All Comments on 'My First Time with Ryan'

You change from first person to third person in the middle of the story.

It's full of tense disagreement.

No human being alive talks like this.

It's full! Of exclamations! In weird places!

Sorry to be harsh. But it's genuinely difficult to read like this. It's a good story, but you need to run this by an editor.

The story was ok, but switching from first person to third adds confusion.

like the gist of the story keep writing.

im not an English major either.

The beginning told in first person was OK, but when you switched to third person the story went totally off the rails. One of the most poorly constructed stories I've ever read on Lit. Makes me wonder if English is not your native language?

As others have pointed out, you switched tense in the middle, you way overused exclamation points, you had people saying things which they probably were actually supposed to be thinking...in short, it's an incredibly unenjoyable mess!

Sounds like my first time with my secretly gay friend. Tent camped in his backyard and he confessed that he liked leering at my penis during shower time at school because I'm more endowed and hung than he is, plus I'm cut and he liked looking at the big head on my cock. He asked if he could suck it, and I let him. That was his first-ever cock suck and taste of semen. He would come back for more after that.