My Calm

"Isn't that great?" Nadinne exclaimed with the biggest smile on her face. It faded when she saw my hair. "You can't try on the dress with your wet hair."

"There wasn't time to dry it. I was caught up with something." I glared at her fiancé. He glared back. His stare made me retreat. Something about his eyes frightened me. They were like the ones you saw in movies where Snow White walked through the dark forest after running away from her evil step mother.

"We don't have time for this." Maggie said while pointing at her clock. "The groomsmen will be here any minute to fit their suites."

"I already buzzed them in." Nadinne said. "She'll get fitted along with them. We'll save some time. She's the only bridesmaid that isn't fitted. My wedding is in five fucking days and it's all a mess. What's the point of having a wedding planner?" She did that thing where it seemed like she would hyperventilate. It happened every time she got a little stressed.

"Calm down baby. Everything will be fine." Yurik's voice seemed to calm her down. Fuck, it calmed me down and I wasn't even stressing out.

Maggie handed the dress and I changed behind the foldable divider. It was pretty but plain. The blush pink complimented my brown skin tone but the fit was off yet again. Maggie still had my old measurement from before I left. It wasn't just tight, I couldn't breathe or move my legs. The dress was silk and it was long too. I emerged from behind the changing area. Oddly enough, I noticed Yurik's reaction before anyone else's.

Green eyes seemed to trace all my curves in two seconds. My body reacted strangely to the attention. My body warmed as the heat in the room increased. "The colour looks beautiful on you." He said. It was the first compliment from him and it meant more than I wanted it to. He blinked a few times, as if he had to snap himself out of some trance. "The measurements are off."

"I told you about measuring her." Just before Nadinne could scold Maggie, the groomsmen entered the room.

One I recognised as Nadinne's friend from high school; John. The other three men had to be friends of Yurik. John saw me and immediately ran toward me, I would've too if the dress wasn't so tight. He hugged me tightly and swung me around. I giggled and hugged him tighter. John was the only friend of Nadinne that spent any time with me. He had curly black hair, an olive completion and the sweetest brown eyes that radiated kindness.

He reluctantly placed me back on the floor but remained wrapped around me for a few more seconds. "How are you baby girl? I can't say baby anymore, I see." He twirled me around. He was so much fun. I never understood why he was friends with Nadinne. "You're grown now."

"It's the dress. I'm not all that grown."

"Nonsense." He laughed. "I'm almost tempted to address you as ma'am."

"You better fucking not."

"Okay you can catch him up later, I have a schedule." Nadinne snapped.

I exchanged pleasantries with the other room two men. Yunnes was the younger brother of Yurik and he was the best man. He wasn't as tall as his brother and didn't seem as uptight. He had strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. He shared the same nose as his brother but that was it. He had a sleeve tattoo on his right arm and multiple piercings. He greeted me with a hug which I very much enjoyed.

Marcus was their cousin and had the reddest hair I'd ever seen and greyish eyes. He was cute with all the freckles that dotted his face. I noticed some marked his hands too. Marcus was the shortest of the men but he was still taller than I was. He had the sweetest smile too. Before the pleasantries could become conversation, Nadinne handed them the tuxedos for the wedding.

All the groomsmen disappeared behind the divider and Maggie started with my fitting. She loosened the white ribbon that laced up the back of my dress then took a few measurement with the tape she kept around her neck. The dress had a sweetheart cut at the bodice but was form fitted. I stepped into some silver heels and then she measured the hem of it. I felt into the front of the dress to make sure that nothing popped out and I wouldn't flash the fiancé. He kept his attention on me. Nadinne didn't seem to mind because she kept her eyes on me too.

Just then the groomsmen emerged in their tuxedos. It was black with black shirts and pink bowties. Yunnes looked extra yummy in his. The room filled with handsome men but I couldn't shake the feeling that Yurik gave me whenever he looked at me. I tried to shut it down. I looked away, refused to return it but I just had to look at him. The guilty feeling started to overwhelm me. I hated him but I felt drawn to him. I hated myself for feeling that way.

"Are you okay, baby girl?" John's hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. I almost slipped back into that dark place again. "Can you breathe in the dress?"

