter St – Ball and something?"

"I'd like to give the job to Harry Smith, I went to school with him and used to run with him. He's pretty solid but I'd like his wife who's in partnership with him, to do work up the ideas. According to that engineer Philip Coles she's the best in town."

"A woman? That suits me, especially for the house."

"Good, but remember the house on the school site will eventually be the general manager's house, if we manage to grow into a big operation. So we should not spend too extravagantly."

Pushing away the remnants of her salmon salad, Carra asked about his thoughts on overall site development.

"Yeah – we have a large area of sealed ground. I passed Craig's Couriers the other day and noticed they are really jammed in their site. Ronnie is Craig's accountant and has mentioned the possibility of Craig relocating on part of the old school. They're probably over there now as we speak. The advantage is that it has access to two streets. If they take over the junior school block they could have their freight handling operation downstairs along with dispatch and administration and other activity upstairs. On-site safety would be improved by having the vans entering one gate, going into the building to load, and then driving straight out to exit through the other gate. I'm seeing Ronnie this evening so he may have something interesting to tell me. He reckons the setup that I've just mentioned would improve the efficiency of Craig's business enormously."

Carra ordered dessert for herself, coffee for Dio.

"Of course you went to school with Craig?"

"No, what makes you say that?"

"Most people you seem to deal with went to school with you."

"Yeah, funny that," he said. "I didn't go to school with Harry Smith the architect, but not his wife Hattie nor Craig, which sorta stuffs up that theory. Whoops."

"What's wrong?"

"Was at primary school with Craig's second wife, Amy, who was a class behind me."

"And the bar where you like to drink but don't take me there because it's mainly a bloke's bar. I suppose you went to school with the bar owner?"

"Yeah, both Nic and his wife Nicola; how did you guess?"

"One doesn't have to guess. Men are just so transparent and predictable.

Dio grinned slyly. "Oh, right. By the way, please explain your past relationship with the owner of your favorite dress shop, the underwear shop, why you prefer Meg's corner grocery store to the supermarket and particularly the relationship with your hairdresser who is to be your bridesmaid?"

Carra colored but clapped her hands and exclaimed, "Oh look, here is my desert. Doesn't it look wonderful?"

That left Dio wondering what had happened to their conversation. Anyway, what was so wonderful about a piece of blueberry pie with a dollop of cream on top? He looked at her and smiled. She really was the best thing that had happened to him in recent years. He suddenly noticed something and mentally kicked himself. Time to make amends and score big; he leaned across to clasp her hand.

Trying to speak in his huskiest tone, he said: "Thank you for being with me here and wearing one of my favorite outfits. I love watching you walking in front of you packed in those tight jeans, and then sitting opposite I like the way the nipples are saying hullo through your t-shirt."

Carra's turned pink, saying: "Hush, people at the next tables can hear you."

"Yeah, but I've already taken a quick look. None of their women have the thoroughbred contours that you exhibit."

Carra eyed him steadily, wiping her mouth with a serviette. "What a beautiful lunch with wonderful company," she said softly.

I really must be more considerate, Dio thought. The time was opportune to sound her out: "Would you like to go back to real work?"

"Yes, I'm not very good at playing receptionist."

"Want to start Monday?"

"What doing?"

"Working at your new job as director of administration and marketing."

"Where, from home?"

"No, something much better – Ronnie says we can hire the office set aside as a workroom for clients. They can use the reception area. Should you run out of work for us you can do some keyboarding on an hourly rate for him. What do you think?"

"Can we go around and have a look at the office now, and will I have off-street parking? I'm about to get my new car."

"Let's find out, shall we? I like it when you look so happy."

It had been Ronnie's idea for Dio and Carra to begin drawing salaries as from next Monday as the business had generated income from the sale of the two franchises but after the inbuilt setting up costs including the franchisees' vehicles and stationery, there were few on-going costs to set off against income.

"As soon as Carra gets her marketing program sorted out and the framework for administration, we can start expanding the territory by selling more franchises," Ronnie said. "We've already had a couple of enquiries from a woman and a bloke who heard on the grapevine that we were starting to sell them."

