My Cruise Romance Analysed Pt. 02

BACKGROUND

I wrote the story hoping to explain things in chronological order as I encountered them in the dream. I also wanted to explain the psychological significance of the dream. I finished that work at 3 a.m. and went up to bed.

The next evening I was aghast to read the incomprehensible 1.500 words that I had written.

I spent an hour deleting parts of the story, like seeing things in split screen and how my wife and I had some things we liked to see and others we didn't.

With the 1,500 words now down to 250 I had to decide what to do with the project. I felt I had lost the eroticism and romance of the dream.

I could put it on the back burner, like 2 others in the Draft section. I also have 3 multi part adventures to complete and a factual summary of Sex Consent contracts to start. But I felt that I must complete the story as soon as possible.

THE STORY CONTINUES

This part takes the form of what I might say to my psychiatrist (and couldn't say to my wife).

HARD ON

The dream had been so erotic that I woke with a hard on. The last time I was that hard was when I read a sexy BDSM story about a student going to meet his girlfriend's parents. I didn't waste the erection that the BDSM story gave me.

I didn't waste the erection my dream gave me. But it was strange that I was turned

on by the thought of a having had a romantic, non sexual, date with a lesbian. Perhaps her and I able to watch other people having sex made our "date" erotic.

THE BACKGROUND

Lisa is now a 28 year old (and possibly still a bisexual woman) who is half my age.

Many years back, Lisa and I spent evenings together, discussing life in general, since she worked nights at the bookies. I went there to watch football matches that were on Pay TV.

Despite the difference in our ages, I fancied her sexually.

At half time, Lisa would make me coffee and we would eat the doughnuts which I brought with me. They were rarely busy at nights. Any customers were likely to use the betting machines.

GRANT

Grant was Lisa's boyfriend. Before they left my town, they lived together in an old caravan. He was a bad person. He had once been given a 2 month prison sentence for drug dealing. Allegedly, he was cruel to Lisa but she still adored him. According to rumours, Grant got her to do sex acts with other men and in front of witnesses. I believed the rumours. I couldn't understand how Lisa could be so attached to Grant.

Grant didn't go with other women and I guess his faithfulness kept them together. Perhaps Lisa was a submissive and liked pleasing Grant. Perhaps she was dominant and got pleasure knowing that Grant was watching her please other men. Lisa never really talked about Grant to me. I didn't even hear about Grant's prison term from her.

My hope was that the rumours were untrue. They didn't fit with the Lisa who shared coffee and doughnuts with me. But, because I believed the rumours, I wanted Lisa to leave Grant and to get a better life. I felt she deserved to be happier.

TRISH

Lisa also had Trish as a lesbian lover. Trish and Lisa started dating when Grant was in prison. I knew nothing about Trish and her relationship (if any) with Grant. I accepted that Trish was a good match for "my" Lisa. I was friendly with Trish on the few times that we met.

We both wanted Lisa to be happy which was a common link. I suppose she wanted Lisa to leave Grant as well as I did, and for the same reason, to have sex with her.

MY HOPES

Lisa didn't fancy me though I fancied her. Truth to tell, I hoped to have an affair with her. But I knew that was pure fantasy. It was never going to happen. I had to be satisfied with being married for sex and having these evening chats for love.

Six years ago Lisa left our town with Grant. I never knew where they went. I presume that Trish didn't go with them. I never saw Trish around but I stopped going down to the bookies once Lisa left. Well I still went down but only for important matches.

MY WIFE AND MY 3SOME

As you may guess from my wanting to have an affair with Lisa, my home life isn't a "happy ever after" marriage.

Two years ago, I had a 3some with a married man and his wife. I wasn't planning to stray. But a casual friendship led to discussions and then, one drunken night, to me joining them in their bedroom. It was great fun having another man's wife with their permission and indeed active involvement.

BLACKMAIL

They had set me up in order to blackmail me. They had taken a video of us 3 naked and me enjoying his wife. I felt ashamed and angry and also unsure what to do. They wanted £2,500 in cash or else.

All our household money is pooled in a joint bank account. I couldn't suddenly pay them £2,500 without my wife noticing. If I paid then my wife would know, if I refused to pay she would know. So I had no alternative but to confess and throw myself (metaphorically) down on my knees and beg forgiveness.

But I didn't want the people in my office know that I was an adulterer. So I hoped to persuade my wife that we should pay. I feared her response but she was cool, calm and collected.

She said "Okay you have been a fool. They put temptation in your way and you couldn't resist it. Sex was handed to you on a plate and you were plied with drink it was almost inevitable. Any red blooded man would stray."

I was relieved.

DON'T PAY THEM

She continued "You do realise that they won't just ask for £2,500. They will come back and ask for more. And probably once they have bled us dry they will still release that fucking video."

I was aware of the unintended double meaning of 'that fucking video', but this wasn't the time for discussing the peculiarities of English grammar. I had a bigger fish to fry.

She continued "You know that you have to phone the police and make a formal complaint that you are being blackmailed."

I said "But what if the blackmailers release the video?"

My wife replied "Even if you pay the money they could still release the video. There are no guarantees, whatever you do."

THE POLICE

Cutting along story short, the police got them to confess by me wearing a wire. The police found other videos, which indicated that this was not the first time they had trapped some unsuspecting man.

THE AFTERMATH OF MY AFFAIR

My wife is still angry about my affair. It has also badly affected my self image. I lack confidence and have a tendency to be reclusive. I still go back and relive the feelings of shame and betrayal of my principles.

My wife gives me great sex and we share a lot of interests. But there is a certain something missing in our marriage. It is called open and honest discussion. I think my wife only stays married to me until the right man comes along. But I am unable to tell her this.

I am "clingy" because I fear she will leave me. We go to fewer drinks parties, which robs us of having a good time, because of my fears about her finding another man.

My clinging causes resentment. I suspect that my wife feels she is being punished for my marital indiscretion.

OUR ROMANTIC CRUISE.

My wife and I like going on cruises together. We agreed to go on a 4 day (2 night) cruise to Rotterdam. There are 5 highlights of the trip.

Top of the list is the magnificent Market Hall, (which is modern masterpiece with the largest art work in Europe as a ceiling).

Second are the Cube houses (which are fun but impractical to live in). The Cube Houses are inspired by a forest (but look nothing like a forest to me).

Next is the outside of the Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen. The building acts as mirror. People photograph themselves themselves

in mid air.

The main Boijmans building is being renovated and will be open in 10 years time. That is such a shame, because the main building has some world class art.

Last is the KPN building which has a light show at night time. The Market Hall also has a light show but it isn't very good.

I was looking forward to my wife and I seeing these attractions together, interspersed by Afternoon Tea back in the ship. It may seem old fashioned but it is a great invention, thank you Lord Sandwich for your culinary innovation.

But of course I was mostly looking forward to enjoy having sex on the sea (and on the River Meuse, where the ship berths). And to having romantic dinners with waiter service.

Of course I got none of these with my wife or indeed with Lisa. But I was happy, despite everything changing.

THE REASONS FOR THE DREAM

I hadn't thought of Lisa for many years. I don't know why I dreamed about her now. I guess it must be that

1) I still fancy Lisa

2) I still hate Grant

3) I am still friendly towards Trish

4) I still don't trust my wife and

5) I still want that missing something in my marriage.