Mutual Benefits Ch. 16

Even though my erection had not gone down, that worked for me. For some reason, a part of me was hesitant to whip it out in front of Lexi anyway. Maybe her shyness about showing off her genitals was contagious. "Works for me, Lexi," I simply told her with a smile.

"Okay, thanks. Like, I normally would, and like, I promise I normally do, I'm not a prude like that, but I actually kinda do want it to feel like a me thing, and I feel like if I do suck your dick, like, y'know?" she babbled. "It'll feel like an us thing. And, like, you probably don't want that, since you want this to be casual, so like, it works either way, right?"

Something definitely got into her.

***

"Dammit," Doug cursed, looking on as his character in Bloodborne died. He handed me the controller and sat back, grabbing his beer and taking a swig. "I'm never gonna get the controller back now, am I?"

"Hey, the rule was 'every time we die.' I'm not great with all of the bosses yet," I replied, taking the controller and beginning to play. "Besides, I'm used to playing in complete silence."

"Right, right. Nerd shit," he replied, nodding slowly. "Fucking crazy how my sister ended up with you."

"You're telling me," I replied with a slight chuckle. "It still doesn't feel real. So much of it doesn't feel real."

"Doesn't sound like an incredibly romantic way to sum it up," Doug noted, taking another sip. "It seems like you two are good. If it means anything, she is really happy with you. Like, even when you're away she's still clearly happy with you."

"That means a lot, but... it's not that simple," I replied, never looking away from the screen.

"It never is."

"Well, I mean..." I stopped, realizing that I wasn't even sure how much Doug knew, or how much he should know. I was glad we were hanging out more and that he was able to see me a little more on his level, but I didn't know how close we were yet. Or even if what I had to say could jeopardize that closeness.

"You mean...?"

I sighed. I slipped up in the game, and Vicar Amelia was starting to kick my ass. "It -- it's got complications, like, complications that I feel don't exist in other relationships, and it's starting to get restricting."

"Complications like how?" he prodded, then noted my silence. "I guess if you wanted to say, you would have said more than just 'complications.'"

I mistimed my dodge, and should have gotten closer instead of rolled away anyway. My character died. Bitterly, I passed the controller to Doug, who had a blank look on his face, observing mine.

"I mean, as long as you're not hitting her or cheating on her, all complications are just thoughts," he simply said, eyes on the game. After taking down an enemy, he gave me a sideways glance. "You aren't hitting her or cheating on her, right?"

"Do you really think I'd be the type to hit... anyone? Especially her," I replied quickly. "If anything she'd kick my ass if I tried."

"I mean, you take advantage of this and I'll kill you, but nah, Morgan's all bark, no bite," Doug replied, resuming his run. "So, uh, you answered about hitting only. Are you cheating on her?"

"Not cheating, no," was the only thing I could think to say. "Look Doug, maybe we shouldn't go into too much detail here. Y'know, given we're, uh, family and all that."

Doug gave a low chuckle. "You aren't half as smooth as you think you are, Quinn."

"And I don't think I'm smooth at all, so that must be saying something," I retorted.

"I can fill in the gaps, you know," he continued.

I paused. What did that mean? "The gaps in what?"

"What you're telling me. I've been around the block, and for what it's worth, I think that kinda shit is more common in relationships than you'd think."

"I haven't told you what the actual complications are, so you can't know if what I'm talking about is common or not. We could be thinking different things," I replied in a somewhat quiet voice. My vision was focused purely on the TV. He was kicking butt.

"We could be," he simply said. "But just go with me. Assume we're on the same page. No need to even say what it is. Why's it a complication? Some people would even call it ideal."

I broke my focus and looked at Doug. "...Yeah, but it's not ideal," I started. "It makes me uncomfortable. It goes against what's... supposed to be. Shouldn't you be upset if you truly know what it is I'm talking about?"

"You clearly weren't the one to bring it up, Mr. It Makes Me Uncomfortable," Doug noted. "Unless you did it in the first place and now you regret it."

I hadn't thought of it like that, but wow, he hit the bullseye. "Kinda both, actually," I replied in a weak voice.

"Both? How does that work?"

"I thought we agreed no details."

"No, you just said no details and I let it slide."

"Well, alright, keep letting it slide," I replied annoyedly, finding the power in my voice again.

"Fine, fine, whatever," he conceded. "Why do you do it then? If it makes you uncomfortable, just let it be a, fuck, what's the word... a boundary."

