All Comments on 'Mr. Grinch'

This is nice and everything but this is Loving Wives. There wasn't anything about wives except for the set up.

Too damn long!!!

The theory is that by encouraging writers, they will continue to post stories and we readers will prosper. In 2018, I was critical of poorly written stories, which I foolishly thought would point out weaknesses and make the writer try to improve, or take up knitting. This is a new year and I am a new man! I will be positive in my comments for as long as I can maintain the façade.

This story was long, very long. The writer had to have spent a lot of time on it and we should all thank him for his effort. He posted this for our entertainment. It is free with no strings attached. I say thanks for the hard work and for posting such a long story. It kept the reader busy for quite a while. Can we readers expect more stories in the future?

but it could have been a lot better.

the set-up barely worked/made coherent sense.

the main sex and story was hot and long, so you get that insta-pass. gave you a 5 anyway. but the set-up confuses me. she cheats on him (yes, kissing a male strippers cock is cheating) i don't know what else she did because her friend's story was all over the place. she gets into an accident and thinks she's married to the stripper Ben, or just some past lover named Ben. I mean, we never really find out. The parents whisk her away from him. And the contact between them dies out completely within a year or three.

No epilogue about the wife, the parents, or anything. Maybe that's on purpose. But at least he could have said something like, "I no longer care about my ex-wife. It's sad that it ended but..." something. anything. And let's not forget the ex-wife. She never calls him? Even if she no longer remembers him, they say slowly introducing past people and dialogues helps. If nothing else, closure. Maybe she's too brain damaged to date, and needs constant supervision from her elderly parents. We'll never know.

You managed to combine three stories into one but finished none of them. The whole basis of the beginning was to tell about Fred and Ell but you dropped it after she moved back to live with her parents. You did the Grinch thing to explain how he felt after that and then he met Betty and Candy. The next seven pages were just their sexual en(yes I know this is a sex website) dropped a hint about his wife and the ended the story.

Through ten pages and still no closure. If you do decide to finish this up try to do it in a few less pages. I'll give you a four for your effort.

Write more with Eloise comes back.

Thanks for the story; at 10 pages it is a borderline magnum opus. So many loose ends. What happened to his wife? What about Cindy and Betty? Will Fred have a long term relationship with both mother and daughter?

I also felt that this didn't follow the traditional story arc: where was the build up, the confusion/cliff hanger, the climax, or the resolution?

Your writing style is strong and I think your portfolio is good. I just don't know what story you originally hoped to tell.

First off it's in the wrong category. I don't know which would be the proper category, for this steady stream of consciousness of a story, but not "Loving Wives." The story violates the rule of "never write anything the reader is going to skip past." The author has possibly set a record of how many times this rule has been violated in a single story. The readers don't need a detailed explanation of the preparation of breakfast, or for that matter, any other meal. "They sat down to breakfast" is sufficient.

I gave the story two stars. The only reason I didn't give one star, because rumor has it, this site automatically disregards One Star ratings.

Do you get paid by the word? You have a talent for writing volumes of words that say little and mean nothing. And your sense of plot perspective is either juvenile or simple minded.

What did his childhood or family history have to do with anything involving the plot? Admittedly the plot is so obscure that you could claim any tangential relationship and who could say you're wrong?

And what was the point of telling us the story about him and Eloise? She is essentially gone from the plot somewhere around page 3 when he meets the two homeless women, I think. Have to admit, I started out skipping irrelevant words, then sentences, then paragraphs, then at page 3 I just skipped to page 10 and started skimming backwards. What the fuck happened to Eloise, you know, his wife? Some where I learned that Betty kind of fucked like his wife, some, I think? I just went from page to page searching the word Ell. Poof, like her memory and her marriage, just disappeared.

So then this became an Erotic Couplings or Group Sex story? You could have started the story where he meets the two homeless women, and just had him refer to some previous/lingering marriage that is now irrelevant to him. Would have accomplished the same impact on the main story line and saved us ALL a lot of pointless reading.

Anyway, Eloise is now much better off. She doesn't even have to be burdened by the memory of the stupid cold hearted fuck who apparently just sent her away. No therapy, no intervention, counseling, or even a compassionate divorce. No effort to see if the woman who once loved him could fall in love with him again? Did he share any of their marital assets except sending her off with some of her clothing?

This reads like it was written by someone who has never been married, and has no imagination about how such a deep personal intimate relationship might deal with Eloise's mental dysfunction. "Hey, the bitch just stopped working. Not even going to see if she can be fixed. Toss her out and get a replacement."

I suspect it is difficult to create characters who are smarter, more imaginative, and more mature than their creator.

Thanks for the effort. Take the energy put into the quantity of this story and put it into the quality instead. Good luck with future efforts.

