Mutually Beneficial Arrangement Ch. 01

"Yeah, okay," I said. A moment later, the waitress arrived and Lily began to order food for us. I was relieved, because I hadn't even had time to look at the menu yet and I was terrified I would pick something that wasn't classy enough. As we waited for our food, Lily asked about me. I told her about my son, my job, and my life. I tried to make it sound as positive as possible. Not because I was "negotiating" but because I was embarrassed about the mess I'd made in my life. Lily seemed warm and interested in everything I had to say. She didn't make me feel stupid or classless, even though I clearly didn't know what the hell I was doing in a place like this. I liked her, really. I don't want to say she was motherly, because that was in no way her vibe. But she was different than friendly. It was like...a guidance counselor who wasn't full of shit.

The food arrived and it was some of the most delicious stuff I'd ever had. I don't know what it was. It was noodles with vegetables and meat and cheese and I have no idea what else. It was incredible.

"The last time I had pasta it was Spaghetti-Os" I said, trying not to slurp my food down in half a second Lily laughed.

"They still make that?" she asked and I nodded, "Goodness, I think I had that every night as a kid."

"You were poor?" I asked, and then winced. That wasn't the kind of question you asked. But, I mean, rich people don't eat Spaghetti-Os. Right?'

"Well," Lily said, unfazed by my question, "Let's just say my parents were not nearly as wealthy as I am now."

"So you really are, like rich, right?" I asked. It felt wrong to ask, to talk about money. But I didn't really know anything about Lily. She hadn't offered any information. All I knew was that she was a Sugar...Momma.

"I am the CEO of a highly successful, privately held corporation," she said easily, "I don't want for much." I took another bite of food and washed it down with water and looked across the table at Lily. I shrugged my shoulders a little.

"I am going to be honest with you Lily," I said, "You are a really beautiful woman. And successful. I mean, I don't get it." Lily laughed a little.

"Don't get what? Can CEO's not be beautiful women? And thank you for the compliment, by the way."

"No. Well, I don't know. I don't even really know what a CEO does. Maybe they can't be beautiful women," I said and Lily laughed. It felt good to make her laugh on purpose for once, "But...like, I am sure that like, you could easily set up a more...normal arrangement with a woman. Why did you reach out to me?" I asked. Lily crossed her arms in front of her breasts and leaned back in her chair.

"It's a good question," she said, "reasonable."

"I mean, I don't want to offend you..."

"This is a discussion about a business arrangement," Lily said, sounding clipped and dry, "There is nothing to be offended about. You ask a good question and you are entitled to the information. The truth of the matter is, I could probably find someone for a more...normal arrangement, as you put it. But that would not work for me."

"Why not?" I asked.

"If I pay you an allowance, Lissie, and we go forward in our business relationship, I won't be paying you for things like this," she swept her arm around the room expansively, and it was clear she meant the date.

"You mean you'd be paying for like..." I felt my cheeks get red, thinking about Lily, in a bedroom. Lily shook her head.

"No, not that...well yes, that of course," she said and she smiled a little playfully and I looked away, "But, again, I believe I could find someone to do that. I am paying someone who will understand that this is a purely business relationship. Someone who doesn't get overly attached. Someone who doesn't get offended when I need to be discreet," She spoke slowly, like she was picking her words with extreme caution. Maybe too much caution.

"What?" I asked flatly and Lily leaned forward on the table, patted my hand (her skin felt soft, I didn't pull away).

"I am the CEO of a very successful, very conservative, Christian lifestyle company. The Company makes books, movies, knicknacks, and provides any number of services for a deeply conservative Christian clientele. The owner of the company is a family trust. That family is very powerful and wealthy. It is deeply involved in conservative politics. I got the job because of my skills as a businesswoman. But it was understood that I was (and I am) a Christian woman. I am just not as conservative as my employer believes," Lily was still speaking carefully, and she spoke very quietly, as though she didn't want anyone to hear. I didn't speak, and she continued.

