Mr. Nilam’s Extra Credit

It all started seven months ago. Right after my 18th birthday in December, I was called in to the front office of Latoka Rice High School. It was my counselor. After a new student had transferred in, my blow off course for the rest of the year, business math, was now full. I need another math credit and had picked it because it was supposed to be easy. I don't even need math if I'm gonna be following into a nursing college after high school, so I was looking for the easiest math credit. Now that it was full, I had to choose another math course before classes start in January so I could fulfill the credit.

I ended up with the only math course I could take, Algebra II with Mr. Nilam. Suddenly I'm going to be doing a lot more work this year than I had hoped. I hated Algebra I with the wicked witch of the math Ms. Kinzel last year, and I barely made it through that with a passing grade.

When I first met Mr. Nilam, he had arrived a few minutes late for the first class. He wore a pair of fitted pants that looked like he might just store them anywhere on the floor in his house. He had a balding head and plaid shirt with glasses in the front.

"Sorry for being a bit late, my car broke down about a mile down from my house, but that doesn't matter" he introduced, "my name is Eli Nilam, you can call me Mr. Nilam. This is Algebra II."

He paused for a moment as if expecting a reaction of enthusiasm out of us. For the next 27 minutes he spoke about the next 5 months of school. Course work, homework, he told us more about his boring life. About his boring cats. About boring math. What we didn't talk about was how HARD it would be!

And hard it was. The first few weeks I had trouble not daydreaming. I like to think about the future. In eight months I'll be starting college at a nursing school. Six years after that I'll have a bachelors and masters and can become an advanced practice registered nurse. 2 years after that I'll be married. Another 3 years and maybe a little one.

Well I guess that last part is not for certain. It all depends on who I meet. Perhaps I'll meet someone in the nursing school. Perhaps I've already met them... I doubt it though.

The boys in high school are... well they just seem sticky. I'm not saying they aren't a few lookers, Chance Wright, Donald Batchelor. Both very attractive. Probably good kinds of sticky...

What would I know? It's not like I've ever done it. I do think about it sometimes, and I have a dildo (look Mandy Bright got it for me as a joke gift last year) but at the end of the day I want, well. Look, I'm not really religious or anything, I sometimes go to church, but one thing I just really believe in is being married before having sex. It just seems like a big commitment, I want to make sure that this person is ready to commit the rest of their life to me. So I've never had sex. I've kissed Jimmy Rockland a few times when we were "dating" but nothing really more than that.

It's not that I couldn't have sex, if I wanted to be having sex I could be having sex. I realize that I am conventionally attractive, my a-cup breasts have me a little self-conscious though. I know that some guys out there like anything, and I'm very pretty and have long hair... but I'm still crossing my fingers every day hoping for these suckers to grow. The doctor says it can still happen, so I can't give up all hope, right? Right?

I've looked at my ass in the mirror, I have no complaints. Long slender legs are my best feature to help distract from my other short comings. Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I have nothing to worry about, or maybe every other girl in school has to worry about their bra sizes and which boys stare and maybe just maybe my insecurities are eating me alive and I'm feeling a little left out. Ok, maybe a little more than a little.

~~

Two months in the algebra class was pretty much when I gave up. I was good student elsewhere so I decided my brain didn't need the added stress. As long as I take it and complete the course with a D average, I'll be golden. I completed most of the homework that I could figure out, and made sure even if I didn't 100% know a test answer I at least gave it a guess. It's no business math but it'll do.

Mr. Nilam seemed to have a soft spot for me. Maybe I forgot homework once, or twice, and I was able to turn it in late. He offered more time once on a test, I didn't mention my method for his tests were spending as little time as possible on them though.

Sometimes he'd call on me in the class. By sometimes I mean usually once a class. I think he's trying to get me to engage. Normally I'll respond saying something to the effect of if I won't need math when I am a nurse, and then he'll just call on another student.

~

In April one day Mr Nilam asked me to stay behind after class.

"Do you know why I asked you to stay?" He asked.

"I assume it has something to do with me staying in this class for the longest amount of time possible, to bring me the most amount of despair possible" I responded.

He let out a half chuckle. "You are funny. I like that about you. Not too many girls that joke like you do" he smiled at me as he said it.