"Other people keep asking for it."

"Come on, dude, don't lie," he protested.

I remained silent for a bit. I wanted to reword it, but if I was silent for too long, it would have seemed like I'd be admitting to lying. "It's not a lie," I began after a bit.

"Strong-ass rebuttal."

"I keep finding myself in situations where it happens. The first time was before I even met Morgan. The second time, I think it was because I... cared too much. Does that sound like bragging?"

"Nah, I get it."

"But it's always worded as this favor to others, or like, what I'm supposed to do. So I just... comply."

"You're a people-pleaser," Doug inferred.

"Kind of."

"Well then you need to grow a backbone, man. Tell them no."

"Wow, problem solved," I replied angrily. "It's not that simple. Honestly the weirdest part is that my girlfriend is not against it. At times it even feels like she... wants me to do it. For some reason. I haven't figured out why yet."

"...Does there have to be a 'why?'" Doug asked. "It sounds like you're an overthinker, man."

I ignored him. "The fact that Morgan is all for it just kind of makes her an enabler. Like that's the thing that pushes me to actually do it. But, at the same time, I can't just ask her to be against it. That's not how this works." From the corner of my vision, the controller popped up into view. I looked at the TV, and saw Doug had died. I hadn't even noticed. "Keep playing. I'm playing like shit today."

"People do crazy shit when they're young," Doug observed. "And yeah, I know I'm only like seven years older than you, but that's the difference between you and an elementary school kid. Believe me, whatever's happening, I've seen it."

"Okay, so, what do I do?"

He shrugged. "Tell her to break it off with the guys she's seeing, break it off with the girls you're seeing, lay down the law. If you're uncomfortable, why the fuck wouldn't she respect that?"

"She's not seeing any other guys. She just wants this for me."

Doug raised an eyebrow, doubting me. "I'm not sure I buy that."

"Yeah," I murmured quietly. "Neither do I."

***

"Beach Day," Kevin repeated with a lamenting tone. "Jesus Christ, Beach Day."

"It's just a bunch of girls Morgan knows going to the beach. She wanted me there as her boyfriend," I replied defensively, making sure everything was packed and ready. "Is that so weird?"

"Quinn, the beach party is the place to be. It's how you know you made it. And you don't even know half of the people there."

"I told you, I can tell her that I'm not going unless you come too if you'd like."

Kevin flashed me a smile. "As much as I'd like that, you know how thrilled they'd be. Nah, I'm no crasher. I'm like a vampire, you gotta invite me in."

"Yeah, and you stay up way too late, and you reek of death," I quipped.

"And I'm gravely misunderstood and finally girls are catching on to just how hot I am," he replied. I gave him a look of confusion and he waved me off. "Twilight meme. Never mind. Point is, if nothing else, I'm fuckin' proud of ya."

"Proud of what?" I asked. "It it's anything like the last few parties, I'm just going to cling to Morgan all day, barely talk to the others... I actually pissed off a few guys at the last party."

"Oh shit, huh? What did you do?"

"Okay, so Crystal's nudes got leaked by this one guy -- wait, that might be sensitive info, don't let anyone know I told you that..."

"Quinn," he began with a knowing smile. "Who am I, dude? I already knew about that shit. Nasty business."

"Oh. Yeah, I told off the guy that did it," I concluded.

"Ah, dredging up the past. Perfect recipe for drama," he mused. "You know, the thing about-"

I held up a finger as I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and pulled it out. Morgan was calling me. "I gotta go," I replied quickly as I picked up my bag of beach stuff. Kevin just shrugged and walked off as I was out the door, only putting the phone to my ear and answering Morgan once there was a shut door between my mouth and Kevin's ear.

The standard 'we're here' and 'I'm on my way' conversation was expected, but one thing I was not yet aware of hit me -- Joel was driving. For some strange reason, I expected Morgan to be driven by Doug again, but of course she was going with her friends. As Kevin probably revealed, this beach party was a big thing to the popular kids, which meant that Taylor's usual rule of 'if Quinn's going, I'm not there' was out the window.

I tried to avoid eye contact with her and Joel as I approached the car. Morgan greeted me warmly, showing off her new sunglasses and bikini, laughing at the fact that I was not dressed for the beach at all and would have to change once I was there. She was in the middle seats along with Lexi, and Taylor and Joel were in the front. As expected, neither addressed me, and I was ordered into the back seats with Crystal and Milo.