"I have recently come to terms with the fact that my...desires cannot be completely denied. I cannot ignore one entire aspect of my life. I do not want to suppress my sexuality entirely. And being with a man is totally out of the question. And so I need to set up some sort of...abnormal arrangement," she smiled a little when she said that, "So that I can get the things that I need without endangering my position. In short, Lissie, I wouldn't be paying you to be with me. I'd be paying you to be extremely quiet about it. I think it would be extremely difficult to find...a normal partner in this sort of situation. A woman who would be comfortable with her sexuality who would be unwilling to allow me to behave in a manner that is so...aloof. I would think she might believe I was ashamed of her, even if I was just protecting my livelihood and position." For the first time, I saw that Lily seemed a bit uncomfortable. And, while I didn't completely understand everything she was saying, I got the gist.

"I know what you mean," I said, "When I signed up for this service, I didn't want to be overly...public. Like, I would want to have a private arrangement." I said, sympathizing with Lily. Who knew rich people had problems? Though, I had to say, I would trade hers for mine in half a second.

"Well that is lovely," Lily said, "We are both after the same thing. The perfect time to make a deal."

"Oh, no. I didn't mean..." I said, my mind still pushing back against the fact that Lily was a woman. She spoke over me.

"And your reluctance plays as sincere, I can appreciate that. I offered $1,000.00 a week. I can go to $1,200.00, but no more," she said and it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. $1,200 a week.

"I...I...," I stammered, the money to much to process. I have no idea what I was going to say, but something stopped me.

"Lissie...Lissie Gold, is that you?" I looked up, to the side, the source of the voice. Standing next to my table was Greta Farmer. A girl who had been on the dance team with me all through high school. She was carrying a sort of tub and had on a black apron. She was busing tables.

"Oh, hi, Greta," I said, my heart jumping into my throat.

"I haven't seen you since graduation! How have you been?" she asked. I looked at her blankly. I didn't even know how to respond. After a moment, Greta's smile became brittle and she glanced over at Lily nervously. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Sorry, Greta," I blurted out, "I didn't mean to...Sorry, I am just...having dinner with my Aunt," I said and I felt dirty. Greta introduced herself to Lily, who was gracious in response. But I had receded into my brain. What was I doing here? What was I thinking about agreeing to? It was all one thing when you were full of expensive food and talking about numbers likes they were just numbers. But, for reasons I couldn't fully grasp, Greta's presence brought me back to reality. Here was a person who knew me. A person who I had once liked. Someone I wouldn't want to respect me less. For the first time since I had opened the email from Lily, I felt like a whore.

"They are going to yell at me if I keep talking, but it was nice to meet you Ms. Richard. Good to see you, Lissie" she said.

"Yeah. Thanks," I said in a sort of faraway manner.

"Nice to meet you," Lily said and Greta moved away. Lily, far from offended by the fact that I'd lied about her identity, seemed relieved by it, "See," she said to me, "this is exactly what I am talking about. We just need to be able to be quiet about this, and it will work out in everyone's best interest."

"I have to go," I said sharply and Lily's eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" she asked. I stood quickly from the table bumping it and dropping my napkin onto the table.

"I can't be here. I can't do this. I am so sorry I wasted your time," I said. Lily rose slowly. She didn't seem upset, more concerned than anything.

"Lissie, what's wrong?" she asked, stepping from behind the table and moving towards me, "Did I say something..."

"I can't do this. Any of this," I said, and I felt tears forming in my eyes, "I am not...I am not a whore," I said, whispering the last word. Lily eyes dropped and I turned and rushed out of the restaurant, moving quickly and blinded by tears.

The next day, Lily texted me. I didn't respond. She didn't contact me again. I moved to the new apartment, letting it eat up every last extra dollar I made each month. We didn't speak again until my car broke down six months later.

* * * * *

I opened the email and saw Lily's phone number at the bottom. I remembered her offer of $1,200.00. I forgot about everything else. I clicked on the number on my phone. The phone asked if I wanted to dial that number. I froze for a moment. I had felt so relieved just finding the number, but I realized I had by no means ended my ordeal. I hadn't spoken to Lily in six months. I had probably offended her when I'd run out of the restaurant. I had no reason to believe that she still wanted to...work with me. She might have someone else already. My nerves came back and I dialed the number.

It rang several times and I felt my heart hammering in my throat. I was preparing for the voicemail, wondering what I was going to say, when I heard the ringing stop. I heard a somewhat familiar voice, "Hello, who is this?"

