My Friend/His Sister Ch. 01

"And then some," I said with raised-eyebrowed grin.

"Daddy would pay for private dentistry for me," she said.

"Do you NEED dentistry?"

"Don't think so," she said, with a pout, "anyway, when did they get married?" she came back quickly, "didn't see it on your Facebook?"

Luckily, I was ready for this one, having started to work it out in my head when Steve had introduced his 'wife'.

"They did it on holiday," I said, "went to Kissimmee in Florida, and had one of those quick weddings; they've promised Mum and Dad, and her Mum and Dad of course, to do it all again at some point, they'd just found out they were expecting John!"

They hadn't of course, but my cousin Jenni had, marrying her long-term boyfriend on a whim, and temporarily upsetting both sets of parents, until they married for real a year later, and we all went.

I thought about writing all of this down, so I'd remember if asked again.

"I saw your big brother John's wedding, on your Facebook," she said, "I thought you looked quite nice."

Quite nice; there was the ol' Claire Anita Goodall we all knew and loved.

"I wasn't the one getting married, Claire," I said with a tone, "besides..."

"Yeah, but they could have picked you a nicer dress Laura," she came back quickly, "what with YOUR bust and hips..."

I'd been back in contact with the bitch for less than ten hours and she was wanting to hit on my brother and was already insulting my figure and the beautiful dress that Karen, Mum and I had picked out almost three years before.

"Well," I said standing up, and hopefully letting her comment clang as it hit the floor, "Must be going home, class to prep for tomorrow!"

"Oh," she said, as I reached across for my coat, "I haven't upset you, have I?"

I had been a very long day, not helped by the two meetings I'd had with her, plus me revisiting the shitty time her nice brother had of it.

I thought about it; did I want her knowing she'd annoyed me? Did I want her to have a meltdown in my Mum's kitchen? Did I REALLY want to give the bitch the satisfaction?

I gave a deep sigh,

"No Claire, you're just being you," I picked up my jacket and pulled it on.

"What?" she said.

I opened the kitchen door, indicating that she should step through it.

"Just being you Claire, saying the first thing that comes into your head."

That was a lie, but it seemed easier than saying, 'you see a picture, or a video clip, then spend hours thinking of what nasty shit you're going to throw at whichever poor sod is in range of your hateful venom...'

"Yeah... well..." she stopped to think for a moment as I picked out my bike keys, and all but pushed her out of the kitchen door, "people like it when I'm straight up with them, tell them the truth, honest always Laura, you know me," sounding like she was the font of knowledge and wisdom, not an opinionated brat.

"You share your opinions Laura," I said.

"Yes," she said, "Always have, always will."

"And you don't necessarily think about people's feelings."

"Of course I do!" she snapped back at me, "BUT there's no point in holding back the truth just because some whiney snowflake..."

"So, you felt the desperate need to just threw into the conversation that there was something wrong with my bridesmaid dress?"

"And don't you think there was?" She raised an eyebrow, pursed her lips, and folded her arms, giving me a grinning look that pretty much said I was kidding myself about 'that dress'.

"No, I think it was perfect, so did my Mum, so did the bride."

"Well," she gave her head a bit of wiggle, "SOME PEOPLE APPRECIATE HONES..."

"Claire, you have an opinion, I have an opinion," I pulled the kitchen door closed behind us, giving her the tiniest nudge with it, "I don't share my opinions if I think they might upset people."

"So..." her head wiggled some more, "So you don't like my opinion?"

"Not that last one, no."

"And just what was wrong with it?" She folded her arms to let me know she meant business.

The front door opened, and Steve and Holly stepped out, kissed Mum, shouted a See'ya to me, and I suppose Claire, remotely unlocked his large MPV, climbed in and drove away silently, his car being electric.

"Electric cars," she snittered, with a look that suggested he'd driven over her foot, "Not safe, someone on the pavement could get run over by that," she gave a deep sigh, "wooooouldn't hear it or see it coming until it was toooooo late!"

"It's lit up like a Christmas tree Claire!" I was a great fan of Steve and Holly's new car.

"What about blind old people and tiny children, hmmmm?"

I saved the whole 'are you suggesting that my brother and his partner can't drive?' speech, and just zipped up my jacket. She looked at me for a response, just as she always had done.

"What?" I said.

"And I don't suppose you have an opinion on those DEATH TRAPS!" she said.

