My Christmas Joy

Mom was ok, but we just didn't connect; she wasn't quite as intellectual as dad was, and I felt like she and I just lived in separate worlds. She seemed much more feminine than me, yet I owe her so much for my own "girly" quirks; and I do value them, it's part of who I am.

Dad stood up as well, "let's talk about positive stuff, and have a good holiday. You know it's Christmas Eve, Santa will be coming later tonight."

He means well, but c'mon Santa? Oh well, I don't believe in unicorns but I still like them.

I just felt like we both needed a hug or something to bring spirits back up. So I opened my arms and we embraced again for a long time.

I should note that being holidays and all, I was wearing around-the-house clothes. I was actually doing laundry and didn't have any clean underwear, so I was a little on the commando side. I mean, my boobs... or should I say tits now? They're like on the border between B and C; do you call that C minor? Anyway they're just firm and pert—not massive and bouncy—so I figured he might not even notice while we were just sitting and talking and stuff.

But now, we were hugging. I could actually feel my nipples on his hairy chest through the shirts, and his nipples against me; I felt the growing erection in his loins, but I also knew we needed this emotionally—it was more than just physical comfort. He tried to push away a bit, but I just laid my head on his shoulder like I used to as a girl and didn't let go. He reached up to stroke my hair like he used to—he loved playing with my hair and I loved letting him do it; it was a special thing between us.

His attempts to push me away to avoid the awkwardness were just having the opposite effect. My breasts were moving around against his chest, and I felt our nipples get even harder. His penis rubbed against me and got even harder. But I didn't want to let go, and he stopped. And after like 5 minutes (or forever, I lost track of time), it had gone down a bit and my legs were actually getting a little tired from standing here in one spot. I lifted my head off his chest and went in to give him a kiss on the cheek. Apparently he had the same idea, but we both missed the cheeks and met on the lips instead. It lasted only for a second, but it was like a normal adult romantic kiss—actually my first kiss!

After both talking over each other to apologize profusely and explain how we were going for the cheek, we both just smiled and I went back to my room.

* * * * *

Our normal father/daughter talk had turned into something much more profound. I shared more about me and Karen than I should have, and in turn I worried that had I started some emotional rift between Joy and Karen. And then what was supposed to just be a simple hug and kiss on the cheek turned into something... more.

God I was so hot. I needed relief and soon, but had gone to a semi-soft state; this isn't going to work. I went back to my office, closed the door, and pulled up a porn video website I used for such occasions. Right there on the front page, for no other reason than its internal geographical popularity algorithms, was a video of a "step daughter" seducing her "step dad". She just walked into the living room and sat on his lap; he proceeded to tickle her, which led to mutual groping, and in no time they were going at it seven ways from Sunday; with cries of "daddy" blaring out of the speakers. Something must have been wrong with the audio because sometimes it seemed out of sync with the woman on the screen; but this didn't ruin anything for me.

I rushed to the master bathroom to take care of this. I ripped off my clothes, went into the shower, whipped out my cock and started stroking it. My right hand was moving up and down my cock, my left hand caressing my balls gently. I closed my eyes to replay the scene from the video again in my mind. Suddenly the faces morphed. I was the "step-dad", Joy was the "step-daughter", and she was on top of me in our living room on our couch. I lost it after just a couple of seconds, and soon I was jizzing all over the shower wall; uncontrollably grunting my tension out verbally. I lost all strength in my legs and just collapsed onto the built-in bench. I laid my head back and closed my eyes again, pondering the horrible sin I've just committed. I started to feel tired, and lost track of time. I shook myself awake and figured while I was here I would just go ahead take a hot shower and relax.

* * * * *

I was so wet after that kiss with dad that when I got to my room, I ripped off my shirt and shorts and began to finger myself vigorously. There was no time or need for foreplay or build-up; in a way, it had already been done. I just inserted two fingers into my sopping wet cunt and began to slide them in and out vigorously. With my other hand, I reached up and alternated rubbing each of my tits, tweaking and twisting the nipples slightly. This sent jolts of electricity down to my clit. I don't know if it was humanly possible to be more turned on than I was, but for some reason I still could not plateau.

