My Descent into Slavery Ch. 11

"I was a little scared and lonely. It was the first time I'd ever been to New York, and I was a new submissive, with only about two weeks of submissive training under my belt, and wondering who my Dominant would be and if I'd even like him. Hannah took me out to dinner to meet her wife and invited me to her house to have sex afterward. I had so much fun with them. I hoped like hell I got chosen, just so I could spend more time with them."

"Can you imagine if anyone else had been chosen instead of Beth?" Jìngyi said.

"Not for the life of me," Angelique responded.

"It sure worked out well for me," Sahar said, clasping my hand.

"She made my slavery bearable," Hannah said. "I don't know how I would have ended up without her there."

"You helped me too," I said. "Once I knew what was going to happen to me, I would have found some way to kill myself without knowing I still had to help you."

"What were they going to do to you?" Angelique asked. "Hannah told me where she and Jìngyi were going to be sold, but she never told me where you were to be sold."

"They didn't say because I asked them not to," I said. "They planned to do the same thing to both Miranda and me."

"But it didn't happen. Why not say?" Ange said.

"Because it's what did happen to me and I don't want anyone to ever know what that was," Sahar said. "It's bad enough these three know what it was. I'd be the object of pity to anyone that knew. I'd feel like a zoo specimen or lab rat. Beth is the only one I've ever told any of the details to, and I'm amazed she can still love me."

"Sahar, it's not your fault. You had no control over what happened to you," I said.

"It's not so much what happened, as it is I grew to enjoy it. That, I had control of."

"I know why you think that, my Love, but not really. Part of it is your religious upbringing. You were brought up to remain pure for your husband. Any sex would have been devastating to you. What they did to you was criminal. But Allah made us so that we can and do enjoy sex. The fact that you could enjoy sex under those circumstances might have kept you from losing your sanity. It may have been what allowed you to survive, no matter how degraded it made you feel. I have never held any of it against you, any more than you seem to hold my increased sexual cravings against me. I know you would prefer it if there were just a few extra people you had to share me with; perhaps only Joshua and my sister slaves. That you so willingly accept I'm ready to fuck anything that walks and talks, means you understand where these needs come from; my slavery. You don't blame me for being a promiscuous slut, or that I want you to enjoy the things I do, because I do.

"For the same reason, I know where your anger and darkness comes from. I understand it. You weren't born that way. You were made into that person. I love you, because despite what happened to you, and how much you should hate the entire world, you've opened your heart to me and all that I love, including my Master, and my friends, three of whom are in bed with us now. Sahar, you're the reason I'm alive now. That you survived, and can still love, is the reason I decided I could survive, and still love. Never be amazed that I can love you. Never be amazed that anyone can love you."

Sahar started crying and I put my arms around her, and moments later, both Hannah and Jìngyi put their arms around her and we all started crying together. Angelique put her arms around her wife and started crying too, even without knowing why. It just felt right, a sisterhood of slaves and submissives. That's the way we fell asleep, closely hugging one another in a small pile of female humanity.

******

We had time for more sex in the morning. Not the hours of slurping abandon of the night before, but a tension reliever. We split up, everyone going where they needed to go. Sahar and I showered and took care of our other needs. Sahar shaved my pussy. As she shaved me, I talked to her about my expectations for our wedding night.

"Dear, if we were a heterosexual couple years ago, tonight would be the night we first had sex, surrendered our virginity and began a lifetime of what was supposed to be sex exclusively with one another. We're not heterosexual, surrendered our virginity a long time ago, and will not be exclusive sexual partners. That's not our life. I do want you to know, that whoever I have sex with, it makes no difference about how much I will love you. You own every part of my heart that I can give you, and you'll always own that part.

"Tonight, though, is all about you. I don't want any other people in our bed. I want only you. I have something special planned for you. Something that I believe you will love, but it will require you to trust me and surrender control of your body to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to tie you down. I will not hurt you, strike you, or do anything which I haven't done to you before, except tie you down. Do you trust me enough to allow me to do so, or would you feel like you're surrendering too much control to me?"

"How would I protect you if someone broke in?"

