My Journey Ch. 01 - Katherine

My Journey - Chapter 1 - Katherine

A/N- Please enjoy this story of life, discovery and love. This is a multi-chapter at times a slow burn fictional story. Let's call the slow burn elements background and character building. KAD

Looking back at my adolescent years, I remember them as being strict and absolutely stifling. I grew up in a large Catholic family. I have seven brothers and sisters: four brothers and three sisters, I am the third oldest child.

-Michael, the oldest, is reserved and lazy. He will live with our parents for his entire life.

-Rich is the handyman of the family, he is our go to and fixes what comes our way.

-Then me. I guess you could say I see the whole and good in people but I feel stifled in my life. I want to do good for others.

-Derrick, the black sheep, troublemaker, always fighting the rules. We know for certain he is heading for a life of less success and incarceration.

-Liz is our quiet shy bookworm, the second smartest by far of us all.

-Mary is our beauty queen, the athlete, a model made for all to view and adore. Her dark raven hair makes all of us jealous.

-William the genius one day he will rule the world, at least that is how I feel.

-Erin, the whoops baby! She is our saint. She is destined for a faith based life.

My mother had a very difficult time stammering through the conversation with me about becoming a woman; difficult topics were not her strong suit. It was her first time having the conversation. With me she never mentioned sex or making love, it was clinical reading from a book what to expect when I would get my first period. It wasn't her fault. Thank goodness for a few friends I had, Patty, Mary Beth and Jenna. We helped each other understand and get through those difficult days.

We were dedicated to faith, kindness, religion and service to others. Based on the teaching of the catholic faith we believed in our faith, love, respect and trust, which we now know was significantly flawed by a large number of priests.

It was later uncovered that priests who served our parish, here in western Pennsylvania, were named in a massive investigation that was conducted and Grand Jury documents released. To this day I pray my brothers were never harmed.

We were to believe any and everything taught to us while in school, home or extracurricular activities which were all church related. We learned things either from a book, our parents, our doctors, our friends or my trial and error.

We had ABC, CBS, NBC and PBS. We didn't have HBO, MTV or any cable television to learn from.

Entertainment in the home was wholesome and innocent. Cards or board games, then one hour of television, rated G, then prayers, then off to bed. My social life revolved around the Girl Scouts, our church and spending time with other "like minded families", as my parents put it, at church sponsored events. There was Friday night bingo, fundraisers, picnics and of course there was never any real unsupervised time where boys and girls intermingled.

We tried, trust me, at least I tried. If and when we were caught, we were punished. More than once my bottom was reddened by the paddle of a nun or the belt from my father. So you get the idea, to me Catholic school was like prison.

Not much in my life had or was going to change as I had hoped it would have when high school came. I still dreamt of change and freedom. I wasn't rebellious; I knew there was more to life than what I was seeing.

I went to a Catholic high school where nuns as well as priests were our teachers. We wore uniforms, boys in a white or light blue shirt with a tie, tied properly, blue dress pants and black dress shoes. Girl wore a white or light blue blouse, with proper undergarments including a cotton camisole to hide our bra, a blue or blue and gold striped skirt with knee high length socks. The socks were to be white, dark or light blue, and of course patent leather shoes, no heels, flats.

If the skirt appeared too short, it was measured. Policy was two inches below the knees, which was the rule. If it were short, to the principal's office where discipline followed. Then a call to your parents reminding them of school uniform policies.

At the beginning of my junior year, I sat with my mother and father at the table where they presented to me the SAT study book. I was instructed that I would study two to six hours per week in addition to my regular homework. I was informed that I would take the SATs, then in the fall I would submit my college applications.

The SAT's were not too difficult. I was told by my teachers I did well achieving a 1430. I wasn't praised by my parents nor was there any celebration. Later during my freshman year of college I learned how well I had done, I never realized nor was it mentioned or celebrated that I scored in the upper 5% of the entire country that year.

