All Comments on 'My Brother was the Man of the House'

Maybe it's just me, but this story just screams for another chapter.

There have been some weird turns but i definitely want to see more of this story

More please, I hope he nails his sister next and knocks them both up.

Okay, look. This is meant to be constructive and help make you a better writer. It is not meant to tear you down. If you read my comment and simply delete it, I'll be okay with that, as long as you listen to the words. That said, you write well but you don't write sex well. You tell a good story. The financial malfeasance and the fall from grace were all written succinctly and believably. However, even though this is a story on Literotica, in the incest section, and I'm reading this looking for some form of incest, when it happened in the story, it came out of the blue. And I don't mean that in a good way, like a surprise plot twist... no, it was totally unexpected because the characters that YOU wrote acted in a way that those written characters wouldn't act. I'm not comparing them for real world people. I'm talking about YOUR in-story characters. A boy who's too shy to look at a pornstar while he's the scion of unimaginable wealth all of a sudden becoming a dominant alpha male claiming his mother right in front of his father? A girl who actually shows no real interest in sex is completely nonplussed by watching her brother and mother make out? No 'you what are you doing?' No 'what about dad?' And then she just sort of joins in, not because she's horny, not because the whole thing is incredibly arousing, or even because she particularly wants to, but more like 'I don't really want to but I guess I will.' And when it comes to dad, a man who could create a financial Empire so big that he could simply buy his way out of trouble that Bernie Madoff couldn't buy his way out of, would certainly be able to take the money that his lawyers were able to grab him and spin at least a livable fortune out of it. I mean, he had enough money to buy a house, furnish it, and not work for several months. That's a decent chunk of change, and any decent Financial expert would be able to turn that into something that they could live on indefinitely. He may not be ballin' outta control like he was, but he wouldn't have to go to Loan Sharks within a year. And then when the sex happened, it's not something that would happen with these characters. All that said, plus your description of the sex was incredibly lackluster. It wasn't erotic or sexy, or frankly believable that these people as described would act this way. But even if one accepts that theyd do this, you really need to work on describing sex. It is really harder than it looks. It's not like porn videos where one moment they're talking and the next moment they're screwing , and it looks like they've been screwing for a few minutes. No, with the written word, you have to write them into the sex, describe it through the sex, and write them out of it. You didn't do any of that . Your storytelling is okay, but if you're going to continue writing erotica, you really need to get better at describing sex acts. All that said, it is still a solid first effort, but there are some very rough edges that you need to smooth out.

Damn! That was crazy and hot! More please.

5 Stars.

Has potential. Looking forward to the 2nd chapter.

No

Like it too.

Pls more

Way too much mumbo-jumbo and political discussions in the beginning I just lost interest. Moving onto the next story.

Thanks for the feedback, @WyndsofChange. This is my first time writing erotica, so I appreciate your insight. I'll be sure to apply your suggestions in my next story!

I liked it. Liked that the sister sat in when he fucked their mother. Now it’s sister’s turn to get nailed.

Need at least two more chapters with more sex and breeding

Glad you put that lecture out for all to see, WyndsofC…

That way, when Confident disappears from writing, we’ll all know why.

“If you don’t have anything good to offer, then…“

M

Good so far. Looking forward to you continuing.

Blah blah blah

Too much BS in the beginning not enough…

We all agree that this story needed more sex and breeding, don't get me wrong, the writing is great but come on you literally talked more about politics within the financial system than the mom-son incestuous relationship

the biggest problem is how illogical this entire story is, it kind of makes its a boner kill. It's like it's written by a kid who had no clue about any of this stuff. He is some super powerful and wealthy guy, and somehow they have to leave with almost nothing but the clothes on their back and he is looking for blue collar jobs in mexico? what? senators cant get criminal charges dropped like that, nor could they just take a bribe to a charity and believe that would not be traced. The guys money would either be seized or it would would be being watched. This is the kinda of nutty shit a MAGA troll would believe happens. The son is first such a pathetic baby that he has a tantrum when he realizes they wont have all there fancy stuff anymore, but then all of a sudden he has huge amounts of his own money and is some sort of genius making video games and lots of money from them? what? The guy is borrowing money from criminals in mexico? For what? it can't be that much if he thinks getting some blue collar job is going to pay it off. Yet, its also supposed to be a huge amount to justify the idea of selling your wife and daughter into sexual slavery for 6 MONTHS? Seriously? Whats the point of living in Cabo anyway? Also, onions and vpns to wire money? You dont know what a VPN or Onion router is, do you? There are just so many inconsistencies and illogical leaps you have to make, and they are not even of the sexual kind. It's just weird.

Good story. Can't wait till chapter 2 and see if Noah gets bith mon and sister pregnant and keeps breeding them. Hoping for more soon

You have to continue this daddy kink is my thing maybe the mom can call him that every once in awhile to, he is the man of the house now lol

Hello wann geht es den endlich weiter. Freue mich schon

Is there a sequel in planning?

he got the money from a video game tournament? c'mon man, could you at least make it somewhat believable?