I thought that would have been ideal, given Taylor and I had history and Lexi and I had, uh, recent history, but I quickly discovered that along with me, the gang picked up something else, something heavy: tension.

I felt Crystal and Milo staring at me from the moment I sat down, and after a few minutes of driving with the others talking and playing music near the front of the car, I finally got the courage to look at Crystal, then at Milo. Of course I had to be in the middle seat.

"What?" I finally asked after a while.

"Crystal's pissed you slept with Lexi," Milo pointed out. Classic Milo.

"Wha-?! Oh my God, I did not sleep with her!" I protested, trying to keep my voice down. This was the last thing I wanted. "Who even blabbed about this?"

"Le-"

"Lexi did, yeah, stupid question," I admitted bitterly. "Look, Morgan proposed it to me, Lexi really wanted me to, so..."

"But, like, why did you do it?" Crystal asked with this weird tone to her voice. "If I asked you to fuck Milo, would you? You fucked my best friend, Quinn."

"I -- ugggh," I complained, raking my hands over my face. "Okay, first of all, we did not go all the way. Second of all, I'll be honest, I wasn't and still am not sure if I even wanted to for my own sake. I did it as a favor to Lexi. It's complicated, but-"

"You keep suggesting that, like, your lack of intent somehow makes you the good guy," Milo cut in.

"Is that what this is about??" I asked exasperatedly.

"Look at it from our point of view," he replied calmly. "Think about what I know about you, and how you got into our friend group."

"What do you mean by that?" Crystal asked.

I sighed. "Please, just-"

"So," Milo continued, "that happens, and then you're dating Morgan, and now we hear that you're doing stuff with Lexi. It looks sketchy. Like, tell me I'm wrong for wondering if you're just this skeeze that has ulterior motives or something."

"How'd he get into our friend group?" Crystal asked.

In the nick of time, Morgan whipped her head around. "What's going on back here?"

"Nothing," Crystal immediately and obediently replied.

Morgan was not moved. She turned to Milo and asked, "What's going on?"

Milo gave a polite smile. "Just talking about recent events."

Morgan took her shades off to show Milo how amused with him she wasn't. "Whatever you're doing, knock it off, okay? Quit stirring the pot."

"You couldn't even hear anythi-"

"No, but I recognize that look Quinn's giving," Morgan replied dryly. "It's Beach Day. Can you just knock it off for one day?"

Milo leaned in. "He slept with Lexi and you expect me to overlook that."

"I am going to kill myself," I murmured.

"You know how seriously I take this shit," he continued. "I don't care if you gave him your blessing, I'm allowed to call out red flags when I see them."

"Wait, how is it a red flag if I wanted it?" Lexi asked, having turned around and getting fully into this conversation.

"Why do I have to like it if Quinn is trying to seduce everyone in the friend group?" Milo continued.

"Everyone?" Morgan asked with fake confusion. "Quinn only slept with me and fooled around once with Lexi, right Milo?"

"I just don't get why he'd do that with Lexi. Like, why? It's just weird," Crystal complained.

"Wait, I thought-" Lexi began, though clearly Morgan did something below the backrest to make Lexi shut up prematurely.

Angrily, I just turned away. More bullshit. More bullshit, and I was being blamed for it. What was even new at this point? If nothing else, at least this was giving me more ammo to convince Morgan to stop being such a yes-woman to... all of this weirdness.

In my anger, I had darted my eyes around -- out the window, at the floor... and towards the front. I had hoped that she wouldn't have looked at me for the whole drive, but to my horror, Taylor was, without shame, looking right at me.

She was wearing her own pair of sunglasses, but I knew, I just knew, she was looking right at me. And I looked back. Could she hear? I didn't know. She was just... burning a hole through me with her stare. We stared at each other for a long time. I didn't know what expression was on my face, but in that moment, I couldn't do anything but looked back. For the first time in what felt like forever, we openly just stared at each other.

***

In an annoying bait-and-switch, Beach Day was gender-segregated. There were two sections of the beach: the guys' section, and the girls'. I was kind of annoyed -- I came here because my girlfriend convinced me, and now I had to spend the day with a bunch of guys I didn't know? To add insult to injury, this just meant more time with Joel and Milo, the two boys I knew the most -- to my own displeasure.