"Uh...Hi...Lily?" I said.

"Yes, who is this," She asked. I didn't know what to say to that. The hung dead for a long time, "I am going to hang up," Lily said.

"This is Lissie. Lissie Gold. We had dinner together one night about six months ago," I said. There was another long pause on the line.

"I specifically said not to call this number," Lily said and I winced. I had forgotten that. I hadn't re-read the email. "You caught me at home. You're lucky."

"I am sorry," I said. Another long pause. I realized that if I wanted to do this (and I didn't. I needed to), I had to seize this one opportunity. It wouldn't come again, "I won't keep you long. I made a mistake when I left the restaurant without you that night. It was...I don't. It was just a mistake. I have thought about your offer. And if you are still willing, I want to accept it," I said. It came so easily. The words didn't struggle their way out. I didn't know if I was a whore or not. That was a point of pride I couldn't afford to consider.

"What changed?" she asked.

"I need...an allowance. My car died." I said.

"You are not as good a negotiator as you were the last time we spoke," Lily said, and she actually sounded a little disappointed, "You shouldn't tell me what you need..."

"I...didn't want to lie to you," I said.

"You are trying to set up a business relationship, Lissie," Lily said, her voice softening, "You want to maintain your edge."

"I didn't want to lie," I repeated, feeling a little better, but confused by all of this.

"The $1,200.00 a week is off the table," she said and I felt my stomach lurch. She was just toying with me with all this business advice. She was going to humiliate me like I had humiliated her. I deserved it.

"Oh," I said, my voice blowing out of me in a vacant breath.

"$1,000.00 a week, last best offer," she said and it took a moment for what she said to sort of register. I was crying again. Relief. Relief from pressure that I'd never felt before. I felt like my head was going to hit the ceiling.

"Yes, yes. I accept!" I said.

"You have a child right? A son? Can you get a sitter tonight?" she said.

"Tonight?" I said, my voice tight. I looked at my son, sleeping the cradle next to me. The woman next door would definitely come if I asked her to. She was sweet and reliable. She would sleep on the couch bed. But tonight?

"You get paid your allowance the first date of the week. Do you want a date tonight, or can you afford to wait?" she asked. This, once again, drove home to me that fact that I was a whore. But what could I do at this point? My son needed me to do this. It wasn't a choice. I couldn't afford pride.

"I can come tonight," I said, sounding as scared as I felt.

"I will text you my address. I am only twenty minutes or so from the restaurant where we met. Be here in an hour?"

"My uh...my car is dead," I said. Lily laughed a little. Not mocking. It was her warm laugh, the one I remembered from dinner. It was like the business woman was gone in that moment.

"You did say that, didn't you? I forgot," she said, "I will send a rideshare car over," she said. She hung up and I began to rush to get ready. I didn't let myself think.

* * * * *

A little over an hour later I was standing on the front porch of the most beautiful house I'd ever seen. It was chilly out and I hadn't dressed right. Like, I don't know, I thought I should look...sexy or something, but I didn't really have anything good for that. Plus, I had been in an absolute rush to get Aiden with the sitter and everything else before the car arrived. So now, I was standing in the cold in a short pleated red skirt and a white, short-sleeved button-down blouse. I had accidentally dressed like a slutty schoolgirl. I hoped Lily was into that. And then realized how weird it was that I was trying to entice her.

For the first half of the drive over, I had been completely numb. I am sure I was thinking some sort of thoughts about something. But, all I can remember is looking out the window as my familiar neighborhood faded away. The apartment buildings disappeared, replaced first by duplexes and then single-family homes. And then the homes morphed into large estates, with lots of brick and columns.

And I think it was then, when I realized that I was hurtling through a wealthy neighborhood, quickly approaching my meeting with Lily, that my mind came back to me. And I really thought about where I was going and what I was going to do. Honestly, I didn't really know what I was going to do. I knew that, except for my money issues, I really didn't WANT to do anything. But I also knew that I didn't really have any room to run. Whatever Lily told me to do, I was going to do it. It wasn't a decision I had made, it was just a fact that I recognized.

