My Black Sheep Ch. 02

"Mom was gonna throw this away? I thought it was just in storage!"

Amelia gave her a grim smile and nodded. "Truth be told, I'm madder at her about this than I am about her stupid cruise, but..."

Shelby sniffled loudly, wiped her nose unceremoniously, and blinked. "But what?"

"Mom's... both of them, really. Their approval always meant a lot to you. I thought... if I just handled this, then... reputation intact. Mom is still Mom to you, and not some stranger who throws your shit away without a word."

"To be fair, I'd forgotten all about this stuff," Shelby said in a weak voice, as she stared down through the floor.

"Stop! Stop giving her that free pass all the time!" Amelia took a moment, then started on a different tack. "Look, they stopped meaning much to me a long time ago, but you..." Amelia's face was pale on the best of days, and lost what little color she had. "I don't mean to make it sound like—"

Shelby interrupted, saying, "No, it's okay. I know. I try to please them, I try and please everyone. I always do. But you, you saved all this stuff? Why?"

Amelia licked her lips and looked away, at the booklet of clippings set on the floor a few feet away. "She thought this was all behind you. That you were done with this chapter. I think she thought she was doing you a favor, but... she's wrong. This is still who you are."

A fresh tear appeared at the corner of her eye and slowly rolled down her cheek. She started spreading the blanket to show exactly how much she had changed; the evidence was plain to her. The mannequin looked on in distaste. Amelia gave a pitiful laugh, grabbed the ends before she could expose herself, and pulled them back together around her.

"That's not what I meant. I meant... you're a fighter. You're... a torch that just...lights upeverything around you. You haven't changed, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Yeah, you're not a child anymore, but who wants to go back to that? You have twobeautiful kids. God, Shel, they're beautiful. Ian is such a sweet little kid."

"You think so?" Shelby asked softly.

"I do."

"Do you think I'm still beautiful?"

At this, Amelia only gave her a lopsided half-smirk.

"Then how come you don't call me back?" It hurt like nothing had ever hurt in her life to push those words out of her mouth.

Amelia crumpled, face going an ashen gray. "You think I don't want to be there?" It took her a long time to speak again, and when she did her voice was haggard. "I'm not stupid, Shel. I know why you came by tonight. With that dress..." There was a long pause as Amelia stared at the puddle of silk and lace on the floor. "...and those panties."

"Feels kind of stupid now," Shelby muttered, and wrapped the blanket a little tighter around herself.

She chuckled and shook her head. "You want to talk about coming face to face with something? Here's a good one. I... am... a... sadist." She ran her tongue over her teeth slowly, and took a long breath, and her eyes unfocused almost completely. "Never said that out loud before. Don't like the sound of it any better than I did in my head."

"What do you—"

"That time," she said, her voice losing all its color as well, "by the hickory. I... I liked it. I liked what I did to you." She swallowed again, louder this time, though she couldn't look Shelby in the eye. "I likedhurting you, aaand that..."

Amelia's voice failed her completely, though her lips continued to move. Her eyes were shot through with red. "...and that is a hell of a thing to live with."

"I'm never not thinking about it," Shelby said, hopefully.

"No. No, no," her little sister said. "That's not—"

"I didn't say no."

"Yes you did," she cried. "You said it over and over, and every time you did, I got more turned on.I was drunk on it, Shel."

"You weren't in your right mind!"

At this, Amelia threw back her head and scoffed. "Yeah. That helps. Now I'm a cliche. One more mental patient whojust so happensto have an unhealthy fascination with S&M."

"What?"

Her little sister rolled her eyes and waved her hand. "It's a whole thing, and more to the point, Ido not wantyou togive me a free pass. I mean, fuck, Shel! The angles, the costume, the-the boots! I planned that for weeks."

Shelby thought deep and hard, as quickly as she could, and leaned forward ever so slightly. "Just the first part, though, right?"

Amelia merely blinked at her.

"The..." Her cheeks rapidly reddened. "Before I... gave you permission."

"Oh."

"You didn'tplan what happened after, right?"

Her dark little sister merely shrugged, and said, "Doesn't change that I got off on it. Likereally got off on it."

"Is that..." Shelby coughed to clear her throat. She had to find the strength to keep this going. Amelia was opening up in front of her, and she knew it might not happen again for a long time. There were so many things to ask, and her mind struggled to focus on just one. "Is that a thing for you now? Do you... like... with your girlfriends?"

