All Comments on 'My Game of two Halves Ch. 03'

Try again half as long...

Well, that was a wild ride!

I compare this story to many of Saddletramp's in that the plot verges on science fiction (for want of a better term) but is firmly rooted in the here and now. Many readers will never have heard of the movie "Sleeping Dogs" either, but it was the first major film that stared Sam Neill and was set and filmed in NZ in 1977 and involved a fascist government taking control.

As for the characters, I thought they were all well-developed. The changes in Georgia were believable, but I was never sure about Mary (ha ha, there's just Something About Mary). The military secrecy was a bit overdone I thought, but it did mean that there was always an undercurrent of tension, especially when he was dealing with Mary's evasiveness.

I developed a severe dislike of Mary near the end of the previous chapter and this chapter reinforced it. This is good, because we need a real villain and Whitmore was too much of a background character to really provide that outlet. But Mary, on the other hand, was perfect in that role and if I had been handed her letter I would have just burnt it. She was written as one of those annoying people who just know best and imagine themselves as some sort of martyr doing God's work on earth, no matter the cost to those around her. Well, if that involves fucking Whitmore and never even apologizing to her husband, then fuck her and the pony she rode in on.

I gave this 5 stars because it was imaginative and complex, it had good and bad people, the bad people got their just end, and the good guys lived happily ever after. And as a bonus it was well written with only a few mild typos. My thanks for writing it, and having the chapters posted on Lit in quick succession.

Mandela leads to Trump? That added nothing.

Two halves told in three parts. Bad planning.

I felt like this could have been a clever, intriguing story.

If told using half as many words.

When you’ve made a point once, don’t make it again.

And just overwhelmingly dull.

Thank you for one of the best stories I have read on Literotica, with a different theme than most LW-stories- Very well written.

but I am deeply disappointed with the Mary suicide and subsequent non disclosure of the larger strategy she was a part of. Like suicide in general, it is a cop out, a cheap way to get out of the struggle of life. It is for weak people, not heroes of the republic like Mary was made to be prior in the narrative.

Despite your glaring error about the two best rugby teams. I’ll put that down to a typo!

Yes had a sleeping dogs vibe. Would’ve liked a better exposition of the wife’s real role tho. Seeing as it’s made up , couldn’t you have the abs win rwc95? Just saying. Lol. Nice one.

An interesting essay.

A little too complicated.

Mary's mission should have been revealed to the reader little by little.

Mary's mission did not involve her so distant demeanor towards her children and her husband.

Mary's suicide is not an acceptable ending, too easy and inconsistent.

A good idea to take back.

You should re visit this and give us just a couple of pages explaining from Mary's point of view.

Liked it, 5*

You saga has many good elements, an honest attempt at complexity and intricacy. It would have worked, if Mary was a man. A woman, a mother, a wife, not so much. Abandoning her husband and children to play a key role in neutralizing Whitmore? Why? If she was working for the salvation of her country, and was willing to kill herself, why didn't she just put a bullet in Whitmore's brain early on and call it a day? Whitmore eventually was killed anyway, and that somehow was the critical event in saving the country? And Mary would have known this, so why spend all those months sleuthing around and take his cock up her ass? Obscurity does not equal mystery. Confusion does not equal complexity.

You forgot that we read every word, so every word has to make sense. What was with the three military guys suggesting something they new about Mary's whereabouts and behavior, but then just smirked and smiled and said nothing? Was Whimmore fucking Mary out on the parade grounds?

Then Mary's mission is a success, but she can't tell her husband, and decides to commit suicide rather than try to reconcile. Yeah, that's the behavior of a really intelligent and brave woman. NOT.

Well, there's a lot more to discuss, but its just not worth the effort. You did your best and its really not bad. Its just so much less than it might have been. Guess you and Mary have that in common.

Thanks for the effort.

Half told. That’s a pity. Very unsatisfactory. It seems the writer doesn’t care about his audience. The audience wants a story with a head and a tail. A story in which everything is explained; one that makes sense.

My advice would be: more dialogue, instead of descriptions. Think about the storyline in advance. Make it compelling.

Just 1 star but an upward potential.

Complex is not a bad thing. Convoluted is. This was convoluted.

Just read this chapter and i was really confused but also proud of how you portrayed the government and military with how they use and chuck away people who hold no value to them.

I think he got played by everyone around him, he wasn't in control of anything, he didn't get any closure and if it wasn't for georgia he would of been shot dead and been another life taken in the civil war.

Mary is like black widow, she had a cover life that she kind of wanted but didn't need, he was almost her bruce banner lol (for those of you who know) but when the mission came from the PM (we all know who set them up, come on guys) she really played her part a little too much, when she was found out it all went downhill because she cared about him.

Too much too follow but some parts were good :)

The nebulous ending and the convoluted coup description screwed a potentially great story.

Truly baffling

rather wordy with what seemed like a lot of extraneous tuff that had no bearing on the story.

The first part with Georgia and the huge aspirations he got into and then the companies failure. I don't see where that had anything to do with the ending if the ending is what this was all about. I don't really like criticizing these stories as they free but this one just didn't seem to flow smoothly. Keep writing though

A very good story

What a prodigious amount of work. So many loose ends. A lot like life, so many things never realized, truths and mistruths tangled together. Democracy must be defended.