"Um, okay"

"I asked you to stay behind because I have some bad news." He reached over to a desk and handed me some papers. Some of it old tests, some of it homework. "You are failing my class"

That couldn't be true. I had a passing grade last time I checked.

"I-"

"Let me finish, because I know what you'll say. Your test scores are... dismal. You've failed nearly every single test I've given you." He pulls out another piece of paper from a folder. "This is my test key, you should compare it to your test."

Completely puzzled I looked at the stack of paper in my hands. The test in question is right on top. The grade says "69 D+," a passing grade. I take the key Mr. Nilam has. None of the questions on my test are marked as "wrong," so there was no indicator as to what I could have missed.

I begin comparing the sheets. Question one.... Wrong. The answer was 154 off from my response. Okay. Question two, also wrong. Percentages don't make sense to me. Can't I just use a calculator?

Question three, question four, question five, wrong, wrong, wrong. Shit. Question six, nailed it. Thank god. I'm feeling so embarrassed for missing these, I needed a win.

I missed the next four questions. Got question eleven, and then missed the rest. I just sat quietly. I felt like I was on display for Mr. Nilam, I imagine he couldn't do anything except marvel in my stupidity.

"2 questions" Mr. Nilam said, breaking the silence. "Out of 20. That's really bad. I see how active you are around the school. Various clubs you've been apart of, popular girl, always going on about the nurse bit. I gave your tests passing grades against my better judgement, I felt sorry and didn't want this class to affect you achieving your goals. I realize now that was a mistake. It's why I brought you in today."

Fuck. I feel like Mr. Nilam is almost forcing me to sit in this awkwardness. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry" I mutter.

"Don't be" he says. "Sorry won't help you, you need to figure out a way to get those grades up. If you fail this class you'll have to take it again."

Fuck. Maybe some sort of summer school or something. It would definitely fuck up my summer plans going into college, and I was planning on working and saving up before college. I did not want that.

"Is it at least, like, online or something?" I ask.

"Online?" He sits forward in his chair. "No no. It's here. This classroom. Next year."

"Wait what?" I ask. My mind was racing, this info couldn't be right as I had-

"If you fail this class you will have to retake it again next year." Mr Nilam said, cutting off my train of thought. "if you fail this class, you will have to repeat."

"The class?"

"The grade."

No. No. No. No. Not true. Right? Right? My plan, my future, it's all laid out. I'd have to repeat an entire grade?

"This is a very important class, holds a lot of weight. I can see by the look on your face you may not believe me. So, fail if you want, I'll see you next year" Mr. Nilam stood up and headed towards the door.

Dammit. I don't understand but I can't fail. I thought my gpa was what determined if I passed. Fuck. I didn't know this class was that important.

"Wait" I called out. "I can't repeat a grade"

"Well that's definitely what you're going to do if you fail this class," he said. My heart sunk. "But.... I can figure out some extra credit work. Let me think it over but stay after class on Monday and we will talk." Then he left.

How could I be so dumb? Math is easy for lots of people why not me? How can I let something like math stand in the way between me and my plans. How could my grades in other classes mean nothing?

~~

As the class bell begins ringing everyone starts grabbing their things to leave. I stay at my desk.

"So," Mr. Nilam says as he steps out from behind his desk. "I don't think you are gonna get math this soon. So I don't know if extra credit of more math is worth the time if you aren't gonna be able to understand it."

"So what am I gonna do?" I ask.

"I'll tell you. Either during 5th period lunch, or after school, you come by once a day and clean up the room some. I teach seven classes in a day. Tons of kids come through here, sometimes it needs picking up."

"You want me to clean up the classroom?"

"Either during your lunch or after school, yes. Once a day, pick up any trash, clean desks, whiteboards..."

"I see" I replied, but I really didn't. Isn't that the janitors job? Wait good question. "doesn't the janitor do that?"

"Uh, no. We are in a uh, different wing and they don't always get the chance to come by" he answers. "I'm hoping to find some thing a little more reliable"

"Okay, well can I think about it?"

"What is there to think about? I'm giving you a way to pass this class without having to do math work."

"But my lunch period" I retort.

"What about it?"

I think for a moment, it would suck to have to eat lunch here away from my friends. I don't want to stay after school though. There are only a couple of months left in school. I guess at least it's a short sacrifice.

