My Best Friend Zane

We sat in the airport in Minneapolis. We were flying from Milwaukee to Las Vegas and we had an hour layover here in the twin cities. Our gate for the connection was right across the concourse from our first flight, so we had time to kill.

"Want Starbucks?" I asked Zane.

"Yeah, a small black coffee would be great."

"Dude, it's called a tall" I jested with him. He just rolled his eyes. I walked down the concourse and stood in line. I got our drinks and carried them back to Zane.

"Fucking airport. These two drinks cost me more than a good pizza."

Zane reached out and took his coffee and squinted at me. "We're going to a bachelor party in Vegas and you think THIS is expensive?" he motions to his cup. "This whole 'double bachelor party' is a terrible idea, I just know it."

He's been against this whole trip since it came about. Our good buddy Owen was getting married and he originally wanted a regular old bachelor party but his future brother-in-law wasn't having it. He insisted we blow it out in Vegas. His words, not mine.

"Owen is so love sick right now, he'll do anything Cecelia wants, including letting her "swishy" gay brother plan the bachelor party." I took a sip of my iced coffee and then continued, "Truthfully, I'm sure this is her plan. Have Dorian keep an eye on Owen, you know?"

"Speaking of swishy, dude, the way you just sucked on that straw. That was swishy."

"Fuck off Zane."

Zane kept talking, as usual. "Wouldn't it have been easier for Dori to watch Owen at a club in the city? Vegas will be harder to micro manage. And I can't even imagine the actives he's planned. I swear dude, if we end up at a fucking gay strip show, I'm going to lose it."

"Okay. First, don't call him Dori. It's Dorian. You sound like an ass hole. Second, what would happen if we did end up at a Chippendales thing?" He looks like he's about to answer me but I continue, "you might see a mostly naked man, oh no!" I said sarcastically.

"Alright Dylan, I get it. I'm the caveman here." He says it so dryly that I know he thinks I'm overreacting. But besides Dorian, who we're stuck with because he's tied to Owen, there will be at least one other gay guy on this trip.

"You just have to watch it, please. I know you're not a bigot, but come on man, it's the 21^st century, get woke" I can barely say the last two words without chuckling. I love to push his buttons.

Zane's really not a bad guy. He works for a lesbian and he's got nothing but respect for her. She owns and runs a gutter cleaning company and he's worked for her for four years. Owen had been bringing Dorian around for the last few months. Dorian is Cecelia's twin brother, and her Man of Honor in the wedding. Dorian is really smart and funny and very flamboyantly gay. He says "fabulous" constantly, but he's a good guy and easy to hang out with in our group.

Besides Dorian, the other gay guy I expected to be on the trip was Dorian's best friend, Jose. Jose does IT at some bank in Brookfield. He's the second bachelor for this weekend's double bachelor party. Jose actually got married a few weeks back to an older guy he met online only a couple of months ago, if Dorian is to be believed. Dorian forced him into this trip, too. I'm pretty sure Dorian is the only person who wants to go to Vegas.

The boarding announcement finally comes and we stand and shuffle to the line. We're seated in the middle of the plane. Zane can't stop checking out one of the flight attendants. She's short and plump with a really pretty face and nice hair. I can hear the gears turning in his head before he even speaks.

"Think I could get her to initiate me into the mile high club?" Zane says as he leans towards me, eyes still on the girl.

All I can manage is a big, deep sigh. Vacation Zane is the worst version of Zane you can get. He's a hard worker at home, a steady friend and he's a great son. He takes care of his mom and his grandma. He does their lawns and shovels snow at both houses. His younger half brother looks up to him, with good reason.

But when on vacation, Zane drops all pretenses of civilized behavior and becomes a rude party animal. This party animal hasn't gotten a beer in his hand yet and hasn't shown off at the bar, so he's acting like an ass instead. I might not survive the next few days.

Zane and I met freshman year of high school. We'd gone to the same junior high, but we weren't in the same cliques, so we didn't know each other beyond our names. We met at try outs for football. We both made the team and we hit if off and became best friends. We've remained close ever since.

We got our first shared apartment when we were twenty. Neither of us went to college. He did construction jobs and I worked at a car dealership as a detailer. We lived together for five years. He moved in with his girlfriend after that and I bought a small fixer upper.

