My Journey Pt. 14 - The Realization

This story has gone longer than I expected and I've revealed more than I intended. This final chapter isn't as steamy as previous ones but brings this journey to its end.

The following few weeks were pretty boring. I still had the apartment to myself the week after spring break. I'd usually come home from school and transition into Lisa. Make up, stockings, pantyhose, dress, the whole bit. Then I'd spent the late afternoon and evening living as a woman, cooking, cleaning, even practicing sitting and crossing my legs. It's not as easy as it looks, I can assure you.

But all that freaky nudity and crossdressing stuff had to be put away when my roommate came back, and honestly, there really wasn't time for it. Finishing up papers and projects and prepping for finals took precedent.

My roommate was totally stoked when I told him about the internship. He was totally cool with me keeping the apartment after graduation. He just wanted his half of the security deposit returned, which wasn't unreasonable.

I got myself all cleaned up for my interview and my family coming in for my graduation. By cleaned up I mean I got my hair trimmed. I didn't want to cut too much off and take anything away from Lisa. My father wasn't too thrilled.

"You need to get your hair cut shorter! You look like a teenaged girl!"

He had no idea.

The interview would be two days before the ceremony, which worked out quite well with finals. My family would be coming in that night and staying in a local hotel.

The interview went really well. I met with a man named Mr. Davis, who was a Vice President. He was an older, distinguished looking man in his 50s. He had very clean, manicured hands. Why did I notice that? I really don't know. It just stood out to me.

We reviewed my coursework and grades and discussed my essay and long term goals, just regular interview stuff.

When the question and answer portion was finished, Mr. Davis closed my file, stood up and came around his desk to shake my hand.

While keeping a firm grip of my hand, he said, "you know, you come highly recommended by not only one of my best employees, Jack Butler, but one of my oldest friends, Dr. Thompson, from your university. It's not every day we get the opportunity to interview someone with not only an impressive resume, but such strong personal references to go with it." He turned his head slightly and grinned.

What was that? Is he....is he flirting with me? Nah! I'm being silly!!

"Thank you so much! It's truly an honor to be considered for this position and I certainly hope you'll find my credentials acceptable as I would love to work for such an amazing company."

As I left his office, I caught a glimpse of him watching me leave through the mirrored covered walls.

I got the call the morning of graduation that I had been accepted for the position!!! I was ecstatic!!! My roommate was thrilled, my parents were thrilled, I even called Jack and told him. He was also thrilled!!

I couldn't believe it! Three months unpaid, followed by full medical, a pension, a 401k, profit sharing and salary to be determined!! I was shaking with excitement! I started about a week and a half after graduation!!

The ceremony went off without a hitch. I got lots of gift$ from my family who were just tickled everything was working out, though my mother wasn't happy I'd be living so far away.

We celebrated with my roommate's family and by Friday morning, everyone was gone. My family, my roommate and his family, my classmates and their families. The population of the town dropped dramatically. Half the furniture in the apartment was gone.

And I still had over a week to go before the internship started. I wanted to celebrate with Jack but he was away on business. It turns out the position he took had him traveling 70-80% of the time.

I dug up Alex's number but he was on vacation with his wife, at least according to his answering machine.

Fuck.

I ended up dressing up and playing Lisa all weekend in my apartment. Lame right? I didn't have much choice. I had little cash and wasn't getting paid for at least three months, closer to four when you consider starting dates and pay periods.

So that's what I did. I dressed in lingerie in the evenings and regular woman's clothes during the day. I also drank all the alcohol in the apartment and smoked some of the pot Jack had given me.

And, honestly, I had a blast!! Drinking and dressing up and dancing and smoking and flirting with imaginary men. But by Tuesday night I was over the whole thing. I stripped down, showered, and got into bed, naked.

Wednesday was a new day. I was in a fuzz as I usually found myself after smoking but managed to clean up the mess I made, including the pizza box, which I didn't remember ordering, or eating. I still wonder about that.