In an accurate reflection of high school, I just found my own little part of the settled area away from most of the guys and minded my own business. I was still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt while the rest of them sported swimming trunks. The metaphor was almost too perfect. Occasionally, one or two of the guys would eye me with confusion, no doubt wondering why I was there, but they wouldn't vocally question it.

Sadly, someone else didn't get the same treatment. As soon as he was settled, Milo was hit with a small platoon of muscle-y Chad-looking guys, some looking mildly apologetic, others looking annoyed.

"Hey, uh, Sadie... we get the whole thing and all, but, uh... maybe you'd be happier hanging out with the girls. I mean, that's the group you hang with, right?" one of them piped up.

"Could you use my actual name, please?" Milo asked with a voice meant to be calm. It came across as shaky.

"Ha, your actual name?" another guy with a more annoying voice asked. "Sorry, what's the name on your ID? Can you give us some proof here?"

"My name is Milo, and if we're grouping boys in with boys, I should be here, shouldn't I?" Milo asked.

"If you're a guy, why don't you take off your shirt?" another one snickered.

The first guy held up his hands in some kind of demonstration of 'no harm intended.' "I'm just saying, I think you should go with the girls, okay?"

"What am I taking away from you guys by being here?" Milo asked, his voice cracking more with each protest.

"Look, how's about this -- compromise. We call you Milo, but you join the girls. Huh?" the first one asked.

"I'm not fuckin' calling her Milo. If she wants to play make-believe, that's on her, but she can't make us do it too," another one complained. "Nathan, just lay it down, man. Tell her to fuck off."

The first guy, whose name was Nathan I guess, gave Milo a polite, sad smile. "I'm sorry," he simply said. "But yeah. Pack up your stuff, go over there. We, uh... the guys don't want you here."

It may have been a silly little beach party, but something about this clearly meant a lot to Milo. I could see it in his eyes; he was crushed. And in a way, I kind of understood. He just wanted to be himself, and live the way he wanted, but other people kept insisting he do things their way, because they were used to something else. Milo was right, it wasn't costing them anything to even just not pay him attention, but they decided to dedicate energy just to making him feel bad for... being the way he wanted to be.

I wish I acted earlier. By the time I got up, Milo was already walking back towards the girls. He was crying, but keeping it together. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I approached Nathan and cleared my throat.

"He wasn't harming anyone."

Nathan looked at me, confused. "Who wasn't?"

"Milo."

"Just call her Sadie man, she's not gonna fuck you if you call her that," one of them jeered.

Another one joined in. "You're really going through all these hoops, you're just gonna make more people like her think they can get away with making us call them whatever," another added. "Like, you can't just shrug and leave, you have to... pretend to believe it too! Like, why?"

"It's Orwellian," some other guy added.

"Clint, you never read 1984, just shut the fuck up," Nathan replied.

"I mean... that's what Milo wanted. For you guys to shrug and leave him be. You went up to him," I pressed them.

"Umm, yeah, after like a whole year of his -- fuck, her, bullshit," one of the guys replied.

"It just seemed like here, he was minding his own business, and you guys made the effort to make it a problem. It doesn't make sense," I told them.

"Sorry for standing up for ourselves?" one of them replied with a hostile tone.

"You're, uh, Morgan's boyfriend, right?" Nathan asked. "Well, look man, if it bothers you that much, you could probably go hang out with them too. No skin off my back."

"Yeah man. We didn't invite you. We don't even know you," another one added.

"I mean, this guy fits in with us about as good as Sadie does, so he might be happier with his girlfriend or whatever," I heard from the boys.

"Clint, we literally just said that," Nathan replied, annoyed.

As much I would have liked to make a stand and go be with the girls, my situation with them was kind of... sticky. Doubly so if Milo was going to be with them. I wanted to really stand my ground -- if I do say so, I was getting kind of good at it -- but I elected to back down.

"Whatever, guys," I replied, throwing my hands up. "I was just saying."

"Nah, but it's a good idea," Nathan said emphatically. "You should go and, uh, check up on your girl or something."

"I'm good, I'm good," I replied, backing down. "I get it. I'll shut up now, okay? I just wanted to say my piece. I'll go back to my bag."

One of the guys eyed where I came from. "Your bag, huh?" With speed far greater than my own, he sprinted over to my bag, made it into a ball shape, and tossed it in the general direction of the girls' area. Of course, it didn't go that far, but it was enough to make a point.

The guy looked at me with a crooked, toothy grin. "Oops," he said smugly. "You'd better go get that."