He broke up with that girlfriend shortly after they shacked up and she moved out. He decided to keep the apartment they had had together and he declared his new permanent status as a man whore. That apartment preceded to see countless girls paraded through its bedroom for the next three years.

Zane is a very good looking guy. He has olive skin from the Greek side of his family. Dark hair and dark blue eyes. They almost look black most of the time, but every once in a while you see the blue. It's really unique. I've never met anyone else with eyes like his. Working construction and now climbing on roofs all day has given him a fit, firm body. He also works out three or four times a week. He shaves his dark facial hair, leaving him a square shadowy jaw line that the ladies love.

I'm not too bad looking myself. I have an easy time with the ladies, that's for sure. I'm six feet tall and have a pale Germanic complexion and hazel eyes. My hair is brown and a little wavy. Even though none of my features are spectacular on their own, they combine to make a sum better than it's parts. I have been wearing a trim beard for a while. Zane calls it my hipster beard because of course he does.

I moved up from detailer at the dealership and eventually went to work for a huge car auction facility south of the city. I'm now the sales manager and I'm making great money. I buy new used cars for myself at least every twelve months. Working at the auction makes it way too easy. I sell what I'm driving and buy something else. Whatever strikes me in the moment.

I still live in the house I bought three years ago. I fixed it up and it's a really killer bachelor pad. I have a big yard and two awesome dogs. I built a bigger garage and it has the two cars I've bought and kept in two of its three stalls. I got a vintage Cadillac as my first big purchase after starting at the car auction. I love that car even though it runs like shit. In the middle stall is my 2015 Corvette. My splurge. My baby. Its goes so fucking fast. It's the best worst decision I ever made.

My daily driver is a slightly lifted F150 FX4. I am a truck guy now. I will probably never not drive a truck for the rest of my life. It's practical for my hobbies, my home repairs and it's so damn Wisconsin, I just can't help but love it. Zane drives a hideous hand me down Corolla with Packers stickers from the previous owner all over it. I'm embarrassed to even look at it. He can afford something nicer, anything would be nicer, but he's cheap as hell. Another reason he's hating this Vegas trip.

After landing in Vegas and catching a shuttle bus to The Luxor, we checked into our room. Excuse me, our suite. I guess if it has a separate bedroom it's a suite. I'm confused though. There's a king sized bed in the bedroom and a pull out sofa in the living room. How and why did we get a fucking expensive suite with only one real bed? I feel myself releasing another huge sigh.

"You sound exasperated Dylan" Zane says. He emphasizes the world exasperated to be extra sarcastic.

"Well guess what ass hole? I paid for like eighty percent of this trip, so I'm taking the bed." I say. I'd contemplated a comprise about the bedroom, but not now. Cheap bastard can sleep on the couch. I take my bag into the room and flop down on to the cushy mattress. Zane will be reminded all weekend how comfy my bed is. Every chance I get I'm going to rub it in his face.

"When are we meeting up with Owen and the guys?" he calls from the living room where he's raiding the minibar already.

"Dorian texted that we should meet them at the club downstairs at eight."

"What are we going to do until then?" he sits down on the couch and reaches for the TV remote.

"I was thinking we should go to the casino and maybe get some food in us before we start drinking later." I'm interested to see what he says about gambling. He's going to ask me for money, I would bet my life on it.

"Food sounds good. I'll go to the casino if you spot me a hundo."

I fight down another sigh. "I'm not giving you a hundred dollars to gamble with. I'm not your wife, buddy. Let's go get food, I think I saw a taco place down there."

A couple hours later, we've eaten stupidly expensive tacos and wandered around the casino. I fed a few slot machines for a while and lost about forty bucks. We went back to the room and changed for the club.

"Jesus dude, cologne much?" I wave my hand in front of my face to clear the air of his over applied aftershave. He just grins.

He has on tight black jeans and a "chick magnet" shirt that shows off his chiseled pecs and arms. The ladies are looking at him as we walk through the casino to the club. I get a few looks too, but I'm the Bucky Barnes to his Captain America. I'm used to it.

At the club we find Owen sitting between two beautiful girls. "Where's Dorian?" I ask him, feeling out the situation. He looks up and smiles at us.

"Ladies, these are my single buddies I was telling you about" he says to the girls. He introduces us. The blonde with obvious fake titties is Jess. The mixed looking girl with a glorious ass is Dionne. Jess immediately grabs Zane. And they're gone.......