By two o'clock I was bored. Naked, nothing left to do and nowhere to go. In the past I always had school work I could do. But now I had absolutely nothing to do. And TV sucks.

An hour and a half later I found myself in my car driving around. I had dressed as Lisa, just regular clothes and some light eye make up. I wore leggings, black silky panties, a tshirt, and those cute white sneakers. The tshirt was long enough to cover my crotch and hide the bulge in the leggings.

I still didn't have anywhere to go. I just thought about things: the job, Jack, dressing, cocks. Where would it all lead?

Apparently it led to the park by the lake where I wandered around, oblivious to the couples and fishermen. I had completely forgotten I was Lisa at this point. It got me out of the apartment and gave me a chance to clear my head.

As I meandered around by the lake I was snapped out of my trance by the catcalls of the fishermen. There was a half dozen guys hanging on the dock staring and whistling at me.

"Looking good baby!!"

"Want some fries with that shake darlin'?"

I didn't know what to say! My cock took notice and started to stiffen inside my silky panties.

"You wouldn't be walking that straight after a night with me, baby!"

Somehow I didn't doubt him. Guys can be so rude, so crude sometimes. Still, it definitely turned me on. I wanted to find a way to play with them but couldn't think of one. What was I going to do? Blow them on the dock??

Hmmm..... No! That's not going to end well. I made googly eyes at them.

Damn it!! I knew what I wanted. I hadn't sucked a cock in nearly a month. Jack wasn't available. Alex wasn't available. Those were my go tos. I didn't want to go to the gay bar and didn't have the $20 cover even if I wanted to.

The ABS? Also known as the clubhouse? It's cheap. It's Wednesday night so there should be a quite a few customers. And no one I know is around since everyone went home after graduation.

My brain insisted it was an awful idea but my cock overrode it's decision. And really, why not? Apparently they appreciated me there and it would give me something fun to do. Plus... I really wanted to go!

I was full of anticipation on the drive there. I missed the variety of cocks that slipped through that hole, the sounds the guys made as I sucked them, and the taste of their cum shooting in my mouth. Plus, this would be the first time playing while dressed...well, other than the night of the drag contest.

My heart beat a little faster when I pulled into the parking lot and there were quite a few cars. Busy night. Sweet.

I checked myself in the rearview mirror. You know...I really was cute, even with just a touch of makeup.

My cock stiffened in my silky panties as I walked into the clubhouse. The clerk grinned as he looked me up and down. Fuck I felt pretty.

He waved me through without making me purchase tokens! Sweet!!

I took the middle booth so there were holes in the walls on either side. I envisioned myself going from wall to wall, going back and forth from cock to cock though it didn't exactly work that way.

I stripped down to just the panties. I certainly didn't want to mess up my white sneakers and pulled off the leggings just to give me access to stroke my cock. At that point I figured I might as well lose the tshirt too. I debated removing the panties as well but they made me feel sluttier verses being totally nude.

As I finished folding my clothes and setting them on the bench the lights started flickering through one of the holes. Lisa's first customer!!

I knelt down onto the sticky floor and looked through the hole. I know, I know, so much for anonymity. But I was just so curious...

In the stall next to me was a large man, probably mid 40s, big belly, long beard, biker type, sitting on the bench with his pants around his ankles and stroking an impressive cock, his eyes fixated on the TV screen.

I was mesmerized by the sight of him. Such a big, manly man that would normally intimidate me yet here he was, so incredibly vulnerable, so insanely sexy.

He must have heard me or sensed movement because he whipped his head in my direction and we locked eyes for a moment.

He grinned and mumbled a "fuckin A" as he stood up. He was easily six feet tall. He thrust his rock hard cock through the hole.

I dove onto his cock like a fat kid eating an ice cream cone. I had become a blowjob junkie and I finally had my fix. And my big biker friend was definitely enjoying it!

" Mmpphhh....yeah, suck it whore! Oh yeah, that's it!"

