All Comments on 'My First was a Waitress'

Really nice buildup but then it just... stops. It should have gone further, and where did the husband go?

But that being said, the buildup was EXCELLENT, which made it all the more of a shame tha tyou posted this scene from a story rather than a complete one. I look forward to "the rest of the story"!

A poorly written lousy story.

i'm going to take this as just a tease and there's going to be a 2nd part of the story. believing that this is the case, i thought your beginning was great. can't wait for the completion.

This is my first piece and I did post it here because I love this site. In doing so, I also prepared myself for criticism. I don't mind being critiqued, I encourage it. But, I would rather have constructive criticism, instead of someone just saying, it's poorly written and lousy. And then to make it anonymous is just the pussy way out. If it was so bad, why not tell me what I could do to make it better? That's what I'd rather hear. But, to each his own, everyone's opinion is different. I like mine :]

Your writing is a laundry list of body parts and literal lipstick queer talking points. NO not all women check out other women, so quit trying to make it a recruiting story of married women on the prowl.

Your paragraphs assemble like a rocky coast and the reader has to try and pick their way through as you jerk them around.

I will not tell you how to fix your style nor what is missing as this site has too much of this regurgitated spew of tapped out words getting hot ratings when it is not.

If you do want to honestly work at going beyond the spew, I would help...otherwise quit writing as Lit has too many keyboard tappers like you saying straight people are just needing a queer turn to get gay.