I sit down on the other side of Dionne and chat her up a bit. She's beautiful and she smells amazing. Her ass is ridiculous. I wonder if I'd suffocate if I ate that booty?

Eventually Dorian and Jose materialize out of the crowd. "Hey Dorian, how's it hanging?" I say and wish I could kick myself. Hopefully Dionne didn't hear me sounding like an idiot.

"It's fine I guess. Jose misses his man already, so that's dragging my mood down." He says it like Jose isn't standing right next to him.

Jose looks hurt and kind of over it. "You know what, I'm going back to the room to call my man. At least I have one, Dorian!" He spins around and stomps off.

Dorian yells after him "Whatever!"

Zane and tittie girl eventually come back from wherever they went. Me, Zane, Dorian, Owen and the two girls get drinks delivered via bottle service at a VIP table Dorian managed to get us. "Where's everyone else? I thought Dave and Hunter were going to be here."

Owen shrugs and Dorian pipes up with "Delayed flight. The last text I got they were in Phoenix for an unexpected layover. I guess someone on their flight got sick and they had to make an emergency landing. They might get here tonight, but I don't think we'll see them until brunch."

"What time is brunch?" I ask. Why are we doing brunch, anyway? Yeah, two of our group of guys are gay, but brunch? I didn't come to Vegas with my buddies, for a bachelor party, to get up for an early meal with an identity crisis.

"Brunch is going to be fabulous!!!" Dorian bounces in his seat.

"Why is that?" Owen asks. He and Zane are shooting each other looks and I can tell they aren't into the whole brunch idea either.

"Because it's a champagne brunch on a bus that's taking us to a dirt place with cars and stuff."

"Dirt place?" Zane and I ask at the exact same time.

"Yeah, that place you told me you wanted to go to Owen, with the sand and hills" he looks at Owen to see if he understands what he's trying to explain.

Owen's eyes light up and he says "Oh! You mean the dune buggy place, where we can go off road in a bunch of different vehicles!" He genuinely looks like a kid at Christmas right now. He looks at me and Zane and says "It's so cool, I looked it up before we came. We can rent dune buggies and Jeeps and stuff. I can't believe you actually booked that Dorian!." He's beaming at his fiancé's twin.

"When I found out we could get the brunch bus, I got excited. Besides this is your bachelor , Owen. I actually tried to plan this weekend for you, you know." Dorian looks proud of himself. And I'm thinking this weekend is looking up.

Dave and Hunter made it on to the brunch bus and we all headed out to the dunes, including Jose, who seems to have let the tiff from last night go.

Champagne and fruit and little bits of fancy food doesn't really scream brunch to me, but the bus is heading towards fun, so I'll stick it out. The off road experience was a blast. Zane didn't want to rent his own buggy, so he was my copilot all day. I got sunburn on the back of my neck where the helmet didn't cover me and Zane got a nice dark tan on his already tan arms.

On the trip back to the strip he told me about how tittie girl sucked his cock in the parking garage below the hotel last night. It sounds kind of hot, but also gross. A stranger, in a rental car, in a big concrete garage. Whatever floats your boat.

I had spent a little more time with Dionne and she invited me to her room, but it's just not my speed, hooking up with strangers I met in a club a few hours earlier. I walked her to her room and kissed her goodnight. We didn't even exchange numbers. I laid awake for a long time afterward. I was really horny and kind hating myself for not seizing the day in Vegas. I jerked off and finally got a little sleep before the brunch bus had rolled out.

The final planned event for our Saturday night was dinner and a show. Dorian swore it would be straight friendly for all of us guys. And it started out alright with a rather expensive dinner.

We went to an amazing steak house and had the best damn meal ever. My steak was otherworldly and their cocktails were killer. I had to pay for Zane so he wouldn't pout like a big ass baby. I need a better best friend.

After this huge meal we got on a casino bus and headed down the strip. Zane saw a billboard for the Magic Mike show and got a scowl on his face. We drove right past the casino where they do their show and I kicked him in the shin for acting like a moron, again. We're arrive at The Bellagio and disembark.

"What show are we seeing?" Hunter asks Owen.

"That cirque de solei show about Michael Jackson" Owen answers.

"No, I thought it was the Beatles one" Jose chimes in.

"A lot of the shows were sold out so I got the one we could get seven tickets for" Dorian said as he handed us our tickets. I looked at mine, but I have no idea about this whole circus thing, so I just go with the flow.