I closed my eyes to bring some imagery to mind to help; various faces scrolled through my mind like a web app. First some random guys from college Beth had tried to set me up with, then Beth herself. I pictured her down on her knees at the end of my bed licking my pussy vigorously. I shocked myself a bit, this was actually quite disturbing and I needed to not encourage this. So I "swiped" my brain's sex app again to bring up another image. The next thing I saw was dad on top of me, naked, pumping his thick cock into my waiting hole. I tried to push it away, but the image would not change. I instinctively cried out "daddy!" several times, trying to stop myself but finding no ability to do so. I came so hard, and I imagined him cumming hard inside me, filling me up with his semen.

I was a blubbering mess of emotions; fearing I've ruined my relationship with my one and only father, and wondering if he heard me yelling "daddy" out. But on the other hand I was just high off of the orgasm; my body was limp and my brain felt like was going to shut down.

I managed to scoop myself up and make my way to the hall bathroom. I didn't have the mental capacity to put on clothes, and it was right across the hall, so I started to dart across. Literally feet from me, I saw dad rush from his office into the master bedroom (which was also across the hall from his office). He didn't look my way at all or see me, but he looked like he was possibly in the same state I was. I went into the bathroom, and I was about to turn on the water to take a shower when I heard noises from his shower. A few thunks and clunks (him just moving around) some quiet time with plastic creaking, and then a few loud groans. It startled me!

At this point I was curious... did he go into the office to watch some porn? I didn't make any sound, as I somehow wanted to hide from him; to figure out what he was doing. I heard a loud noise and then silence—he must have sat down. I was quiet as a mouse. Then after about 30 seconds, he got up and started the water again. I figured he'd be in there awhile, and curiosity started to get the best of me... I crept out of the bathroom—still butt naked—to his office to see what was going on. Right there on the screen was "Step-daughter seduces step-dad and rides him like a horse". Quality movie entertainment, to be sure; but holy freakin' moly. Did... did he like it? Does he want me that way, or is this just something that popped up because of the current situation.

I know porn sites have that stuff on there frequently, but I was always turned off by it. But this time was different; I started to get super turned-on again! As if my leg wasn't wet enough from the juices running down it after the last time, my pussy started to get wet again. Because nobody ever makes smart decisions while they're turned on, I replayed the video (at least I turned sound down) while trying to listen in the background for the shower. It was a pretty far-fetched scenario; she went in and did what all good Christian girls obviously do: plopped down on her dad's lap, had some tickle time, ripped off her clothes, and start sucking his cock (end sarcasm). But this is porn, so of course she did.

Either way it was so hot to me for some reason; she was screaming "daddy", and oddly enough her voice was about the same tone as mine. In fact, she had the same hair color, similar height and build as me, except she had much larger tits (because implants, duh). This seemed to further my suspicions that he was looking at this intentionally...that he wanted me; that he fantasized about me...

I heard the water turn off, so I stopped the video and rushed back to the hallway bathroom to take a shower myself. Borrowing a trick from my earlier years at home, I pulled out the toilet plunger, which had a nice soft rubber handle and wasn't too long. I found the Vaseline—which was still in that drawer because they never clean this place out—and smeared it on the soft rubberized portion of the handle. I plopped it down in the middle of the tub and impaled myself on the end of it, with the water running over me from the shower. As I fucked the handle vigorously, the video I just watched replayed in my head. I saw myself in the position of the girl, and the guy turned to dad in my head. I looked around the room and I saw it was our living room, with the Christmas tree up and the packages I had brought over.

This was really freaky; it was like I had put on a mentally-generated VR headset. I slowly raised and lowered my vagina onto his cock and cooed softly with every pump in and out, in and out. I was so messed up, what the hell was I doing? I... do I have the hots for my dad? For my daddy? At the mental usage of that word, my sensations intensified greatly. I said it aloud in my mind again: "daddy". And again: "oh daddy". I came so hard right then. I "looked" up in my mentally-created virtual world and saw my daddy standing over me, pouring his creamy good all over my face. I instinctively opened my mouth and and let everything drape over my face.

