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Moreover, never one to keep the private details of my life private, my friends knew that I participated in the swinging lifestyle with my ex-husband. When I told them all about my experiences they seemed interested and as sexually excited hearing them as I was telling them. Apparently, they only accepted us as a couple for them to flirt with my ex-husband, when I was still together with him. Yet, after we divorced, instead of deeming me a friend, they deemed me a threat.
Insincere phonies, playing me and using me, they lied. Acting excited by the thoughts of having sex with a stranger, I even invited them to some of the swingers' dances but, making excuses, they never attended. Not willing to even try my sexy, sexual lifestyle, once I told them who I had become, they no longer embraced me. When at a swingers' dance, I told them that no meant no and that they didn't have to sex with anyone, just dance, have a drink, eat something instead of someone, and socialize by just talking instead of sucking and fucking.
With all the cards stacked against me I was naive. I never should have told my friends my personally private, sexual affairs. In hindsight, all of this was my own doing. Bad enough that I'm a divorcee and an erotic writer but I was an ex-swinger too. Down and dirty with the devil, the fact that I wrote incestuous stories didn't score me any points either. Too polite to show it and too afraid to show me or to tell me the truth, I could only imagine what they really thought of me and what these catty bunch of women were saying behind my back.
Looking back now, they were always jealous of me. No doubt thinking about having breast implants, my small breasted friends stared as much at my natural, big breasts as their husbands did. Yet, instead of being happy for me that I found a fun outlet and my passion to write, unfairly judging me, they used all that I told them against me. For sure, I had more fun with my swinging ex-friends than I ever did with any of them and if I had to pick my swinging friends over my childhood friends, I'd pick my swinging friends. A deep connection, there's an instant bond that goes beyond friendship after you've had sex with someone. After seeing them naked and totally exposed, there are no more pretenses.
No longer inviting me to their homes to hold their babies to play with their dogs and stroke their cats, they made me feel that I was out to steal their husbands and ruin their marriages. I wasn't. By their cold looks, the hushed whispers, the insincere smiles, and by what they said and didn't say, no longer welcomed in their homes and in their lives, they made me feel as if I'm a perverted leper. Maybe compared to them, I am perverted by having experimented with the swinging lifestyle when I was younger then and writing erotica now. No longer on speaking terms and no longer sharing my dirty, little sexual secrets, I no longer ask them to read my stories.
Even though I no longer speak to their wives, their husbands still send me sexy e-mails. Obviously, hoping I'll take them up on their offers of dinner and sex, they think I'm an easy mark. Obviously they'd go to bed with me if I gave them the go ahead. Yet, just because I participated in the swinging lifestyle and just because I write erotica, I'm not a whore. I still have morals and class.
An enigma to them, just as I know how to get down and dirty, I know how to act like a lady too. Their husbands are the phonies who don't have morals and class by hiding behind their wives and their pretenses when they are the ones who'd have sex with me if I gave them the nod. Yet, even though they've all hit on me and I've declined, their husbands still read all that I write and still write to me after about all they've read. That's no surprise being that they're married to the sexually cloistered women that their wives are.
So long as they look and don't touch, always looking at me with lust while asking to read my stories and asking about my latest story, before I moved away, their husbands were my biggest fans. No doubt, being that I look better than and am mores sexually appealing than their fat, small breasted, and sexually frustrated wives, I'm sure they fantasized about having sex with me while reading my stories and masturbating. I'm sure if I invited any one of them to a swingers' dance without their wives and without their wives knowing, they'd attend.
Unfortunately, instead of seeing me as a writer, they look at me as the whore that I'm not. How dare they! Just as they are men with a sexual past that are trying to get with me in the present and behind their wives' backs, I might add, I'm just a morally principled woman with a sexual past who writes erotica. So shun me, ignore me, force me to suck your cock before strangling me to death, and if I survive, I'll write an erotic story from my experiences.
THE END
- COMMENTS
tcss19684 months agoYou are a million times braver than I ever could be! I love to write erotic stories as well but I could never out myself in RL - too many of the stories have characters modeled very closely to friends and family ;) I read Who is the writer SusanJillParker and I have to say you are one hell of a dynamic person. Just one of those adversities would be enough to knock the vast majority of people into the dirt for good.
I love reading your stories (I still have a few to go Haha) and how well formed they are. I enjoy the long series' that allow for long term development, so its no wonder I favorited you even before I read about you. Now that I have a better understanding of you the writer than I did before I can appreciate your stories through a better lens. Take care and thanks for all the great late night reading.
