Music Teacher Blues

I got a sinking feeling in my stomach that I'd made the trip for nothing. "Carl, I'm a high school music teacher. These are way out of my price range. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't waste your time."

He chuckled again. "I told you it was my most expensive one."

"Oh, yeah, but I can tell just by looking, that..."

"How much were looking to spend?" he asked, cutting me off.

"I'd be embarrassed to say, Carl. I... I had to put a three hundred dollar pendant on lay-a-way two months ago and I still have a hundred bucks to pay on that yet. I had no idea they even made thumb drives like that." I was getting ready to go."

"Can you afford seventeen dollars?"

Okay, from two thousand to seventeen dollars, that was quite a drop. I figured it'd probably be like something I could buy at Walmart, but I was pleasantly surprised when he showed it to me.

"This is what I give regular portrait clients. I buy 'em a hundred at a time. They're nickle-plated and I have them in either a shiny finish or a brushed finish like this."

It was certainly prettier than anything I'd buy at Walmart.

"About a block from here there's a little shop where they'll engrave your wife's name on it for you. The owner does beautiful work. Tell him I sent you and he'll probably charge you around ten bucks."

He even gave me a nice little gift box for it. I thanked him profusely and shot over to get it engraved. I had been gone almost three and half hours by the time I got back home. I thought Julie might be a little ticked because I was gone so long on a Saturday. She was just starting dinner when I walked in.

"You were either hitting the ball so good you didn't want to stop, or you were hitting it so bad you didn't want to stop until you straightened out your swing."

I chuckled, "I don't want to talk about it," I said, giving her the impression it was the latter. I didn't want to lie to her any more than I had to.

Later that night I grabbed a cup of coffee and retired to our home office, telling Julie I had papers to grade. She rarely interrupts me when I'm in there, so I was pretty confident I had plenty of time to transfer the photos from Bob's thumb drive to the one I bought.

I created a folder, stuck Bob's thumb drive into my USB port, and started downloading. I don't have a super powerful laptop so it took a couple of minutes. Jesus, I thought, five hundred and thirty-two files. I pulled Bob's flash drive out and connected the other one. Damn it was pretty, and Carl was right, that guy at the shop did a beautiful job engraving Julie's name in it. I started the upload and waited. When it was done, I didn't want to leave anything to chance so I opened the USB drive where I could check and make sure the photos uploaded okay.

I opened the file and briefly scanned the small thumbnails as I scrolled down to the bottom of the page. It appeared that everything had copied with no problems. On the way down, I notice several pictures of Julie and me kissing and got a bright idea; I'd print the best one and put it in a frame to give her the day after her birthday.

I slowly worked my way back up the page, looking for shots of her and me together. I found one that was undoubtedly Julie, but it didn't look like me sitting beside her. I clicked on it, and sure enough, it was Julie sitting very close to some guy I didn't recognize. Other people were milling around in the background and looked like it was probably shot at a party. There was nothing incriminating about it, so I didn't pay much attention and continued my search.

I found one of her and me but we were both blurry and I figured there must be better shots of the two of us, so I continued to look.

I found another one of us passionately kissing but you couldn't see either of our faces. All you could see was the back of my head and Julie's arm wrapped around my back. I knew it was us because she was wearing the charm bracelet I gave her the night we became exclusive.

I scrutinized the small photos a little closer as I continued to look for something appropriate. There were tons of great pictures of her and her sorority sisters. I smiled, knowing this was going to be a real source of enjoyment for her.

I kept searching, occasionally clicking on one of the thumbnails, only to see it wasn't worth printing, I spotted one, but wasn't sure what it was. It had been taken from a little distance. It looked like it could be Julie and me, but I had to click on it to make sure.

It was Julie all right, but it wasn't me with her. It was some other guy who had his arm around my wife as she leaned over and was kissing him on the cheek. She had a drink in her left hand with the charm bracelet clearly dangling from her wrist. I was starting to wonder who the hell this guy was and why wasn't I there? Again, it was obviously taken at a party. I was studying the guy a little closer when I noticed something else. I started another search, one with more importance behind it. I could feel my blood pressure going through the ceiling when I found what I was looking for.