I love the verbal ones! I was surprised by the amount of cum he shot into my mouth. He just kept shooting more, much faster than I could swallow it. I caught what I couldn't swallow in my hand, which I slurped up when he unceremoniously pulled his cock out of my mouth.

He was leaning against the wall catching his breath, panting "fucking incredible...oh, fuck!" His cock was so close yet still out of reach as it glistened in the flickering light from the TV.

I watched him pull his pants up and leave. I wanted to go with him for some reason. But my thoughts were interrupted by sounds coming from the booth on the other side.

I looked through the hole. Just a regular guy, like you'd see shopping at the supermarket, wedding ring and all. In fact, most of the guys that came in that night had wedding rings. It didn't matter their age, manner of dress, or their body type. All these married guys needed release that they weren't getting at home.

It turns out those stuck up college bitches turn into stuck up married bitches that don't put out. I'm sure those guys would rather pump a load into their wives than rub one out in a dirty ABS but they get so backed up, so in need of relieving the pressure that they feel they have no place else to go.

And I found that to be an incredible turn on. Weird, right? I felt like the thrill of sucking cock had diminished. Don't get me wrong, I still loved my mouth filled with cock and still got immense pleasure from swallowing cum. It's just that the actual act of pleasuring a man with my mouth wasn't dirty or perverse to me anymore. I had normalized it in my mind.

However, these men coming in had needs that weren't being met while they took care of the needs of their families. They kept a roof over everyone's head, food on the table, the heat on, the water running yet their needs were ignored. They dropped their pants and stroked their cocks in the privacy of a dark booth in a sleezy bookstore.

And I eagerly took their needy dicks in my mouth. Funny thing was, they all made almost the exact same sound as they slid past my lips. It was a mix between "oooh" and "aaah". And they each had their own variation of it.

"Oooooowwhaaahhh."

Some just humped the hole on the wall. I held still and let them fuck my mouth, catching their sticky loads on my tongue, savoring their moans as I swallowed.

But most of them stuck their cock in the hole and let me work their shaft. I preferred it this way so I could prolong their experience and send them back to their wives having been properly blown.

Most of the guys even said, "thank you" as they pulled their cocks back, shiny with my saliva.

I was relaxing between visitors, contemplating heading home when a new cock popped through the wall. A familiar cock with a birth mark on the side.

Dr. Thompson!!!

I quickly slid to the floor and swallowed his cock. Clearly the clerk at the front desk at contacted him and I didn't want to disappoint. And when he started moaning and calling me Lisa, it was like I became her.

"Suck it, Lisa, you filthy whore!"

I felt like a whore, kneeling on a sticky floor wearing nothing but a pair of panties, cum on my face and dribbling down my chest. And now this man that I had been running from just a few weeks ago was feeding into my addiction.

As Dr. Thompson grunted and began shooting off into my eager mouth, I came to the realization that I was gay.

The activities of the last few months flashed through my mind. The roadside incident, the gloryhole visits, the theater, the parties, the drag contest, the parking lot incident, the crossdressing, sucking cock under a desk, sucking off a dozen married guys, none of that made me think I was gay.

But for some reason, as I eagerly swallowed my professor's thick seed, a switch inside my head flipped to "prefers men".

That's not to say I stopped liking women. I still do. But I couldn't deny that I felt submissive to men sexually. I wanted to please them. The sounds they'd make when I sucked their cocks, the taste of their cum, their strong controlling nature combined with my small, feminine build and intense desire to please was undeniably arousing.

"Damn, Lisa, you are an unbelievable cocksucker." Dr. Thompson said as he pulled up his pants and shuffled out the door with his distinctive limp.

I got dressed and headed out to my car. I felt free. Free from the conflicts in my mind and anxious to explore my new freedom with an open mind and a clear conscious.

I started my new job the following week. And that was soon followed by a whole slew of new experiences that would open my eyes to an entirely new lifestyle.

Perhaps one day I'll share those experiences with you.

Thank you for reading my story. I've longed to share my experiences and appreciate you taking the time to be a part of it. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.

Please feel free to reach out to me if the desire arises.