All Comments on 'My Ex Fiancée'

Noting the proofreading errors, but they did not detract from the score. The ending that fell off a cliff did, however.

Four stars.

JPB NOT BOB

Enjoyed the story . A little bit over done but nice. AAAAAA++++++

A decent story with a certain amount of fantasy tied to it!! Some things just happened too easily to be acceptable in today’s world… even in Australia!!

If this writer is going to continue writing (and he should) he must make a concerted effort to find a good editor and a proofreader!!!

Iffy story I wanted to like, except for all the typos....

@AngelRider, I'm glad I read your comment before I scored. I was fluctuating a little, but you tipped it to 5.

Your comment is nothing but trolling.

Jail is decent punishment for the cheaters, but broken bones are better.

Maybe Penny will one day come to her senses, it's clear that Geoff screwed her up, hence why she's playing around now, unless she has been playing around, when she was with Geoff. As for Angelrider, no, rape is not a joke, but it put her on the spot because we all know that Georgia would lie about them being in the apartment, he did not do it as a joke, he did it with a tactical means. A joke would mean that they are all buddies at the end, clearly, they're not, but you wouldn't know because you didn't read the story.

A tale fit for a 15 y.o. boy along with all the misspellings and grammar errors.

Rape is a joke to this asshole it seems. I quit after the first page. Must be nice to feel that the worst moment in a woman's life is fodder for shitty fiction.

Too much craziness. Elaborate but also chaotic. Georgia was a head case. Screwing Geff the next morning was surreal and implausible.

Good story, though the ending fell short.

Good story- one can overlook the grammar and spelling errors if one tries. Good effort - good author Charlie B4

Good story, ending should’ve been a bit more robust, but had a touch of reality about it.

Scores 5/5, l enjoyed it a lot.

Weak ending, Georgia never paid any price.

A billionaire heiress would have connections to help get him employment.

The story started well and nicely, but then became disappointing halfway. Too many words were invested into topics I didn't care for cuz I'm here to read a cheating-revenge story. The focus suddenly shifted to that boss guy, and the wife just existed in the background. Her cheating, etc, also became a secondary topic in the story, etc.

The ending sucked. You also desperately need a proofreader.

Story is like a huge fireworks but exploded like fart.

good idea for a plot, just very poorly expanded into a believable story

1 star - this story was so full of crap, it was a waste of time trying to read it.

I am done and you are relegated to the rejected writer file.

You need a proofreader! Good story and creative. You are a good storyteller.

As a UK reader I was shocked to read a story by an Australian author with such an appalling command of the English language. Some of it was undecipherable, which is a pity because it was a great story otherwise.

Started off well but finished in a whimper

Good but the ending was too abrupt. What happened to all the main characters? In particular what happened to his fiance?

Good story, but you need to get an editor who can write grammatical English and one who can spell; the the team who defend you are the defence, not the defines (just one of many).

I liked it, a good story and well written⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

good story and well written

Entertaining -- need I say more? 5*

Adam faired fairly well, 720,000 is nothing to sneeze about. He did get his BTB on all parties concerned. Well done

You should have included Georgia suing her employer for sexual harassment

Pretty damn good BTB, but a little physical punishment was called for.

A 5 star story but I think it could have used another page or another chapter. Everything came to a close very fast without alot of close out. Would have liked to hear a bit more about what happened to all his former friends and whether the MC got a real happy ending.

Question. Does "Defines" in Aussie mean "Defense" in Yank? After seeing it used that way 3 times, I'm anxious to know if I need to take a course in Australian English,

2 plus the story spent too much time on the criminal plot and not enough time on the main characters. They didn't even get one page.

Continuing to read your LW stories and this is another great one. As usual (LOL), I don't agree our hero was black listed, but the writing was excellent and the story arc sound and believable. Well done! 5*

Whew! A lot going on. Those Aussies must be randy dudes. It must come from living upside down.

For read would of been better if we had a real ending for the protagonist, what's written dissent seem realistic

Very enjoyable and very entertaining. My only criticism is that I thought the ending was a little weak. Maybe he and Penny should have hooked up permanently and he ended up filthy rich with a hot babe. I think that’s better than him just moving out into the bush all alone. Anyway, just my two cents.

Good story. You need an editor. I know that Australian English is different. There are several instances of incorrect tense being used. Defense is spelled as defines throughout. I have always been critical of the commenters who act as grammar police, but the spelling and tense errors were so numerous as to be distracting to an otherwise good story. 4*

Great story, some of it had me in stitches. Being a Aussie myself I loved the references to Australian personalities and locations. Looking forward to more. Keep up the great work.