Amelia crumpled even further. "I haven't done anything like that since."

"None of them were into it?"

"Neither of mytwogirlfriends, you mean?"

"Two?" Shelby asked. "In ten years? I swear I—"

"Two," Amelia said, with finality. "Neither of them for very long, and yeah. With both of them, they... said I was unavailable." She looked down and snickered. "No. That's not right. Fara straight up told me I was emotionally unavailable. Lilly just cheated on me and told me it was my fault. I...inferred."

Shelby snaked a hand out through the blanket, laid it on her little sister's knee, and squeezed.

"I have no idea what to do with myself, Shel. I'm terrified of... ofme. Do you know what that feels like?"

"No," Shelby said, with a sudden burst of confidence infused into her voice. "I don't. Because I'm not, and I never was. Not then. Not ever. Honestly, the whole time, all I could think about was how it was my fault."

Amelia laughed bitterly.

"I mean it," she said. "The whole time! You were right about everything, Ames. Everything you said. I de—"

"I swear to god, Shelby Anne Laine," her sister said, holding up a finger admonishingly, "if you're about to say that youdeservedto be tied up to that tree and be slapped like that, with piss rolling down your leg and those shorts in your mouth, I'm gonna..." Amelia was biting her lip slightly and her eyes were slightly closed as if she was replaying the detail.

Shelby smirked. "You're gonna what?" Then she sniffed loudly, which undermined her coy attempt at seduction somewhat, and there was a silence between them. Shelby couldn't stand a silence at the best of times, let alone a silence that her sister might use to retreat inside her shell. It was time to talk. "Have you? Thought about it, I mean?"

"Haveyou?"

"Classic Amelia deflection."

"You're the talker. It's, like, a hundred times easier for you to say the first thing that pops into your head."

"Should I be offended?"

"I don't know about all that, but pretending to be offended would be a good way for you to dodge the question."

Shelby smiled. "Yes, I have. A lot. You?"

Amelia ignored her, and in the silence that followed, she said, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For fucking everything right to hell."

"I thought I was the one that fucked everything." Shelby said with a wide smile, but the smile faded as soon as she saw the hurt expression that formed on her sister's dark features; the haunted look in her eye, and the bags she somehow hadn't noticed before.

Amelia swallowed and licked her lips, and this time, she did make eye contact. "No."

The next minute passed with both of them trying to out-shout each other on the matter of whether Amelia needed to be sorry. Shelby could barely keep up with what she was saying, and the whole thing died as suddenly as it began when Amelia began laughing hysterically.

"What?" Shelby asked, laughing a little out of pure empathy.

"I was just..." Amelia tried to compose herself, and couldn't. In between raucous fits, she exclaimed, "This is the weirdest fucking converstaion."

Shelby smiled, and waited patiently. "We never... neverreally talked about that. Not really."

Amelia's expression flew dangerously close to an eyeroll, but Shelby knew it wasn't because she disagreed.

"It's just been... hanging between us. That and...you know... after Dad's funeral."

"We were drunk at Dad's funeral, Shel. We were drunk, and hurting, and desperate."

Something in that statement pinged, distantly, but she had bigger targets to aim for. "But what about—"

"We agreed!" Amelia hissed. "We agreed we wouldnevertalk about that!"

Shelby threw up her hands, an effort that was completely dampened by the blankets around her, and sighed. "You don't have to keep your distance around me, Ames. I don't want you to. I've always needed you."

Amelia's smile turned sad, but she nodded.

"You're a good person. You'vealways been a good person. Do you remember when you stood up to Brian Refshneider and startedshriekingwhen he was picking on..."

For a moment, the two of them just stared at each other.

"Oh god, what was her name?"

"I don't remember anymore," Amelia said softly.

"It doesn't matter. The point is that you have always been a giant slayer, Ames. You stand up for yourself. You stand up for others. You stood up to Dad I don't even know how many times, and usually you did it for me."

"I didn't do it for you," Amelia said, though her eyes became shifty.

"Of course you did. You think I didn't notice when you'd throw those tantrums? You think I wasn't grateful to have him off my back? I remember, one time—"

"At band camp?" Amelia interjected.