We get seated in two pairs and a trio at three separate cabaret tables. I'm with Zane, of course. We order some drinks and the lights go down. I've only seen the orchestra in Chicago once, other than regular concerts. So this is kind of fancy and I'm hoping it's cool.

The performance starts and it's kind of confusing. Earlier Dorian was saying it was avant garde, whatever that means. Apparently it means, weird, in a foreign language and flexible bodies. After a few minutes the show seems to be going in a different direction. Is that a naked man? Zane is going to flip.

This show is half circus nonsense and half porn. What are we watching? Zane looks engrossed, which I find amusing. At the intermission we stand and stretch and everyone seems to want to keep to themselves. This erotic circus show has got everybody feeling things, I guess.

The second act is practically hard core porn. I'm positive two men just had sex in front of me. I'm so confused about the whole thing. I wish I'd gotten Dionne's number. I'm feeling even hornier than last night and I really want to fuck something.

After the show, Jose and Dorian are all smiles, they're going on and on about this performer or that position, etc. Dave and Owen look uncomfortable. Zane is unusually quiet. Hunter left and went to the casino, telling Dave he'd meet him back at the hotel later.

Dorian and Jose decide to go for drinks at the fancy bar here in the Bellagio. Owen wants to go back to the Luxor and gamble. Dave decides to go with him. Zane and I stand there for a few more minutes.

Finally I say "let's walk down the strip for a bit. It's nice out and I want to see the fountain and stuff." Zane just seems relieved to move on to the next thing, whatever it is, as long as it gets him away from this theatre.

We watch the fountain and we people watch as we stroll. We stop and grab some candy in fancy Las Vegas gift boxes for Zane to take home to his mom and grandma. He actually paid for them himself. I get some chocolate to eat. It's so fucking good.

We eventually make it back to The Luxor. We wander around the casino to see if we can find Owen or Dave. We don't. It's not that late, but it's been a long day, so we head up to our room. Zane slumps onto the couch.

"I can't sleep on this shit again bro" he refers to the couch.

"If you think I'm sleeping on it, you are sadly mistaken dude" I answer back.

"I'll just share your bed. It's huge. We've shared our tiny two man tent for years during deer season." He looks up at me, "so what's the difference?"

I just walk in to the bedroom and change into shorts and a tank top. I sit back on the bed and call out "hey, do you want room service?"

He walks in wearing sweats and a t-shirt and sits on the other side of the bed "yeah, let's get pizza. And something with bacon. And maybe milk shakes."

"Dude, are you high? And you didn't even share?" I accuse and then laugh. "You can eat all that after that huge steak dinner?"

"All the porn we watched just now made me hungry, what can I say?"

"I suppose I'm paying for this too?" I say as I reach for the remote that we use to order food through the TV. "This tech is so cool."

"Then use it to put on something good." He slides the blankets out from underneath himself and sticks his legs under the covers, making himself comfy in my bed.

I toss the remote at him. "You find something. And you're going to the door when the food comes, so don't get too comfy over there." I look him up and down sarcastically.

He reaches for the remote and grins at me like the Cheshire cat. He finds some action movie I've never seen and we half watch while we talk about the dune buggy adventure and the steak house, studiously avoiding talking about that sex show we just watched. I can't even believe that all happened today. We leave for home tomorrow evening. The weekend has flown by.

There's a knock at the door and I stand and go to answer it. I tip the lady that brought up our feast and she smiles and leaves. I turn around and Zane is standing right there. I slam into him. He catches my upper arms to steady me. "Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you." He drops his hands. "I thought I was supposed to get the door."

"With you, I find it easier to just do it myself." I say as I wheel the heavily laden cart into the bedroom. "But you can grab the cold beers out of the fridge, please."

I hear the bottle clink as he grabs them and then he's back in the bed with me and our spread of food between us. The pizza isn't like pizza back home, but it's really good. We got a bacon appetizer plate, which I didn't even believe existed. It had potato skins, candied bacon and some kind of blue cheese bacon bites that I had to fight Zane for.

We each got two milkshakes because we couldn't decide on flavors. I got a coffee caramel one and a chocolate cherry one. Zane got mint cookies and cream and fresh strawberry. Holy fuck, that strawberry one was amazing. We passed all of them back and forth. We made a dent in our food, but our eyes were definitely bigger than our stomachs, as they say.