All Comments on 'My Little Ventrue Pt. 05 Ch. 21'

Great creatively on your part again on how to utilize the whole group of four in bed

My cock smiled for the first time since the real world went to shits and it is all thanks to these enormous breasts being used properly. #Titties

Antoinette in Lady Death cosplay!

Hmm this is story is very anime / hentai at times

Make jack swallow a magic pill that gives him a temporary massive beastcock.

Sometimes, I'll write painful and brutal suspense stories.

Other times, I like to indulge in one of nature's greatest creations: boobs. Admittedly, sometimes I go overboard.

Every chappie should revolve around antoinette, she’s the best char, easy

I wish each chapter was twice as long as twice as detailed, both the sex chapters and the actiony chapters. I have always preferred when things move slowly and everything takes it time.

You should have made Antoinettes two ghoul companions to be twins for extra fictional hotness

First of hello,

I‘m reading your story since the second book started and I love this story. It is the best after TSM but I think 2nd is still pretty good :D

I wanted to comment for the first time on lit, because since book 4 there were a few points that bother me.

1st

I really thought that after Jack saved himself / was rescued from the hunters he would have some mental problems with being in these bsdm kinks. Of course he has great trust in Anni but no human mind (and jack was clearly not old enough to brush it of) would be able to just ignore that.

2nd

More of a personal one: I much prefer the more romantic setting between Jack and Anni instead of the Bdsm. Of course it fits Annis status and Jack in the sense that he is not as mighty even though he is a venture, but that is also the reason it is so heartwarming when they are near equals in the bedroom. It also translats better to more meaningfull conversations between them. These are a huge part why I think this is such a good story - the dynamic between Anni and Jack especially in the start is a huge plus.

3rd

I know that this ark was not als flashy, because it was kind of a setup for part 6 (hype 100) but there are some things that really didnt fit in the normal flow of the story. First of the unwillingness of Jack to speak with Anni about his anger problems is kind of taxing for me. It got a vibe of bad storytelling because I suspect it is a needed plotpoint for a later twist. It just feels too long for Anni to notice or Jack to tell depending on what would fit better.

Also with the uprising of Eric (who i really dislike for some reason) I just dont see where his Pov is leading. It just feels like randome text sometimes. Don‘t get me wrong - most of the time we see thinge from him when it matters like in the nightmares etc. but sometimes he feels like a character who’s sole role it is to say “fuck this shit“ or “I‘m here so I must be a dick“. His presence or Pov sometimes feels like he is just there to be a brick, not to deepen the plot etc.

4th

Another thing that bothers me is that Jack should be training somehow. Not physically of course but his vampire skills - shouldn‘t he have some kind of training with anni or his sire to deepen his understanding of these skills in a time of danger?

5th

As far as a remember Jack and Anni never had a conversation about him joining her. There was one a long time ago between Mire and Anni but i should have crossed Jacks mind as well. He wants to know much of Anni but is ok with not at least asking about the possibility of joining two fractions. It wouldn‘t work most likely but he should at least ask. They can change fractions but it was never explaind that you could only be in one.

Also is a wedding a thing between vamps? I think there was something like “We cant live togehter because it would hurt your position in the Invictus“ or something but a wedding was never the talkingpoint as far as i know.

6th

The appearance of Annis gouhls got me in a good mood - i really like them and it would be great to have more of them outside the bedroom. It often got mentioned for them to be turned which would be a good way to get them more into the story.

I think that this coverd it all so far - I know it might seem like i had a lot to critic but some of it is really highlevel. You story is great and don‘t let you tell otherwise!

I‘m sorry if there is poor grammar or spelling in some places - I‘m no nativ speaker and hope it was understandeble what i had to say. If I got something wrong then please point me to the chapter where i missed something.

With best regards

ZeroC

Thanks for the compliment!

1 - It would have damaged the erotica a bit too much, I think, to give Jack an aversion to some minor (very minor) bdsm elements like chains.

2 - I enjoy it when Ann and Jack are equals in the bed as well, but a HUGE part of MLV is exploring the many angles of sexuality.

3 - Jack not telling Ann about his anger issues is a multi-layered problem due to his youth and his pride. It may feel too long to you, but in reality it's only been a short time in story time. As for not liking Eric, I dunno what to tell you. Some people love Eric the asshole. XD

4 - Jack does train with Julias, and I've written a couple scenes about it, but I mostly don't write the scenes (they'd get boring). I thought I implied them, but if you thought he wasn't training, perhaps I wasn't. I'll try and correct this.

5 - The covenants are factions, so joining more than one was never possible, though Damien's riding a weird line right now. And vampires can get married, it's just seen as silly and quaint. Marriage is a very human, short-sighed concept, and vampires get that. But, particularly twisted vampire couples COULD feed each other their blood, get each other addicted to each other, and brainwashed to love each other. Very frowned upon by Kindred society, but it sometimes happens when a Romeo and Juliet situation arises.

6 - I can't spoil what'll happen with Ashley and Julee. They'll be around every so often, though.

In my humble opinion, that was the best sex scene thus far. 5*. Very creative. Can’t wait to get back to the storyline :)

Prince wants to go watch others fuck but jack leaves when a pair of tits come out that are not the prince’s. She doesn’t fit for him. She seems like she will go behind his back. Clara would been better fit but she might like the lone woman orgy now.

i think your writing is awesome your are very talented. it would be nice the have eric and jesse have sex in their wolf form since she is able to change in that form. Everything else is wonderful keep up the good work .i am nervious that you might just stop and disappear i have seem alot of writers doing that now, so no matter what happens please please dont leave this wonderful story unfinish.

This could be a series i would be so happy.