WHY WOULD TURNBULL'S WIFE TAKE HIM BACK! UNLESS SHE'S IN ON IT. WHAT GOOD WOMAN WOULD TAKE BACK SUCH A MAN. FRAUD, INFIDELITY, A FAMILY EMBARRASSMENT, LOST ALL CREDIBILITY WITH THE FINANCIAL SECTOR. THE AUTHOR SHOULD HAVE GONE FURTHER. AND HOW IS MR. ADAMS SPENSER'S NEW ADVENTURE WORKING OUT? DID HE AT LEAST BECOME MORE THAN WELL OFF? WHAT OF HIS LOVE LIFE? 4****-COULD HAVE BEEN A 5.

I like the way they do things in Australia. Sorry the guy got screwed by his fiancée, but at least he found out before he got married. 7 stars, the Bear approves. Met a guy named Peter Woodbury, RAAF ,when I was in 'NAM, reminded me of him. Keep writing, mate.

The BEAR

Turnbull was cheating on his wife. He passed all of his money to his wife when they divorced. Turnbull was a banker who was charged with financial crimes. He would never get a high paying job. He was a balding overweight cheating asshole. So I would of thought that Turnbull’s wife look for a toy boy?

Pretty well written. Seem to get a little tiresome after awhile. All in all not a bad effort.

It sucked. No real ending. Everything wa see left open.

Come on people, quit playing games close it up or keep going for more chapters.!!

3 Stars. The ending left you feeling like a deflated balloon.

but I'd have gone for it, even if she cheated any halfway decent prenup would get you more than 50 mil in a divorce from a billionaire

The best story I have read in a while. Great plot, realistic characters, careful details and just splendid writing, ending without embellishments.

Man, this is some serious work worthy of a movie screenplay.

He got revenge on everyone who betrayed him. Loss of reputation, jobs, and getting prison is pretty good. But I would think that a good Aussie man would extract a little hands on satisfaction.

I may not like all of his stories, even hate some of them, but I always enjoy reading them. They seem realistic too, like at no point do I go the cops would never do that or in what world would that happen?

Might not like all the stories, but keep looking forward to more.

Thought this would be one of those deals where the guy gets every damn thing handed to him too easy, and with nothing but narration like a formula. But no, somehow the writer turned it around.

The interplay between the protag and the gossip columnist was the type of thing that helped round out the story. And there were quite a few things that could have gone many different ways, giving the story quite a circuitous ramble, but somehow our writer kept pulling a rabbit out of somewhere dark :))

Quite well done. Bravo, Sir.

i loved this one Charlie, i like that everyone who did wrong got what they deserved... i can't wait to read more of Your stories!!

I enjoyed the story. I didn't find the typo's and spelling errors distracting enough to lower my 5* rating.

Question: How could Adam be a cuckold if he wasn't married?

@silentsound: You are wondering what happened to Georgia's brain. That's obvious - I was all cummed up!

I really hope there is a part 2!

Actually it was just some still in denial vapid Obama-Clinton supporter. I apologize to the author for responding to this anonymous poster on your stories page.

I love stories where the villains get their due.

You write really interesting stories. I love them!

Thanks and hope to read more:)

Ed

Get an editor!!!! How to fuck a story up...just read this one!

I couldn't stop reading it. It was well written and flowed nicely. I can only assume that those anonymous who didn't like this story are just dumb rednecks who voted for Donald Trump. Enough said, lol!

Would have liked to find out what the hell was passing for a brain in Georgia's head.

That was one fucked up slut!

is there anyone she didn't fuck? total bullshit. and get a fucking editor.

But way too many punctuation and typo mistakes. Either an additional editor, (four

eyes are better than two), or a new editor would probably help.

All the simple mistakes just made it more difficult to read.

loved the story. Just curious, why didn't your main character a good reference w/the severence package? If couldn't have his then get some money!!!

Unfortunately the comment you refer to was not from me. I think from experience it was "vastiesmith2" or "bonnietaylor2."

Anyway it's nice to see they let you out or took off the straight jacket long enough for you to get your hands on the keyboard. Hope you had fun reading this story a second time or was it your third? You've posted your "drivel" and "illiterate" comment twice before the last one.

Maybe if they let you sign up for a name you could check through the previous comments and see that you had been here before. Or is it that you can't remember your name?

Anyway enjoy your freedom and don't forget to keep taking the pills.

CharlieB4

Both defence and crutch were correctly used. There are actually actually regions in the US that use both forms, which are correct. Americans are so strange about language that we borrowed.

defense |dəˈfensˈdēˌfens| (Brit. defence)

noun

crutch |krəCH|

2 archaic another term for crotch (of the body or a garment).

Old English crycc, cryc, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch kruk and German Krücke .

Eat it annony! you are the worst

that was my attempt at humour.

In the story defense attorney was repeatedly misspelt, as was fiancée (among so many others.)

I did like the plot and story line, but the constant errors drove me right round the bend, or as some would say, nucking futs.

Were you being ironic?

in defines of the author (defense?)

Georgia was not yet our mane character's wife she was still his finance. (main? fiancé?)

other than the proof reading errors, it was a very entertaining story.

proof reading errors

Too funny. ;)

But yeah, the story could have done better with someone familiar with some mainstream form of English looking it over before it was put up.