Chilleywilley

Confusion does not equal complexity. Unresolved plots do not create mystery, only puzzlement as to why they were begun. "I have killed better men than me with a small pistol." Whitmore was not bullet proof. Mary could have eliminated that threat with a very little finger pressure. The entire sexual component was just cheap theater, and not very well orchestrated. They drove up to the house just to fuck in the living room, then drive away again? Ridiculous. Not worth any other comments.

Thanks for the effort.

A 2 for the continued "secrets" story. Unending and unresolved as far as I'm concerned. Made reading a real chore, not a pleasure.

You need to use the words such as smirking and sniggering carefully. You don't.

Oh, and the British habit of dropping words out of a sentence does contribute to much of the confusion the reader is expected to overcome by reading between the lines.

A confusing story even the second time.

I am not a fan of the early Georgia. Mary was maybe a military genius, but she played the man that loved her totally, and didn't let him in on the deal. She f-cked Whitmore, had kids by him, and he was a sleeze. I'd have blown him away, myself,if possible. Her ashes? I'd have poured them in the toilet, shit on them and flushed it. She was a manipulating slut, who used the man she supposedly loved, and abandoned her kids. She was no peach, but Georgia was a better person.

A horrible storey a load of rubbish.

Curiously lacking emotion. What was Mary doing and why? Why the adulterous sex? She certainly never displayed deep feelings of any kind, but then kills herself to clear the way for her husband??? What rubbish.

Okay story at first but went off the rails this chapter. The whole thing with Whitmore, Mary betraying Vaughn but as part of some mission, some big coup, and international politics made for a poor ending. What even exonerated Mary?

Lacking any emotional impact whatsoever. You were literally writing about rape but your characters felt and reacted as if they were walking in the park. Poor storytelling.

Then the whole thing went completely off the rails with the bullshit. I suppose the NZ men are a particular kind of pussy for this guy to not once stand up for himself throughout the whole story. Not one fucking time. Not one real confrontation with anyone. Even that brief pathetic scene where he caught them was just a bare whimper.

Well this chapter went off the rails. Mary basically abandons her family and the MC to get in close with Whitmore (obviously started fucking the slimeball again after US trip, as evidenced by her throwing up.when she got back due to PTSD flashbacks) in order to help manipukate and cause a brewing coup to fail. However, in reality it is the MC obtaining security footage of Mary fucking Whitmore in their house (something Mary states in her letter she did NOT stage nor intend for her husband to see) after his enraged confrontation with the two "lovers" (quotes because it is clear Mary had zero affection or even desire or lust for Whitmore, apparently she was fucking him to do her mission, yay! /sarcasm off) and then filed for divorce and then the security footage was released. It wasn't the two of them fucking that got Whitmore court martialed, though it may have sunk his political appointment (but if so important, then Mary would have gotten the footage, as she couldn't rely necessarily on her husband to get it, unless she had the system hacked remotely, remember she fled the house too), it was primarily the death threats and his deplorable behavior. Infidelity could ruin a political appointment but is not grounds for court martial, unless sexual harassment. Mary was emotionless when they fucked (clearly not remotely the first time of recent), she wasn't baiting Whitmore into admitting sexual harassment. Maybe she did intend the fucking in their house to capture on security system (but they could have set that up virtually anywhere they fucked with planning). So yeah lot of weird shit in this chapter. I am also not a fan of how the author cavalierly tosses out rape and the the lack of emotions involved. Georgia finally got back together with the love of her life. She didn't deserve all the shit that happened to her in prior chapters. Her parents suicide, depression, then gang raped by her ex fiancee and other soldiers (btw how did Davidson get out of prison and then be in bed with Whitmore, huh?), then mind raped by the lesbian predator (Claudine), abused and manipulated into a loveless lesbian marriage (huh?), and then the suicide of her son. She was crushed under the grinding wheels of misery. Wtf? She only gets some measure of happiness back when Mary goes mentally AWOL taking on this crackpot anti coup mission, which again isn't clear what she achieved, since the video of her fucking Whitmore in their house and the enraged confrontation with Vaughan is what sunk his ass and put him in jail. So yeah Georgia and Vaughan reconnect. But wow some weird stuff in this chapter. As an aside, do we actually know who fathered Georgia's son? She claimed Vaughan but did they ever do a DNA test? It would seem to be standard protocol to her a morning after pill, or have an abortion if she was incapacitated, as a result of the rape. So it suggests that she knew she was pregnant with Vaughan's son. But why did Vaughan never even try to take a role in the kid's life, if he was rhe father (easily provable)? And under the boot and abuse of Claudine (wtf?), Georgia is unable to raise Vaughan Jr. with any success and Claudine takes him away for 3 years post divorce and he ends up an HIV and heroin trainwreck? What a hot mess.

Good action sometimed and tooooo dammmmmn long. You like listening to yourself toooooooooooo much. You should be more direct and less to much by talking over unnecessary stuff. You have an issue with yourself and like abusive relationships...get help.