All Comments on 'Mutual Attractions'

You have the framework of a good story here. Literotica has a free editor program, and working with someone through that would really make the story more fun to read.

An average read - love the effort

A great story!

Thank you!

L

The story's okay and for that I've given three stars.However, there are a lot of silly spelling errors, not to mention poor grammar and punctuation. On the first page, you change tenses several times, often in the middle of a paragraph. All of these helped to make the story poorer than it could have been. You could certainly do with a good editor to help you polish your writing.

The story is good but a bit fragmented. At the end, the try to wrap it up nicely has a high 'and-they-lived-happily-ever-after' element, which becomes boring. But developing love between two people is appealing and well dealt with.

I am not a native speaker of English myself but even for me the use of present and past tense was nearly a barrier for reading further. The power of the story made me continue.

This looks like a good story - but the constant switching of tense on the first page keeps knocking me out of it.

In generally, telling a story in present tense at all is a bad idea unless your name is Damon Runyon (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damon_Runyon).

(Which reminds me, some day I will write a story in the voice of a Damon Runyon wiseguy, because that voice is, in my opinion, one of the funniest ways anyone ever tells funny deadpan stories. Of, course, i figure that it is six-to-five against that I manage to succeed in this endeavor, as I am in no way the genius Damon Runyon is. Not even nowadays, when he is dead for seventy-five years.)