"I'm fine. I just feel a little hot." It was an honest answer. I just skipped the reason why.

"What do you want to do with her hair?" Maggie asked Nadinne.

"Straighten it and I want her to wear make up for once."

I understood that it was her special day but some things I refused to do. "No, no and no. I don't straighten my hair. I'll put on make up for you but I refuse to straighten my hair. You can decide what style you want it to be. I'll give you that."

"I agree with Nala." Maggie came closer and pushed a strand out of my face. "Her hair is so long right now. If we straighten it, it will practically hang below her butt."

"No we can't have that." I agreed with Maggie. The dress was tight and made my butt look really good. I never blow dried or did anything with my hair and I refused to do it.

"Baby, what do you think?" Nadinne just had to bring him into this. Her fiancé stood and made his way toward us.

First, he stood next to his loving fiancé and observed me, then he came closer. Those green eyes didn't dip to my bulging cleavage but remained on my deep chocolate brown eyes. It was like the world vanished and we were alone. I wasn't aware of my sister's presence or anyone else's. It was only us and I only focused on him. I could smell him, that's how close he was. The scent was strong and sweet, just intoxicating. His hands came toward my face. They were strong and I realised that I only had a sense of what they were capable of. His fingertips brushed my neck and chills ran along my skin. He pushed my thick curls away from my face and then bunched my hair on top of my head. I stared up at him the entire time, mesmerised by those eyes.

"Look at that." His voice was hypnotic. "She can keep the curls. She just has to put it up."

He backed away and just like that, the spell wore off. I became mindful of my surroundings but it turned out that no one was aware of what just happened. I believed that not even Yurik was conscious of what happened. He returned to his wife's side, who seemed to love the idea. I liked him a little more because he didn't agree with Nadinne. I had to thank him later.

After all the fittings finished, we all sat beside the pool, eating lunch. Nadinne obviously went on and on about the wedding arrangements with Maggie. Yurik talked with his groomsmen and I sat by myself.

I slowly moved my feat in the water, back and forth, side to side. Little bubbles formed between the clashing waves that I caused, rose to the surface and popped. I had my favourite summer dress on. I bought it in a small shop that I found while roaming the quiet allies between the houses. It hung on a wire rack in the doorway of the shop, which was actually the garage of the owner. Amongst all the red and grey bricks, broken windows and sandy pathways, bright orange and red caught my eye. The dress hung by thin straps and blew in the hot wind. The frills attached to the hem danced in the wind. I loved it and bought it without a second thought.

I missed it all. I missed the dirt roads and being able to walk barefoot without a care. Smells of spices and smoked meat was nothing but memories that I longed for whenever I woke up. Tears blurred my vision. My head hung low as I watched the water move, but the image blurred even more. I had to go home or I would lose it. I felt anxious and not even a day passed.

The things that I felt around Yurik, my sister's fiancé, made my stay even worse. I hated him because he remained me so much of her past boyfriends. They were so arrogant and chauvinistic that I withdrew from Nadinne during their relationships. Yurik was so domineering and I just met him. Yeah, I just met him. I knew nothing of him. Confusion clouded my judgement and the way I felt about him. It wasn't attraction. I just had to stay out of his way for the duration of my stay.

"What are you thinking about?"

I turned to the voice of Yunnes, the brother and best man. He awkwardly sat beside me, careful not to get his heavy black boots wet in the water. He must've been very hot with all that black on. "I'm just thinking of the wedding." I lied.

"Don't stress yourself out about it." He said and gently touched my shoulder. "He's not such an uptight guy. He can actually be fun if he feels like it." Something about him seemed so warm hearted and easy going. It had to be the smile. He had incredibly white teeth. I always trusted people with good teeth.

"I'll take your word for it."

"I was there when you fell into the party." He continued on. "I thought your intentions were to crash it too. Honestly, I know Nadinne for about a year now and I never knew what you looked like. Yurik didn't know either. To us, you were kind of a myth."

That made me genuinely laugh. He laughed too. "A myth, can't say that I've heard that before."

"She just told us a few stories about you, not going too deep though. She didn't mention how beautiful you are. If she told us, her description would not have done you any justice." He said, smiling wide with a little sparkle in his eyes. I blushed, obviously embarrassed about his compliments. I playfully nudged him with my shoulder and we continued talking. "John's taking us out tonight, you should come."