It tasted like and had the consitency of water, because you know... it was. I opened my eyes to see that I was still in the shower with water pouring over me from the shower head, and a toilet plunger shoved up my twat—awesome.

And to top it all off, now I had some major daddy issues. This is going to be a VERY complicated Christmas...

* * * * *

After getting out of the shower, I was really tired. I pondered the events from earlier between me and Joy. It was all a bit too much to take in. I think I don't really want her, sexually; it's just a build-up of frustration from years of neglect by Karen. Isn't it? I thought about the conversational topic that came up earlier. I really spilled the beans, there; broke the whole damn jar and vines are now growing everywhere. It was such a mess, how did we even get into that topic?

Then I realized she had brought it back to sex, after I was trying to just explain romantic differences between men and women. Was she trying to seduce me? Those hugs were probably a little tighter and longer than they should have been... But then again, all that advice I gave her about men having emotional needs—that's the key right there, I think. I have to recognize that I am emotionally needy, and I need a sexual outlet; it's quite a shame that all this came about with my own daughter. I mean, crap; can't I at least cheat on Karen with someone from work? Wouldn't that be less sinful and more understandable? Maybe that hot blonde mail clerk instead? She's hinted at delivering more than just the inter-office mail to me, for sure...

What the hell am I talking about? Let me just clear my mind and reset. Start over. This is a normal Christmas. We're a normal family. Nothing really happened if you think about it... it was just a kiss—and an accidental one at that. I was determined to just let this pass and continue like normal—like every year before. Tradition.

Later that night...

"Joy!" I called out, "Dinner is ready; it's your favorite traditional Christmas Eve meal!"

I heard running down the stairs and Joy yelling "Pizza! Oh, thanks dad! I am just... like starving right now!"

We traditionally ordered pizza for delivery the morning of Christmas Eve, and it was still good by dinner. Sometimes we've even had it on Christmas Day as well; day-old pizza can be quite tasty if you handle it right. So she came over and poured us a couple of sodas from the 2-liter bottle that came with it, while I set out the fine China plates and decorative Christmas cloth napkins (holiday style!).

I had some lights on top of the kitchen cabinets, and a small 2 foot plug-in tree on the counter; so I turned the lights down (like usual, mind you!) and put on the Christmas music channel on the TV. We had a good meal, eating mostly in silence because we were both ravenous with hunger. Afterwards, I brought out dessert.

* * * * *

Dad got up to bring out the traditional candy-cane ice cream and gingerbread brownies. Ok, we're an odd family with odd traditions. So what? I love it, and have so many good memories of them.

I felt the silence was getting a bit awkward again, so I wanted to continue the theme of just going forward like normal.

"Dad, this is so amazing." I was talking in between bites of food. "The lights, the music, the pizza and ice cream... I really love the holidays. I know mom isn't here, but I want to say just like... thank you; for stuff. I love these traditions and spending holidays here with you. It's just peaceful... comforting... and like... I don't know, nice."

Dad smiled and said, "Aw thanks. I enjoy these times, too." He paused for a bit and continued, "it doesn't matter if your mother isn't here this year; we're still family and I love spending time with you. It wouldn't be the same without my <intentional pause> Christmas Joy".

And the dad jokes. As corny and old as they are, I still love them. I just laughed and smiled.

On the TV, the music started playing "have yourself a merry little Christmas", and all I could think of is Kevin spending it alone in the Home Alone movie we watched as kids. I know it's a bit dated, but whatever.

I chimed in again. "Things like these old songs, sometimes they just don't die; but it's a good thing. They're literally timeless. I heard that the songs from like the 40's 50's and stuff; that they had all sorts of hidden meanings and innuendos."

I mentally smacked myself in the face. Did I just bring up sex again? Dammit, I was trying to avoid this.

Dad was quick to save the day: "Yeah, that's mostly because of the time period. The common vernacular was different, and they had to hide 'grown-up' topics from kids. 'Splish Splash' by Bobby Darin was considered 'risque' because it involved nudity—a practical necessity when bathing; 'I shot the Sheriff' was a protest against birth control; and 'Puff the Magic Dragon' was all about drugs."

