All Comments on 'Mr. Perfect Ch. 01'

Really really good but the story had many errors/confusing parts. Like it said he transfered a year ago but then in the next paragraph it says something about him only being there two months. Also the story was kinda all over the place. But I really like the story and hope to see more. (I know I'm terrible at constructive criticism and giving exact examples of what is wrong. Hopefully someone else can be of more help.)

i really liked it. and about the guy above yeah it was all over the place but i think thats how your mind works. i mean i cant stick to a topic for more than a minute........maybe its just me :)

I need more although i've this funny feeling about jake pining after this jake character what should really go down in is a happily ever after w/ stanley ( but thats just me) otherwise whichever direction you choose to go in i am pretty sure this will be a good story just try to work on staying on topic or else jakes going to be portrayed as a dog that always gets distracted by a squirrel!

Seems like a good story line, but it was painful to read. Maybe an editor would help.

Hm. Interesting. Wonder what'll happen next, ha!

Though, yes, consider the previous comment.

Hey thanks all :) and yes maybe I should have sent it through an editor ,and maybe I will now....... The funny thing is I never expected it to get published. I expected it to get rejected and then I'd have sent it to an editor. But I will still send it :) thanks :)

Great start, rather fresh, in-the-now way of putting things, but you need to read and reread and edit carefully. Mistakes distract. But nice story so far.

Agree with many of the comments. You have an open approach to story-telling that is different, not at all bad. Checking the facts you state as you write would help with continuity and make it less confusing. Also, letting the reader know more about your characters.

i find this a little to much to keep up with.

Resist the temptation to describe main characters in such a way that ALL of them are either drop-dead gorgeous or really nice-looking. The world doesn't work that way. With your title being "Mr Perfect", people might relate better if Mr Perfect is "perfect" and everyone else is generally more or less "okay".

What kind of a best friend flirts with your crush?

Oh, dear. Just wasted my time on another UNFINISHED story. They really should come with warnings.