"Okay." I say.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Great. You can come by tomorrow to start."

~~

I woke up feeling like shit. I've been stressing about this Mr. Nilam situation and didn't get enough sleep last night.

Shoot. The Nilam situation. Just remembered I meant to look up that gpa thing. Ahhh I'll do it later. Too. Tired. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and sit up. My eyes feel sealed shut. I rub the mucus from my eyes and stretch before I head to my bathroom to start the day. Shower, hair, face, bagel, something after bagel. Yawn. I'll remember my schedule when I wake up a little more.

Nothing wakes me up more than a shower. The first minute that I'm in the shower I usually just let the water run on me. Consuming me. Embracing every inch of my body. For the first minute I just think. Usually about the day. 3rd period, test. 5th period, gotta skip lunch, yippie. 7th and 8th period I know I'm not doing anything in those courses so perhaps I can finish up some work.

After my shower I dried my hair and got dressed. Something simple. Pairing a white t shirt with some cute overalls. Light makeup and I'm looking good to go.

After finishing up my routine I headed into school. The student parking lot is always empty when I arrive. There are a lot of students at my school but not too many student drivers, I also arrive usually a little earlier than most others as well.

Mr. Nilam's class was my second period. Maybe I do so poorly in that class because it's so early in the morning. After class Mr. Nilam asked me if I'd be coming by.

"Looks like it"

"Perfect" he said. "Oh, and uh, very nice overalls"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks!" I said as I left.

By the time fifth period came around I was rethinking my decision. I could just eat lunch with my friends like normal. I was talking to my friend Holly today and she definitely thought it was funny that I would be missing lunch. I didn't tell her it was because I was failing the class just that I needed to do work during 5th. How long could I keep up this charade? I'd have to tell her at some point.

I made my way to the classroom with my lunch and entered. Mr. Nilam was eating a cookie and greeted me on my way in.

"Oh hey" he said mouth half full as he stood up. "So you can eat lunch whenever; before, during, after, feel free to help yourself I just want to stress that that the work doesn't means you don't get a lunch. So make sure to do that. Heh." I'm realizing he's a rather awkward man. "I'll need you to clean the back white board today, tons of marker stains. I actually made a list of things I need done." He passed me a paper with a a few bullet points.

I looked at it. Whiteboard, re organizing a book shelf, window cleaning, taking down class room decorations. Looked like a lot of work now that I was standing in the class and looking at everything.

"That list should keep you busy for several days. Whenever those things are done come by and I'll give you a new list of stuff." He sat back down and immediately started going back to his lunch. I looked at the list again. I took a sigh. Whiteboard...

~~

The next day I'm heading out of my first period class on the way to Mr. Nilam's. As I step inside I see what a clean whiteboard can do for a room - invite graffiti. I see a student drawing on the now cleaner, brighter white board. A flash of disappointment moves through me as I remember the work I put into cleaning it yesterday. Oh well.

Cleaning the whiteboard yesterday was relatively painless. Mr. Nilam had all of the supplies needed. A towel and a bottle of white board cleaner. As simple as that.

I held off on eating my lunch as I sprayed drown the white board and got working. I had my back to Mr. Nilam. He was quiet for a few minutes, but then turned on a small radio. The sound was low and the device was built for personal use, so it wasn't too loud or an intrusion.

The radio drowned out most of Mr. Nilam. When I occasionally turned around during the cleaning I'd see Mr. Nilam looking at my work. It looked like every time I'd catch him in a half glance or something, as he always started looking down right as I turned around. I thought I'd catch him while he was looking at it eventually. I wanted to see if he was impressed with the work. Every time I just seemed to miss his reaction. Hmm.

I continued cleaning and could hear Mr. Nilam fiddling with something at his desk. It sounded like a light slapping sound. I looked over and he had his face down behind the desk. I wondered what it was he was eating that made that sound, but didn't think too long on it.

After I finished up the whiteboard I realized I only had a few minutes left in the period. It took longer than I thought. I was hoping to get back to my friends with a few minutes but instead I just sat and ate lunch in Mr. Nilam's class. He was now doing various paperwork.

After I finished my lunch I stood up and was headed out the door.

"Hey, thanks for coming by today" Mr Nilam said.