"Steve and Holly have been driving it around the country for six months Claire, they haven't killed anyone!"

She shook her head in the self-satisfaction of her undeniable logic.

"Yet, but you mark my words Laura, soon..."

"And there you go," I said, bored with her spouted bollocks, "You've got an opinion about everything, Claire!"

"Yeeeees..."

"Claire... mate," I used the key to undo the pannier on my motorbike, bringing out my helmet, "You have an opinion; bridesmaid dresses, electric cars, YOUR OPNION! Yours! You're not a dress designer, I don't even know if you can drive?"

She paused,

"Plenty of taxis around..."

"Claire, it's YOUR opinion! No one really cares about what you think!" I switched on the helmet Bluetooth system to my phone that meant I could listen to my music or answer calls, and pulled it on, connecting the strap under my chin.

"WEEELL!" she snapped, "That's a nice thing to say to an old friend!"

I stepped over my bike, and put the key in, turning the bars to release the steering lock, and switching on the ignition.

"Claire, it's YOUR opinion mate, not necessarily a matter of fact," my thumb poised over the starter button, "haven't you noticed that people get cross when you voice YOUR opinion?"

I knew she'd struggle to answer that one.

"Oh... OH! YES! EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO HAVE AN OPINION BUT MEEEEE!" she raved, hands on hips, I counted to three, and she folded her arms, pursing her lips. No change there then.

And there we were, the conversation was back to where it needed to be, about her.

"Claire, you didn't like my bridesmaid dress, you don't like electric cars," I took her hand, "I think I looked great, Steve's car is really nice. You think differently. OK, we disagree but it isn't going to change my opinion on either of them, and it won't change the world for better or worse. I don't care, you don't care - NO ONE CARES mate, get over it."

I could see the colour appear in her cheeks, just as her hands went back to her hips.

I pressed the starter and my bike burst into life,

"I'll see you Claire," I shouted, "probably next year when you bring me next year's tweenies!"

I pressed down once on the gear pedal, released the clutch and rolled forward off Mum and Dad's drive as Claire trotted alongside me, her lips moving but me not being able to hear or lip-read what was being said as the 650cc engine growled to my twisting of the throttle.

I saw her in my mirror still shouting and wagging a finger to my back.

I hoped I wouldn't be seeing too much of her for some time, I might even ask, hell no, BEG Carly, the girl that would be my TA for the next year, to deal with the Mountebanks kids when they came for their introduction in a years' time.

I told my mates at work the next day, and they all laughed at the outrageous insult veiled as sympathy at me, and the dress I'd worn which they'd all raved about in the pictures I'd showed them, explaining how two of the groomsmen and younger brother of the bride had hit on me at the reception.

"You looked gorge' in that dress Laura," said another of my colleagues, sexy blonde Sophie, as we finished our breaktime coffees, "Your 'bust and hips'? I'd kill for tits and an arse like yours," she grinned, "bitch!"

"Yeah, like you don't already have a Hollywood bod Soph!" I looked her up and down, "Cow!"

We all laughed, especially Sophie, and rinsed our mugs at the sink and discussed the following evening's excursion, a run out to the Frankie and Benny's restaurant in the retail park, to celebrate Sue's last day as her maternity leave began the next Monday.

The mode of dress was decided on, smart casual, with the emphasis on jeans and tops; of the dozen of us heading out, three of us were singlies and the opportunity to talent spot 'Mr Right' (or even Mr Right-Now) was always an option.

I'd cadged a lift from another of the ladies seeing as the non-pregnant and unmarried among us were looking at 'going on somewhere after'. We were sitting down at seven, as the Mum's in the group and Sue, had all said she'd be worn out by ten.

We got there, and I climbed out of the car, resplendent in my pulling jeggings, my cleavage-enhancing bra and a laced-up top to show it all off. I was still a bit sore about Claire's dig at my 'bust and hips' and this was almost in revenge. I'd got one of my housemates to do the special trick with my eye make-up she was so good at.

I have dark hair and dark brown eyes, and my housemate Jo was a master at making me look dark, mysterious and sultry. I would always beg her in advance, and generally pay her back in good wine which, to be honest, I would often help her with.