With that in mind, I reached up tentatively to the door and knocked. Only after I had knocked did I see that there was a glowing button for the door bell and I swore at myself a little and quickly rang it as well. My finger was slightly slick on the button even in the cold and I realized how nervous I was. My stomach was totally in knots and my chest was rising and falling raggedly. I held my breath to try to control myself.

A few seconds later the door opened and I felt the warmth from inside blow out onto me on the porch. I took a half step back when I saw Lily standing in the doorway. She was as beautiful as she had been the time I had seen in her six months before. Maybe prettier, because she looked more relaxed in a pair of tight toga pants and a loose-fitting t-shirt. She was holding a wine glass in her hand, half-filled with red wine and she was smiling.

"Lissie so glad you could make it. You look," I felt her eyes move over me hungrily, "innocent." She said. I opened my mouth for a second, but no noise came out. Lily kept her eyes on me, "Something wrong?" she asked. I knew that if I was ever going to take an out it would be now. I could always say, at this point, that I'd made a mistake. But the basic facts hadn't changed. I knew what would happen to me and my son if we left.

"Sorry, I didn't expect to see you so soon," I said honestly. Lily's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I thought you'd have a...butler or something." Lily laughed, a warm, uninhibited laugh that was clearly authentic.

"My manservant Claude has the night off," she said and I didn't respond, "That was a joke, I am rich. Just not that that kind of rich. If I am going to pay you what I am paying you, there isn't enough left for any staff," I smiled trying to act like I understood.

"Sorry," I said, wondering if it was my job to laugh at her jokes.

"Nothing to be sorry about, come on in you look freezing," she said, and I saw her look out the door behind me a little nervously. But I was happy to be invited in and basically bolted through the door past her. Once inside, I felt the warmth of the house envelope me. I rubbed my arms with my hands and got to feel a little better.

I looked around the place, at least as best that I could. I was standing in a small entryway, and there was a staircase to my right, leading up to a second floor. To my left was a darkened room, I could see a large table and chairs. A dining room. Directly ahead of me was a very, very large kitchen. Everything was stainless steel and granite. It looked impossibly clean and impossibly rich. Beyond the well-lit kitchen, I could see a darkened living room with a big, white couch and a fireplace, which was in use. I could sense more of the house around me but couldn't see it. My entire apartment could fit in one room of this place, is the only thing I could think.

"Would you like a drink?" Lily asked, stepping in and standing in front of me. I could smell her perfume now. It wasn't overly strong, very floral. It was nice. I shook my head. I thought of reminding her that I was only 19, but I figured she wouldn't really care about that.

"I have to get my son from the neighbor when I get home, I don't like him to see me drunk," I explained, and Lily nodded. We stood awkwardly in silence for several seconds. I bit my lip and did my best not to make eye contact with Lily. I'd never done...anything even remotely close to this before, I hoped she would know how to take the lead.

"It was a little short notice," Lily said, and her soft voice seemed to boom off of the walls, "this date. Normally, I would have had dinner prepared for us by the time you arrived. But I already ate, figured you had as well, with the hour."

"You have someone, like, prepare your food?" I asked, looking at the clean kitchen. Lily laughed again.

"Really, I am not as rich as you seem to think I am," she said, and then gestured towards the stove, "I like to cook. Next time you come over, I will cook for you." She said and my stomach grumbled a little. The truth was, I had been too terrified to eat anything that day. Ever since my car had broken down. Still, I couldn't very well ASK for food.

"Would you like a drink that doesn't have alcohol?" Lily asked, walking slowly over towards the refrigerator. I followed after her like a lost puppy, afraid that the wealth of the place would swallow me up if I fell too far behind. As I walked, I tried to think about how this evening was going to pan out. I would take the water, I would make some awkward chit-chat. The night would stretch on as Lily tried to be polite and I tried to figure out, desperately, what it was, exactly, that I was supposed to do. I felt my stomach knot tighter and tighter as we walked. My anticipation of what was going to, eventually, have to happen made more and more anxious with each passing step. I had no idea how I was going to get through this night.

Lily stopped at the fridge with her hand on the door of the refrigerator and turned towards me, "would you like a Coke or..." But at the same time she was speaking, I spoke as well.