So where did Ell (his wife) go and WTF is Ben? I read this story hoping for an end but it never came. The 'scenery' along the way was OK but it never arrived anywhere. This was a VERY disappointing read.

I agree completely with HDK in that this was a Herculean effort. And, I hope you will continue to share your talents. I also would have preferred to see several efforts tying each of the relationships together.

Could shorten to about 2 pages ; I think. Sorry just did not like it.

. . . Of 10 pages. What the hell happened to his wife? Definitely in the wrong category.

was when you had the wife and in-laws completely vanish from the story. I thought there was going to be a resolution to this because around page 6 you brought Amy back into the story talking about Ell's legal issues of still being technically married to him. If Ell is indeed working again and living on her own why didn't they (Amy, Cindy, in-laws) try to reintroduce him to Ell especially if she thinks "Ben" is dead. Yet nothing more is ever mentioned. It is like none of the characters care about this aspect of the plot.

I gave it 4*.

I enjoyed the story. I'd like to read some resolution to the situation with his wife. Maybe you'll write that sometime. Randi.

So much wasted information, so many loose ends and plot line that basically just dissapeared. Did we really need the whole Whoville nonsense and even the dangling Ell storyline? You could have introduced why he didn't celebrate Christmas in one paragraph during his conversation with Betty and Candice.

This is the worst crap, I ever read.

What the f.... happen to the wife....?

Author, first, before you start just writing a story, you should write a thorough outline of the entire story. Among other things, that prevents you from losing the THEME, or story line. This story just rambled and many of the characters got lost in the process. There obviously was no objective or theme taking us to a conclusion.

After you have written it and proof read it yourself, please get a professional editor, or even just a friend, to edit it. There were COUNTLESS typos, missing words, extra words, misspelled words and serious grammatical errors. Considering the amount of time it takes to write a story of this size, that time should not be wasted by trashy output.

The purpose of publishing a story in this arena should be entertainment. It's not entertaining when it looks like it was written by a third grader. Just a LITTLE more effort could make this a quality story worth reading.

a really good story. you left this open so i do hope you continue it.

and she mistook a man she kissed once for her husband, a stripper called Ben?

An interesting story, but it needs sine serious editorial support.

Story came a little late for Christmas, but probably took a while to write due to epic length. Author borrowed liberally from Dr. Seuss and put the story in LW for adults(?). Fred is much better off than the original Grinch. Grinch lived with Max and saw Cindy Lou only on Christmas. Fred has Betty and Candice, and is Grinch with benefits with both. His heart may not be the only body part growing larger. It would be nice to see Ell again after her tinted windows drive by. Five years with no update is a long time. As HDK says, it's 2019, and it's the year of being nice. So,good effort and let's see Ell again.

Yes there was a lot of sex for those who come to LE for sex tales and yes if the idea of a mother and daughter tag team is your fetish this story can be exciting. Problem is that you started telling us a story about a husband who's wife who loses her memory and that story got lost. With so much information about the husband and his antics with hot momma and her over active daughter the original story got lost so, even with 10 pages of information, we never heard about the wife again. Big question for me: why didn’t he get a divorce and get along with his life?

Were there errors? Sure, free stories can't afford the price of a professional editor. Was the story awe inspiring? Probably not, but it was entertaining and it entertained me, at least me. As far as all of the other hoopla, well it is what it is. You can't please everyone so you have to please yourself. Thank you Ricky Nelson for that bit of wisdom. Also, thanks to the author of this piece for sharing with us, if he chooses to continue to write, I will continue to read.

pappy

I enjoyed the story, but there were numerous errors where the wrong word was used, but a spell checker would not catch it. Please have someone else read it before submitting. I look forward to future stories. Also, this one could have a follow-up... a probable divorce from Ell, possible a new marriage, what about kids? What about the neighbors and friends, and family?

I read your comment and though it had some good advice I went to your BIO and noticed YOU HAVE NO STORIES POSTED. If you are going to give such sage advice how about posting your own story for us to all read. As this site doesn't pay the writers for their submissions I can put up with a few type-o's even the great ones make them. I can put up with a little wandering in the telling of a story but most of all I like the fact that just some everyday person can post a story and get someone to read it.

prinnavea wrote an epic tale here and in most readers minds (mine included) didn't finish the tale but if he like most writers types from the hip there are going to be errors. Run a story through spell check and as long as its spelt right it won't give you and error. send it to an editor and they may find the right word but the wrong spelling or they may not. They may point out errors in structure or not. Until you have submitted one don't cry foul so loud.

prinnavea this was your first real multi page story and I thank you for that, don't stop typing.

resolving the unfinished issues many comments have listed. You really need to tie up the loose end of the wife and her amnesia. Will they be divorced or will there be some type of memory return that could cause a crisis? There could be further adventures with Cindy and Ryan, as well as with Amy. The husband could show up and cause a crisis for the trio. You have a lot of potential for stories. Stick to the writing. As has been said, you do need to get some editorial and story-line direction. You can improve your skills with mentoring. Enjoyed the story so far.