Arriving at Frankie and Benny's we took the stairs up to the restaurant proper and were shown to our table where half of the gang were already sat, surrounded by balloons, crafted crepe paper and large wrapped presents, a few already sipping from long drinks, the cocktails that we had all spoken of since we booked. All bar the expectant mother who was on 'non-alcoholic', 'diet' and 'caffeine-free' drinks for at least another month.

"Look at that bust and those hips!" said Sophie, "looking hot tonight, Laura! Gonna pull this fine evening?"

"One can only hope, Soph," I said, dropping my weight to my right hip, and flipping my long, straightened hair back.

"Eyes out for a good'un for Laura, ladies," said Sophie at the top of her voice, just as the mother-to-be and the last of our party arrived.

"Oh, for Christ's sake!" said very pregnant Sue, resplendent in a maternity dress, but still showing some cleavage, "I show a little bit of tit and the two fashion models are looking every inch the porn stars they could both probably be!"

"Cheers Sue!" said Sophie, with a very large and very genuine smile. Sophie was engaged to be married to her much-loved and often discussed fiancé James, a secondary school music teacher across town, a relationship from when they were both at the same university.

"Porn star..." I mused moving my chair slightly closer to the table, "Never thought of that as a career option, Soph?"

"Only if this teaching shit doesn't work out," she said picking up one of the bottles of wine already on the table, vainly pushing down her tight, short skirt, flat across her thighs and curvy arse.

With at least five years on me, she was more than established in her job, and was working on the 'head of juniors' role when the current incumbent moved up, and quietly letting slip a few tears when she said goodbye to her year sixes when they all left to go on to the big scary world of secondary schooling; even the slightly cheekier eleven year old boys who would stare, and hiss 'look at Miss Reynolds big tits' or 'big bum' depending on their view.

And so the party started, the food was excellent and buffet style, with a predominance of Italian dishes, with lots of garlic. We shared around platters to start; garlic mushrooms, garlic bread with or without cheese, mozzarella sticks, meatballs, all devoured with some gusto and lots of laughter.

The main courses were more serious, and we partook of some quite excellent pizza, pasta and burgers. After a third round of drinks, Sue's spectacular and thickly sliced maternity leave cake, cooked and decorated by another colleague's Mum, was brought out by two waitresses.

By nine thirty we were all fed, but not outrageously so, and high on the atmosphere rather than the booze. There were hugs all round, cheek-kisses and best wishes to Sue, with those of us not helping her to her driver's car with her piles of gifts, heading to the bar for a few more cold ones of a more serious nature.

They went down extremely well, and Sophie, Carly, my class TA Bev and I all leant against the bar in our Friday night finery. We soon became the focus of first one, then a second stag night group's attention, and we flirted a bit with them including the engaged Sophie, who stopped short of anything other than banter with some of the other crews.

We were just starting to get into the noise and suggestions of taxis to a nearby club when Carly tapped me on the shoulder.

"Laura," she shout-hissed into my ear against the restaurant's background muzak of the Rat Pack's finest, "that fucking woman from Wednesday is over there-duck!" She pushed down on my shoulder, and I crouched a bit and stepped behind one of the taller of the stag party boys, all the time Claire looked around, possibly for me.

The boy I was hiding behind figured I was getting close to him, until I pointed out I was trying to avoid being spotted by the girl across the bar, resplendent in a little black dress. Definitely a Saturday night outfit, but again, this was Claire.

One of the more-pissed lads saw what was going on, and possibly annoyed that I hadn't chosen to hide behind him, shouted across the bar,

"Oi! Why you tryin' to hide from the bird over there in black?!" He even waved to Claire in an effort to gain her attention.

She saw him and moved closer, spotting Carly at first then homing in on her, and finally me. She strutted across the bar, doing the dated fashion-model-walk she practiced since seeing it on a Doris Day movie, one hand on her hip, the other tilted at 90 degrees to her arm and flexing as she walked.

"Laura!" she screeched as she got close, "Fancy seeing you here!"

"Yeah," I said, over the noise, "fancy..."

"Just finished dinner over at Nando's with some mates, and thought I spotted you!"

Somehow, I really didn't believe her; our table had been up on the mezzanine level and not visible from the outside, certainly not from the across the wide concourse of the retail park. I leaned in slightly closer and sniffed.

"What's the perfume Claire?" I said with an almost genuine smile.

"Perfect by Marc Jacobs," she said with that flutter she gave when showing off.