That shot I thought was Julie and I passionately kissing wasn't us at all. I thought back for a second. I never even had a blue and white pin-striped shirt. All three photos were of Julie and this other guy, and they were all taken after she and I were supposedly exclusive.

I sat there, staring at the screen while a million questions popped into my head simultaneously. Who was he? Where was I? Were they just goofing off, pretending to kiss? I couldn't see if their lips were really touching. Whose party were they at? I looked around for other people I knew, but didn't see anyone; but then, the photos weren't all that great, either. Where the hell was I while this was going on?

I scrolled all the way to the top of the screen and clicked on Windows options where I increased the size of the thumbnails to large icons and started a more studious scan. I found the two of them in more pictures. Judging by the clothes they wore, it looked like the shots had been taken on four separate occasions. Nowhere did I appear in any of the photos, and I couldn't find a date on any of them.

Rather than have my imagination run wild with inconceivable thoughts, I decided to print the picture of her kissing the guy on the cheek and march out to ask her about it, point-blank—then I had second thoughts. Her birthday was so close and as incriminating as they looked on the surface, those pictures could be completely innocent. From the day we exchanged vows, she'd been a devoted wife and had never given me any indications of infidelity. I figured she deserved the benefit of the doubt, at least until after her birthday.

I was just about to close the lid on the computer when I got another brainstorm. Because the pictures had been taken at different times and with different cameras, there was no rhyme or reason for the order in which they appeared. They were literally scattered all over the place, even the shots of Julie with that guy weren't in any kind of a grouping. I could reorganize the photos of her with fucknuts and put them at the top of the page, maybe spread them out a little so they were separated by one or two of the others. That way, I'd be able to watch her expression as soon as she started looking at them. I wanted to see her reaction, would I see guilt, or would she nonchalantly pass over them, a possible indication that there was nothing between them?

I never was the kind to sit and dwell on anything. Whatever the problem was, big or small; I always felt it was better to face it head-on, sitting around contemplating or worrying about something only makes it worse. I knew how much the questions in my head would gnaw at me for the next couple of weeks, but I had to try my best to keep them from affecting my demeanor around the house and Julie.

I did change my plans slightly. Her birthday was on a Friday. I was going to give her the pendent with a card that night. Saturday I was taking her out for dinner and dancing at Plato's Place, and Sunday our folks were coming over with a cake in the afternoon. Later, we were all going out for an early dinner, then the folks would leave for home from the restaurant.

I had planned on giving her the flash drive, Saturday night, so she could show the pictures to our parents the next day. I thought about putting Julie on the spot by waiting for everyone to be gathered around the computer before asking who she was kissing in the photo, but again, without proof that anything was actually going on, I decided against trying to embarrass her like that. Instead, I elected to wait until we got home Sunday night before giving her the flash drive.

Just once over the next two weeks, did Julie ask if something was wrong, so I guess I did a fair job of not letting my suspicions come to the surface. She was over the moon with elation and cried happy tears when I gave her the pendant. That night, I had no time to mope with my thoughts. Julie attacked me in bed and for three hours, I was in heaven.

Saturday, after dinner, we danced until one in the morning, then it was another night of amatory bliss.

I was glad I didn't embarrass Julie, Sunday, with everyone there. It had been a while since we'd all been together and we had a really great time. I know our folks hated to see it end but her folks had a good two-hour drive ahead of them so we all said goodbye in the restaurant's parking lot and left in different directions. It was about eight-thirty when Julie and I got home. Julie headed toward the kitchen.

"I'm going to make coffee, honey. You want me to make enough for both of us?"

I'd only had one cup to counteract the two glasses of wine I'd had with dinner so it sounded like a good idea. "Yeah, Hon, thanks," I replied. I had her last gift in my suitcoat pocket.

