All Comments on 'My Friend Katie'

Great story for a first timer (actually great for any time).

Lovely story. Thank you very much.

Really well done. Hope you keep writing.

I appreciate that this is indeed a first time story and deserves some consideration as a beginners effort. However it must be said that despite the recurrent weird nightmares which suggest something very unusual is hiding behind the surface of the narrative. Actually, nothing is there at all - just a recurrent nightmare relating to the accident which dominates the story. When you get down to it, this story is basically a vehicle for some significant, but ordinary, sex scenes. When you realize that these two are just kids barely out of college and with no experience with others or the real world you have to acknowledge that their relationship is highly vulnerable to the impact of that real world. It was a worthy effort so I'll give it a 3* rating, but I think that's generous.

My criteria for rating a story are: [1] plot development (tension, or unusual twists help - here we have the old warhorse of the two close friends who shy away from intimacy because they're afraid to mess up their intense, long-term relationship until some circumstance causes them to unite - ho hum), [2] character development (here we have two youngsters who don't have a chance to develop), [3] the dialog (perhaps the trickiest part because people don't talk or think like they write and often the written dialog sounds artificial - an example of this is in the most extreme case of notable dialog in the three detective story series of Robert Parker: Jesses Stone as the small town police chief, Spenser as the Boston-based detective and the third leg whose protagonist's name I can't remember, but she's the prosecutor in Boston who meshes with Jesse Stone (in all three series the dialog is worth the price of admission - not realistic, but very, very entertaining. I recommend looking at the Spenser-Hawk conversations, the Stone dialogs with his subordinates and his psychiatrist), and [4] grammar (you don't notice good grammar because it seems "right", but bad grammar makes reading a chore and lets the reader know right away that he/she is dealing with someone who doesn't care enough about the reader to get it assembled properly). I guess if you're writing for ratings you'd want to think about these criteria, but if you're writing for the fun of it or just to get some thoughts out then you're not writing for me and ignore my diatribe.

Wonderful indeed!!! Please keep writing!!!

Well written, enjoyed it a lot. Thank you.

A beautiful story beautifully told. You have a real feeling for your characters and it shows in your writing. Very well done!

nice story. keep writing, I like the way your story flows to the finish.

For a first submission that was really good, you should be pleased with your effort ,well done

First story huh? I'm assuming that you mean your first story published here and not the first you have ever written or had published elsewhere. Because my friend, this was probably one of the best put together narratives that I have seen here. Easily top 15%. And not just the content, because your timeline and storyline were excellent. But also technically. You could teach 75% of the writers here a thing or two. Please keep up the outstanding work and I thank you for this "first story". 5* all the way.

Well done, a sweet story 5*

A really great story. You definitely need to write more, now you've started!

Very nice. Keep writing.

Congrats on completing your first story! It was a very good read. I liked how you flashed back to the accident when he remembered (rather than giving it all away at the start), and how the recurring dream at the end led him to realize what he really needed to do. I liked the happiness and hope at the end, too.

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On the constructive side, it was well written, with a few little typos or grammar goofs that we all make from time to time ("You say that I['ve?] help[ed?] you through high school and college..." was one near the end that I remembered) and dialogue could be more realistic (another that most of us suffer from), but the main issue that jumped out at me was paragraph length. Unlike on the page of a book where a paragraph is static, readers on Lit have a number of different platforms and very long paragraphs can make it more difficult for some readers to follow, particularly when there are really long ones (like one near bottom of page 2 and another near bottom of page 3) or several fairly long ones in a row (page 4). Consider trying to break these up at least somewhat in the future and your readers (and their eyes) will appreciate it. In the end, I say "Great job!" and rated it about 4.7 stars, rounding up to 5.

Thank You for the gift of a well written story. This isn't just a narrative or a historical account, it shows real emotion and it is well conveyed. I look forward to your next offerings. You have a talent, please don't be afraid to share it.

Very good first story! Look forward to reading more from you!

This is a sweet story, and it’s well-written, especially for a first story. I agree with what some others have written here. I too gave it a 5*. Pay attention when you read remarks from SouthernCrossFire. He’s a master and has helped others along the way. Please consider seeking an editor to help squelch those few grammar “bugs” that seem to get through.

Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work. I appreciate it!

Well done, especially as a first effort. Overcritical is being, well, 'overcritical'. He is right, the basic theme of 'friends discover each other' is quite common. The trick is to make it realistic, and a little different, which you did quite well.

The only technical point I noted was the dates. Exams were first part of May, he awoke in the hospital around the end of June, having lost a month before and after the accident. So their visit on the Riverbank would have been on May 23, not June 23.

I liked this story as it told a story and was not only telling what 2 rabbits do sometimes as I was told. There was one word where I was thinking whether english is really your mothertongue.. Hope I can read more from you..

Great story and well told. I really hope you write many more. 5 well-deserved stars.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story. It was great, keep writing.

For a first attempt, this was really very good. Nicely paced, well structured, good and likable characters. 5/5

Hope to see a lot more of your stories.

I enjoyed this story very much. Please keep writing. You’ve a good job. The level of love and affection was palpable.

1st attempt? Bullshit this is a mater of the romance creating a brilliant depiction of lifelong love and devotion.

If this truly is a first story I am cheering loudly for this author coming along to save us from the current batch of cuck creating, lazy writers who've infested this site lately.

Nice first attempt. Suggestions: Past tense is easier to pull off. Say the long paragraphs of verbalization out loud to realize just how stilted and unnatural they truly are. Get more knowledge of medicine, tumors and trauma if you’re going to feature them in a story as what was written was completely unbelievable. Shorten up the long paragraphs. There needs to be some character development, something lacking here. (She brought him home and jerked him off. How boring is that? Where is the anxiety? The nerves? After they were together for years, why suddenly did they have sex? That issue was never explored.) Keep at it, you’ll improve with time.

The back story was a little hard to glean but it shows that love does triumph in the long run. This was a story of unrealized love from years back to the present.

As I read I feared that Katie and Alex might have been related and their love might be forbidden but thank god it turn in to one hell of a love story. They found the love they had all along with each other 5 stars

great story