"Yep"

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yep" I guess. I headed toward the door and noticed his lunch on the corner of his desk. Sandwich, apple, cookies. Uneaten.

So here I was the day after and watching someone ruin my work. I shrugged it off and quietly took my seat.

Mr. Nilam's class was boring again. Do I even need to pay attention if he knows I'm a lost cause? Wouldn't he understand if I started to use second period as a nap class? I guess a girl will have to daydream - at least until I get permission to sleep dream. Ha.

~~

4th period is gym class. I took off my clothes and slipped on my tennis uniform. I like the tennis course. Last semester we had a ping pong course which is almost the same but less active. I like to be able to let out some steam, and as it so happens I'm not too bad at tennis. I get lost in the game and it's a nice break from the planned life I have. I don't think about what I'm doing in the next couple of hours or the next couple of weeks, or anything. I think about playing tennis.

Getting lost in the game has its downsides though too. Like not heading back inside 10 minutes before the bell rings for showers. Shit. I apologize to my tennis partner as we rush back to the lockers. I'll have to skip the shower because I'm later than I thought. The 5th period start bell began ringing right as I opened my locker.

Ugh. I keep my tennis clothes on and head to Mr. Nilam's class. My body is glistening with sweat still. I put a little pep in my step and rush over to his class.

"You are late - oh" Mr. Nilam says as I enter the classroom.

"I'm sorry about that. I got ca-"

"You changed?"

"Huh? Oh! My clothes, yeah sorry about this" I said suddenly feeling embarrassed that I had a tennis outfit still on.

"It's okay" he replied, his eyes locked on my attire.

Talk about embarrassing. It's not enough that Mr. Nilam knows that I am bad at math, now I need to show up in embarrassing outfits. I feel like a fool but I hope he isn't laughing too hard at me on the inside.

I take a look at the list. Bookshelf. Yay. Essentially I've got to remove and re-alphabetize every book on his shelf. I haven't seen these books used yet, I can't imagine why this needs to be done.

I start pulling the books off one by one.

~~

How to - Solve It! An in-depth guide for the common mathematician. I am definitely not the common mathematician. I put the book on the shelf and start looking for "I".

Integers and Me. Perhaps my next read? After that I'll start on some number theory. Sounds like a sure fire trick for falling asleep.

I lower myself to put Intergers and me on the shelf. As I start to squat my skirt gets caught on the corner of a desk. It lifts up leave my butt and legs exposed. Of course, I'm wearing underwear, but it's a really revealing angle. I didn't notice for a few moments.

I quickly realize I've been flashing some of my back side and pull my skirt down quickly. I hope Mr. Nilam didn't see. He's probably distracted listening to the radio but I don't want to add to the walking ball of awkward that I already am.

I stand up and turn to look at Mr. Nilam to check and see if he happened to see me. He sits at his desk looking right at me. Right in my eyes. I don't know if he was focusing on me, or listening to the radio, I hope he didn't see though.

"Sorry, uh, you didn't see that right?" I sheepishly ask.

Mr. Nilam doesn't respond. He's still looking me in the eyes. He looks like he's about to sneeze or something.

"S-see? Uh." Maybe he was out of breath, because he panted some.

"Yeah, sorry it was nothing" I say as I turn back to the books.

"Wait" Mr. Nilam says.

I turn back around and look at him.

"Yes?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything. He's looking me in my eyes. Again. He keeps eye contact. I raise an eyebrow, what do you want? He's not saying anything. His lip is twitching some. He looks like he's gonna sneeze again, only this time it's really really about to happen, or something like that.

He keeps eye contact with me and doesn't say a word before he starts grimacing a little. Like he's in pain maybe?

"Ahh. Ahh." He pants. "Ahh."

"What?" I ask. Still confused as ever.

"Ahh. Ahhh. Ahhhhhh. Uhhhhh." He sighs. His eyes start to relax and for the first time in like 20 seconds he breaks eye contact. "Whew"

"What?" I ask again, more urgent.

He looks suddenly exhausted for some reason. "You should go" he says.

"Are you okay?" I ask slightly concerned.

"I am great." He's almost sprawled out behind his desk now.

"Okay" I say concerned as I move toward the door. "well if you decide that you weren't feeling well, you should see someone" I advise. I head out the door and leave him in there behind his desk. I hope he feels better soon.