Georgia was not yet our mane character's wife she was still his finance.

other than the proof reading errors, it was a very entertaining story.

Well balanced and well thought out. The baddies got their comeuppance, and our hero ends up with a job that he'll probably enjoy far more than what he was doing before. What could be better?

But he really got the shaft. In the end he looses everything. Future wife - gone. Home - gone. Job - gone. Friends - gone. Fairly well written, but lets face it. This was depressing as hell! More fun to read the obituaries.

"in flagrante deflector" – um, I think you mean “in flagrante delicto”!

"Jim said he felt I wasn't contributing enough to the team effort.” - I thought his name was Jeremy?

Why is she so worried about her job? She’s about to marry the “wonder kid”! As long as she keeps her legs closed and she’s set for life!

I’ve been reluctant to hassle you over typos (crutch for crotch?), but this one was too extreme, and repeated two sentences later! “Turnbull's defines” – I’m SURE you meant DEFENSE!

Some authors don't have the balls or the ability to finish the dam story........5ssss

Good start though....bill

not too bad. needs editing.

meet the 3 Stooges. TK U MLJ LV NV

who cares if your english was a bit …… well …… Australian! Good plot, good pace and great ending!

He already got him. Everyone else in banking is just running from him because they're afraid he was involved as well. Or maybe because they figure if they hire him he might find whatever skeletons they have in their own closets.

He is good friends with a business gossip column writer, why didn't he turn that guy loose on the people that blackballed him?

They blackballed him for exposing corruption while they were themselves corrupt, highly newsworthy.

Even if it didn't help him with career prospects they deserve to be burned.

Who wants a corrupt banker?

I find it hard to believe English is your native language, although most English speaker would believe that of Australian. Go back to primary school.

The writing was almost in code. How do you go from "defense" to "defines", repeated over and over so no typo. And any jerk that spends twenty thousand on golf clubs deserves a whore for a fiance.

There is no comment on whether Penny fucked around before she became a cuckoldress. Based on that I would assume she wasn't. As a newly single girl with a possibly over average sexual appetite, there is nothing to keep her from getting her jollies as she sees fit.

It is a fact that nearly 10% of school leavers cannot read or write. You can see that in virtually every Aussie writer on Lit ! Just give their shit 1* it deserves.

BTW , I am sorry to admit, I am an Aussie as well. (Legacy of the fucking Brits!! )

doesn't keep the wolves at bay, TK U MLJ LV NV

Penny is made into a ridiculous throwaway character when she goes from cheated on fiancee to superfreak.

Like the Rick James song - She's a very kinky girl The kind you don't take home to mother

Why would such a player get so upset over her guy getting a little on the side?

Sending him off to deal with killers?

There are so many errors that it appears to almost be another language.

Is Australian a separate language?

but very difficult to read. There were so many spelling and punctuation errors I had to back track several times to try to figure out what was meant.

A diligent proof reader would turn this into a very good submission.

I don't know he kept it all together, after wife's betrayal.

The worst. 1 Star.

You never really told us why and when Georgia starts messing around! Was she a slut right from the start or did it start her new job duties? We never really heard Georgia's side of it. Was she EVER faithful?

I, for one, am interested in reading about that! Maybe new story?

Way too many misspelled words, improper words, comma spliced sentences. Good tale, but horribly delivered. Fix it, and resubmit.

All great stories have short endings. Thanks!!

Give me a good reason why the piece of shit fiance left with only her reputation harmed? Bullshit.

Good Story, Nice content well worth reading. I do agree with other comments were several typo's that could have been brushed up with a better review but really didn't detract from the over all story. Just the grammar has to be really bad for it to catch me.

Worth the time to read and give you strong encouragement to keep writing. Especially since this was beyond a typical length story and you did well covering all characters, and plots to the end.

Other than some grammar issues still a five star

Keep writing and I will look forward to reading your work again

I would have enjoyed a little bit happier ending for Adam, but overall this was a good read!

But it was riddled throughout with errors (missing words and typos). Why would you go to the trouble of writing and posting a story, and then evidently not bother to proof read it? You could do better. But thanks for posting.

KEEP WRITIN DUDE.

TY, bill.....

Very thorough. No loose ends. I liked the fact that everything did not wrap up in a perfect bow. Real life isn't instant millionaires after their cuckolding. Maybe a little over the top but incredible writing.

I liked the fact that the first girl mentioned after he discovered Georgia's cheating did not become his new betrothed. So many stories the first character that has a name is the new girlfriend/boyfriend.

***** Five big stars! Please write more!

Ya there were some rough patches but I didn't have to pay for it so no big deal. I found it an entertaining story. Thanks

Why oh Why cant you get it right

"Georgia is currently being accessed by medical staff and having samples and a statement taken"

work it out yourself what is wrong.

The style was a bit too colloquial for my tastes. Thanks for the offering.