tagHumor & SatireMy New Best Friend

My New Best Friend


Here is my salute to the Volunteer Editors who work with little reward and do so much to make Literotica so much more literary. I originally posted this and it was found lacking.

My profound thanks go to Lady Cibelle for kicking my ass over the alliterations.


"Oh Hell, another e-mail from him!" I thought, and clicked on the message in my inbox. I probably shouldn't have, but I have this masochistic tendency that compels me to open his messages.

I think he's a man, it's hard to tell on this new cyber world. She could be a woman masquerading as a man or a she-male masquerading as a fe-he-shmale, how would I know?

He/she wrote:


I finally finished chapter fourteen. I had a big fight with Shelia over the ending, she wanted to end it with a big shivering climax and I wanted it to end with her not climaxing at all, to give it some tension for Chapter 15.

Well, it's attached and I hope you will give it your attention soon. I value your comments and need your approval of the way Dominic is handling the chains, he's such a big baby.



I looked at the attachment, "Christ 95 Kilobits! What does he/she think? That I have all the time in the world?" DomQueen always sent his/her attachments as RTF's because it is a universal standard and doesn't have all the crap that the Redmond bandits put in to make their shit screw up the rest of the world's software.

Since I was at work, I put off downloading the attachment and figured I'd get it off the server after I put the kids to bed, and have a look at it with a tall whisky before bed. I kind of forgot about it for the rest of the day and got caught up in the busy work that was piling up in the agency. I'm an accountant at an insurance agency here in Ottawa. I had enough to do with the meltdown of Wall Street and the failure of several of the underwriters we had been doing business with.

Bob, my stay-at-home husband, had dinner ready when I got home about seven that night. I kissed the kids and Bob. He was wearing a nice flannel shirt and it felt good under my hands as I hugged him.

"The traffic bad?" he asked, as his hands fondled my ass.

"Yeah but it's always bad when it's snowing," I said. I sniffed the aroma coming from the kitchen, "Smells Italian?"

He grinned and patted my ass. "All the better for building the bumpers," he chuckled

I laughed and pulled his hips to me, feeling his erection bump my plump belly, "You're getting ready for me, aren't you?"

"Been ready all day, I went to the store and got a little something to show you later," he whispered in my ear as he nuzzled my neck.

I backed up and said, "Bob, I told you not to spend any more money than we need to."

"Let's eat and after we get the kids down I'll show you," and he led me to the dinning room.

The mosticholi was good and the salad marvelous. The kids ate it ravenously and my six-year-old, Anita, asked for seconds of "Daddy's 'choli." After the big meal, they went down pretty easy after a warm bath. Bruce, my four-year-old son, was so cute as I read them a story, the two of them snuggled beside me all warm in their pj's and smelling of soap. When I kissed them and tucked them in, they both went to sleep smiling.

Bob had put the leftovers away, loaded the dishwasher and was sitting sipping a glass of wine at the table when I got back to the dinning room. He looked up and smiled, "Bad day?"

"They're all bad since AIG went south. The whole industry is in turmoil I hope the Americans can get their shit together soon," I sighed and went to the sideboard to pour myself a whisky.

Bob laughed and said, "I heard they are rioting in Cleveland after there was some controversy about the voting machines all going to McCain. And the riots in Los Angeles are worse today."

I took my whisky to the table and sat on Bob's lap, "I don't want to talk about those damn Yanks. I thought they had it together but they just keep going downhill." I kissed him and sipped my whisky, "What did you spend my hard earned money on?"

He laughed and began to unbutton my blouse trailing kisses down my chest as he uncovered my cleavage. "You'll have to take a bath first," he said and kissed the edge of my breast.

"Oh come on, tell me," I said, as I unclasped my bra and pulled out my breast for him to appreciate me a little more. "I'm all aquiver in anticipation."

He just smiled and tweaked my nipple, "No you have to wait." He leaned down, and kissed my nipple and ran his tongue over the areole.

I shivered as his warm tongue made my nipple harden and I flexed my pussy muscles just to warm up. As my nipple rose to its full glory in his lips, I said, "Okay but don't make me have to beat it out of you."

He laughed, stood up, fondled my breast and patted my ass, "Go have your shower and I'll show you."

While I was in the shower, I saw Bob come in and pick up my clothes and leave. He always does that now and it makes me happy to see how much he takes care of me. I knew he'd take care to hang my skirt up and put the rest in the hamper. I masturbated a little, you know, just to get warmed up for him, knowing that Bob was going to want sex again tonight. By the time I was out of the shower and in my robe, I really wanted sex too.

He was lying on the bed dressed in just a pair of silk boxer shorts when I opened the door to our bedroom. I smirked, "So this is my present?"

He just smiled and patted the bed, "Come over and sit down."

I went to him, and sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the smooth silk, the color of milk chocolate, "Nice, but I thought you got me a present. It looks like you got you a present."

He pulled me down to him and kissed me, "I did but you have to close your eyes and let me put it on you."

I grinned, "Okay but it better be good."

He grinned, got off the bed and pulled me over to the full-length mirror. As he pulled my robe off he said, "Close your eyes, No peeking now."

I kissed him, "Alright no peeking," and closed my eyes.

He made me lift my feet up one after the other and slid what must have been a pair of panties up my legs. They felt like silk and fit me tightly. I was a little disappointed really, but I kept my eyes and mouth shut.

"Okay open your eyes and look," he said and was beside me.

I opened my eyes and saw a pair of panties, they were of a color that matched his shorts and had lace along the front. "I love them," I said. They were nice but not my idea of a present.