Melwinsover 1 year agoI'll be your friend! I'm just a simple girl NJ transplant living in the Bible belt but I'd still be your friend. And read your stories!
soul71about 2 years agoHuh, that's not been my experience, then again, they don't talk about my writing. Not that I care, I know I'm good, I know my fans love my work that's all that really matters in my opinion. Did love the look on my brother's face when he asked how I was making rent. Hey, not my fault smut sells! I say if they can't get behind you with your writing there's others that will. If they can't be supportive of your craft then you don't need them. As long as you enjoy your craft, the worlds you create, then you don't need validation from anyone but yourself. But that's just me, one author speaking to another.
Anonymousover 2 years agoI just have to say... You Go Girl!!!
It should make no difference to anyone else what you do as long as you are not harming anyone in the process.
QuietlyMakingNoiseover 2 years agoThere are parts of what you write that hit home with me. While we are the sum total of our experiences, some are just too painful. It’s not the pain of rejection, that would be too easy to move on from; it’s the pain of misjudgment. Whether you like a story or not, there are things in there that remind you of life’s varied journeys. Each of us come into this life with nothing, and leave it the same way.
Real friends are hard to find, harder to keep. But the best friend we have, from birth to death is between our ears and behind our eyes.
It’s not about erotica, it’s not about money, or the lack of it. It’s about being ‘holier than thou’ and putting one person down to feel bigger, taller, more morally correct. If I don’t like what you write, I won’t read it. If I don’t like your wine, I won’t drink it. If I don’t like your sports team, I won’t cheer for it.
I’ll grab my beer, you drink your wine, and we can still talk about the day, lost love, bygone friends and times. E we can find a middle ground, and on the whole the friendship is about what people have in common, not the things that make each of us unique.
Good Bless, and may this to pass.
The_Sheppards_Correctionover 2 years agoI know this story was written nearly 9 years ago. I’m a bit late to the party, increasing my reading time since COVID came to town. I appreciate your candor, as well as your stories. You have scary-good writing skills and an excellent sense of humor. I have friends of 45 years, who have no idea I enjoy reading erotica. If discovered, I would no longer be welcome in their lives. It’s truly sad long-time friends choose to be so narrow minded. I would wish you success as an author, but I see you already are a hit!
user589151315over 4 years agoThat's what I'll say if I ever meet someone who says they write erotica, especially if they write my favorite flavor. No matter what kind of writing you do it's never as easy as people think.
alexwatson62almost 5 years ago....... so sad but so funny at the same time?
Sadly I have always felt that too many people think that they almost have the right to abuse those who they disagree with, but worse, that mentality seems to be expanding!
It is the 21st century.
We KNOW that incest has not only always been around, but it will continue to always be part of life.
Swinging will always be part of life, as will rape (fantasy or reality), indeed I know a few women who fantasize about being taken against their will, and I emphasize the word FANTASIZE.
There will always be those who want to be in a D/s relationship on one side or the other, from those who prefer the odd occasion to those who want it 24/7 and from light "use" to strict BDSM.
Everyone has their own sexual experiences will shape their own sex life, although admittedly some will be shaped "better" than others.
I feel saddened and angry that (at the time of writing at least) that you found yourself unemployed, homeless and disowned (been all 3 in the past myself) especially by family.
You are so very talented and manage to get your feelings over with every story you have written. Putting your heart into your stories is what makes you you.
TRUE friends stay through thick and thin no matter what you decide to do in life.
StiffinKentover 6 years agoI'm not sure exactly how I would react to finding out you write erotica and used to be a swinger. I think my reaction would be based on my preconceived notions of you.
If I were to meet you for the first time now, knowing this information, I would find you fascinating and probably fun to talk to. I might fantasize about you, but I wouldn't obsess.
And that may be the difference.
As a man, if I knew you as a coworker or neighbor, you would seem like other women I know. I would strongly suspect you have a sex life, but that would be it. But to find out you like sex, that like a man you crave sex (as if women don't!), I would suddenly become obsessive wanting to know more about you; what you like, what you don't like, is there something I could learn that I could use to enhance my sex life? But the real obsession would be to try and sample you simply because you are now different that I had previously imagined, because now I don't suspect you like sex, I know it.
I'm sorry that you've lost friends and family over the years, because that is not the way it should be. Unfortunately, we are all flawed; and universally, judgement is undoubtedly our worst flaw. I wish I could say I'm not included, but unfortunately I am. I do try to remember that my experience is not the same as others, and over the years my preconceived notions and rush to judgements have changed.
I hope for you that some of those from your past will change and that they will realize that you are the same person they knew before you told them you write erotica and enjoy sex!
