All Comments on 'Mum Cums at Christmas'

I think it's pointless to comment. Nothing anyone ever tells you does anything to improve your writing, and at this point, I wholeheartedly believe nothing ever will (short of to quitting, of course).

The story was fine. The "action" was fine. BUT! (There usually is a but, you know.) But the typos point of view tense was not acceptable at all. This ranks as one of the most awful text of all time! Get an editor and/or use whatever spell check/grammar check routine you can get your hands on.

Having read the two comments below, I think that you should take heed of what was said. The grammar leaves a lot to be desired. The story was poorly written it looks like it was written by a teenager. Sorry to say this but it didn’t inspire me to read any of your other stories.

Writing dialog is hard for anyone, but would suggest you work on making your dialog sound more natural. There’s other issues of course, but honestly couldn’t even finish the story as the dialog was so stilted and flat.

Wiring dialogue is not hard for everyone (I'm extrapolating here from your anyone, which infers everyone). When I wrote on this site (fairly successfully), I never had anyone complain about my dialogue, but more to the contrary., and I didn't have to work any harder at that than my narrative.

I'm not claiming that writing is easy. It's not when done correctly. This submitter (I will never call someone a writer just because they submit something to this site for publication, since that isn't what makes someone a writer, and this person is NOT a writer) is not good at any of it, dialogue or narrative, sentence structure, punctuation, word choice.... none of it.

It's not hard for them to do what they consider writing, because they have never tried to write. They vomit out words in apparently random order, and call that writing.

It’s not the best work you’ve done but definitely close to the worse. I agree with all the comments so far and as for winning any contest you were out of it from the beginning. Your stories and premise are good but you don’t seem to be able to deliver a clean accounting. Kind of like wanting a to make love to a beautiful woman all day long and finding out all you have is a knotty pine plank. Yeah, you can put some moss around the hole but it’s still a plank.

The comments so far are all spot on. I did, however, vote.

Strong ideas, decent premise but before anyone can take you/it seriously take some basic English classes. This seems to be the common thread among the comments. Oh and I highly recommend you learn a bit about a woman's anatomy and just where her body parts are located.

Fabulous story concept but so difficult to read. Please, you have some great ideas but just slow down and reread what you write before submitting.