Shelby swatted her. "It was after a meet, and I'd come in third on the rings, and he was sitting there at the table trying to, like..." She used one hand to hold the blanket modestly across her chest, and raised the other hand up into the air. Despite her best effort, her entire right side was exposed when the blanket fell away, and the air was cool on her skin. "He started trying to show me how to set my shoulders so I could smile at the judges, and you pushed your whole bowl of mac and cheese onto the floor like..." She made a gentle swiping motion, and beamed.

Amelia smirked and shook her head. "I was just tired of hearing him going on and on about—"

"Bullshit," Shelby said. "Bullshit. You gave me this little look when he sent you up to your room. You weren't mad at me. You were... defiant. It was incredible. You were, like,nine, using guerilla tacticson our father!"

Amelia absently scratched at the back of her neck, without seeming to realize what she was doing, and Shelby took that as her cue.

"You were my savior," Shelby said. Amelia groaned in embarrassment, and Shelby laughed. Then, in a fit of inspiration, she reached for Amelia's hand again and looked her square in the eye. "Listen to me, okay? Listen to me. Sometimes, in life, things happen."

"Brilliant," Amelia said.

"My turn to talk," she said, enunciating very sharply. "In the course of... just... going through life, we all havepowerful formative experiences, right? Shit happens to us, and we develop coping mechanisms or whatever. It's how we all get by."

"Okay," her sister said, cautiously.

"It doesn't mean you're a monster because you found out there's all these things that turn you on. Big whoop. What matters ishow you conduct yourself."

"All right," Amelia said, rolling her eyes in the way that she did sometimes when she was really considering what was being said albeit grudgingly.

Shelby smiled. "Turning yourself into a hermit is not the noble thing to do."

"All right," she repeated, more emphatically. "I'll return your calls. Is that what you want to hear?"

Shelby nodded and leaned forward to hug her sister, encasing both of them in the blanket but keeping it snug around the neck so that she wasn't exposing herself.

"Um... Shel?"

"Mmmm?" Shelby said, quietly enjoying the best hug she'd had in years.

"You're leaking. Onto my shirt."

"Oh no!" she cried, pulling back, and as she did she accidentally exposed her breasts to her sister.

Amelia took a good, long look.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shoot!" Shelby looked at the milk stains on Amelia's T-shirt then up, but Amelia was looking at Shelby's chest.

"That is fucking spectacular."

"The bra? I kinda... got it, uhm..." Shelby looked at the floor, unable to voice that it had been bought purely for Amelia. "If you like it, I can send the link! It was expensive, but it would look great on you."

"Oh yeah," she said, flatly, "I definitely want to have matching bras with my sister."

Shelby winced. "Yeah, sorry, I'm babbling aren't I. Matching bras would be weird. Sorry."

"Probably not as weird as tying your sister to a tree." Amelia said with a faint smile on her face.

Shelby stared at the smile. This was a different Amelia. She had always deflected with humor, but this was humor that approached the difficult head on.

"And yeah, spectacular. It looks amazing on you. I mean how..." She shook her head and cleared her throat. "I can't believe you managed to leak all the way through a push up bra and on to me. How much milk do you actually make?"

Shelby blushed deeply. "Er, it varies a lot. I'm really full right now. I didn't want to be, like..." She felt herself getting upset again, tears forming at her eyes, but her efforts to contain herself had the opposite effect. "They... they used to be perfect. I used to love them, right, but now it's like they've got a use, and they fill up, and, God, Idrainedthem before I came out but I got upset and they got super full, and then they started hurting and I got milk on you and fuuuck. It hurts! I don't... I don't have anything to express into." She hissed through her teeth as a wave of strain washed across her chest. Sometimes it felt like she was watching them get bigger right before her eyes.

"Are you finished?" Amelia said, as Shelby fell to silence.

Shelby nodded and nearly flinched when Amelia wiped a thumb across her cheek.

"I might have something that could help. Let's get you tidied up, though, you're a mess."

"I know,"Shelby said, sniffling. "Total mess."

Amelia said, "Come on. Stand up."

Shelby did as she was told, her heart surging at a command from her little sister. Amelia grabbed the leotard firmly, on each side of her, and roughly pushed it down. Shelby couldn't help but notice how Amelia's biceps rippled with the effort needed, something that was both horrifying and erotic simultaniously. Shelby wrapped the blanket self-consciously around her upper half, but it didn't cover where Amelia's eyes rested when she looked up from the pool of pink leotard.

