My First Sexual Encounter

I went to Sydney to stay with an exchange family for rep footy in the early 1990's, when I went to leave Sydney I had to take a bus home, close to the bus station there was an arcade that I went into as I had a couple of hours to wait, a guy maybe mid twenties came up to me and chatted to me, I remember he had long blond hair pulled back to a ponytail and a white singlet with something written in blue on it, he started talking to me for a while just general chit chat I can’t remember the conversation, he followed me to the toilet and stood next to me when I went, I thought he was just going to the toilet as well but he took my cock in his hand as I finished and he played with it and I got hard.

He told me that clearly I liked it and took me into a cubical and then got on his knees and put my cock in his mouth and gripped my balls with his hand, as he sucked me it felt good and I didn’t know what to do so I just stayed there frozen while he kept sucking, licking and stroking me, he would stop sucking every now and then and tell me I must like how it felt as I was so hard, I do remember it felt really good what he was doing.

He got up and sat on the lid of the toilet and pulled his cock out, he was already hard and told me I should play with his because of how much he had been making me feel good it was only fair, I did as I was told, I was freaking out and he could tell, I was really nervous, he kept telling me it was ok and that me getting hard showed how much I wanted it and that I was making him feel really good as well while I was playing with his hard cock, after a while of stroking him he stood up and told me to put it in my mouth, I did not want to put it in my mouth, he kept pushing his cock against my face and rubbing it on my lips which I had pursed shut, he would not stop regardless.

I poked my tongue out to lick it a bit to wet his cock and do what he asked a little, I thought maybe it will stop if I gave in a bit and he knew I still didn’t like it, I licked and sucked on the head of it, he told me to go deeper on it and pushed my face down on it but I gagged, I felt physically sick when he pushed it a long way into my mouth, he then basically held my head and slowly pushed in and out of my mouth fucking it, while I continued to physicly react, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I remember being scared to not do what he wanted, I was sort of crying but it was mainly tears from choking and feeling like I couldnt breath properly.

I was crying about the situation a bit I guess, when I think about what happened it’s more of a feeling of emptiness, it’s hard to describe, he stood me up, I don’t know why but my penis was rock hard, Sucking his cock had felt good but I was still in massive shock about what was happening.

He told me hard cock meant I was gay like him, and that he should have sex with me because he knew I’d like how it felt, he moved behind me and just kind of walked me forward, my knees went up onto the toilet lid and my hands on the back of the toilet, his cock was really wet from fucking my mouth, he put the head of it in the opening of my hole, I remember it not hurting to much at first the head was wet and he just pushed it back and forth in the opening after a while of this my butt opening felt relaxed and it did feel good, it felt like he was going in a bit more deeper and it wasn’t hurting

I didn’t talk at all, there were no sounds coming from me, I remember he spat on his penis a few times to keep it wet down there, at some point he told me to push out like I wanted to poo (this statement has stuck with me for over 30 years), as I did he pushed in deeper and he forced his cock balls deep inside me, it hurt, it really hurt, I thought I was being torn apart back there and I honestly felt like I must be bleeding.

He told me to calm down and just stay still until I got used to it and that I’d enjoy it eventually, he told me it was like when a girl has sex for the first time, it hurts a bit but then it feels good, he just stood there still with his cock filling my ass.

He moved a little every now and then but it never really stopped hurting, he eventually kept doing little movements in and out, and wouldn’t stop, it did feel good at the same time though eventually, I remember him touching me a lot massaging my ass cheeks, pulling them apart and back together, he would reach around my waist and grip my cock strocking it and using it as leverage to pull himself as deep into my ass as he could.

He had sex with me for not all that long I guess, toward the end of it I kept telling him my butt was hurting, he told me he was going to cum, I felt him push up against me and he just held himself against me really tight, his body twitched a few times but I didn’t feel anything else as he filled my ass with cum, he stayed inside and told me to make myself cum, I beat my cock with my hand and it felt really good with him not moving and my butt spasms gripping his wet deflating cock while I stroked till I came.

I felt his cock come out of me as he stepped back, I felt empty immediately, he told me I should clean up my cum and wipe up the mess cumming out of my hole, I just stayed there for a minute, he left the cubical, I heard the water running from a basin and the main door bang and that was it he just left me there.

I immediately felt a huge rush of embarrassment and shame come over me, something dirty had happened but it was my fault that it happened and worse I’d liked some of it, my butt hurt a lot, it honestly felt like I was bleeding and torn apart back there, but there was nothing there when I wiped myself clean.

I have never told anyone about this ever, I don’t think I will ever tell anyone about it for several reasons, I put myself in that position and did not forcefully say no or physically leave the situation, I liked the feeling of being sucked, I liked the feeling of sucking cock and I liked to feeling at the end once he has cum in me.

This has always made me question my sexuality, I like women and find them completely the most physically attractive, but honestly if I was on a lie detector I'd have to say that I enjoy the physical side of sex with women and men equally, however I am not attracted to men in any way, in fact I find them repulsive, but cock itself yum!, how could I ever be honest about the incident without people thinking I’m a closet gay, am I bisexual at the least?