Trying to figure out why he made the eat breakfast naked the first morning. Where is El? Its too long and convuluted to be a stroke story but you never advance the plot.

I thought it was great. I only wish a bit of closure on his wife. She's kinda out in amnesia limbo. It would really be terrific if after the annulment (divorce seems wrong in this case) she would gradually recover some or all of their memories. Then to see that he finally moved on after years and years... Well THAT'S another story I guess!

You need to shorten it up.

I expected the wife to suddenly regain her memories and then everything’s a mess!

But plans were made to resolve the wife’s “marriage situation” consistent with the lies that were told and that never happened.

And the bit with the neighbors was an unnecessary side trip that SEEMED to be going one way but then went nowhere.

It was OK but just seemed to meander and not really “end”

Please continue with part 2. Couldn’t stop reading. Truly a great story.

Not a biography, not a flash story, not a cheating wives story. So what is it and why is it on this site?

What in the ever loving hell did I just read? It’s like it was two different fucking stories smashed together! It started off great, had good momentum, made sense, was engaging, but then that shit went swiftly and speedily downhill from there, what the fuck?!? I’m going to really need the time that I spent reading this story back and that’s saying something seeing as how I glossed over a great portion of it because that shit made absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever! What kind of sick, twisted, fucked up in the head sexual deviant makes women get undressed and starts stroking his dick because of a misunderstanding?!? This shit was fucked up!

Personally, I would have preferred it if the sex story part (the last 4? pages) were shorter so that we could return to the human drama story and resolve that more fully. I am not saying your choice was wrong, and, in fact, the ending being open-ended with a sense of direction as it was, is really just like real life, so nothing to criticize there.

But, I don't think I ever read a story that kept the sex scene running so long. It was kind of funny that chapter breaks were used to separate parts of the same bout of love making.

Good story about resumption of living after a tragedy but, why did he allow her family and friends to lie about her being married to a stripper. This specific act spun her on a totally different line of looking at her life instead of searching for memories with him as her husband. No real effort was made to help her remember their marriage. It seemed he only let the family interact with the wife in her attempted recovery. The only thing that He did was take off walking, running or yell and scare her. He should have taken a more active role in her recovery. If nothing else, after the lie was told ask her out on a date to try and restart their relationship. It's happened before and they're still married after he got her to fall in love with him again. Hollywood even made a movie about it.

But what of amnesiac wifey, thats a lot of character time just dropped off. Other than that keep with the mother ... sbr sounds like a lot of fun!

Is that it? What happened to his wife? Story makes absolutely ZERO sense. Any neurologist would tell you that traumatic amnesia is almost always temporary. And no neurologist would be okay with the husband just giving up & letting her go. Amnesia is helped by day to day contact with the person/persons forgotten. Photographs, important places, certain foods, smells like aftershave, cologne, laundry detergent, etc....are all used to bring memories back. I get that this is a fictional story but it’s completely unrealistic medically.

Obviously the blond in the car watching the house was his wife. Was she there because her memory came back and wanted to see if he was still available? Was she there to tell him about her new family? WTF? A potentially decent story decomposed into an excuse for a stroke story. What a waste. I won't bother wasting my time reading his other stories.

Samson

Please get an editor. I had to figure out what you were saying too many times.

This is an outstanding storyline. The content is really shady! Too many ideas had to be interpreted by the reader. No amnesia patient has ever not been able to recognize just 1 person. Much less a husband and remember everyone else. Not enough attention was paid to the wife. The remainder of the story was just a stroke story. Get it together and come back with a realistic story.

You threw her to the curb with the car wreck and never went back to loving her. Then you have a mother daughter threesome thing going where every time you lay your magic fingers on them they pass out from orgasms. I can’t believe how unrealistic this story was.

Holy Mackerel....I had a bar During and after reading this here Story! I've read a majority of the comments and the most asked question!....What happened to his wife?.....Oh sure the sex description was first rate!....But it's left me with the same question as the others!....You know I read a story a ways back ( Before Internet) Anyway in this story it was him that was comatose and the Mother and Daughter was just a dream....Anyway I enjoyed the show. ...5 Stars★★★★★ WOOF

The author took a good storyline, one with promise, and then trashed it into a mere stroke story. The last 7 pages were just that. What happened to the wife? Why no communication -- or divorce -- in the five or so years? Where were his friends, like Amy, or his in-laws? What happened to the missing husband? How does someone only forget a husband, being being married and everything she did with her husband, but can remember everything else in her life -- like her friends, job, etc? I assume she had a picture in her wallet or phone or one her desk at work so how did she explain that? So abandoning all of these issues to merely a stroke story makes it a poor one. And, as it seems English is not this writer's first language, an editor was needed to put the story into shape and to catch the numerous typos.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

I consider this story a success in my view now, it received (as of now) 45 comments. I have not received that many comments before.