The real challenge came when I was applying to college and what I wanted to study. Though my father wanted me to study business, I had long discussions with my father and mother about my need and desire to serve my fellow man and want to care for others. I felt the education that would give that to me was that of a registered nurse.

It was only after many conversations including a few with Father Krys that it was agreed upon as deemed an appropriate career path and life choice as well as safe by my parents. We just didn't know which college I would go to.

My father agreed that we could visit the three schools I had in mind. Of course as a good Catholic, I would visit and apply to Duquesne. The University of Pittsburgh had a good nursing program but it, like Duquesne, Pitt was too close to home. I wanted a little separation. I wanted to see what was out there but not so far away that it was unreasonable. So we agreed I could visit and apply to IUP.

That's it, it was now set. My life was set and planned out for me. I would go to college, graduate with a nursing degree and work as a professional nurse. Once I had graduated, I would secure a job, live at home. I would date a good Catholic man. When the man asked my father's permission and they met his family, I would be engaged for a proper amount of time. A wedding date would be set after Easter but before Labor Day. It was then expected, unless there were health issues, that I would have a child within the first two years of marriage.

Sigh!

I would be my mom all over again. What would you expect, growing up as a child in a Catholic family living is western Pennsylvania in the early 1970's and 1980's?

It was a very blustery cold afternoon when I returned home from school when I saw two envelopes on the dining room table. One from Duquesne University a private and very expensive, the other was from IUP. It would be affordable with loans. I wouldn't ask my parents for much support. Both schools had top-notch nursing programs.

Mother asked if I wanted to open the letters. I paused, shaking my head no, asking if I could use the phone to call Mary Beth.

I called; she had also received three letters this week in the mail but wasn't telling me anything until I had heard. I shared with her my nervousness and excitement but my father would be home later. He and I would open the letters together.

"Ha!" She yelped into the phone, "your parents are too strict, it's my mail, and I opened the letters." I told her I would call her back when I knew more.

This was one of those times where I was so jealous of Mary Beth. She was so independent. Something as simple as opening mail that was addressed to me I waited on my parents' permission.

I did tell her that one was from Duquesne and the other from IUP. She seemed very very happy.

As my father came home and we settled into our normal family pre-dinner routine, he and mother sat at the table looking over the mail. I stood nervously waiting, I wasn't pacing but I was rocking back and forth on my feet.

I screamed in excitement, an acceptance letter to Duquesne School of Nursing. Next was the envelope from the IUP, which was my choice. Far enough from home, yet close enough not to be too far.

My father opened that envelope, opened and read the letter and smiled. I broke down in tears, crying uncontrollably. My dreams had come true.

"Father, may I go, call Mary Beth?"

***

My greatest fear as a young girl was dating and that all important first kiss. I was the oldest girl in our family. I didn't have an older sister to ask or confide in. I wish I did, it would have made the whole conversation about getting my period so much easier, but I had my other sister to help me along the way.

Mary Beth, Patty and Jenna, yes, my friends, like my sisters. We all felt the same way.

We giggled and chatted and all agreed we were clueless about what we're supposed to do? Who would teach us? Mary Beth, Patty, Jenna and I spoke about this constantly. Of course we all acted as if it wouldn't be a huge deal but we knew deep inside this was a defining moment in our lives.

The most significant part of a high school senior girl's life; prom! Our high school senior prom was only a few weeks away.

I guess you could say that Mary Beth was dating Eddie. Well sort of, Mary Beth had shared that for reasons he would not share with her, he didn't like me. I know it was contentious between them. She was my best friend. It was well discussed between us.

The four of us all volunteered to be part of the decorating committee which turned out to be a life changing moment for me. We were almost finished decorating and I knew we had less than thirty minutes until our mothers would pick us up. I grabbed Mary Beth's hand telling her I needed help in the ladies room and dragged her with me.

We went in together. She looked at me inquisitively but was silent. I pushed open a stall door and pulled us both into it, closing and latching the door. We were standing there giggling and looking at each other.

I looked her dead in the eyes and said "Kiss me, practice, please kiss me. I want to know what it is like and what I am doing with Carl tomorrow night."