"Totally!" Marcus shouted from the table behind us. We had an audience the entire time.

"Nala isn't twenty one." Nadinne chimed in. "They won't allow her beyond the door. She's not allowed to drink either. Father will have a fit."

"She'll stay by my side." Yunnes said, draping his arm over my shoulder. "They won't bother her with me around."

Fast forward a couple of hours, I stood in front of the mirror. I wore a silky brown dress that almost matched my skin tone. Thin straps held it up but the dress was tight enough not to slip off. My hair was up in a loose pony with a few curls dangling around my face and down my back. I objected to the makeup but Nadinne insisted. It made me look older. She was supportive. Turns out, she only agreed so that I would keep an eye on her fiancé. It wasn't a bachelor party but she seemed paranoid anyway.

"Remember these." Nadinne dropped my pills in the palm of my hands and handed me a glass of water. I did not take them that morning. I must've forgot. I couldn't afford not to take them. It explained why I felt so anxious and nervous today.

I strapped on some black heels and grabbed my purse. The boys were downstairs, waiting for me to come down. I asked Nadinne if she didn't want to join us, but she made an excuse of paperwork or something like that. As I descended the staircase, my attention immediately fell on Yurik. He looked so handsome. He rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt and he opened the two top buttons. Black pants and black shoes completed the look. I forced myself to look at Yunnes. He wore a white shirt that showed off his tattoos, blue jeans and converse. They were completely opposite. Yurik was handsome and his brother had a boyish charm.

John and Marcus were locked arm-in-arm. It was very surprising to see that they hit it off so quickly. They probably met way before I got here. I had to remind myself to pull him aside to pry.

Yunnes kissed my hand and I felt nothing. He was sexy and cute rolled into one but I felt nothing. We all squeezed into John's SUV and made our way to the club. There was a long line, but somehow John got us in. He apparently knew the bouncer. No one stopped us to ask about my age.

The club, which was appropriately named; The G-spot was packed with moving bodies. The humid air hit me like a truck. Disco lights flashed to the beat of the music. It was so loud that I felt the vibration in my throat. I was at plenty of clubs before, since the age restrictions back home were eighteen. This club was very different to the ones I attended in my past.

The sunken dance floor was in the centre of the room and had a multi-coloured glass floor. Miniature circular stages were strategically placed all around. Scantily clad women and men either swirled around sliver poles or hung from silk cloth. To the walls were tables and to the right, there was a bar. We went there first.

I promised Nadinne that I wouldn't drink so I ordered the same drink that the woman next to me had but made it a virgin. It was pink and had a flamingo swimming in it. While the cute bartender mixed the concoction, I stared at my reflection in the mirror behind the bar. I felt strangely good, real good. The vibration of the music caused me to sway to rhythm of it. I needed this. I needed to have fun.

"Hey Nala." I turned to find Yurik up in my face. He was uncomfortably close. Everyone was uncomfortably close. There were so many people. "I just want to tell you something. Stay away from Yunnes. He's no good for you."

I looked at him with complete confusion written all over my face. Where the hell had that come from? "Why would you say that? Wait, no, don't answer that." It was none of his business who I talked to. "Didn't we agree that we would stay out of each others business. You're in my business." I said as calmly as I could. There was just something about Yurik that pissed me off in seconds.

"I'm trying to be nice." He said as equally pissed off as I was. "You're still little and Yunnes likes to play around with girls. Look at him. He's talking up some girl he just met and you're his date."

He was right, the fucking asshole. Yunnes was talking to some girl but I didn't care. "He's not my date and I don't like him. By 'little', I'm assuming that you mean 'young'. I can fucking handle myself. Don't think that because you're going to be my brother-in-law that you can play some protective sibling role in my life. I don't need that."

"Why do you always act like a bitch when I talk to you?" he snapped. "I'm trying to be fucking nice."

"I only act like a bitch when you act like an asshole, which is all the time. I guess you're not acting."

"You know what, fuck you."

He turned and headed toward where Marcus and John sat. I turned to the bartender, who eyed me down. "Should I add a little vodka to this?" he asked. He heard the conversation, everyone teo feet away heard the conversation. "How about a lot of vodka?"