Amelia stared between her legs, and as she did Shelby subtly shifted her hips to spread legs imperceptibly. Just that little bit extra.

Amelia just blinked. "I'll get you some water," she croaked. Then she bounced to her feet, turned, and bolted from the room like a spooked animal.

Shelby almost collapsed with disappointment, shoulders slumping inward, but she remained standing, obediently. After a minute, it seemed like Amelia might not be coming right back, and being so exposed felt like a mistake. Feeling emptier than she ever thought possible, she bent down and scooped up the delicate panties. She flipped them right side out, held them up, and found herself wondering how two such small inconsequential items of clothing — panties and leotards — could both cost so much money.

"Stupid Shelby, stupid," she muttered, as she stepped into her panties. Her prominent labia, puffy and wet with excitement, were pressed flat and smoothed out, and she very much related to them in that moment. Needing to be suppressed. Pushed down. Hidden. This whole evening had been a disaster and now she felt even further away from Amelia than she had been before she'd set out on this long shot.

She knew that wasn't true, but her hormones were in full-scale riot, and thinking straight seemed quite beyond her. She snatched up the dress, wrapped herself back into it, and by chance finished while facing the mannequin.

"What are you looking at," she snapped, and shoved the thing. The younger version of herself fell to the floor in a spiral, one of its outstretched arms scooping the shelf clean of trophies as it fell. Shelby looked at the pile on the floor with a cold detachment, then anger, then remorse, and then numbing distance again.

Then, downstairs, she heard a strange clanging accompany the unmistakable sounds of Amelia getting frustrated with an inanimate object that wasn't complying with her will.

The sound of Shelby's heels chased her all the way down the stairs and across the studio, but there was still no sign of Amelia, which was odd as it was an open plan studio. By its very definition, there should have been nowhere to hide.

Shelby followed the noise to what turned out to be a movable panel, a door that was clearly designed to look like a bit of wainscoting, that was slightly ajar. It wasn't trying to hide that it was a door, per se, but it certainly didn't look like one at first glance. She peered around it and was surprised to see that Amelia's space was even bigger than she'd known. The room on that side of the panel looked rougher, somehow, with the raw brick finish of the original warehouse. It was a workspace, with large countertops covered in tools of various types.

Amelia was working on a metal frame Shelby immediately understood the purpose of. She gasped and stared. She'd never thought she'd see one in real life.

"Oh hey," Amelia said, her head whirling back around at the sound of Shelby's gasp. "Don't ask too many questions, but.. I think I have something here that could help you out."

"I know what this is," Shelby whispered. Then she saw what Amelia was doing, and she leaped forward. "Wait, stop! No! Don't take it apart!"

Amelia sat up and stared at her as she wiped her brow, socket wrench in one hand and a crescent wrench in the other.

"Why do you have a milking bondage rig in your studio?"

Shelby's eyes pored over the rack. It was brushed stainless steel, beautifully made, as she'd have expected from anything Amelia did. The frame would force the occupant onto all fours. There were leather restraints for the arms and legs, and leather support for where she guessed the occupants knees would go. The leatherwork was exquisite. This was a serious piece of design and construction.

Amelia blushed, and reached up to scratch at the back of her head in earnest embarrassment. "It's err... some contract work. That's all. I make stuff like this for a couple clients... sometimes."

Shelby walked slowly around the room, running her fingertips over the frame. She was mesmerized. "Where do youmeetthese people?"

Her little sister rolled her eyes. "The internet. Duh."

Shelby's eyes fell down to the breast cups, the parts that would latch on. "Do you... do you have bigger attachments?" she asked, in a far off, dreamy voice.

Amelia turned and looked back out of the room as she said, "Yeah. The pump isn't anything special. It's just a set I got off the internet. It came with a lot of attachments. It's a nice one, but, you know, it's just a maternity pump." Then she turned back around and tilted her head owlishly. "How do you know what this is?"

Shelby licked her lips. "I started following some mommy blogs, and the best ones are all real bitchy. One of them shared a meme... it was... like... one mom asking another one how she was enjoyingthe magic of connecting to your child through breastfeeding, all sweet and sappy, and the other one replied how she was so happy tofinally live out my hucow fantasy."