"You couldn't. I'd have to protect you, or we'd both die, because I would never willingly, allow anyone to harm you."

"You're asking a lot of me."

"I know."

"I couldn't do it for anyone else but you."

"I know that too."

"Why do you want to tie me down?"

"I want to be totally in charge of the pleasure you receive tonight. You'll have no input into what we do. Everything will be in my control. You won't cum unless I want you to. I'll make you cum even if you're exhausted. If you have less than thirty orgasms, I'll feel I failed you."

"You make it sound very appealing."

"Will you do it then?"

"I will surrender myself totally to you."

"Thank you."

******

We ate and Roberta showed up at ten to start on Miranda's hair.

"This would be a hell of a lot easier if we did this on the ship," Roberta said, "instead of hauling all this shit around, but the wind would fuck up your hair on the way back to land. Best to do it here."

Apikalia also arrived, bringing in several dresses for the bridesmaids that had needed the most alteration, and boutonnieres for all of the men in a couple large boxes. She had another box with the bridal bouquets and the those of our bridesmaids.

"The flowers are being set up at the ceremony hall according to the instructions," Apikalia said.

"May I speak to you, Apikalia?" I said. "In private."

She followed me into my room, Sahar smiling behind her, but not entering with me.

"Sure. What do you need?" she asked after I closed the door.

"Joshua said that you spoke to him about having sex with me, and by extension, my soon to be wife. What did he say?"

"He said it was up to you if you'd have sex with me. He had no objections; just wanted to be sure it was what I really wanted."

"Is it what you really want?"

"Yes," she said shyly.

"Why? Have you wanted sex with a woman before?"

"I hadn't thought of it too much. Not much time to wonder about it, really. I was curious though. Like I told you before; I'd kissed a girl. Kind of liked it. Seems softer somehow than when a boy kissed me. Then, when I came to change the bed linens, and you said Miss Hafeez orgasmed so hard she squirted. Well, that got my attention. I mean, I've cum before, but only when I touch myself. I've been close a couple times with the boys I was with, but they ended too soon, if you know what I mean. I want to see what it's like when another person caused it, and not me, especially if it's so strong I can squirt. That's something I've heard about, but never seen, or experienced."

"You do realize it's a physiological response to sex not all women can experience. Even if everything is done perfectly, you may not squirt."

"But you can make me cum, right?"

"I'm sure you'll orgasm, yes."

"That's good enough for me."

"Are you off tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes. Miss Hannah said I could have Sunday off, but I'll be working Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, helping your guests with any sightseeing requests, travel help, getting them to the airport; things like that. She'll let me know if I'm needed for more things after that."

"I plan on keeping my new wife up half the night after our wedding, ensuring she has a wedding night to remember. We'll probably sleep in late tomorrow morning. How would you like to come join us around ten? We'll let you participate in our fun until lunch, then you'll be free to do what you want. How does that sound?"

"Sounds marvelous."

"Do you only want to know what it's like for a woman to make love to you, to cum hard, or are you interested in seeing what it's like to lick a woman yourself?"

"You mean I'd have a choice? Don't I have to lick you back?"

"It's up to you. We can both assume you're only curious and wish to see what it's like. You find out and we'll let it go at that. If you decide you want more; want to be on the giving side instead of the receiving end, we'll enjoy it, if you give it a try."

"I wouldn't really know what to do, having never done it before."

"The very first woman I had sex with, said to me, 'There's no wrong way to lick a woman. It all feels good.' It might take you a little longer to get there, but you will get there. The person being licked will be happy to tell you what they like the best. After we've licked you, you'll pretty much know what feels good to you. You just apply what felt good to you to the person you're providing pleasure to."

"Just talking about it is making me tingle. You know, down there."

"I'm very aware of that tingle. If you lick me, you'll find I'm very wet, very aroused. I'll have had that tingle all morning thinking about you. We'll see you tomorrow at ten, then."

"Thanks, Miss Wilson."

"Call me Beth. My last name will be changing today anyway." I opened the door and let her out of the room.

I went to Sahar and gave her a kiss. "Are we fucking her?" Sahar asked.