I could see the shock in her eyes. She smiled and agreed as Eddie, her date would be the same. With firm lips and with eyes squinted shut, we tried, then we giggled and tried again and wow did we fail. We tried to calm down, we were whispering to each other and once we stopped laughing, I wrapped my arms around her waist.

I softly kissed her lips, closing my eyes, just like I had witnessed on television, in movies and from seeing in real life. A soft peck of the lips.

I pulled back, smiling at her. Mary Beth had an expression of enjoyment on her face; she was glowing. I was shocked when she pulled me closer and kissed me again.

Her lips were soft. Her hands over my shoulders touching my back, gently holding me. I responded by kissing her back. The feelings, the emotions, the thrill was so much more than I ever expected.

We stopped before too long, there was no giggling, no embarrassment, and no uneasiness. We looked deep into each other's eyes. I faltered and broke first, blinking and blushing a deep crimson, then turned away. That kiss felt so good, I was elated!

Our time was coming to an end. We heard people chatting out in the hall. We exited the stall, flushing the toilet and both going to the sink washing our hands. Thankfully we did that as Sister Pierre walked into the bathroom. Pressing us to leave as parents were arriving and it was time to go home.

It was not only enjoyable but this chapter of my life was closing and a new chapter opening. Carl was handsy and twice Sister Grace, our Principal, scolded him for his hand placement.

We snuck in a few kisses; they were okay. The evening was fun and culminated with a hurried kiss and a semi-promise to stay in touch. So ended my high school life with another unfulfilled fairytale ending. Sadly, his kisses didn't excite me.

Days later my mother called me into the den for a conversation with her and my father. They had heard some disturbing rumors about activities at prom. I denied any such knowledge or action. I was questioned again about kissing, groping, and the horrific act of smoking cigarettes.

I denied all accusations. "Father, mother, I would never embarrass you or the family acting in such a manner. God as my witness!"

It was then that I was told "Carl is not meant for you." He was a risk, my mother said. A bad boy from a not very Catholic family and I would marry a different man when the time came. Carl was headed to the steel mill, he wasn't college bound.

They believed me, dismissing me from the room.

I was still an innocent, untouched, pure; a virgin. Unless you consider kissing the loss of that title. I was a sheltered young woman who had admittedly needed some experience and wanted some enjoyment with post high school life.

The summer of 1980 was enjoyable except for one small episode. I saw Carl a week after graduation but I recalled the warning from my mother and kept my distance.

Mary Beth, Jenna and I were triplets at our school picnic which was held at the local amusement park. Patty was with her boyfriend Kevin. He was tall, a 'long-haired hippie like boy' with dreams and aspirations of playing professional sports. Hardly a chance of that working out we all thought.

I saw Carl with a girl on his arm none of us knew. She had a unique style flaunting as much as she could with her designer jean shorts showing more of her bum than what was covered.

I must admit, I was jealous. Jenna and Mary Beth both hugged me and told me I was prettier than that girl. It was that hug from Mary Beth where I felt the second jolt of electricity. It was amazing, my heart beat faster, my legs unsteady, my knees almost buckled. I never considered myself pretty. I was just me.

We had an enjoyable day riding the rides; I think I enjoyed the Haunted Hideaway boat ride the most. Jenna sat up front; Mary Beth and I sat in the back seat.

Needlessly, we sat shoulder to shoulder. When the boat left the station and moved into the darkness, rocking gently, I was bold. I put my hand on her leg feeling some skin exposed by her shorts. If you ask me today, thinking back I still have no idea why I did that. Maybe instinct? I don't know, I just did it.

The thrill of it, the thrill in touching her, in that moment! Indescribable!

I wish I could have seen the look on her face. I was only this bold because of the darkness. The ride ended with the final ghost making an appearance, Jenna screamed. We laughed and exited the ride heading for the thrill of a roller coaster.

Yes the roller coasters were fun, thrilling; the adrenal rush was a blast. The wind in our face. We each took turns riding as the single. We had a blast as a trio of friends.

