All Comments on 'Mrs. Howard's Blackmail'

It did take a rather long time to give in and becum a wanton slut. Hope that the next chapter is not far away. Hopefully with something nice and large riding up her high class tight possible virgin ass.

I can't wait for the next Chapter . The possibilites are endless . When can we expect the next installment .

having to read sentences again as you switched from 1st person, to 2nd person, and then 3rd person. It took the flow out of what would have been a good story.

Revenge

You confuse the readers with your charactors changing in and out of 1st person. (I becomming iether character). Better story leaving out 1st person completely.

First off, the scene IS erotic and arousing. It's a good scenario for an erotic story and you tell it well.

Second, you desperately need to get an editor/proof-reader. Too means also. I won't even start on the list of things a decent editor/proof-reader could do to enhance your otherwise enjoyable writing style.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, this story is categorized incorrectly. While it IS sex between women, at no point is it remotely consensual or even reluctant. This story belongs in the Non-consent/Reluctance category (a category I enjoy, somewhat selectively, from time to time). Had you let the reader see a Mrs. Howard who harboured reluctant, hidden lesbian desires, or even unknown lesbian desires that revealed themselves as the scene unfolded, then the Lesbian Sex category would have been appropriate. As it is written, nothing like that happens, so, this is rape. Though her body responds as nerve endings must, this never becomes anything approaching a cooperative or consensual encounter.

Please write more, but consider these suggestions.

I had to stop reading somewhere near the middle of the story. This could have been a great story. However, randomly switching from one person's point of view to the other's and then an occasional passive point of view as well just became too irritating and confusing.

I thought the switching between the two characters' voices increased the spontaneity and worked really well.

you have written this from both characters point of view, and third person. Bouncing between these points of view make it confusing. Find a point of view and stick with it.

Should have been a multi chapter story. Lots of potential with this first addition but you let it stand without more excitement. Way too bad....

can't wait for part two

writing business and this comment a vain act, but you had a good story here and I would have liked to have read more. I do agree with the other comments that the changes in narrator were sometimes confusing and hard to follow. You had been doing perfectly fine with the omniscient narrator.

This came very close to being a pretty fun lesbian reluctance story, but you just couldn't decide whether to go with first person or third person narration, which made it seem sloppy. To add confusion to sloppiness, you randomly flipped from Miss Roberts point-of-view to Mrs. Howard's and back again with no rhyme or reason. The problem wouldn't have been difficult to remedy, but you must not have even bothered to proof read your work. Tragically the result was a garbled mess where there could have been a decent little stroke story.

Decent story line but you desperately need an editor. Learn the difference between 'loose' and 'lose.' Choose a POV (point of view) and stay there. And oh yeah, get an editor.

the kids that want her get on the act

Please edit ... the story could be good.

Your story could be excellent, were it not for all the spelling grammar, syntax, punctuation errors and the way you changed ‘the Voice’ half way through (you change from third person to first person... He/She to I/Me).

All these issues detract from the story. What you can do to correct these problems is have someone who knows how to edit read your stories.

I hope you continue writing stories; you’re good. Get an editor and be great!

I do like to get the emotions and thoughts of each main character into the story. From your helpful criticism it's obvious i need help in understanding how to do that.

Any help will be most appreciated proof reader wanted i guess.

Thanks again.

Good story but appalling grammar plus the character changes telling the story. Far too confusing.

I'm guessing English isn't your first language. Or I hope it isn't.

You need to learn the difference between loose and lose. You don't loose a job or a husband, you lose them.

Also learn when to write to or too. Too means as well as.

Hyphens when they aren't needed in sack-able. Why not sackable?

Just too many basic mistakes.

Shame no part 2 to follow up on story.