by bouncingboobs
...in the last parts of "lesbian bitch", anyway. I checked ch9 & ch11. (With proper punctuation, woohoo)
I love the plot setting, but as said, punctuation etc. could use some work :)
Also the characters are a little unclear. I hope this will get better as I read your newer stories :)
Big Brother
Left a remark saying I was going to read another story by this author to see if they improved.
They didn't.
For a first story it was just ok.
Could have used the help of a good editor or mentor.
I am not a writer but is seemed more like you writing what you're thinking rather than building characters and a story line.
Keep working at it, don't let the doubters get you down.