The Haunted Hideaway was a different rush, so much so, I wanted to ride it again, so we did. Jenna said she didn't mind. It kept us out of the sun for a little bit. She giggled saying she liked the ghosts at the end, they scared her.

This time I wanted to be extremely bold. As soon as the boat left the main station I placed my hand on top of Mary Beth's, just a gentle tender touch. Once again, electricity shot through my body. There was a strange tingling sensation in my nipples and my vagina. I wasn't too innocent to sort of understand what was happening to my body.

At the darkest part of the ride, I felt her hand touching my face turning it towards her. She placed a soft kiss on the lips. I was in heaven. I kissed her back. Oh my! I was scared, thrilled, amazed and never wanted this to end.

The boat made its final turn, Jenna screamed as the ghost popped out scaring her one last time. The boat then turned the corner and as the ride ended I was brought back to reality. We moved apart slightly waiting our turn to exit but I was so excited.

I looked over, staring at Mary Beth once more, she smiled winking at me. We climbed out of the boat then hand in hand in hand, the trio Jenna, Mary Beth and me, went skipping and laughing through the park the remainder of the day.

I can say with the highest degree of certainty, that this one day was the single greatest day of my youth.

I maintained my dreams of unabashed wonderment and excitement. I wanted to thrive and live, I didn't know what was ahead of me. Yet there was extreme excitement in the unknown of college. Of course throughout the months of July and August as I was preparing to move to school, my mother and father had separate and joint conversations with me about behavior, activities and boys.

During one conversation, my father was going on and on about boys and how they would try anything to get me to do things. He stressed to me that I was to maintain my Christianity and be mindful of my body. I thought back to the boat ride and wondered to myself, what about girls? I flushed red with embarrassment.

***

On a very humid, hot and hazy August day my father and brothers Michael and Rich assisted with me moving into my dorm room; Mary Beth and I had secured the ability to become roommates. College life had begun. Attending a smaller state school, not a religion based school, in west central Pennsylvania meant I was far enough from home to stretch and become independent but close enough to not have major separation anxiety. I think more importantly, I was with Mary Beth which was like my comfort and security.

My first semester at college was eye opening, potentially borderline shocking. I did attend a party or two but was a wallflower just watching, learning as I nursed my first few beers. I listened to music I had never heard before. Some of the likes I could never have imagined existed. Alice Cooper, Judas Priests. Was he really a priest? I liked how the one man from Styx sang and this woman Joan Jett was powerful. I truly loved the hair of Pat Benatar and Stevie Nicks. I wish I could have hair like either of them.

The boys were handsy and the girls were chatty. I went to church and sang in the choir, well sometimes. I maintained my virginity and studied as hard as I could. It was expected that my grades would be straight A's. Anything less was unacceptable.

Three things were very clear and turned into life altering events for me. First, I was learning what an education cost, the books, the fees, and the equipment. I continued filling out paperwork for different loans and grants. Second, Mary Beth and I grew closer together as friends and confidants. Lastly, I learned I could meet a man without supervision if I wanted.

It was about a month into the semester when I met Dennis. Mary Beth begged me to go on a blind date with her. Eric, a boy from her History 103, 20th Century and Beyond class was asking her out but she wouldn't go alone. So off I went on a blind date, my first real college date. I will admit I was conflicted, scared, confused and all over nervous.

So off we went to a local diner for dinner then to a theater for a movie. Eric drove, of course Mary Beth was in the front seat with him leaving Dennis and I in the back. In conversation I learned that Dennis and Eric were both in the Army ROTC on campus.

They both spoke about the opportunities to thrive and experience to see different things. Peaking my interest was the comment about them being on a full academic scholarship. The Army was paying for their school and some money for rent.

Hmm!

Dennis was very lean, attractive, super cute and most importantly very well mannered. I was a giddy but nervous girl in the backseat as we rode to the theater. At some point during the movie he held my hand. When he dropped me off at the dorm, he kissed my cheek asking for another date, I jumped at the opportunity.