All Comments on 'Mrs. Hardison Ch. 03'

I seems as if things haven't worked out quite the way Eddie had planned they would.

Joice is in need of some serious help, and perhaps someone should take her gun away from her.

I hope that Eddie being shot in a hotel room with a half naked woman doesn't fuck things up between him and Gloria..

Thanks for the fantastic read.

Eddie is nice but slow. If I had found out that some crazy bitch had tried to off me, I would have gone to the cops, worn a wire, and her ass would have ended up in stir for a long time. Instead he messes with the crazy woman's head. He doesn't even give her what she obviously wants which is to be bent over her desk and given a long hard spanking on the ass and the back of her thighs, followed by a few on her front thighs and her pussy.

Of course then there is Mrs. Hardison which probably won't really be happy until she fires him, keeps him as her boy toy, while spanking the hell out of him. Of course there is the problem of a child -- on the way.

All in all an interesting story, with well-drawn characters; although proofing for typos would help.

The latest twist with Joyce has me wondering how this company managed to be successful in the first place. Seems it has nothing but oversexed, emotionally unstable folks in upper management.

But I am really enjoying it. Just can't stop wondering when Eddie ends up with some weird title and the job of being the emotional and sexual crutch for a stable of company women.

I waited till chapter three was posted to read the story and it is well done with some pretty complex characters and great dialog, which puts it head and shoulders above many posted here. Hopefully Eddie survives because he has to be a father to his unborn child and I would guess the trauma of the shooting will bring some sanity to Joyce????? I also suspect that this will remove her from the competition for the VP job that has been discussed.

Great read as always! And it flows much smoother with seprated dialogue!

You do a fantastic job devloping characters, and this thing with Joyce adds a lot of drama, which makes it interesting. Can't wait to find out what happens next. Also, I hope we hear more of how Mrs. Hardison feels about all this. I got the feeling that she didn't have as much presence as she has in your previous chapters. ANyway, keep up the great work!

You better finish this....so help me...great stuff

please have Ch.04 out fast!

btw, i really2 love your work. :) great job!

I have read all three of your great stories. The twists and turns make for a very interesting read, the sort of story, that in a book form would be impossible to put down.

I sincerely hope you complete this with other chapters.

Quit your day job and keep writing.

available. Well except for a gangbag that was arranged for me Giggle.

Good narration with a suspense at the end of the chapter. Hope the trend as in Chapters 01, 02 & 03 continues.

this is it for me. what a pack of BS...

I agree with previous comment. Too much psichology in a wrong place. And the main char is too inconsistent. At first he was a shy boy and now he becomes the Usual FinalStand Hero I see in every story.

Eddie is heroic in his own way. I never saw him as shy as he is very much a social creature at the office and all of that comes out in Chapter One. Is he typical of my main characters? Yes, he has similarities. He is smart thought I have written smarter, and dumber. Certainly I've written more attractive and physical characters. He is affable, somewhat self-effacing and not overly demanding ... but I have written different characters as well. Taylor Eden comes to mind. Taylor is neither all that good looking, social, or all that bright. He is very physical and a seasoned combatant. He is rather off-putting at first. Taylor has ONE friend when he is first introduced. Eddie is friends with half the department. Yes, both men try to be heroic. Neither are perfect and sometimes they are emotionally uncertain. So are normal people and I like to taint my heroes with a bit of the mundane ... unless you are talking about Zane and Cael who are super-bizarre from the get-go. That's my opinion of it anyway.

Again, a great story. The beginning had that sensual appeal with is highly erotic. But this story has gotten chaotic as hell.

Now I'm confused more. Did Vance rape her for 15 years or did Joyce hire a man to rape her for 15 years? This chapter has been a whirlwind of confusion.

His response to her question about wanting to go out with Ms. Cook is moronic and I can't see it happening. I'm deeply sarcastic but in her state of mind then, only a total asshole would say that. Her response by biting him was funny.

To me Eddie's plan of action on how to deal with Joyce didn't really ferment till the mid-end of the second page. That being said, his actions up to his idea didn't make any sense to me. These following comments were written as I read the story.

Eddie's idea about doing lunch a few times is dumb with regards to Joyce. Why would he do lunch? She's not his boss and he knows she has ill intentions. (This was prior to the formulation of his plan)

When Eddie asks Sadri about who assigned her, she says she is supposed to report to him, and that was all her supervisor said......She didn't answer the question, why wouldn't Eddie ask her who her supervisor was because he clearly wanted to know.

Why does he still regard her as The Bitch? She's the mother of his child.

Why does he tell personal things to Joyce at lunch? Again he should record this. Her questions are completely unprofessional and grounds for termination. (This was prior to the formulation of his plan)

Again the lunch date on Thursday could have been recorded. Her questions are completely unprofessional and grounds for termination, not to mention imprisonment. Then he kisses her at the end because she's "crazy?" That doesn't make any sense..... (This was prior to the formulation of his plan)

The whole episode in the elevator confused me. He just angered her, the woman who sent an attacker after him...he angered her with no backup plan.

Then his actions partway through page 2 make no sense, until you see that he was going to find out what Vance did to these women. Why wouldn't the reader be able read his thought process before he ordered her to take off her jacket? I thought it was confusing for the reader. Looking back after I read the whole chapter, it's clever in a sort of way but at that moment you're just like, what is he doing and should I keep reading because he's acting crazy?

Perhaps an intervention would have been best. He get a psychiatrist/psychologist in a room with Gloria, then he talks Joyce into coming in or she would lose him forever...dunno

Again I'm really enthralled with story if you can't already tell.

Thanks for posting!

Made it to page 2, but I just couldn't take the teeth-grinding irritation I experienced from the plot and protagonists.

Typo or 2 on page 1.

I have to agree with much of what's been written by superfeluously_e ~ half of the time you write with actions, plans and thoughts that are in your head and those of the characters without explaining them leaving the reader thinking 'WTF is going on!?' Or, 'Why is he/she doing that?!'

That and the awful grammatical errors spoil what is otherwise a really compelling story. The grammar and spelling also seem to deteriorate during highly emotional or dramatic stages.

I'm sticking with it though as the good outweighs the bad and I want to see in what crazy direction we go in next, but I have my fingers crossed that an editor was involved in the latter chapters...

....... as there's a decent story there. 5 stars.

Joyce has obviously had an even worse experience than Gloria??

Poor Joyce Vance did a number on her, he hurt her more than Gloria. They are both victims of a predator.

Not as good as the first 2 chapters, but I do like it. AAAA++++