"Tomorrow at ten AM. She might be early. She seems anxious."

"Try not to make her fall in love with you. I have enough competition as it is."

I kissed her again. I worked to touch up my wedding vows. I wanted them to be perfect.

******

Hibbah and Fatima came over just before Roberta started working on my hair. Angelique took them to her room to start working on them. The bridesmaids who needed their dresses came to pick them up, along with their bouquets. They grabbed what they needed and left just as quick, except for the ones for my wedding. They both stayed there with us.

"Hello, Maahnoor, Ateefah, I haven't had a chance to talk to you for quite some time. How do you like being mothers?"

"It's much easier than it would be if I were still in Pakistan," Ateefah said. "What you suggested about taking turns looking after them is pretty nice. Gives us time with our husbands."

"Are your husbands still treating you right?"

"Henry is still treating me well, better than I expected," Maahnoor said, "given what I did to him."

"I know what you did was bad, Maahnoor, but you're not totally to blame. I warned you that you might have problems based upon what happened to you. I'm having problems too, and I was only in slave training for a month. If I were in a normal relationship, I might have trouble remaining faithful to anyone. I crave sex more than I used to. It affects everyone differently. You were a slave the second longest behind Sahar. You came out of your slavery pregnant. You didn't even have a chance to adjust to your freedom before you needed to make a decision about marriage and a child. I'm surprised you've adjusted as well as you have. Sahar still has problems, Johanna still has problems. Hannah and Jìngyi still have problems from what happened to them. You can't continue to tear yourself down. You have to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them and grow. Is the hypnosis still helping you?"

"I very rarely think of other men in regards to sex. Maybe once or twice a month. Would hypnosis help you too?" Maahnoor asked.

"I don't know how it might be applied to me. It's not magic. I'm required to have sex with Sahar as my wife, Joshua as my Master, and others he might designate as he sees fit. Who should I be discouraged in having sex with; Sahar, Joshua, my sister slaves? Should I quit obeying my Master if he tells me to have sex with the crew for Employee of the Day, Week or Month? My circumstances are different than yours. I will be undergoing counseling with you. I need it now too. I'm unsure if I can continue as your group leader. Dr. Sadiq will observe how I conduct the meetings to see if I'm fit to lead them now. I will need you to tell me if I'm not doing my job and failing to help you as I should. I may not recognize my failings because I need help myself. I might fail to recognize a problem you're having because I'm having the same problem and think it's normal. I'm not normal anymore.

"I hope I can separate my own issues from those you're having, but until someone on the outside looks in to see how I'm doing, I might not see it. How do Hibbah and Farah seem to be doing? Does anyone know if Hibbah plans to adhere to a traditional marriage model, or not?"

Hibbah had finished up with Angelique and came out just in time to hear my last question. "I'd like to maintain a traditional marriage model," Hibbah said. "I'd like to be sure that any child I have is Jake's and not someone else's. We have discussed it. He said he might not mind too much if I wanted to have sex with a woman once in awhile. He'd definitely be hurt if it was another man. I was thinking of having Dr. Sadiq hypnotizing me as well. Hopefully, he could help me resist the temptation to stay away from other men. Perhaps even women too, as much as I enjoy it. It seems to have worked for Maahnoor. I don't want to mess up my marriage either. Jake is a good man and I love him."

"Are you still having sex with women now?"

Hibbah hesitated answering the question. "Have you had sex with Johanna since she got here?" I asked.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Did you tell Jake?"

"No."

"You should tell him," I said. "He's already said he might not mind too much about sex with a woman."

"What if he wouldn't want to get married then?"

"And what if he finds out you've tried to lie to him or hidden an important truth? Trying to hide something that important, or lying about it is often worse than the thing itself. Dishonesty can hurt a marriage as fast as almost anything else. I'll try never to hide anything from Sahar, or lie to her about anything. I realize our marriage will be different and she's not expecting me to be faithful, so I don't have to hide that information from her, but even if she knows it might occur, she may be upset if I try to hide it from her. One of the reasons the issue of fidelity is important in most marriages, is because your spouse wants to know you're not falling out of love with them, and falling in love with someone else. If I tried to hide my fucking with others from Sahar, she might believe the reason I'm hiding it from her, is I don't want her to know I'm losing my love for her. It's part of the reason I want her there when I have sex with others. So she knows it's only fucking, and I'm not forming emotional attachments to the people I'm fucking.

