All Comments on 'My Bi-Side Pt. 01'

I hope that there are more stories. Would like to read about how these 2 become lovers.

Not a bad first attempt, but:

Sometimes you use past tense, sometimes present tense.

"I told him that I was not dating no one in particular." This is an awkward sentence to say the least. " I told him I wasn't dating anyone. " is much cleaner.

You. should read your work out loud to yourself, slowly and carefully, to discover this sort of clumsy grammar.

Conventional dialogue would be better than "...we talked about myself, work, my college days, women, and somehow my sexuality." Snippets of that conversation would be better.

But what really is missing is how the narrator found out that Joe was gay. This is important because the narrator is closeted and fearful of being found out. The sexual tension is crucial and there isn't any.

Second, what prompted the narrator to confess his curiosity? This is crucial also. This is a huge step for a closeted bi. Dialogue and what the young man is feeling is key.

As written, the story is very "we talked, he kindly accepted a ride home with me, he offered me tea in his apartment, I kindly accepted, we talked, I told him I was curious, he kindly offered to suck me, I kindly accepted, he fingered my asshole... etc..

It should have been:

"My hormones were raging. I was at ease with this handsome man. My balls tingled with excitement. I suddenly wanted him, wanted to reach out and touch him and have him touch me.

" I'm so curious about sex with a man, " I blurted.

Very calmly, Joe carefully reached over and strokes me through my pants.

My mouth went dry, my heart pounded, my cock twitched and grew.

Joe strokes and looked into my eyes.

I spread my legs.

"Have you ever been sucked by a man?" he asked.

" No, " I breathed.

"May I be the first, then?"

" Yes, " I whispered.

He smiled, stroking me, looking directly at me.

I leaned back, my pulse thumping, let my legs open a bit more.

My senses were on fire. My thoughts swirled. My cock grew. I was in heaven.

Put us in the moment.

Good luck!

I needed to meet such a gentleman in my youth.

Thank you for your comments. It was my first story. All comments will be taken in consideration and objectively. Part 2 almost complete.

Every young man needs a teacher, I do hope you write more of this youngster's ride through man to man sex. I am glad I had one!

... what the reader who felt, "You left something out" was trying to say, albeit with an essay, is that what you, like all writers, and most especially those just beginning, badly need is an editor. And yes, it was the first thing I noticed, as well. I'd also second his advice to always read your work aloud to yourself, and to someone else if you have a willing audience.

This piece wasn't ready for prime time yet, and would have been far better with a good bit of polish before presentation. There are many editors who are quite willing to help you here on the site, so just seek out one you feel comfortable with, and then keep writing.

Didn't you do any kissing or touching? And how long ago did this happen?