We both had a good laugh, and finished up dessert. As we were putting dishes in the sink, the song 'Santa Baby' came on. Suddenly the phrase 'coming down the chimney' was taking on a whole new meaning, considering the events earlier.

Dad laughed and said, "Ha! Talk about innuendo; they had a lot of songs about sex, too."

I laughed and chimed in, "I know right? There's that one where the guy asks the lady if she's married, and she's like 'you can do the job while you're in town'. Winter Wonderland! That's it, I think. Sounds like she was looking for something more than gifts under the tree from Santa Claus if you know what I mean!" I said the last part with a stupid, purposefully obnoxious voice.

Dad—being the endless fountain of useless knowledge he is—corrected me, "Well I think that was about the snowman doing the job of being a preacher to marry two people in love, not filling in for the husband. But yeah... it could be interpreted as not quite so innocent, anyway."

I shrugged "Ah, nobody can ever understand the lyrics to songs anyway, much less know what they mean."

Dad laughed, "True story. I can never tell what they're saying with a lot of the new songs. But anyway... enough of that. You gotta get to bed! Santa's gonna come down the chimney and deliver presents, and stuff your stocking..." His voice kind of trailed off when he realized what the alternate interpretation of those sayings could be.

So not to make him feel awkward I put on my best 'dignified and serious' face and joked. "Well, I will look forward to having my stocking stuffed deeply with goodies, and I suuure hope it will be a 'white Christmas' tomorrow." I gave him a playful wink, and turned around and went up to bed.

I stole a glance backward before he was out of view, and his face was looking stunned and confused. In hindsight that probably wasn't the best choice of words, but whatever. Tomorrow is a new day.

* * * * *

I cleaned up the dishes and went to bed; having had a shower earlier, I just took off my pants (I had on boxer-briefs and a T-shirt still) and went straight to sleep. I was tired, confused, and all sorts of things. I was out like a light.

But my night was far from over; I had the strangest dream. It was so vivid and life-like; like I was there watching it happen: Joy and I had just finished opening packages and then Karen called. When I picked up the phone I could tell she had been crying. She said "I can't do this anymore. You're not happy, I'm not happy; I know it's my fault, but I can't do anything about. So, I'm not coming back. You can have the house, car, everything. I brought all my business materials with me and I set up a storefront here. I'll get an apartment in a few weeks, but I make enough to live comfortably on. You have a great job as an engineer, and it pays very good; so I guess I'm saying... I know you'll be ok, too."

I was stunned. Was this really happening? This is still a dream right?

She continued, "and... look I don't want any hard feelings or emotional baggage. Tell Joy I died in a plane crash or something if you want; I can't bear to face her. I feel like I've been living a lie for the past 15 years and like I betrayed her, and I just don't want to deal with any of the inevitable damage. You can have her, she's your daughter now. I won't be involved; I'm just going to go off and disappear. Send me divorce papers in the mail, and I'll sign them. I also release you from all our marital obligations; you need to find a woman that will make you happy. Ok?"

So many things happening inside of me. I felt betrayed, lied to, like she just led me on with no hope in sight. I feel like I just wasted my whole entire life. But at the same time, I understand that it was the truth; even if I don't know why she never wanted treatment or counseling, it doesn't even matter now.

But wait, this is a dream right? And then I woke up in a sweaty-panic. I fumbled around for my phone to check the call history: no calls. I sighed deeply and put my hands over my face, then fell back into the pillow and cried.

I believe in the significance of dreams. This was important; this was something... I don't know what. It was most likely just a dramatization of how I was feeling inside; a natural reaction. But nevertheless, I knew things wouldn't be the same...couldn't be the same. I don't know how or what or when, but some change was going to occur.

The door suddenly flew open and Joy rushed in yelling like a little girl again, "It's Christmas, daddy! Santa came and there's presents and candy and all sorts of stuff." She squealed out excitedly. I looked at her like she was nuts, and then just burst out laughing.