Dio had like Ronnie's use of the word "we". With just one share, a directorship and spin-off accountancy business that he would have got regardless, he was already thinking of it as 'our' business; excellent.

Dio decided to tell Cara all. "It was Ronnie's idea that we should start working as salaried directors."

"I had already worked that out. I would appreciate, though, being told these things a bit sooner," said Carra looking out of the window at dress shops.

"I really must," promised Dio, kicking himself again.

"At least you are more considerate that many men I know."

Dio felt pleased about that, Good boy Dio. But who were all of those men that she knew well enough to know that? He decided against going down that track and looked instead for new model vehicles in the passing traffic.

"Oops, there's something I forgot to tell you," Carra said. "I received a call this from London this morning after you left from Tina. After the wedding she's going on holiday with her parents whom she hasn't seen for four years. She's really excited about being a bridesmaid."

"Good, will Ronnie like her?"

"She's short, a little plump but very lively with a wicked sense of humor and when boozing, her favorite drink is beer."

"Ronnie will like her, and so will Philip."

Dio managed to fit in four more service calls that afternoon and was pleased to find his expanded expertise in demand. All of the hardware/configuration problems had been minor but it was surprising how owners of computers did not have the confidence to do the jobs themselves, although as they watched him work that afternoon two men he'd called on said, "Oh, is that all you do – I knew that" or words to that effect.

As he parked he phoned Ronnie, and when he reached the bar Ronnie had a cold beer waiting for him, ready for fast dispatch.

"Boy, that didn't touch the sides," they said in unison, laughing.

"Not one of my city clients offered me afternoon tea which was a bit unusual," said Dio. "I bet it would have been offered it had I been working on country calls."

"That's right," said Ronnie. "Meal breaks are really important to country people – tradition I suppose, as they don't go the hard grunt like in the old days."

"Think that, but don't say it – that's my advice," Dio laughed. "I remember on the first morning on my first Helpdesk job. I said conversationally to the caller who was a farmer that it looked like it might rain. He slammed the phone down. Minutes later his wife phoned asking what had I upset her husband; I didn't know what she was talking about until she said her husband had everything organized to start baling the hay right after lunch, I clicked, and he wouldn't want it to rain with that job waiting to be done. I posted him a pack of complimentary floppy disks but never heard from them again."

"Yeah, I guess it's as touchy as telling a lesbian and lesbian joke."

"Do you know some lesbians?" Dio asked.

"I don't know. Do you?"

"Don't know, but hey, this is a funny conversations; let's get on to something else. Is it okay for Carra to start using that space at your office Monday?"

"Yeah – the door is unlocked from eight and there's parking behind the office. Tell her to ignore the tow-away signs but to make sure she gives Mavis in reception her car registration number."

"Thanks. Could you show her how to get the both of us on the company payroll; she knows quite a bit, but mostly as theory."

"That's OK. I've got it all set up ready to transfer."

"Thanks – she'll have a laptop; now for something different again. I would like to ask you to be a guarantor for both the company and me personally. Chris Evans recommends that I find a guarantor."

"Good, so we're going to be banking with them?"

"Yeah, could you set it up please?"

"Right, and yes I will act as guarantor up to two hundred grand."

"That's great, but Chris thought one hundred."

"Yeah now, and then would ask for it to be upped another hundred later on. We are going to be a high cash flow business and through computerization I can keep an eye on things – on a daily basis if I wish, so I see risk to myself as being very limited. Besides, you're going to increase the capital value of the school property enormously without too much investment – the valuation report we received in respect of taking the mortgage indicates that so I'm happy to be guarantor. All that I ask is for first option should you ever decide to sell."

"Right mate," said Dio, and they shook hands.

"Sorry – there's one more request. I've just got to get Carmen off my back."

"Mate, I'm not taking her. I hear she eats guys like me for breakfast."

"Ha, ha. I humbly ask, Ronnie, will you be my groomsman at the wedding? Mike will be best man and you would be partnered by Carra's friend who is coming in from the UK."

"Sure, I was wondering when you were going to ask. My bottle's empty – it's your shout."

Ronnie looked around the room for familiar faces, leaving Dio perplexed. "Don't I have to plead – I've rehearsed my lines."