All Comments on 'Mutual Benefits Ch. 01'

I eagerly await further chapters. Insightfully seeing the flaws in stereotypes is an interesting plot point for an erotic story. 😎 Charming characters!

Looking forward to the next part!

Nice story so far. Hope it doesn't take too long for action to begin.

The story is great and it hits close to home for this lifetime former, current, happily, a future NERD. It just needs a little organization and critical editing.

I hope you finish this story. Very good start. Keep going . M

Good start, little heavy on some lead in details but it's your style. Finish the story soon so we don't lose the rythum.

An interesting comparison is Claudia Bones' 2005 story 'David's First Time'. It is told third person, which I think works much better for the nerd and cheerleader type story. Here, the first-person narrator comes across to me as constantly self-pitying to the point of being unlikeable.

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Lue

Great start. Nice job not making her a slutty bimbo

Good premise.

Interesting, having the sex scene -- so well described, by the way -- be imaginary.

Looking forward to subsequent chapters.

Five stars.

Just found you here on Lit Bashful. Delighted to see you posting new stories. Also glad to see you continuing with the Hazelwood High universe. I found your previous work elsewhere and enjoyed it. Good start and if this is like your other work, it should be great. Also, your essays on how to write erotica have been very helpful to me. Now on to chapter two.

Actually pretty realistic

You are the best. This is the most realistic story I've came across. Literary gawddd. Bro can I follow you on gram or something???

Reminds me a little of my high school years. Great story!

I had almost forgotten about being more social before reading this. makes me want to read it again.

Paul in Oklahoma

You are right in introducing the Asian stereotype of parents wanting to know how much money you are getting. A Taiwanese man I know well talked to his father and told him that he was doing very well professionally, having recently won two professional awards. Rather than congratulating him on the awards, his father asked him "how much did they pay you?"

Not sure if you want to continue? I read the entire series. Let me break this down for you:

Pros:

-a plot so convoluted that you can't predict it

-chekov's gun? check, multiple times over

-characters have secrets

-the ending wasn't exactly what i wanted to have happen (considering that i knew the end was near), but i very much enjoyed it anyway

Cons:

-the main character is a whiny little bitch for most of the story (and his bitchiness only increases as the story progresses)

-the author's first language is not english, so there will be many, many times that you will have to rearrange words and correct grammar in order to understand the author's intended message

-a few noticeable continuity errors

-several phrases and literary techniques repeated many times over

-some of the main character's actions feel out of place given what we know about him (which is everything, given this is 1st person POV)

-you might just stay up all night reading the equivalent of a 350 page novel strictly for the plot, and find yourself skimming through the sex, despite the cons

Interesting start. Quite difficult to get into but I'll persevere for now.