To be honest, I was having second thoughts about confronting her. I wondered if I should just give it to her and not say anything about the guy. Unfortunately, that's antithetical to who I am. The last two weeks had been torture; there was no way I could go on like that; I had to know.

She was making the coffee with her back to me when I sat down and put the small box on the table. "I have one more present for you, honey."

"And I bet I know what it is," she said without turning around, "but, honestly, honey, I don't know if I have it in me tonight."

"No, Hon," I answered with a chuckle, "I wasn't talking about that."

Just then she hit the brew button and came over to sit with me at the table. Only then did she see the small, brightly wrapped box. "Oh, honey," she said while reaching for it. Quickly, Julie started to unwrap it. I could see the question mark in her eyes as she lifted the top. It was pretty and it had her name on it, but she didn't know what it was yet. She opened it and saw the top was removable. She pulled it off, "A thumb drive. Honey, it's beautiful, thank you," she said with some hesitancy in her voice.

"Hold on," I said as I got up to get the laptop. I set it down in front of her with the screen open. "Stick it in."

"That's what I usually tell you to do," she joked while inserting the drive. The shriek was almost deafening as the thumbnails appeared. "They're the pictures from my old laptop," she screamed as she excitedly jumped up and threw her arms around my neck. She peppered me with kisses and thanked me again before anxiously sitting back down to start reliving her college days through the imagery.

I sat down on the other side of the table so I could see her face. When I rearranged the photos, I put the one of her and him sitting together toward the end of the first row. Three more of them together were scattered out in the second row, and the two of them kissing were in the third row.

I watched her intently and knew there was going to be trouble when Julie took a short, quick breath with an almost inaudible gasp as she reached the end of the first row. Her eyes fixed on more thumbnails like lasers. The last two shots of them kissing brought tears to her eyes.

I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. "You want to tell me about it?" It was a statement, not a question. "Who is he, and why are you kissing him while wearing the bracelet I gave you? That was supposed to signify our exclusivity if I remember right."

I could see her choking back more tears. "Dane, I... I... oh, God, how can I explain it to you? I... I know you're going to be hurt... I...

"You're telling me you were screwing him when you were supposed to be exclusive with me?" I could already hear the anger in my voice. I'm sure she could as well.

"No, not... not exactly, I... I had to be sure, honey. I was so scared, I had to be sure. I didn't want to make the same mistake my mother did."

I knew her mother had remarried because Julie always called her mother, Mom, but she referred to the father figure by his first name, Don. I assumed he was her stepdad. I'd never asked what happened and it never came out in conversation. Maybe now was a good time to inquire. "You want to explain?" I was finding it hard to stay civil.

"My real dad left us when I seven," she sadly stated. "Mom admitted a good part of the blame was hers. She said she was in love with another man but my dad was the one who popped the question. She said she never could love him like she should have and always kind of hoped the other guy would come and whisk her away. Of course, it never happened and Dad wound up leaving mom for his secretary if you can believe that.

"Anyway, he left us penniless. We struggled for years. She met Don when I was twelve. He was nice from the start, but mom wouldn't commit for two years, afraid she'd make the same mistake twice. When she finally realized she really loved Don, they found out that my dad never filed for divorce. Don gave her the money to file and they had to wait another six months."

I sat for a couple minutes, thinking about what she said. A lot of it made sense, I supposed, but she said her mother was in love with another guy. "So, you were in love with the guy in the picture?"

"I... I wasn't sure. I'd known him since we were kids and had a massive crush on him since the sixth grade. I was sure I loved him back then. We dated in high school and my heart would pound whenever I was with him."

"So, what happened? You obviously split up for a while."

"He moved; his dad got another job in Saint Louis. He and his mom stayed until he graduated, but then they joined him. I was devastated. It took me weeks to stop moping around the house. He never called and I had no way of getting in touch with him, so I forced him out of my mind. A few years later, I met you in our junior year at Northern and fell head over heels.