Bob was grinning and kissed my shoulder, "I thought we could be matching." He said, and ran his hand down my belly and cupped my mound with his hand. His hand began to move up and down and his finger slipped under the lace.

I smiled at him in the mirror and watched as his finger disappeared under the silk, then I realized his finger was inside the panties and was stroking my warm wet pussy. I grinned up at him as his finger slipped deeper and wiggled into my quivering quim. He just kept grinning and stroking me as I looked in the mirror watching as his finger disappeared into my moist puss.

He got me hidden crotch-less panties. I almost climaxed at the thought. I put my hand on his bulging erection and lightly teased him with the silk of his shorts. He grinned at me and we stood there for a while playing with each other in the mirror. He got his finger up and hit my sweet spot and I couldn't take it anymore.

I pulled his hand away from me, slipped out of the panties and pulled him over to the bed. I pulled down his boxers and lubricated him quickly with my mouth and flipped around onto my knees and looked back at him, "Roger me Robert, and don't spare the horses," I almost shouted.

He laughed and slipped his cock into my excited pussy like he was a MK VII torpedo sliding into a torpedo tube. He was slow at first and when I whined for more, he sped up and we had a glorious little fast fuck.

He didn't climax when I did, but just held my ass to his hips and whimpered a little as he slowly waved his cock around, extracting the last little bit of my excitement. Then he pulled out with a groan, kneeled, licked my pussy and cleaned me up. He was saving the duvet, I told you he was nice, and he hated the fact that the duvet took so long to dry.

He teased me with his tongue and almost had me climaxing again, but didn't let me go over the edge. We had practiced this for the last year and I had confidence in him. I liked to have a little tension in my pussy for a while.

I got up and wiped myself with a couple of tissues, then licked my nectar off Bob's dick. He was almost ready to cum when I finished, stood up and then put the panties back on. "Put on your shorts Bob. Dom sent me another chapter."

"Oh shit, Donna, why do you encourage that little pervert?" Bob was sure that DomQueen was a five-foot tall gnome that lived in delusions of adequacy in a cave somewhere in Utah.

I wasn't sure where he lived, maybe not even on this planet, as weird as his stories got. Dom seemed to live with his characters, I don't know if they are real or not. His stories were always about Shelia, who kibitzed the plot lines and Dominic, who always seemed to be chained or tied and tortured by villains of unspeakably vile descriptions. Dom mentioned his characters in his messages but never explained who they were. I fired up the computer and downloaded his new chapter while Bob put on his shorts, his robe and went to get us a whisky.

While it was downloading, I put on my robe and took my wireless keyboard to the bed. I was lying on the bed looking over the first paragraph when Bob came in and handed me my whisky.

Bob crawled up behind me on the bed, cupped himself to my hips and looked over my shoulder at the 37-inch television we used to read from in bed, "So what is Sheila up to now? Did the camel ever get laid?"

I felt his erection press against me and I wiggled my ass against him a little, knowing that as much as Bob complained about DomQueen, he liked to read the stories. He settled down and I read through the story, correcting a few commas and checked a few words for spelling. I highlighted a series of paragraphs and typed "TOH?" in italic script of 18 points.

"What does that mean?" Bob asked me and continued to rub my mound as the action of the story began to pick up.

I grinned, "Typing One Handed?" I said. "I never even try to correct sections like this. I make him correct them and send them back to me."

Bob laughed and was insinuating his finger into my panties again. He was breathing on my neck and kissing my ear. I was only a third of the way through the story and pulled his very disturbing hand away from my overheating pussy.

"Spoilsport," he said and reached over and scrolled the text down a little.

DomQueen wrote;

"Meanwhile Sydney the banker cackled, wiping my love nectar off his mustache and said, "Sheila if you don't have the money for the mortgage in ten days, the ranch and your lovely little cum-twat will be mine!"

Sheila shivered, not only would she have to accept the usury of his evil tongue licking her pussy to save the ranch, in ten days she would have to let his empurpled piston of power plunder her most precious possession, her virginity.

"Oh, will Starbuck ever return to save me?" Sheila thought.

I laughed at Dom's words. He liked to use phrases like "empurpled piston of power plunder my most precious possession," Alliteration it is called and not something that should found in modern literature. Bob had lifted up the hem of my robe. As DomQueen would say, he had his empurpled piston sliding between my legs along the silken slit of my slippery snatch. I was going to have to do something serious about that, so I saved the file, finished off my whisky and turned to him.

Bob chuckled and finished off his drink, leaned over me and sat his glass down on the nightstand. He snuggled over me and kissed me softly, "I thought that would get your attention," He said and opened my robe to bathe my breasts in kisses.

I played with his curly brown locks and flexed my personal pleasure muscles thinking, "Maybe Sheila is right, every chapter should end with a mind numbing climax."

As he went lower, and pulled the panties off my legs so he could lick my vulva and make me want him deep inside me, squirming and squirting his steaming semen in my spasming soppy snatch, I grinned, thinking of Dom's alliterations.

Bob had been letting our sex life dwindle away after seven years of marriage, until I had begun to edit for DomQueen. Somehow, the stories of the little pervert had reawakened his passion. I giggled as he licked my thighs and began to bring about my next climax so I would finally let him empty his tense testicles into my twitching twat.

As Bob pressed his lips against my clitoris and sucked, I pursed my lips and sent a kiss to my new best friend who had reinvigorated my oldest best friend. AS Bob's tongue skillfully caressed my clitoris. I thrust my hips up into his face and realized that I did agree with Sheila, every chapter should end with a big shivering climax.

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