"Thought so," I said, and with some bravery given me by the booze, "Far too flowery for me," I said, "I like something more... sophisticated."

Carly grinned at me and nodded, recognising my revenge from the 'bust and hips' comment. Claire looked momentarily confused that I might say something like that. After all, that was usually her job...

But it was nothing to do with perfume. Anyone that had eaten in Nando's would have a strong smell of Mexican food about them, and she hadn't. Her clothes were without any kind of crease, her make-up looked freshly done, in fact she looked like someone that had just climbed out of a taxi.

Sophie was stood behind her, chatting with Bev and Carly. Moments later she was spelling out T-A-X-I in the sign language we'd all learnt the basics of, for a new partially deaf pupil that started with us the year before.

I looked across to the lad that had 'outed' me to Claire

"Oi," I waved across to him, and indicated he should come over to me and he did, to stand with his more gallant comrade. "This is my old friend Claire," I said, "she is way hotter than either of you deserve, IN FACT!" I snapped, affecting a voice more pissed than I actually was, "she is way out of any of your leagues, by a mile!"

Claire looked impressed by my inclusion of her in our discussion, and how I had bigged her up to these quite handsome looking lads, drunk as they may have been.

It was enough and challenge accepted, they both started to faun over her, and she was most impressed.

"Let's go Babe," said Soph pointing to the ladies, having been warned about the interloper, with Bev and Carly were already at the taxi rank, Sophie and I made like we were heading to the ladies' room.

I could see a faint longing in Laura's face to come with us, but the three men chatting to her were definitely holding her interest.

We were straight out of the door though, and into the taxi, and we started to discuss where we were going to head next. I just wanted to get away from the retail park, Claire and her smartarse comments. Since Wednesday, I just knew that in years gone by, I'd put up with her, but now, I reeeeeally didn't have the patience.

Bev, who was the eldest of our group by at least ten years, said that her brother's band was playing at a pub not that far away and that was decided upon.

We'd all heard them play a few times before and they were a 'covers' band that knocked out a steady stream of recognisable and danceable standards, and let's face it, having been descended on by two different stag parties already, we all realised that we weren't going to meet the man of our dreams tonight, Sexy Sophie already had hers waiting for her at home after all.

As our driver slipped onto the dual carriageway, the traffic had started to slow, because we could see the blue lights of a big yellow ambulance in the layby. Our taxi slowed, and as we got level, we saw it was parked behind the big people carrier that Sue and three others had left in.

"Pull over, pull over!" shouted Sophie, grabbing the sleeve of our taxi driver, "That's our pregnant friend!"

There being no gap, he drove around and adjacent roundabout, and stopped in a layby opposite to where the Ambo' was. We paid, and still in our Friday piss-up gear, clattered across four lanes of traffic, waving, blowing kisses and calling out to the drivers that slowed or stopped for us.

Stood at the back of the ambulance was panicking 'designated driver' Shauna, tapping on her phone to contact Sue's hubby, while the crew talked to and evidently calmed Sue in the back of the yellow van.

Shauna could be a bit dramatic sometimes, and we discovered that after dropping off the other ladies, Sue had started to feel what she thought were Braxton Hicks contractions, but after some quite significant pain on Sue's part, twice pregnant parent Shauna had pulled over into the layby where the ambulances normally waited to be deployed out and through the town and spoke to the crew of the first one.

A lady ambulance tech came out to speak to Shauna.

"Oh, more of a crowd!" she said with a grin looking us up and down, "more from the party?" we all nodded, "Sue is fine, her waters have just broke, so we're going to take her into the hospital," Shauna looked pale and if she was about to vomit, "is hubby on the way Shauna?"

"Yes, he had already gone to bed but is getting dressed again," she looked like she was still in shock, "he's going to wait for me, seeing as this," she tapped the big seven-seat MPV, "is his car."

"Excellent, OK, I see Shauna is the duty driver, so if you all want to head off home, we'll take care of Sue!"

We all looked around, no way did we want to leave her on her own at such a time. Sue and I were quite close, so I stepped forward.

"How about Shauna takes you guys to Sue's place, swaps cars and everything, while I go with Sue, I'll let you all know if anything happens."

Shauna's shoulders lowered, her face relaxed and she looked a hundred times better and it was agreed and following a few hugs I climbed into the back of the ambo, to a panting, now quite surprised looking Sue.