"Then, Tammy, an old high school friend called me one night and said she had run into Chuck. She told me he and his family had moved back to Chicago and that he was going to Aurora University; that's only half an hour's drive from Northern. By that time you and I were committed to each other. It broke my heart when he moved away. I knew I loved you, but I had to be sure, Dane. I had to make sure that if you and I were married, I'd be able to love you like you deserved to be loved, and not have Chuck's ghost hanging over our heads, causing doubts."

I hadn't given her any time to make up a story so I believed what she was telling me, but I wasn't excusing her actions, not by a long shot. I had to know the full story. "It looks like you went out with him at least four or five times. Did you sleep with him every time?"

"No, we'd had sex a few times in high school, but I never slept with him after that," she replied.

That didn't sound logical. "Oh, come on, you just told me you had to make sure I was the one, that you didn't love him more than me; you're telling me you didn't consider sex to be a component in that little evaluation? You're telling me you weren't curious to see how much he'd learned since high school?"

By that time, I could feel myself starting to lose it and the tears that started in Julie's eyes were now streaming down her face, accompanied by sobs.

"Honest, Dane," she moaned between sniffles, "I didn't fuck him. We... we came close, but I couldn't do it."

"Came close? How close?" I angrily asked.

"It was the last time I saw him. He... he had a friend, I don't remember his name, but he and his girlfriend shared a two bedroom apartment off-campus. We went over there to hang out. We'd had a few drinks and I think it was understood that we'd spend the night, although no one really cleared it with me. Chuck and I had already been to a few parties and made out in his car a couple of times. That coupled with our history together, I think he felt sex was a forgone conclusion. Anyway, he got me into bed but as soon as he started to touch me, I said I couldn't go through with it and left," she cried.

At that point, I wasn't sure what I believed and what I didn't believe, but one thing that was still nagging me—where the hell was I during all this time?

"Julie, you and I spent almost all of our free time together. When was all this going on?"

"Oh, God," she cried out and buried her face in her hands. Obviously, I hadn't heard the worst yet. She raised her head and faced me with red and swollen eyes. "It was while you were student teaching," she told me.

I knew why she didn't want to answer my question. "We... we were engaged by that time," I exclaimed. "You dated another man for twelve weeks after we were engaged?" I was having a hard time controlling my emotions. "Where was your engagement ring? You're not wearing it in any of the pictures."

"I... I kept it in my purse when I was with him," she moaned, "but it wasn't during the whole time you were teaching. You had been gone for a couple of weeks, already, when I got that call from Tammy. Then I fought with myself for another couple of weeks trying to decide whether to look him up or not."

"A fight that I obviously lost," I interjected with malice.

She was still crying when she nodded her head in agreement.

"So, how long did you see him, then, if it wasn't for the full twelve weeks I was gone?"

"Off and on, six or seven weeks," she admitted. "Tammy gave me his number, so I called him. We talked for about an hour, catching up with each other, then he said they were having a party on campus that Saturday and invited me. It was the first time I'd seen him in years. We had a good time together, but I was feeling so guilty; I told him I had to study for a big test and left early. He called me a few days later and invited me to another party the following weekend. That's where that picture came from."

"And the other one too, right? The one of you two in a passionate embrace while he sticks his tongue down your throat," I snarled. She looked at me like she had no idea what I talking about. I knew where it was on the page so I turned the computer around and looked. It took me only a few seconds to find. I clicked on it and turned the laptop back around so she could see it.

Julie put her hand to her mouth and gasped. "Oh, Dane, I'm so sorry."

"If that was only your second date, I'm sure it happened more than that once," I charged.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Dane. Yes, it happened several times."

"Yeah, that and more," I declared. Again, she nodded her head in agreement. I wasn't sure I believed the part about her not having sex with him, so I pressed a little harder, wondering if she'd let something slip. "How much more?"

"We... we did some heavy petting," she admitted. "We did some kissing and a few times I let him put his hands where they shouldn't have been."

"Like down your pants," I said. It was a statement, not a question. She just sobbed harder so I took that as a yes. "So you let him finger you and probably play with your tits, but you're telling me he didn't fuck you?"