All Comments on 'My 18th Birthday Party'

Not bad, but you need to work on writing skills.

But it jumps around a bit and she just fucks her dad? A bit of a build up would have made the story better. Draw it out a bit more. Describe what she does. For example: 'Dropping to her knees she took his hard cock into her mouth and sucked on it like a lollipop. She then grabbed his hands and placed them on either side of her head. He got the idea and used his hands to move her mouth back and forth on his cock...."