"She knows and expects the attachments I already have, and has made allowances for them, but she doesn't want to be replaced by someone else. If you want to have sex with other women, Hibbah, you might allow Jake the same privilege. Obviously, you don't want him giving a child to anyone else, but if he could have sex with Johanna as well, it might not seem as terrible to him that you want to."

"What if I don't want Jake to have sex with Johanna?" Hibbah asked.

"Then you're being a hypocrite, expecting he do something that you're unwilling to do, be faithful to him."

"What if he could have sex with other men, but not other women?" Hibbah asked.

"By restricting Jake to other men, you're assuming he wouldn't fall in love with a man who he was having sex with. If Jake truly wanted to have sex with men, he could fall in love with another man as easily as he did to another woman, such as you. Just as it's possible for you to fall in love with a woman if you enjoy having sex with them. I enjoy sex with men. It didn't stop me from falling in love with Sahar. Nor does loving Sahar prevent me from enjoying sex with men or loving my Master.

"Part of the reason you had sex with Johanna is you still have an emotional connection to her from before. She felt it too. She enjoys sex with women. She wanted to have sex with you despite the fact she could have had sex with lots of other women who'd be more than happy to fuck her. That's part of Johanna's sexual issues. It seems she has a difficult time having sex with normal people in normal relationships. All of the people she's having sex with are either submissive to her, or ex-slaves, such as yourself, that she's had sex with before.

"Even knowing you were getting married, she wanted to fuck you. So trying to limit Jake to sex with other men doesn't change the overall situation, except you know he doesn't want to have sex with other men in the first place. So you're being dishonest with him and trying to keep him from what you yourself want to do. You're saying I get to eat ice cream, but I don't want you eating ice cream. It's unfair."

"So you're saying if we let our husbands have sex with other people, we could have sex with other people, too," Ateefah said.

"It's more honest, but that doesn't mean your marriage would survive. Not everyone can accept their spouse having sex with other people. Hibbah doesn't want Jake having sex with other women, despite wanting to do it herself. If Jake had sex with other women all the time, she might stop loving him. Both Henry and James are traditional minded. They're interested in traditional marriages. If their wives start fucking other people with the expectation they can also fuck other people, they might wonder why the hell be married at all, if everyone is going to fuck whoever they want anyway."

"How will your marriage survive?" Hibbah asked. "You fuck different people all the time."

"None of the parties in my relationships are traditional. I'm sure Sahar might wish I were more traditional than I am. I was already in a committed submissive relationship to Joshua when she told me she loved me. I told her I would marry her if she accepted that I would remain submissive to my Master. She decided she preferred accepting those conditions if I was willing to marry her, rather than living without me, but at least she knows the rules ahead of time.

"I can't promise her fidelity as a result, but I will promise to always love her and spend as much time and energy on her as I give to anyone else. I will be as honest and true as I can be within those parameters. But she has the same conditions as I reserved for myself. She can have sex with anyone else she wants to, regardless of whether I'm with her or not. She has the ability to fall out of love with me and in love with someone else. I can't control that. What I can do is try to make her marriage to me as good as I can make it, so she has no reason to be disappointed in me, or to fall in love with someone else. We all take that risk when we love someone else. Their love may not last, but that applies equally to any marriage, traditional, or as strange as mine is going to be.

"If you want to have sex with other people, Hibbah, you have to give Jake the same option. Then you hope that the other parts of your marriage are so good, he doesn't care if he's enjoying sex with other women; he won't want to leave you anyway. If you don't want him having sex with anyone else, you need to be faithful yourself. Given your circumstances, that may be difficult, but that should be what you strive for. Maahnoor was willing to let Henry have sex with me after she slipped up. She thought it was better than losing him altogether."