My Cruise Romance Analysed Pt. 03

I have divided this into 3 parts because, like Topsy in Uncle Tom's Cabin it "just grow'd".

It is based on an actual dream that I had. Part 1 described the dream. Part 2 was my explanation about it to my psychiatrist. This part 3 is my psychiatrist's evaluation of both the dream and my insights into it.

Enjoy.

INTRODUCTION

I reveal this with the written permission of my client. My name is Jason Prenters. I have been Robert's psychiatrist for nearly 2 years, following his nervous breakdown.

PRESENTING PROBLEMS

The presenting causes of him seeing me were sleeplessness, anxiety and delusions. He imagined people knowing about his affair and coming into his and his wife's bedroom to point at "this adulterer".

The early work with him was not to overcome his pressures about the blackmail and his adultery. I sought (through therapy) to bring the pressures back to levels that didn't interfere with his life unduly.

Robert shows signs of recovery from the trauma of attempted blackmail over his 3some.

Medication and appropriate therapies are making inroads into his problems.

He has now revealed a possibly deeper issue over his attempt to have an affair with Lisa and has formed (in a dream) a similar emotional attachment to a lesbian, Trish.

BLACKMAIL PROCESSES

The arrest and bringing the court case against the man and wife seemed to take forever. This was an additional, yet unavoidable, traumatic period even for me as an observer. Quite rightly Robert could not have any influence over the time needed to bring a case to court.

Robert was also worried that there might be a leak about Mr X (as he was to be called in the court proceedings). That was understandable. Robert, like every person who is a victim of crime, wants the person or people to be caught and punished.

DOWNGRADING EXPECTATIONS

British law set the maximum sentence for blackmail at 14 years imprisonment. Robert expected the man and woman to get the maximum sentence. His solicitor got Robert to downgrade his expectations. They both offered a plea of "Guilty". They got 2 years each and Robert felt that was fair.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS

We meet once a month and Robert tries to make the most of each session. He has progressed and the delusions have now ceased. This may not be entirely to our "talk therapy", it may also be to the prescription drugs I authorise. It takes a month for them to kick in.

EXPOSURE THERAPY

I also utilise "exposure therapy" to tackle Robert's tendency to be reclusive. I set him tasks which he will find challenging, he tries it and we review his feelings. One example, I got him to go to the Cinema with Jane (his wife). Once he got used to it, I then set him the task of going with a friend and finally the task of going to the cinema alone.

Luckily Robert has lots of safe places, especially when accompanied by Jane. One of his coping strategies is to research the places he has to go to. For instance he spent lots of time watching You tube videos and making internet searches for the trip to Rotterdam. He could easily give an hour long talk on Rotterdam.

Robert was impressed by Trish researching their trip to see Feyenoord. That was another thing to bond them.

THE BLESSINGS OF SLEEP

The dream is a sign that Robert may now be getting the kind of sleep we all need to adjust to the stresses and strains of life. Basically the REM stage acts as "author" of the dream and the person then sees the author's work in the UnREM stage.

In short "REM author and UnREM audience". Being in UnREM may account for Robert's observation that

"My wife was more than happy to be fucked by the Captain and the Italian man. It didn't feel strange that Trish and I were watching my wife being fucked by 2 other men. I wasn't angry (which I would have been if it happened in real life) or turned on.

I was just envious that my wife could enjoy being unfaithful."

PSYCHOLOGICALLY SPEAKING

Robert wasn't "angry or turned on" because he was watching a play authored (and authorised) by his REM consciousness. Had it been a REM dream he would likely have had a broken sleep.

The REM "author" wants his audience to be at one with the person's world.

FEAR AND SHAME

Robert has (unfounded) worries about his wife having an affair. This is the "fear factor". He also regrets his involvement in the 3some with the man and his wife. This is the shame factor. The REM sleep appeared to divest him of the "fear factor" and the "shame factor" respectively.

I believe that the dream will prove to be a turning point. It has opened up many issues which we can use to therapeutic effect. One issue may be about Robert's sexuality since he was (in the dream) attached to Trish (a lesbian) and Lisa (a bisexual lady).

Robert has had a long term "emotional affair" with Lisa. He had an intimate bond similar to those seen in fully sexual relationships. This is marital dynamite. Jane doesn't know the truth about her husband going to the bookies mainly to see Lisa. This knowledge is likely to unsettle her at a deeper level than Robert's one-off 3some.

After all, Robert was seeing Lisa repeatedly and ached for an affair. It is likely to be a marriage breaker for most couples.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

It is noticeable that Robert never once calls his wife by her name, even though I ask him to use it. For some reason, Robert is scared to reveal her name even to me.

This reveals much of his desire to hide his deeper feelings. Calling Jane "my wife" means he is not dealing with a real person. He is dealing with an abstraction, at one remove from his lived existence with Jane, and therefore academic and not personal.

In short, Robert not saying "Jane" is a defence mechanism. It will be a step forward when he says her name.

ABOUT JANE

I have had only one 50 minute session with Jane. This was without Robert being present. She made it clear that this was a one off. In her words "All this psycho bubble does is rake up unpleasant memories. I have enough troubles without inviting you to add to them." Despite Jane's low opinion of my profession she is pleased that Robert has an outlet to try to get over his troubles.

Jane gave me insights into what happened and how she feels about life and her marriage. Due to professional confidentiality issues, I am not able to reveal how Jane feels to you or to Robert.

THE DREAM

Robert's dream wasn't as involving as some he has had. During the "involving dreams" he has been known to shout "No" or shake enough to wake his wife.

Once he shouted "No" and woke up people sleeping in the next room. The next day Jane had to explain to her guests that Robert just had a bad dream.

She joked "I wasn't really trying to throttle my darling husband."

MY CONCLUSIONS

The medications should continue and be reviewed in 6 months.

The issues around the attempted Blackmail are now resolved.

I am not sure that we can get much further will issues about Robert's 3some with the married man and his wife, though I will keep reinforcing the message of trying non-penetrative intimate communication (like massage sessions)

The major issues now are

1) his desire for emotional support

2) his tendency to be reclusive and

3) his self image of his gender and

4) him making an informed decision whether or not to tell Jane about the dream and

5) him making an informed decision whether or not to tell her about his desire for an affair with Lisa.