"This one's on me." He said and handed me the large cocktail glass. I sipped down a little of my pink drink. It was very sweet and burned my throat as I swallowed. I gulped everything down in one go. "How about another one?"

"How about three clean shots of your strongest and most expensive?" it was more of a demand than anything else. "Charge it on my brother-in-law, the asshole that called me a bitch."

He saluted and poured the shots of clear liquid. I gulped them down fast enough not to feel the burn. Just as the last glass hit the bar, a great song came on. I didn't feel the buzz from the drinkable poison yet, but I felt very confident and loose. He spoke to me for a few minutes and I tried to pay as much attention to him as I could. I became lost in the atmosphere of the club. Without one word, I moved to the dance floor and stood there for a second.

The heavy drums banged hard and every vibration flowed from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Tambourines rattled and shivers ran through me. I not only heard the song but I felt it. My hips swayed to the drum beat and my hands glided over my thighs, which were covered by smooth silk. A woman's sultry voice came on. She sang of love and betrayal. Other instruments followed her tune and so did I. I moved, dancing to her words. My thoughts were mute and I only felt.

Sweat formed on my forehead and neck as I danced faster and faster, as the music demanded. My calves burned and the soles of my feat ached. I never felt so alive. All my problems felt a million miles away. It was just me and my music. My fingers pushed my hair up and allowed the humid hair to somehow cool my hot skin.

Bodies moved around me but, as one we continued the gyrating. Red and yellow lights came from the floor and lit my body. I glowed. It was so strange. I never felt this way before, so free and happy. My hands wandered my body, the silk felt extra silky tonight. My skin felt slick from the light sheen of sweat all over me. I loved it. My hands travelled all over me. They moved from my thighs, over the curves of my hips. I admired how my waist was so narrow compared to my hips. They moved over the swell of my breasts, my fingertips tickled my neck and went into my hair. My breasts were small but they complimented my pear shape.

Briefly my eyes opened and I saw him. He leaned against the bar. His green eyes narrowed on me. They watched me dance. I felt so sensual. The song changed and matched to my mood. People around me coupled up but I remained by myself. I was in the middle of a private show.

I kept my eyes on him while I swayed. My thighs rubbed together and I felt it. I was wet. No guilt crept into my thoughts. I couldn't notice the guilt over how hot I felt. My hands came down to my thighs but I moved them to the inner parts. His lips twitched into an approving smile. My whole body was a ball of pent up feelings that I couldn't describe even if I wanted to. Long nails dragged themselves into the soft flesh between my legs. Up and up until the dress blocked the sultry journey. The scratches burned and I sighed heavily. My tongue felt dry. By then, my body pulsed to my heartbeat. I heard it in my ears and couldn't avoid how it pumped against my chest. I couldn't breathe.

With my hands steadying my rapidly heaving chest, I walked off the dance floor. I made it past the bar and disappeared behind a heavy velvet curtain. I stood in the empty hallway. It was dark and hot. I gasped for air that refused to flow into my lungs. I leaned against the wall with my face pointed toward the ceiling. My heart pumped so fast that I feared it may burst.

Suddenly something was on me or someone. Hard fingers gripped tightly around my neck. I knew those hands but the strength was very different. My eyes looked up and were met by intensely green ones, staring back at me. They burned with anger and I knew who they belonged to.

"What do you think you're doing?" Yurik barked like a rabid dog. "I know what you're trying to do. I know your sister's little game. She told you to tempt me tonight. It's the only reason she allowed you to be here."

His grip tightened as he pushed me up the wall by my throat. I clawed at his hand and arms but he refused to release me. Those eyes threatened to seer my skin. I shook with fear and tears rolled freely down my cheek and dripped onto his hand. "Please." The word barely came from my lips. Blood rushed to my head and made it swell.

"What are you begging for?" He asked. "Do you want me to fuck you, because that is what you begged for a few seconds ago? Do you want to breathe? Let's get things straight. I will not fall for your little games little girl. I'm not a boy that will let you get away with teasing him. I'm a man." With that final statement he loosened his hold on my throat. I tumbled to the floor, gasping for air.