All Comments on 'Mr. Grinch's Valentines'

A Mother & (adult) Daughter. Any man's dream. I've done an older Sister/Sister, but never this one. Unresolved is "wife."

But, keeps getting better & more entertaining! I'd give it two Cum Shots in one story! Can you reach three? With sequel ?

Should have put " - Part 01" in the title.

It also seems unbalanced and very unevenly paced. After the quick setups up for the future in chapters 1 & 2, the entire tone of things change from a rapidly moving tale into a slow moving stoker.

First chapter: 30 lines about a perfumed letter marked "Mr X" and sending roses to 2 people plus an unexpected third. Betty received 3 (from another story), Cindy 1, and the third wasn't Candice because the last recipient was "unexpected". Why didn't Candice get any?

Second chapter: 25 lines where Cindy gets flowers and the Grinch 3-some pack travel bags.

Third chapter: beaucoup lines describing the date, and the hotel room sex was still going strong when the story stopped.

What about the slow dancing dancing where Betty lets a stranger finger to orgasm, and Fred seems to blow it off? This must also be a setup for the future.

I'd break up the 3rd chapter into several smaller chapters to keep the lengths similar.

The dance club should be it's own chapter, if nothing more than the because of the setup with the stranger.

(RE my previous post, there is a Chapter 4 starting when they return to the hotel. Still, it takes over half a page and moves at a much slower pace.)

From other stories, Betty is a loyal, intelligent woman who has discussed her relation ship with Fred several times. I'm sure they have agreed on the limits of their behavior with other people, and that the limits for non-friends are pretty strict.

Now we have Betty not only out on a date, but a Valentine's date, and she's surrendered herself to a dance partner she's known for only a few minutes. She let him put his hand inside her wrap dress and she pushed her pussy against it. She let him take her from behind (not a normal slow dance position!) and bared her neck for him to nuzzle.

Either someone has slipped Betty some ecstasy like drug that peaks quick and wears off quick, or she's allowed herself to become enthralled by someone other than Fred. The drug thing doesn't work (because of the pharmacology) , and I can't believe she would be so disloyal and stupid as to surrender total control to some AH she doesn't know.

Betty doesn't acknowledge her betrayal other than blushing a couple of times when probed by Fred. They've had a restroom break, waited for a table, and set out a few dances, and she has control of herself when he questions her. The Betty I know would have apologized, admitting her failure.

Also interesting is that (unless it happened in the restroom) Candice didn't caution her mother either.

And finally, when Fred went went really quiet on the ride back to the hotel, Betty didn't recognize how bothered he was. In past stories she has read his emotions very well and quickly (sometimes even physically) intervened before he got upset. But that night, both Betty and Candice let their connection to Fred drop and seem unable to read him.

Yes, such behavior is the norm for a LW story.

But you've made an extremely hard hit against the character you've built up in 3 stories and a dozen plus pages.

The first half was great. You had a great plot but the second half you screwed it up in the worst way, what the hell happened to his wife, it’s like you just quit after the first part and then threw some bullshit our way to make a quick exit in the second part which you Blotched.