by 46204_zipper
try writing about half as much with twice as many words and with much more even pacing. most of the side notes were unnecessary or perhaps misplaced. i like the mental image you describe but the relationship stuff in the beginning is almost entirely pointless and maybe deserved a single sentence. whereas the last part: anal, at last is way too short.
Thanks for your comments. This was a real event. Sometimes the stream of consciousness associated with the memories interferes with telling the what happened in a more focused manner. We had several more sessions, the three of us and Kevin and I alone. As I write about what those sessions, I will keep your comments in mind.
Pkease just keepntelling your own story. ThedetIls about your relationship add to the build up.