Whether they be disparaging,uplifting, or inspiring. The viewings went well for me too.

I need to hone my skills yes. (if I truly have any lol) I hope to get better but I will never be a Hemingway or Steven King El James J K Rowling ect....

Now as for as Eloise being 'Kicked to the curb' let me insert this part. Maybe some will understand.

'That was five years ago. My big heart shrank and shrank'.

'I slid from the bed quietly going into the bathroom. Ten minutes later with some struggles I came back out. I walked out and to my dresser. I opened the drawer and placed my 'Precious' with the another precious item in a velvet box. I stood there at the bed looking down at these two beautiful creatures of femininity'.

Yes, I am writing another part to the story after some of the comments, only shorter, I got carried away. Again Thank You, to all.

Some left over threads. A bit unfinished and in need of at min a grammar / spell check. Still not a bad tale at all.

Thx!!

First and foremost ... it just ‘don’t happen that way.’ The person with amnesia is gradually made aware of the unremembered portions of his or her life, with honesty, from people (like parents) who are trusted, Joint checkbooks with the patient’s signature on cancelled checks, photographs of the wedding and other significant or casual moments. Within the home, Hubby, Parents, and friends (especially remembered ones) go with patient and reminisce (to Sweetie, in this case) about episodes that they shared in those places. It helps bring back memories (if they are ever coming back) or, at least, the patient is re-educated about their own history. So, this setup starts to look like a setup to tell about a situation that would be highly unrealistic. OK in Sci-Fi (but can be exceeded, even there!)

So we come to a second, new story about a man who has lost a loved one (and then himself), and karma gives him an opportunity to re-enter the human race with an adolescent fantasy of a Mom/Daughter (all-be-she LIT Legal) rescue. Too fast on the castaways moving from ‘never again trust a man’ to ‘pop my little girl’s cherry’. Then, s solid 6-7 pages of solid Stroke City.

Other quibble is WHO is the adventurous wife ... certainly not El, nor Betty, and neither Hubby’s or Sweetie El’s moms. Not LW.

Load of nothing with no ending.What did Betty and Candice do for money they didn't work or try to find work.Also what happened to his wife, they never got divorced and as she is on her own again she would be looking for love and want to get married which she couldn't without being told the truth and Grinch agreeing to it.

The story side is muddled and completely unresolved. We have the Loving Wife part, which peters out through amnesia and her innocentfixation on a big-dicked stripper. That was a potential second story, which had multiple possibilities (when recovered from her injuries Ell seeks Ben out, as a stalker, or be sucked into the sex trade and abused), but this tale stayed on the starting block. Then there's the better-off hermit who rescues a poor girl (in this case poor mom and daughter) and romance ensues (or a sordid sexual adventure bordering on incest). And even this is cut off without the exact relationship being sufficiently well defined. And all the while life goes on with Ell living in some limbo that no longer concerns her uncaring husband.

Same thing happens to me every time I go to get gas!

I now have six, previously abandoned, down beyond their last penny, mother and adult daughters living with me, and all wanting sex from me! I thank God for Sunday, the seventh day and my day of rest!

I have to ask my next-door neighbor Jim to take my cash and drive my car to the gas station to fill it up! My architect says he can't add any more bedrooms to the house; and my doctor says my heart can't take any more strain!

Have made three chapters out of this Story.

Ell had an innocuous and brief relationship with Ben and then developed amnesia. I understand that. I don't however, understand how she could have awakened believing she was married to Ben and must have imagined a previous marital relationship with him. She not only didn't remember her husband she didn't even like him. I think I would have found some infidelity or something to further justify the marriage breakdown.

writing was good.

Story not so much.

selective amnesia doesnt work like what was written.

Then it just went to shit

I honestly think a 6th grader could have done a better job on the grammer, word usage and spelling. You probably had a good story line planned, maybe even a good story outline, but the writing errors ruined the readability of the story. I found myself needing to reread several sentences to try to figure out what words were meant to be used.

After about 2 pages I just gave up.

detroitdave

Eloise was simply....forgotten about. By the author.

The ending of his relationship with Eloise was virtually ignored. It shouldn’t have been.

Sadly, this was a poorly conceived mess. Given its length, a considerable amount of work no doubt went into this submission. Thanks to the author for the effort put forth.